Sixty Days (11 page)

“I would’ve t
hought that this game of avoidance would have ended weeks ago. But, it seems I’m wrong about you, once again,” he says coming toward me.

“What are you even talking about?” I ask
, feigning innocence. I know he’s right. I can’t keep avoiding him, especially since we live in the same house.

“Cut the crap, Laylah,
you know what I’m talking about,” he says completely irritated. I get it. I would have been irritated too if I were him.

“You’re blocking my view,
” I say taking a drag from the cigarette I have in my hand.

H
e sighs and lies on the grass beside me. He then looks at me and asks, “Since when do you smoke?”

I chuckle at
this. “Since I’ve been living in my very own hell. It soothe’s me sometimes, calms my nerves. And don’t you dare give me that whole crap of this being the path to my grave. God knows, Mama already gets on me about it, constantly,” I move my head to my right to look at him, where he is already looking at me.

“On the contrary,
do you happen to have an extra one?” he asks, holding my gaze.

I shake my head
. “No, this is my last one. Here…we can share it.” I hand him the cigarette, which he happily takes. “I’m quitting after this one,” I whisper to him a couple of seconds later.

“Good…me too,
” he whispers back.

After a few painful minutes of silence
, he finally says, “Maybe we should help each other. You know, with this whole quitting smoking thing.” At the same time, I say, “I’m sorry, you’re right. I have been avoiding you.”

“You think?” he sarcastically says
. I can’t help but laugh. “Why?” he asks, gazing at me.

“Are you kidding? I practically p
oured my heart out to you and I barely know you,” I say to him, exasperated with myself.

“Wha
t are you talking about?” he asks, imitating my tone. “First of all, you do know me. Secondly, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m in awe of you. It took so much courage and bravery to embrace the problem, talk about it, and try to change it.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” I ask him. Just when he’s about to answer, I r
aise my hand to stop him from saying something that will confuse the hell out of me. “Don’t— just, don’t answer that,” I finally tell him sitting up Indian style, the cigarette long gone.

“Laylah—”
he starts to say as he joins me, but I stop him from continuing his sentence.

“Miguel,
I don’t know you.”

“Mickey
,” he corrects, “and you do know me.”

“I don’t. All I know
is that you’ve been my brother’s best friend since, like, forever. For a very long time I thought the two of you were in a relationship, which actually helped me get over the stupid crush I’ve always had on you,” I tell him, letting the last part slip out. I pray to some greater power that he didn’t hear that very last part.

I had no such luck.

“You have a crush on me?” he asks, a mix of excitement and what sounds like hope in his voice.

“Had, Mickey. I said had,
” I tell him, feigning being bored with the conversation when in reality my heart is about to pop out.

“Could
you please stop bullshitting me? I know you feel something for me. I can’t be the only one that feels this connection between us.”

“Are
you freaking serious? You barely know me!” I practically yell at him as I start to get up.

“I know you’re as broken
and confused as I am. I know you pretend to be someone you’re not when you’re around others, but you stop as soon as you think no one is looking. I also know that those olive eyes of yours see the same thing mine do when I look at you. I know you feel the same way about me as I do about you. I know that I’ve liked you for a long time, zits and braces included. Even when it just felt plain wrong,” he says as he joins me, holding my gaze and towering over me. Damn it! I wanted so badly to believe him, but I just can’t .

So what do
I do? I run, just like I always do.

I run t
oward the woods, trying to get as far as I can. I just need to get away from him. I’m scared, scared of the power he holds over my heart. While I run, I can feel him coming right behind me. He catches up to me quickly and grips my arm, making me slow down. “Damn it, Laylah! Are you crazy? Stop running!” he says, catching his breath.

“Let me go, Miguel!” I yell at him
, on the verge of hyperventilating.

“Stop running, Laylah!” he screams back at me still gripping my arm.

I forcefully release my arm from his grip. “I’m not running!” I tell him as calmly as I can.

“The hell you’re not!” he shouts running his hand through his hair, exasperated by my behavior. He sighs and says
, “I like you, Laylah, I have always liked you. Everything I’ve felt for you intensified as soon as I saw you getting out of your stupid car. All I’ve done is stupidly think about you and that heartbreaking smile of yours. Every day, every night, all I do is thing about you and how much I want you be mine—”

“Mickey…” I stop him
. It’s not because I don’t want to hear him, it’s because of the movement I see behind him. I’m not quite sure of what I’m seeing. I’ve never seen one in person and, quite honestly, didn’t even think you could find one here.

“Damn it, woman! Would you shut up already and
just hear me out. I l-i-k-e you” he spells out. “And I know you feel the same way, otherwise you wouldn’t be acting this way,” he says. He looks so cute when he gets mad and he’s right, but I’m too afraid to hand him my heart.

“Bull!” I tell
him with a shaky voice as I confirm that I wasn’t imagining things.

“NO! It’s not bull, my heaven,
and you know it!” he tells me, oblivious as to what’s happening.

“Bull!” I repea
t, raising my even shakier hands and pointing to the devilish creature that’s standing right behind him.

He gives me a confused look
and glances to where I’m pointing. When he sees the black bull behind him, the look on his face is so gorgeously funny that if it would have been any other situation I would have full out belly laughed at him.  Since I’m scared to the point of shitting my pants, I opt not to do that. “Fuck,” he mutters. Moving quickly behind me, he pulls my back to his chest. If my heart hadn’t stopped before, it totally did now.

“Shhh….don’t make a sound,
” he whispers in my ear. All I can do is nod as he slowly walks us away. “I’m going to turn you so you’re facing me now. Is that ok?” he breathlessly whispers in my ear. Once again, all I do is nod. I’ve apparently lost my ability to form words.

As soon as
I’m facing him he assures me we are far away from the bull. I try to back away from our position, but he keeps his strong grip on me. Finding my voice, I manage to breathlessly ask him, “Did you just call me heaven?” I look up at him.

H
e chuckles and actually blushes. I like this about him. “Yeah…I did. How could I not? I feel like I’m in heaven whenever I’m with you. Therefore I decided you’re my heaven. Laylah, I know you’re scared, but I promise you with all my heart that I would never hurt you. I know what I want and I want you more than anything in the world. Sure, there’s a lot we still don’t know about each other, but we have our whole lives to get to know each other.

“I know I’m breaking
tons of rules by asking you to give us a chance at this, but I don’t give a fuck. I will fight for you. I’m willing to let your brother kill me for being with his sister even if it means only one kiss from you, because I rather have one than none at all. I’d rather be with you for one month than never getting the chance to be with you at all. I promise you to treat you like the queen you are and to love you with every single breath I take, until my very last one. Will you give us a chance?”

I am speechless.
Absolutely speechless. This man is all I’ve been waiting for. Taking a leap, I decide fuck it, fuck it all, and I kiss him. I kiss him with all my heart, with all the power I can manage. He kisses me back with such love, I know everything he’s said is true.

Call me stupid, call me clueless
, but in that moment I knew that I loved Miguel Vega. That I will always love him.

“Man, I love that bull!” he breathlessly exclaims
, breaking our kiss. He presses his forehead to mine and we stand there stupidly grinning at each other.

“I still love that bull,
”
Mickey says bring us back to the present with a huge grin on his face.

“I know you do. I bet you love that monster even more than
you love me and your cars put together,” I state, looking at the stars.

“Not possible,
” he says shaking his head. “I have a confession to make.” He rolls onto his side to face me. I copy his move and nod for him to continue. He raises his hands so his thumb is now caressing my cheeks. I see some resistance in his eyes, as if he’s scared of how I’ll react. “That night, that bull, well…he was chained to the tree.” He sheepishly smiles. His hand that had been caressing my cheek is now playing with the grass we lay on.

“What the hell
, Miguel?” I practically scream at him. “I was scared to death, afraid it would follow us and kill us! You’re telling me that the whole fucking time that devil of a monster was chained to the fucking tree?” I ask, shoving him harshly on the shoulder. He doesn’t budge.

“I just wanted you close to me. I
t seemed like the perfect opportunity, so I took it,” he says, giving me his amazing smile.

“It’s okay, baby.” I
rub the place where I ‘shoved’ him. “To be honest, after you moved us away, I noticed it too. But, I decided, what the hell, let him keep believing he’s this big macho hero and enjoy the moment while it lasted,” I finally confess, giving him my devilishly teasing smile and returning to my original position.

He copies my move.
“Seriously? And here I thought—”

“Your girlfriend is a smart cookie, Vega. Yo
u ought to give her more credit,” I interrupt him as I move my head towards him. He does the same and we smile at each other.

Mickey looks like he’s about to kiss me, devour me, but we are
suddenly interrupted by a very familiar voice. “You have a girlfriend, Miguel?” my dad asks, coming out of nowhere. He towers over us, making us jump quickly to our feet, both of us looking like the cat who ate the canary and got caught.

Chapter Seven

S

hit, shit, shit, shit, shit. We’re dead! We are so dead. Okay, Lai, think of an escape plan. Quick! Think, dammit! This isn’t the time for you to decide to completely turn off your brain. Think!

“Ummm…” Mickey starts to say
, breaking my mental meltdown. I can see his mind is just as blank as mine. I’m also pretty sure I’m having a heart attack. I really don’t think a heart is supposed to beat this fast.

Shit!

“I just hope you’re not corrupting her like you seem to be doing with my daughter at this very moment,” dad says, raising his brow and pointing at our empty six pack with his foot.

I just can’t help but sigh at his words
, “Twenty one, Dad. I’m twenty one. And I’m the one ‘corrupting’ him, not the other way around.”

My dad scratches h
is brow and says, “Do you mind if I talk to my daughter for a moment? Alone.” He’s looking directly at Mickey with authority.             

“Yeah, sure. No problem,
” Mickey says, vigorously shaking his head as if somehow it will help him wake up from this very real and horrible nightmare. “I guess, I’ll…uh, see ya later,” he says to me as he heads inside. I can see that he’s worried with the small, sad smile he gives me. I just nod back at him and return his smile.

“He seems a little s
haky, don’t you think?” my dad asks looking toward Mickey’s retrieving form.

“
Where are you going with this, Dad?” I ask him, feeling frustrated already.

“Nothing, I just want to remind y
ou who we’re talking about here,” he says, his tone serious.

“I think—
I think he’s changed. Actually, I don’t think he’s ever been the person you guys make him out to be,” I tell him with some sort of challenge in my tone.

“Where is all of this coming from? I hope
you realize he’s not the right guy for you. We’ve talked about this.” He raises his eyebrow, giving me a warning glare.

I exhale. He has totally taken me by surprise here.  Does he know something? Does everyone know? Are we really that obvious?

“I just don’t like to think things about people that may not be true. Not that it matters, he has a girlfriend, as you just heard, and I’m not interested in him that way,” I lie. “We’re just friends. I was out here alone and he came out to keep me some company, nothing more. Certainly no reason to make a big deal out of it.”

“It better be, Laylah. I love you
, sweetie, and you need to understand that I just want the best for you. That boy isn’t it.” He takes a seat on the bench across from me and pats the seat next to him. I sit next to him as he requested, adding a little sigh for good measure. I love my dad, but it gets on my last nerves when he says things like that. “I’ve missed you, baby girl,” he says while pulling me closer to him. I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder.

“I’ve missed you
, too.” I give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Am I that
much of a pain to be around?” he asks out of nowhere, making me jump out of my position.

“What do you mean?” I furrow
my eyebrows.

“You keep sighing at me
,” he points out, rubbing his hand over his face. “Plus, you don’t call me daddy anymore,” he continues, his grip on me getting stronger.

“I’m sorry…” I bow my head down and star
e at my joined hands.

“No, no, n
o, no. I won’t have any of that,” he says as he grips my chin in his hand so I’m looking him in the eyes. “I get that you’re no longer my baby girl.  As much as it pains me, you’re a grown woman now.  I just have to get used to it, that’s all.”

I smile at his words. “Glad to see you get it. But
, just between the two of us, I will always be your baby girl.  I love you, Daddy, even if you’re being a pain in the ass.”

He chuck
les. “I know, sweetie, I know. I love you too.” He sighs and starts to look at the dark sky above us. “So…”

“So?” I interrupt.

“So…how’s everything with you? How’s school? Any guys I should be scaring off?” He smiles at me.

“Everything’s fine. I—
I’m…I’m really happy, Dad,” I say, hesitating yet emphasizing the ‘really’. Maybe this is my chance to tell him. “I met this guy not too long ago and he truly makes me feel happy and special. I— I think, well…not think, I have this gut feeling that he’s the one. He’s it for me,” I continue suddenly feeling shy.

“That’s good…I think,
” he says with furrowed brows. “And school, how’s that?”

I sigh knowing where this is heading
. “Dad…” I start
what? whining?
I mean is this really me or has my inner ten year old decided to all of the sudden come out?

“Stop! I know where you’re going with this, Laylah. We have talked about this so many times alread
y. I just don’t understand why you still don’t get it. I’m your father and I know what’s best for you. So, it’s about time you start listening to me.”

“No, D
ad, it’s time for you to start listening to me!” I’m practically yelling. I raise from my seat and point at him. “You may think you know what’s best for me, but you don’t. I’m the only one that knows what’s best for me. It’s my life, my mistakes. I’m the only one that knows what will make me happy.” I sigh trying to calm myself down. “God, Daddy! Why don’t you get it? It hurts to say it, but…I’m not you, I never will be. I’m my own person and I make my own decisions.” I flop back to my seat.

“Wow…” he says with a humorless laugh, staring at the open
space before us. “I guess you really are grown up. I—I’m sorry, honey…to me, you’re still that tiny little defenseless baby I used to hold in my arms. You’re wrong, though,” he says, capturing my attention. “You’re as thick headed as your old man.” I start to protest but he stops me. “I’m going to be honest with you, Laylah. I will never be happy with that choice of yours, but I’m willing to give it a chance.”

“Thank—”

“Only,” he interrupts me, “Only if you keep going to business school.”

“But
, Dad—” I start to protest.

“
It’s just as a backup plan for when that dream of yours, whatever it is, fails,” he says like it’s no big deal. I would be a complete liar if I said that his words didn’t hurt me. “Promise me?”

“I promise
,” I lie, giving him a weak smile.

He smiles back and says
, “Now, why don’t we get out of here and join the rest of the family inside?”

“Yeah…sure. You go ahead
, I’ll be there in a sec,” I numbly tell him.

He nods and
goes back inside the house without another word. I stay outside for a while contemplating how it is that everyone seem to be moving forward, including Mickey, while I’m stuck.

I truly don’t know how much time I spend there thinking.
  More like admitting hard truths to myself. I feel lost, like I’m wandering a desert with no direction and nothing but sand for miles. After this talk with my dad, I can’t help but think that he might be right. That I will actually fail with whatever it is that I decide. That it may be time to go back to business school because my biggest fears are about to come true.

But
, with that decision comes leaving my heart behind.  Mickey has become my family, my whole life, and I can’t bring myself to leave him. I might be able to leave my dreams of becoming the next Picasso behind, but I could never bring myself to leave him. If I do then I would truly be broken with no hope of ever gluing back the pieces.

The truth is
I am afraid. Afraid that I will fail and prove my dad right. Afraid that my dreams will never amount to anything. Afraid that I will hit rock bottom once again and no one would ever be able to fix me. Mickey did it once, but I’m afraid he won’t do it again. So, I need to get my shit straight.  The worst thing about living with anxiety is that I can’t control it. And, in my case, when it hits me, it hits me hard.

The past few days I have been crying myself to sleep
. The stress is just too much. My loss of identity and direction has made me feel this way. My fear of failing has been the main contributor. Add the fact that I’m hiding Mickey and our relationship to half of my family and you get a ticking bomb waiting to explode. A bomb that leaks every night and slowly kills me with each second that passes.

I also can’t help but
want my parents to actually accept the person that I am and the decisions I’ve made. All my life I’ve been told what to do, who to be with, what to study. Hell, I’ve even been told what to wear. Why can’t I just be me?

As soon as
Kevin told my dad he wanted to become a photographer, my dad threatened to disown him. The only reason he didn’t follow through with this is because Kev still took some business courses in order to open and manage his own photography studio.

I finally
find the nerve to tell my dad half of the truth, well sort of, and what does he do? He calls it a failing hobby. He has done nothing but feed my fear. What father does that? Apparently mine and it sucks, it big time fucking sucks. If my own father doesn’t believe in me, then how can I believe in myself?

And that
, my dear friends, is why I am so fucked up. No sugar coating this because, to be quite frank, it’s not worth it.

“Lai?”
Mickey sticks his head out the glass door leading into the backyard. “There you are, my heaven.” He starts walking toward were I am. “Your dad said you were coming right behind him,” he states matter of fact, taking a seat next to me.

“
I just needed a couple of minutes to clear my head after the conversation I had with him,” I tell him as I shrug my shoulders and close the distance between us. I know this is a risky move, but I truly don’t care. I just need to feel the only person that loves me unconditionally, no matter what decisions I make.

“Baby, make that
thirty minutes. I’ve been worrying about you.” He throws his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple.

“No one else noticed, did they?” I
mean for it to be a statement, but it comes out as a question.

“I don’t know about them, my heaven, I just know that you
’ve got me so wrapped around your tiny little finger that even a second without you make me crazy.”

“Don’t sugar coat it
, Miguel, they didn’t notice, therefore they don’t care. Why the hell bother coming to get me? Hell, why even bother keeping up this fucking charade?” I snap at him. There it goes, that god damned bomb.

“Hey, hey, hey…what is
this about? Of course they care, Lai. They are your family, they love you. And, I’m here because I want to be. Because I need to make sure you’re okay and because I love you. Not because someone made me. Talk to me baby. It breaks my heart to hear you talking like this.”

I
sigh. “He doesn’t believe in me,” I confide.

“Who? Your dad?” he asks pulling me closer to him,
if it were even possible.

I nod. “I—
I sort of told him about dropping out of business school. Well, more like hinted at the possibility of doing so. He just twisted it around on me and made me promise him to keep it as a back-up plan for when, and I quote, ‘that little hobby of mine fails, because it will fail eventually’. Mickey, if my own dad doesn’t believe in me, then who will?”

“First
of all, your dad is a douchebag,” he states. I start to protest but he stops me, literally stops me. He takes his fingers and shuts my lips, holding them in place, making me look like I’m making a stupid duck face. “Shut up, don’t argue. We both know it’s true. Second, how dare you say that no one else believes in you. I believe in you! Hell, baby, I’m your biggest fucking fan. Our house proves how big of a fan I am. You also have my mom and Mama.” He lets go of my lips

“If they didn’t
believe in you, they wouldn’t have paid all that money for the art classes you’ve taken. They wouldn’t encourage you to take you’re  paintings to the gallery, and they certainly wouldn’t be moving, as they say, cielo y tierra, to keep all of this from your dad. Hell, from the whole family until
you
are ready to tell them. So, don’t you ever say that no one believes in you, because someone always will. And you can bet your cute ass that I will always be that someone.”