Authors: Danielle Steel
“You need to give her a little style,” Candy said with a grin. “That's probably why she's been depressed.” Her old leather collar was faded and worn, and as they said it, the basset looked up and wagged her tail. “See, she knows what I mean. I have a fabulous woman who makes Zoe clothes in Paris. I'll measure Beulah before we leave and get her some stuff.”
“Now I'm getting depressed. You're corrupting our dog,” Chris said firmly. Beulah was the only thing that he and Sabrina officially shared. They had their own apartments, never commingled money, and were careful to keep things separate. As attorneys, they knew the mess it could make otherwise, if they ever broke up. But Beulah was the child they shared. Sabrina always laughed and said they'd need a joint custody agreement for her if they ever split up. Chris had a better idea and would have preferred getting married, if nothing else to protect the dog, he liked to tease her. But marriage just hadn't been in the cards for her so far, and wouldn't be for a while.
“Why not?” Tammy asked her the next day, as they were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. Everyone else had gone out. Their father and Chris were doing errands, and Candy was checking out a new gym nearby. She said she was falling apart not doing her Pilates for the last week, and she said she was gaining weight, which seemed like good news to all of them. She said her body was turning to mush, or it felt that way to her. Hard to believe at twenty-one.
“I don't know,” Sabrina said with a sigh. “I just can't see myself getting married. I hear such bad stories all day, about how people screw each other over, cheat, used to love each other and messed it all up when they got married. It doesn't make it very appealing, no matter how nice a guy Chris is. They all are in the beginning, and then everything gets fucked up.”
“Look at Mom and Dad,” Tammy pointed out. They were her role models for the perfect marriage. She still wanted one of those, if she ever found a man like their dad. The ones she met in L.A., particularly in show business, were all crazy, players, narcissists, or generally bad guys. She seemed to meet them all. She said she was a magnet for nuts and shits, mostly nuts.
“Yeah, look at Mom and Dad,” Sabrina said, looking glum. “They were perfect together. How could we ever find something like that? It only happens once. Mom used to say that too. She always said how lucky they were. I'm not sure I'd have the same luck, and if I didn't, I'd feel cheated, I don't want anything less. They set the bar pretty high.”
“I think Chris comes pretty close. You found a good one. That's not easy to do. Besides, Mom and Dad worked at it. It didn't just happen. They used to fight when we were kids.”
“Not often. And usually about something we did, that they didn't agree on. Like when I sneaked out at night during the week. Dad thought she should say something and let it go at that. Mom put me on restriction for three weeks. She was a lot tougher than he was.”
“Maybe that's why they got along. But I can't remember them ever having serious fights. Maybe once, when he got drunk on New Year's Eve. I don't think she talked to him for a week.” They both laughed at the memory. Even with a little too much to drink, he had been cute. Their mother had said he embarrassed her with their friends. Neither of them had been a heavy drinker, and none of their daughters was, although they drank more than their parents had. Candy partied harder than the others, but she was still young, and moved in a faster crowd, because of her work. None of the others was out of control, and Candy was still within the norm. They knew Annie smoked dope with her artist friends, but she was so serious about her work, she didn't like getting stoned often. She had done more of it when she was in college, but none of them had substance abuse problems, and neither had their parents. They were a pretty wholesome group. Chris drank more than Sabrina did, and liked his vodka when he went out, but he didn't do it to excess. He seemed like the perfect man to Tammy, particularly compared to the freaks she met.
“I think it will be really sad if you and Chris don't get married one day,” she commented as she put their cups in the dishwasher. “You're turning thirty-five in September. If you want kids, you shouldn't drag your ass forever. Besides, he may get tired of waiting. You don't even live together. I'm surprised he doesn't put the heat on you. He's not getting any younger either.”
“He's only thirty-six. And he does put the heat on me at times. I just tell him I'm not ready. I'm not. I don't know if I'll ever be. I like things the way they are now, and we spend the night together three or four times a week. I like having time off, to myself. I work a lot at night.”
“You're spoiled,” Tammy commented.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” Sabrina admitted.
“Let me tell you, if I found a guy like him, I'd nail him to the floor. What if you lose him because you won't get married?” Tammy had wondered about that before. She thought Chris was incredibly patient with her sister, and she knew he wanted kids. Sabrina wasn't sure about that either. She didn't want to lose her children half time to joint custody if she ever got divorced. She had been deeply affected by her work, and the ugly problems she handled for her clients every day.
“I don't know. I guess I'll worry about that when it happens, if it ever does. For now, it works.”
Tammy shook her head in disgust. “Here I am, telling myself I'll go to a sperm bank when I'm your age, if I haven't found the right guy, which I probably won't, and you have the greatest guy on the planet, who
wants
to get married and have children, and you want to live alone and be single forever. Shit. Life just isn't fair.”
“No, it's not. And don't you dare go to a sperm bank yet, you twit. The right guy will come along.”
“Not in my business. And not in L.A. That's almost a sure thing. You don't know how crazy those guys are. I can't even be bothered dating anymore. If I hear one more bullshit story from some guy who just hasn't met the right woman in the twenty years he's been divorced, while he's cheating on me and dating twenty-year-old starlets, is a vegan, and has to have a high colonic twice a week to keep his head straight, whose politics are to the left of Lenin's, and by the way can I get him a major part in the show …I will throw up, and have. I'd rather TiVo my favorite shows and stay home with Juanita, checking scripts, after I leave the office at ten-thirty, which is what I do most of the time. It's just not worth putting on makeup and high heels for those guys. I really think I will wind up alone. It's better than what's out there.” At twenty-nine, she had almost given up. “I tried computer dating a couple of times last year. They were even worse. One guy took me to dinner, and didn't have enough money to add a tip, and he asked me if he could borrow gas money to get home. The other one admitted he'd been gay all his life, and made a bet with his boyfriend that he could date a woman, just once. I was it. I've had it with the Freaks of the World Club. I'm their oldest member, and I'm way in the lead for number of dates with hopeless geeks.” Sabrina had to laugh at what she said, but knew it was true, for Tammy anyway. She was in a tough spot to meet men. She was successful, powerful in her industry, in a world of narcissists and operators who all wanted something from her and gave nothing back. And yet she was beautiful, smart, successful, and young. It was hard to believe she couldn't meet a decent man, but she hadn't yet. She worked too hard, had almost no spare time, and didn't even try anymore. She spent weekends working, or at home with her dog. “Besides,” she added, “it would be too traumatic for Juanie if I got involved with a guy. She hates men.”
“She loves Chris,” Sabrina added with a smile.
“Everybody loves Chris. Except you,” she scolded, and Sabrina denied it hotly.
“That's not true. I love him, enough to not want to screw up what we've got.”
“Don't be such a chickenshit,” Tammy told her. “He's worth the risk. You'll never find a better guy. Trust me, I've seen the worst. I've dated them all. Chris is a hottie, in every sense of the word. You've landed the big one. Don't ever throw him back. Or I'll beat you up.” Sabrina laughed in response.
“Why don't you move to New York, if the guys out there are so awful?” Sabrina had thought of it before. She knew how lonely her sister's life was in L.A., and she worried about her. She knew their mother had too, for all the same reasons. She used to say that Tammy would never get married if she stayed in L.A., and it was a high priority to her. Their mother thought marriage and family were the best things since sliced bread. But look who she was married to. Their dad.
“I can't move to meet a guy,” Tammy said, looking disgusted. “That's crazy. Besides, I'd starve to death. I can't give up my career, I've been at it for too long and put too much into it to just walk away. I love what I do. I can't give that up. Besides, maybe I wouldn't meet anyone here either. Maybe it's me.”
“It's not you, it's them,” Sabrina assured her. “Your business is full of weird guys.”
“I seem to find them everywhere. I used to meet nuts when I went on vacation too. They're just drawn to me like moths or cockroaches or something. If there is a nutcase in the area, I'll find him, believe me. Or he'll find me.”
“What are we talking about?” Chris asked as he stuck his head in the kitchen door. He and Jim had just gotten back after a long run to the hardware store. Chris had promised to fix some things around the house. They were looking for distractions to keep busy, and as long as he was going to be there for three more days, he thought he might as well help out. He enjoyed that kind of thing.
“We're talking about my nonexistent dating life. I'm the head of the Date-a-Freak Club. The main chapter is in L.A., but I've opened branches in other cities too. It's a very successful thing, huge membership, low dues, lifetime opportunities. You'd be amazed.” All three of them laughed at what she was saying, but her sister knew it was all too true, and so did she. Chris said he always found it hard to believe that Tammy hadn't found a guy. She was gorgeous, smart, and made a hell of a good living. She'd be a plum for any guy. He said they were all fools.
“You'll meet the right one, one of these days,” he assured her.
“I'm not sure I still care,” Tammy said, and shrugged. “What time are we going to see Annie?” she asked, changing the subject.
“After lunch, when Candy gets back from the gym. If she ever does. She exercises too much.”
“I know,” Tammy said with a worried look. They all commented on her weight constantly. At least she ate somewhat more decently when she was at home, but not much. She kept track of her weight, and insisted that her livelihood depended on it. Her sisters reminded her that her health did too. Tammy had warned her that she'd wind up sterile from starving for so many years. It wasn't a high priority for Candy yet. She was much more interested in staying on top in her field, and she certainly had the right look. Being superthin was essential to her.
The three of them went out to the pool then and went for a swim. Afterward their father joined them, and sat chatting with Chris, while the two women talked about Annie, and the adjustment she'd have to make. Sabrina was still excited about her apartment idea, and hoped she'd hear from the realtor soon. It was going to make a big difference to Annie if she could live with them for a year.
“I wish I could do it too,” Tammy said again. “I feel so guilty not moving home for her. But I just can't.”
“I know,” Sabrina said, lying in the sun, glancing over at Chris and her dad. They got along well, and it was nice for her father to have a man around. He had been outnumbered by women for years. Chris was like the son he'd never had. “You can fly in and spend weekends with us when you have time.” Tammy tried to remember the last time she'd spent a weekend when she hadn't worked, and there hadn't been a crisis on the show. It had been at least six months, maybe more. And maybe a year before that.
“I'll try,” she promised, as they both lay in the sun and dozed. They were both thinking the same thing, that if they closed their eyes, in a minute their mother would stand in the kitchen door and call them in for lunch. Maybe she had just disappeared for a few days, or had gone to the city, and would be back soon. It wasn't possible that she was gone. Those things just didn't happen. She was out. Or resting in her room, or visiting a friend. She wasn't gone. Not forever. And Annie wasn't blind. It just couldn't be.
Chapter 10
The girls spent Thursday afternoon and Friday morn
ing at the hospital with Annie. She was getting restless and her head still hurt, which was hardly surprising. A physical therapist came to work with her, and she broke down and cried several times about their mother. She still couldn't believe what had happened, and neither could they. But they were focusing their worries on her now. Within days, she would know that she was blind. The bandages were due to be taken off on Saturday. And all three of her sisters felt sick, thinking about the impact it would have on her. Reality was coming toward her with lightning speed.
Their father went to see her on Thursday night, and dropped by again while the girls were there on Friday morning. She thanked him for her mom's jewelry, she hadn't seen it yet, but she remembered the pieces that the girls described, and she liked them all. She was happy with the choices they had made on her behalf, and she had always loved her mother's fox coat. She said it would be fun to wear in Florence, because the winters were so cold, and Italian women wore a lot of fur. No one seemed to get upset about it there. She said she would have been nervous wearing it in the States.
She was anxious to know too when she could go back to Italy, and worried that she hadn't heard from Charlie. She had asked her sisters several times to put a call through for her. She had called him on his cell phone, and it always went straight to voice mail. She assumed he was in Pompeii with his friends, and maybe the reception was bad there. She didn't want to leave a message that her mother had died and she'd been in an accident, and worry him, but it was upsetting not being able to get hold of him for so long. It had only been a week. So much had happened since then. More than she could even imagine, since she didn't know yet about her sight. Sabrina never mentioned having spoken to him, of course, and her sisters were silent when she talked of him in glowing terms. It was all Sabrina could do not to snarl. But they said nothing to her.