Sit for a Spell (The Kitchen Witch, Book 3): (Witch Cozy Mystery series) (12 page)

Chapter 23

I hastily—and regretfully—apologized to Alder, and left the restaurant. Thyme wasn’t one to overreact, so I knew the situation was likely serious. But whatever could the problem be? After all, the house could well and truly look after itself.

With anticipation, I drove the short distance to my house. When I got there, I could see Thyme with someone on the front porch, but I couldn’t make out who it was. I parked the car on the street, and hurried down my pathway. I recognized Kayleen when I was halfway along the path. I could also hear her yelling.

“What’s going on here?” I said. “Kayleen, what on earth are you doing at my house?”

She didn’t answer, but simply glared at me.

“I caught her trying to put a poppet under your potted plant,” Thyme said.

Kayleen pouted and shook the poppet at me. It had pins sticking out of it, and it had been dressed to look like me. “Why is the poppet holding a lump of charcoal?” I asked her.

“The course said I had to make it lifelike, you idiot,” Kayleen said. “You should know that, since you’re a witch. And I tried to make it look like you, so I thought I should add some burned food to represent everything you burn. Craig told me how many times you set stuff on fire with your baking. In fact, he told me that when we were…”

Thyme and I both held up our hands. “Too much information!” Thyme said.

“Eew!” I added.

Kayleen put her hands on her hips. “Anyway, I think it’s a good likeness of you. You see if you can do better!”

“Hang on a minute. What course is this?” I asked her.

Kayleen looked at me as if I were particularly stupid. “Well, obviously the hexing course I did. It was online. It was twenty percent off if I signed up that day. I thought it was a bargain.”

Thyme and I exchanged glances. I took a moment to process the information. “So, Kayleen, are you telling me that you enrolled in an online hexing course to put a curse on me?”

Kayleen smiled. “Yes, and it was a bargain, and even if it hadn’t been, it was well worth it! I made poppets of all of you.” She swept her hand from me to Thyme, but I assume she meant to include Ruprecht, Camino, and Mint.

“Why would you do a thing like that?” Thyme asked her.

“Well, you’re all witches, and all witches should burn in hell.”

“What makes you think we’re witches?” Thyme asked through gritted teeth.

Kayleen scoffed at her. “Don’t try to deny it! Only witches buy things like you all do. How stupid do you think I am?”

“Is that a serious question?” I asked her. Thyme elbowed me in the ribs.

Kayleen shook the poppet at me. “I know you’re witches,” she said smugly. “Don’t forget, I’m the one who delivers your mail. You buy things with pentagrams on them. You buy things called Fast Luck Oil, Money Drawing Powder, Van Van Oil, Protection Incense, and you buy little cauldrons and even crystal skulls. I’m not stupid.”

“It’s illegal to look in our mail,” I said. “And witchcraft is simply a spiritual practice. It’s nothing like the Hollywood version of witches. It’s not as if witches eat children, or anything like that.”

Kayleen, for the first time in our conversation, looked deathly afraid. She backed away and held the poppet in front of her. “I know you eat children!” she said. “I read it in
Hansel and Gretel
.”

“But that’s just a fairytale,” Thyme said. “It’s not even true.”

“You can’t fool me!” Kayleen said. She reached into her pocket and threw some dust at us.

“What’s that?” I asked her.

Kayleen turned red. “Oh, I meant to throw it on myself. It’s Invisibility Powder, to make you not notice me.”

“It’s a bit late for that,” I said. “We’ve already noticed you. Anyway, why did you do this while it’s still daylight? Shouldn’t you have done it after dark, when I was asleep, like any half-way decent criminal would do?”

“Don’t give her any ideas,” Thyme said.

Kayleen pursed her lips, and clutched the poppet to her chest. “I saw you going into the Italian restaurant with that busybody, Alder Vervain,” she said. “So I knew the coast was clear.”

Thyme swung to face me. “What? Is she telling the truth? Were you having dinner with Alder Vervain?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “I’ll tell you all about it later.”

Thyme looked as if she wanted to protest, but mercifully did not.

Kayleen walked over to me and stuck her face close to mine. “I’m going to have you charged for slapping me at the funeral.” Her tone was belligerent.

I put my hands on my hips. “You can’t do that, Kayleen. It was self defense. You pinched me first.”

Kayleen looked a little taken aback, but recovered quickly. “No one saw me pinch you,” she protested.

“I saw you pinch her,” Thyme said.

Kayleen hesitated.

“And Kayleen, do you know that it’s a Federal offense to open and look through someone’s mail?” I continued. “It’s even worse that you’re the mail delivery lady.”

Kayleen huffed. “I most certainly did not look through anyone’s mail!”

“You just told us both that you did,” Thyme said. “In fact, you gave us a long list of things that you found inside our parcels. We’re both witnesses to that.”

Kayleen’s response was to stick out her tongue. “I can do whatever I like. I can have you charged if I want to!”

“Well, see how far you get with that,” Thyme said. “You won’t be the mail delivery lady any longer once we tell the government that you admitted looking through our mail.”

Kayleen visibly paled. “You won’t, will you?”

“No, not if you don’t charge me with slapping you,” I said.

“Okay then. But I will still hex you!” Kayleen then called me a series of names that made my face turn beet red, and walked down the porch steps.

I was furious. Kayleen above all else, had ruined my dinner with Alder. “You had better not try to do any more curses against us, Kayleen,” I said, “or I’ll...”

Kayleen turned up her face and walked back up the steps to me. She stuck her face inches from mine. “You’ll do what, Miss Smarty Pants?”

I thought for a moment, but nothing inventive came to me, so I said the first thing that came to mind. “I’ll turn you into a toad, and you’ll get a large wart on the end of your nose. See if Craig finds you attractive then!”

Kayleen snorted rudely. “You can’t turn anyone into frogs! That’s impossible. How stupid do you think I am?”

“On a scale of one to ten?” I asked her. “Anyway, you were right, Kayleen.”

Kayleen appeared quite taken aback at my admission. “I was? What about?”

“That Thyme and I are witches,” I said. “I didn’t want to admit it to you, but you are so clever that I had no choice.” Kayleen smirked, but my next words wiped the smirk off her face.

“And it’s very easy for powerful witches to turn people into toads.”

I was satisfied to see a look of doubt flicker across Kayleen’s face.

“You’re making this up,” she said hopefully.

“Well, you tried to hex us, didn’t you?” Thyme said. “If you believe in hexes, and you believe that we are witches, then you must know that we can turn people into toads, complete with large warts on the ends of their noses.”

Kayleen’s hand flew to her face. “What?” she croaked.

Thyme looked at me. “Did you hear that? Kayleen’s voice was croaky and we haven’t even started the spell yet.”

Kayleen backed away from us. “You wouldn’t!”

“Just make sure you stop hexing us right now,” I said firmly, “or you will soon wake up to see a giant wart on the end of your nose.”

“And you will start to turn green, and hop,” Thyme added.

With that, Kayleen threw the poppet at me and sprinted down the path.

Chapter 24

My relief at seeing Kayleen flee from my house was short lived. Thyme swung around to face me. “So, you were having dinner with Alder?”

I crossed my arms. “Yes, I was. Thyme, I like him and I trust him. And don’t forget, the house likes him.”

“Yes, but the house has allowed murderers inside for its own purpose, if you’ll recall.” Thyme crossed her arms, too.

“Thyme, can’t you just trust me on this? And I really do like him.”

Thyme hesitated and then let out a long sigh. “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you really want to date him, then I’ll try not to say anything about it.”

“Well, I’m not exactly dating him,” I said. “He just asked me out to dinner to tell me…” I slapped myself on my head. “Oh, I haven’t even had a chance to tell you! There’s lots to tell you. Anyway, come on inside, and I’ll tell you everything.”

As soon as we walked inside, we were met by Hawthorn and Willow complaining loudly that they hadn’t been fed. I hurried down the hallway and put the low-cal cat food in their bowls, stroked them both, and then turned to Thyme. “Finally, some peace,” I said. “Would you like a cup of tea or some wine?”

“Yes, please, some wine would be lovely, thanks. Red or white, I don’t care. Whatever’s open.”

I pulled some Chardonnay out of the fridge and poured us each a glass. “Come into the living room, and I’ll fill you in.”

Soon I was telling Thyme that I hadn’t gotten any good information from Simone, and that I had felt threatened by her husband, Victor.

“I guess we won’t be getting any business from his conference center then,” Thyme said with a chuckle.

I groaned. “Oh no, I hadn’t even thought of that! Anyway, while Victor was speaking with me, Alder turned up.”

“How convenient,” Thyme said dryly. “Your knight in shining armor.”

I shook my finger at her. “You promised you’d be good!”

Thyme just shrugged and took a big sip of her wine.

“And now for the good part. Alder told me that a woman came to see him today, a woman by the name of Frida McGeever. Do you know her?”

“Of course I do. Doesn’t everyone? She has that little knitting shop in the main street.”

I nodded. “Well, you’ll never believe what she told Alder. She told him that Sue Beckett had been blackmailing her.”

Thyme’s eyebrows shot up, but she didn’t speak.

I pushed on. “Okay, now, apparently Alder’s main business is insurance fraud, and when he used to get adultery cases, he’d pass them over to Sue. Frida’s husband, Tom, employed Alder to see if his wife was having an affair. Alder put Sue on the case, and she reported back to Alder that Frida wasn’t having an affair. Meanwhile, Sue started blackmailing Frida.”

Thyme’s mouth was hanging open in amazement. “So Sue had a racket going?”

“Apparently so. Alder put together a list of all the adultery cases he’s had since he came back to Bayberry Creek and took it to the cops today.”

“Well then,
there
is the motive for murder!” Thyme exclaimed excitedly. “I’ll bet you anything it was one of those adultery cases. Sue was blackmailing the murderer, and the murderer finally had enough of it.”

I put my wine glass down on the table. “Yes, it sure seems that way to me.”

“See, I told you putting those eggs in Sue’s hands would catch the murderer,” Thyme said gleefully.

“That hasn’t exactly happened yet, Thyme,” I pointed out.

“The wheels are turning,” Thyme said, waving her hand at me.

I was doubtful. “If you say so.”

Thyme looked at her watch. “Gotta run. Ruprecht wants me to take a turn at minding Camino.”

“Why does Camino need minding?” I asked her.

“She keeps trying to go back to her home, and Ruprecht says that could be dangerous. He wants her to stay there until the murderer’s apprehended.”

“So you have to make sure she doesn’t make a run for it?”

Thyme laughed. “Yes, that’s about the gist of it. Would you like to come?”

I thought it over for a minute, but decided against it. “No, thanks all the same. I’ve had enough excitement for one day. I think I’ll have a long, hot bubble bath and then fall asleep on the couch watching TV.”

Thyme stood up. “Well, if you change your mind, just turn up. Ruprecht won’t mind. In fact, he’d be delighted.”

I assured her that I would. As soon as Thyme left, I went into my bathroom. I admired the claw foot, roll top bathtub every time I walked in the bathroom. It was deep, and as it was made of cast iron, it held the heat nicely. No more having to run hot water at intervals while having a long bath. I poured a generous splash of chocolate and vanilla bubble bath into the running water.

I hopped in the tub surrounded by abundant chocolate-scented bubbles. Great, now I had a terrible chocolate craving. And trust Kayleen to ruin my dinner with Alder. And what had he been going to say about dessert? I shook my head. “You’re only being fanciful,” I said aloud to myself. “He was just going to ask you what you wanted for dessert.”

As soon as I spoke, Willow and Hawthorn appeared. Every time I spoke to myself in the house, they thought I was offering them more food—don’t ask me why.

After I got out of the bath and toweled myself dry, I reached for the onesie that Camino had given me as a gift only recently. Then I remembered that Alder had come to the house and found me in it as well as wearing a hideous facial mask. I haven’t worn a facial mask since, although I had worn the onesie on several occasions.

The onesie reminded me of Alder and my pre-empted dinner, so I put the onesie aside. The night was still young, so I put on jeans and a T-shirt, and went to find something to watch on TV.

I threw myself back on the couch, and the cats jumped on top of me, sending cat hair flying in all directions. “I don’t know where all this hair comes from,” I said to them. “I brush you enough, but there’s a never ending supply.” I reached for the remote, but just as I did so, Jamie Oliver came on.

“Not Jamie Oliver again!” I said to the house. “Don’t get me wrong. I like Jamie Oliver, but I don’t like watching him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. If I promise never to bake again in this house, will you let me watch something else?”

The house turned up the volume by way of answer. I groaned. “It’s not going to help,” I protested. “I’ll never learn to bake. I truly do know the theory—it’s just that it doesn’t work for me.”

There was no response. I leaned back on the couch, resigned to watching Jamie Oliver. It could be worse. I was really getting interested in Jamie Oliver listing the ways to use stale bread, when there was a knock at the door.

Who could it be? Had Camino escaped? Had Thyme come back to talk me into going to Ruprecht’s? There was only one way to find out.

I dragged myself off the couch and walked to the door. I flung it open.

There was Alder standing on the doorstep. My first thought was that I was glad I wasn’t wearing the onesie. My second thought was that he was holding a bag with the restaurant logo.

“Hi, Alder,” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. He always had that effect on me.

He held up the bag. “Since you ran off like Cinderella, I thought I should bring the dessert to you.”

“Don’t you mean the shoe?” As soon as I said it, I wished I hadn’t, as it implied that I thought he was the handsome prince. Of course, that is exactly what I did think, but I didn’t want him to know it. “Would you like to come inside?” I asked him.

“I’d love to, but maybe next time.” He handed me the bag.

I looked inside it and saw that there was only one dessert. My face fell. When I had seen him at the door, I assumed he was bringing dessert for both of us.

“I hope you like chocolate coffee roulade?”

“It sounds wonderful,” I said, taking the bag from him. Just as I did so, Hawthorn and Willow ran out, attracted no doubt, by the sound of the rustling bag. I suppose it sounded like a bag of cat food being opened. They ran in front of me and knocked me onto Alder.

The two of us rolled down the stairs together, and came to a rest at the bottom of the porch stairs, with Alder landing on top of me.

“Are you hurt?” he asked.

“No.” I in fact had no idea if I was hurt. Usually if I had been thrown from a horse or had fallen from a tree, I would move all my limbs gingerly to see if anything was broken. I could hardly do that now, given the circumstances.

Alder make no attempt to lift himself off me. He was so close I could feel his breath on my mouth. Our eyes locked. The world seemed to stand still. For a moment I thought, hoped, he would kiss me, but then my cell phone rang, breaking the moment.

Alder scrambled off me, and held out his hand to help me up. He nodded and then disappeared down the path almost as fast as Kayleen had.

I sighed and answered my phone. It was Ruprecht. “I think you shouldn’t stay there alone tonight,” he said. “I don’t have a good feeling about it. Please come over and we’ll discuss it.”