Sizzling in Singapore (A Carnal Cuisine Novel) (11 page)

When they talked about their lives going forward, they spoke in carefully crafted narratives. He talked about his father's death and how it had influenced his decision to strike out on his own. He talked of his farm, the way he would create his barn restaurant, the dishes he hoped would garner him a loyal following. He did not expect great wealth, nor did he need it. His parents had managed to leave him a surprising fortune. His father's work had been more than sufficient to support the family and the legacy that passed into his Spanish mother's aristocratic hands had simply been left to grow. There was more than enough in his trust for him to live well for the rest of his life without ever working again.

But Nick craved the satisfaction of building something that was an expression of his vision. He spoke to Mae of the ideas he would put into place at his farm. He described what he wanted to do with the barn's interior and how he'd remodel the house without taking away its original charm. He didn't tell her that his dreams included having a wife and family in that house someday. That would have been out of their silent, self-imposed boundaries.

She talked mostly of travel and the places she might move along to after her time at the Elysium was over. She wondered aloud at what opportunities might present themselves to her in Hong Kong or New York. She seemed, to Nick, to have a career focus much like he had had before his decision to leave hotels and the corporate life.

She talked about how much she truly enjoyed her work and the affection she had for the great crew at the Elysium. She frequently made reference to Kurt and his absence and how genuinely worried she was about the boss who was her friend. And at those times, Nick felt guilty. He knew where Kurt was and why but he had been sworn to secrecy to share it only with the highest levels of management when Kurt arranged for Nick to be his replacement.

"Nick, are you still there?" Kurt had been rambling on about Bernadette and Panama for several minutes with no response from Nick.

"Sure, Kurt. That's quite a tale. Have you decided on a date when you're coming back?."

"You're going to have to hold down the fort a little longer. I'll try to make it snappy, but I still have some tap-dancing to do. Give my little Mae a kiss for me. She's gonna be mighty pissed when I return, but she's the forgiving sort."

"Does that mean I can tell her the story? And that you're coming back?" It had been hard to keep the information from her and Nick wasn't at all sure how she'd react but he was anxious to be done with the subterfuge.

"I suppose it's okay if you think she can keep a secret."

"I think she can."
I know she can
.

***

Mae was sketching out a recipe for
Tuscan chicken soup
. Her favorite night at the Elysium was Saturday when the special's menu highlighted a unique world cuisine. She especially loved the Italian-themed nights. The recipes were familiar and the execution was easy, but the results were always satisfying. She had developed an entire notebook devoted to her Italian recipes for the Elys. Italy has so many distinct cuisines that it was easy to make the cycle of Italian nights interesting and fresh every couple of months when that country's menu came up in rotation.

She could see Nick watching her from the platform outside his office door. She had a small notebook computer that she used exclusively for the kitchen and she drummed her fingers on the keys as her mind worked through proportions and ingredients. She knew what Saturday's menu was going to look like as they had fleshed out the particulars in bed a couple of nights earlier. Food talk was always safe and they always had a great time bouncing culinary ideas off of one another.

"Tuscan chicken soup" she had exclaimed as if she had just made some grand discovery. "No one expects chicken--it's always about pork, pork and more pork. I think roasted chicken would be divine in a light tomato broth."

"Add some white beans," he said as he drew a nipple noisily into his mouth and let it out with a pop. "And, a handful of pasta."He drew the other one in the same way and giving it a little nip as he pulled his head away and let it escape the suction.

"Ouch! My nipples aren't beans you sadistic glutton!"

"I am a glutton. And now I'm going to devour you." He had then proceeded to make her giggle with delight as he pretended to 'eat' his way down her body with groans and cries of "yum-yum!", "delicious!", "succulent!", "flavorful!", "tasty!" Then he reached her pussy. "Ah, what have we here? Hmmm. What's this? A fresh bearded clam to tempt my palate?"

In mock surprise he had tilted his head this way and that as he spread her legs as if to better examine her parts. "Why, this clam is beardless! Truly, a hairless mollusk! I must have it...must have a taste of this rare specimen." And with that, he dove into her shaved mons still making exaggerated slurping noises and occasional exclamations as if he were praising a fine meal. "Sweet! Fresh! A natural delight. A hint of the salty sea...a perfect explosion on my palate."

Mae had laughed so hard that it made it difficult to concentrate on the pleasure he was bringing to her responsive body. Finally, she begged him to "please stop making me laugh so I can concentrate!" And he did. And she did.

Mae had come to adore the many different ways she and Nick made love. One night it was silent passion--ravenous and fast-paced--another would be slow and languid with long stretches of soft touches and well chosen words to excite and tantalize. He could tease and be playful, too, and that brought out the best in Mae who was a woman who craved a little lightness in her purposeful life.

Mae tossed off her reverie as he approached her. "Mae, can you take a minute and come to my office?"

"Sure. Let me just save this." Mae noticed a very serious
look on Nick's face. "Is something wrong?"

"Just come on up when you're ready," he said as he turned to go back up to the 'cage'.

Moments later Mae was seated in front of him. She hadn't spent a lot of time across from his desk and the formality of it struck her with foreboding.
This is going to be it. He's going to tell me he's leaving here in the office so there won't be any scenes. Not to worry Nick, I've been preparing for this for weeks.
But no amount of mental preparation could keep the lump from rising in her throat as she waited for him to speak.

"I have something to tell you. But before I do, I want you to know that I wanted to tell you this for quite a while."

Mae's eyes widened. Is this going to be some sort of proposition?
Is he going to tell me he loves me and wants me to go with him?
Her head began to spin with anticipation.
Yes, Nick, yes I will!

"Kurt Gander is my uncle. We more or less grew up together as brothers."

Mae's emotions did a one-eighty. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around what he was saying as she had just admitted to herself that she desperately wanted to have a life with this man. Until this point she hadn't given voice to her feelings--not even to herself. She tried to focus on what he was telling her.

"My last name is different because, as I've told you, my mother was Spanish. It's their custom for the children to have the maternal name. Hence, the Seville."

No, it isn't a proposition. It isn't about me at all. What the hell is he talking about?

"We've both worked for the Elysium chain for years. When Kurt needed to leave, he asked me to come and fill in for him. He knew I was retiring from San Francisco and figured I could take a little time to help him out."

"I don't really understand," Mae mumbled.
I don't understand anything at all.
"Why didn't you tell me this at the beginning and why are you telling me now?"

"I'm telling you now because Kurt gave me permission to. Only a couple of people knew about this and we were sworn to secrecy." Her puzzled look prompted him to continue. "You see, Kurt needed a leave of absence and the only way he could convince management to allow him to come back was throwing me into the deal."

"But Claude offered me his job!"

"Management was not happy. Part of the deal was that you'd get the nod, if you wanted it. If you had taken the job, Kurt would have lost the position for good. And I would never have come to Singapore." An explosion of confusion played across Mae's face as she tried to process his words. "Frankly, I think Kurt knew you wouldn't take it."

"But why all the secrecy? Is he sick?" Suddenly another emotion jumped into Mae's psyche--that her friend and mentor might be terribly ill.

"No. No. This was just something he needed to do for himself. He didn't want any of the staff to know." He paused and began his story. "When Kurt came to Singapore about ten years ago, he was quite a different man than the one you know. He was full of joy. Always laughing."

"You know I adore the man, but you're right. He's not exactly happy-go-lucky."

"Shortly after he took the job here, he had an affair with an assistant pastry chef. She was just out of culinary school and about ten years younger than Kurt. At that point in his life and career, he was very much committed to devoting himself to his profession. He never expected to fall in love with Bernie."

"Bernie?"

"Bernadette. She stole his heart. By the time he realized how much he loved her and that he wanted to spend his life with her, she was gone. She just left without explanation. Kurt was devastated."

"I'm aware that he had his heart broken. It's kind of a legend in the kitchen. He never spoke a word about it to anyone. But people talk." Mae looked at Nick with new eyes and realized that her heart was breaking, too. "Tell me what this has to do with Kurt's absence."

"Well, he never really recovered. Never had another serious girlfriend, just some drunken rolls in the hay once in a blue moon."

"I witnessed an attempt at one of those."

Nick frowned "Did Kurt make a pass at
you
?"

"No, he groped Cess at a party a couple of years back." She laughed a brittle little laugh.
Cess and I talked about it the night you and I first 'played' in the pool.
"Cess didn't appreciate it."

"I was seriously concerned that he was going to go over the edge. Possibly drink himself to death. But eventually he just went on. Only he changed. He never let anyone close again. And he lost one of the best parts of himself--the ability to love."

"Are you going to tell me what this story has to do with him leaving?"
Because I have some real thinking to do and I need you to wrap this up.

"Every so often, Kurt would do a web search on Bernie's name. It never got him anywhere. Then, a couple of months ago, he came up with an article for an online paper in Panama. It was the story of Bernadette and her business in a town called Boquete. He took off to find her as quickly as he could make arrangements with me and the Elysium."

Mae looked blankly at Nick as it dawned on her that not only had Kurt wronged her by allowing her to worry (and work herself half to death) but Nick had perpetuated the deceit. "You knew how much I worried about Kurt. We talked about it. Often. I actually cried about him one night after we made...had sex." She couldn't bring herself to call it love making. That would presume too much.

"I couldn't betray a confidence. Kurt didn't know what he'd find or how it would turn out. His pride was on the line."

The almighty male pride rears its nasty head.
"Well, I sure do appreciate that it wouldn't do to have little ole' me knowing anything about Mr. Big Chef's vulnerabilities." Anger was starting to push back on the confusion she'd been feeling. Anger at Kurt for not telling her. Anger that Nick's loyalty to his uncle was stronger than his trust and concern for her. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"He found her. But he says there have been 'complications' He asked me to give him a little more time. He told me that he was going to wrap it up 'one way or the other' very soon. He's anxious to get back here."

"I see."
He can't come back soon enough for me. I don't know how to stay aloof anymore. It hurts too much to know that any day Nick's going to take off for a new life. A life that doesn't include me.

"Look, Mae, I don't think Kurt imagined how much his disappearance would affect you. He's very fond of you and I know he wouldn't have worried you for all the world. He's just...Kurt. The man has lived in kind of a cloud of gloom for so long that I think he's lost his sense of empathy. He's not completely aware of other people's feelings."

Oh, and you are? I'm dying over here and you haven't got a clue.
"That much is abundantly clear. When you talk to him again kindly tell him how relieved I am that he isn't dead," she said flatly. "Now, if there's nothing else, I need to get back to my Tuscan soup recipe."

***

Mae pretended to work with her recipe as she dissected the conversation. Berating herself for being a complete and total idiot, she tried to think of a plan. There was an indeterminate amount of time left, although she sensed the clock was ticking faster. Kurt was going to return soon.

Allowing herself to imagine that Nick was going to ask her to return to the States with him—that he had fallen for her—was an incredible leap into fantasy land.
I sat there like some breathless, vapid sixteen-year old. I was actually prepared to say 'yes' to him! Where the fuck did that come from? We've only known each other for what—six weeks? What was I thinking?

Okay. I already know it's gonna hurt like hell when he leaves. I already know that I'm in way deeper than I wanted to be. And, if I didn't admit it before, I am admitting it now. I am useless at this so-called adult play, or sport fucking or 'casual affair' crap. I don't want 'no strings attached' I want strings. Lots of strings. A whole, big whopping ball of string.

And since she was being brutally honest with herself, she had to acknowledge that she'd like that ball of string wrapped tightly around Nick Seville.

So. Two choices. Either I continue with the relationship until he leaves or I don't. It's not going to be pretty no matter what I do. But if I continue to touch him, oh-dear-god make love with him, there's the chance I won't be able to keep quiet. Now that I know how much I want him in my life, I might not be able to keep from telling him so.

She pondered the painful choice facing her. On the one hand, she knew that their time together was short and she might only have a few more chances to touch that warm skin, to smell his spicy male smell, to kiss his tender mouth, to have his body inside her body and know the completeness of being full of him. But on the other, there was the danger of blurting out something stupid that would make a fool of her. Her pride won.

I can use this Kurt situation to fabricate a reason for shaking him off. I'll tell him that I have trust issues and don't want to be with someone who could take my feelings so lightly and keep important secrets from me. That's plausible. Sort of. I can feign enough hurt and anger to make him buy it. He'll never know how hard I've fallen. Somehow, I can extract myself from this gracefully and send him on his way.

Mae let out a melancholy sigh and took to the task of figuring out when and how she would tell Nick that playtime was over.

***

The note read: "Can we have a word when service ends?"

It had been a busy night. Mae had had to step in beside Tank at sauté when he fell into the weeds. Every single order coming in was at his station and all the burners were occupied with a holding pattern behind them. Mae did what she could to have pans and ingredients at the ready and grab what she could from the stove as the dishes cooked off. It is never a comfortable thing to have two people working in a space designed for one, but she and Tank accomplished it with as much grace as could be hoped for.

Nick had been spending his night opposite the expeditor and as the dinners were plated, he took over the garnishing and final inspection. He made sure that all the elements were in place and the plates were impeccably clear of any stray drops, crumbs or fingerprints.

When the pace finally slowed a bit, Mae slipped the note into Nick's pocket as she passed him on her way to the walk-in. He pulled it out and knew immediately that something was up. He wondered why she would feel the need to ask for 'a word' when at this point their meeting up after work was a foregone conclusion.

They sometimes planned to leave separately and meet at an agreed location after work. Other times they both pretended to be busy with paperwork until the last cook had left and the dishwashers had finished the final cleaning. Once or twice they had sequestered themselves in the office, where they were hidden by the smoked glass and just waited until they were alone.

Nick's curiosity led him to push their usual time-frame up a bit, so it was fairly early when he passed by Mae at her desk and said
"a word?" There were still a few late orders, but the people left in the kitchen saw nothing unusual about the two top dogs having a pow-wow in the office.

Mae sat down and folded her hands in her lap. Nick didn't speak. He left the ball in Mae's court. "Nick, I've had a lot of fun with you these past weeks."

"And I with you, Babe."

"But this deceptive streak in you is something I just can't accept in a person--not a friend
or
a lover. I can't trust you to tell me the truth. You lied to me when we met and now I find you've been lying to me about Kurt all along."

"I never lied to you."

"Oh, grow up! Don't piss on me and tell me it's raining. You know that lies of omission are just as bad as overt ones."

"C'mon, Mae. That's not fair. I told you I was sworn to secrecy. I've known Kurt all my life, I owed him that."

"Part of me admires your loyalty. But another part of me is angry and hurt that you didn't think enough of my feelings or trust me enough to keep a confidence. And frankly, we don't have the luxury of
working through
this issue."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that this 'relationship' of ours is finite. And, the fact that in the short span of time we've known each other you've chosen to keep something very important from me shows me where your priorities lie."

"I think you're being terribly unreasonable. What would you have done under the circumstances?"