Skeletal (11 page)

The coroner nods in encouragement.

‘When you’re fourteen it’s hard to go anywhere and do anything. They start charging you as an adult everywhere, but you don’t get any of the other privileges. So we used to hang out in public spaces, restaurants.’

Susie had moved so far back in her chair that her voice stops being amplified at all. She leans forward again so her voice is caught by the sensors.

‘Unless someone’s parents were happy for a troupe of teenagers to invade their home we couldn’t have a party. You don’t get left alone at that age the same way the older kids do.’

The coroner nods again, a little more impatient this time.

‘Anyway. Daina had been suspended from school for a few days. She’d missed out on the invite so we went around to her house to tell her.’ Susie pauses and then adds another layer of truth. ‘And to find out why she’d been suspended. No one told us anything at school.

‘I thought it would be a nice night out.’ She giggles at a memory. ‘I wore some ridiculously high heels. I could barely walk in them. We met up at Vila’s house beforehand to eat something before we went off to the park.’

Susie stops talking for a moment. She leans her head further forward, her hair covers her eyes like a curtain between her and the full benches she’s facing.

‘I thought it was going to be a nice night out. I didn’t realise that Michelle had something planned.’

***

Daina 2004

Given a full day to contemplate what to wear I managed to work myself into a tizzy. My clothing options were limited, but as most of them were separates, I could combine and recombine them into an ever-growing number of inappropriate outfits.

My hair was midway between short and long, so that apart from a bejewelled hairclip there was little I could do. Unless I contemplated colour – and I didn’t.

But what did you wear to the park? Was it a party? Was it a gathering? Would they be dressed up or dressed down.

Mum came home halfway during deliberations. ‘School’s over is it, love?’

‘Teachers only day.’

She nodded and sloped off to her bedroom. At the door she turned back to me, ‘I might have company tonight. Don’t get in the way, right?’

‘I’m going out.’

‘Good. Make sure you remember your key. I’m not getting up in the middle of the night.’

‘I will.’

‘Wear your silk shirt. It’ll look nice with that skirt.’

‘I don’t have a silk shirt.’

She disappeared into her bedroom then came back out holding a blouse in one hand and the portable iron in the other. ‘You’ll need to be careful with this, low setting. It’s on the side.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Got a boy in mind?’

‘Mum!’

She laughed and poked at my waist. ‘Well, why else are you going out? Unless,’ she paused and cupped her chin in one hand. ‘You know if you’re a lesbian it’s okay to tell me, right? It won’t make any difference to me. I love you unconditionally.’

‘Nobody in that way. And I’m not.’

‘Keep it in mind. Sometimes it takes a while to tell. And a bit of experience to know.’

She wandered away.

I ironed the blouse on the top of the table with a few teatowels under it for padding. It had never been mine. Mum must have been confused. The fabric had a sheen to it that caught the light and then threw it merrily around the room; diffracted. When I put it on top of my old black jeans, with tears that had been placed at the knee and then genuinely worn through, it lifted them into elegance. It made accidental rips look like designer construction.

Even second-hand, or third-hand, it was nicer than anything else I owned. I went back upstairs and pulled a black cotton skirt with a crochet panel out of the wardrobe. It would be better still. Someone might even mistake me for a girl. Picking out an outfit ahead of time,
I
might even mistake myself for a girl.

‘You look nice. You should dress up more often,’ mum said as I walked into the kitchen later.

I rubbed the front of my right foot against the back of my left ankle. Mum gave me a short one-armed hug and then sat down at the table. A glass and a bottle were in front of her. Both half-full. Or half-empty.

‘Where’re you going?’

‘Just to the park. Some sort of picnic, I think.’

‘You be careful. Some weird people hang out in parks.’

I laughed. Some weird people hang out in our living room. ‘I’ll be careful.’

‘Who’re you going with?’

‘Vila and Susie.’

She shook her head. ‘I don’t know any of your friends any more,’ she said. ‘You’re growing up and away.’ Her voice cracked on the last word, but she swallowed and smiled at me. ‘I thought you’d stay little forever.’

I kissed the top of her head. ‘No you didn’t. You’re one smart cookie.’

She laughed and squeezed my hand. ‘Sure.’

There was a flurry of knocks on the door, and I pulled away and went over to open it.

‘Be careful,’ mum called out again, and I turned in surprise. I was going to the park. Not to a war zone.

I nodded and opened the door. Vila pulled me through and looked me up and down with a critical eye. ‘You look nice. I’ve never seen you out of uniform.’

‘You haven’t really seen me out of school.’

Susie had on a pair of ridiculous shoes. High-heeled wedge patent leather sneakers. In white. She saw me looking and shrugged. ‘I thought, what the hell. When else am I ever gonna wear them?’

‘You’re insane,’ Vila said, laughing. ‘We’re going to the park, after. The park.’

‘What do you mean after? I thought we were going there now.’

‘Hell no. Girl’s gotta eat first.’

I had a flash of worry. I didn’t have any money to go somewhere to eat.

‘Mum’s put together a little assortment. She made me promise we’d eat at home first. She thinks we’re going to the park to get blind drunk and she wants me to have a lining in my stomach first.’

‘She thinks you’re going to get drunk and she’s still letting you go?’ Susie asked, incredulous. ‘My mum would lock me in my room if she thought that’s what was going to happen. What about you, Daina?’

‘I think she’s only worried there are going to be boys there and I’ll end up pregnant. Compared to that she’d probably welcome me drinking.’

‘Carry on the family tradition.’

I laughed, but I had to bite back a retort.
I
didn’t make fun of my mother, and I was the one who had to live with her and her bullshit. Damn if someone else should be able to make fun of her.

Susie gave her a slap in reprimand as well. Vila was acting more and more snotty with me, and it made me uneasy. If she didn’t want me to hang around, then she didn’t have to ask me. It wasn’t fair to invite me places and then treat me like shit.

Half a street further and Susie started to hop on one foot then the other as she took her shoes off. ‘They felt a lot more comfortable in the store.’

‘You mean, when you were sitting down?’ I asked. I grabbed her arm to steady her as she seemed about to topple.

‘Something like that. Lucky I wore thick socks. Why do you live so far away Vila?’

‘I don’t live so far away. You and Daina live so far away. If you lived closer to me then we would be at my house by now.’

‘Oh yeah. You make it sound so reasonable,’ Susie retorted. ‘But since Daina and I live close together I think you’re in the wrong.’

‘Are Tracy and Melanie coming?’ I asked.

‘They’ll probably be sitting at my house making small talk with my mother the speed of you two. Race you.’

She shot off ahead. I looked at Susie’s feet and then caught her eye. She shook her head and I nodded. We continued on at our leisurely pace.

‘Vila’s hyped up about something,’ she said after a minute. ‘She’s been acting weird the last couple of weeks. Most of the time she’s fine and then she’ll go into full bitch mode.’

‘I’d noticed.’

‘I think there’s something going on with her Dad, but she won’t talk about it.’

‘How’d you mean?’

‘Something at his work. I think she’s worried they may have to move. Like really move. To another city, maybe even country.’

‘What does her dad do?’

‘He’s some sort of research doctor, or something. I don’t really know. He depends on funding though, and if he can’t get that here then he’ll have to move on.’

‘Shit. I’ve been moved around enough, but I’ve never had to go overseas or anything. Just stayed in Christchurch. That’s hard enough.’

Susie nodded. ‘I haven’t even done that much. I’m still living in the house I was born in.’

‘Home birth?’

She pushed me away, laughing. ‘Shit, you know what I mean.’

‘Imagine if she moves to a country where they don’t speak English.’

Susie shuddered with theatrical exaggeration. ‘She has a hard enough time understanding what goes on when everyone talks English. Can you imagine her trying to keep up in class if they were speaking another language?’

‘Or she’d end up in one of those schools with all the army brats where they’re from all over and the only thing in common is their language.’

She nodded, and then fell silent.

‘Thanks for telling me though,’ I said after another half block. ‘I’d been thinking it was something to do with me.’

‘Self-obsessed teenager,’ Susie said rolling her eyes. I gave her another push, and then screamed as someone jumped out at us.

Vila shrieked with laughter and then grabbed us both around the necks. ‘You two are so slow. I thought a bit of adrenalin would help matters.’

‘Christ’s sake Vila, we’re almost there. Calm down will you. Nothing’s gonna happen if we’re a few minutes late to your damn
house
.’

‘I wish I had a car.’

‘You can’t drive, can you?’ I said. ‘What good would a car do you?’

‘If I couldn’t use it to get places quicker, I could use it to knock down slowcoaches.’

She ran down the rest of the road to her house, and then leaned against the front door pillar looking pointedly at her watch. ‘I told my mother we’d be here at five o’clock,’ she yelled back to us. ‘You know how I don’t like to disappoint my mother.’

Susie burst into laughter at the lie, and then sat down on the footpath to put her shoes back on.

‘Eww,’ Vila called in horror. ‘People walk on that Susie. It’s bad enough you’re a Ginga, don’t be disgusting with it.’

Susie shot her the finger, and then stood with her ridiculous shoes once again lifting her a good three inches off the ground.

‘Let’s go in and make your mother happy, then.’

***

‘No more,’ I said as Vila tried to give me another sausage roll. ‘I couldn’t fit another thing in.’

‘No. You’re far too skinny, you lucky bitch.’

‘I don’t know if it’s my genes, or just that there’s never any food in the cupboard,’ I said. Since Susie had revealed what was going on in Vila’s life I figured I may as well make it easy for her to make fun of me. I had nothing else to give her.

‘You’re about six feet tall, Daina. I don’t think it’s ’cause you’ve got nothing to eat.’

‘Is that why you’re wearing those shoes, Susie?’ Tracy said as she looked at them, her face lit up with admiration, ‘Trying to keep up.’

‘I’m only five ten. There’s not that much difference.’

‘That depends on which end of that difference you’re on.’

‘Right, well if we’re all finished then we should be going,’ Vila announced. She’d been hovering by the doorway fetching and carrying, an odd choice for her. Now she tapped her toe to an unheard beat. A rapid beat.

‘Ohhhh,’ Susie groaned. ‘How far away is it?’

‘Five minutes,’ Vila said, then checked Susie’s shoes again, ‘Ten minutes.’

‘I don’t think my socks are going to make it. Can’t we just stay here? Keep your mum happy.’

‘We’re not a hotel Susie, catering for your every bloody whim.’

Susie raised her eyebrows at the harsh response.

‘There’s someone at the park I want to see,’ Vila said, and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Suit yourself, but I’m going.’

She headed off downstairs, and we lifted Susie and gave her support on either side while she tried to only step one in three. I hoped she didn’t feel pressured by my height. It had never been mentioned before, and I’d only just started to feel relaxed about the situation myself as finally other girls had started to achieve the same height.

It was hard to know what was in someone else’s head though. I couldn’t read Susie’s envy just like she couldn’t read my awkwardness. Until the age of ten I’d felt like I was made up mostly of elbows and knees.

‘Boy trouble, I bet,’ Susie said as we made it to the bottom of the staircase. She shook me and Melanie off, and sat down to remove her shoes again. ‘My sock’s’ll be ruined, but I don’t think I’ll make it otherwise.’