Skin (24 page)

Llwyd did not respond.

The room rang with the clash of their minds.

‘I will summon the council to meet tonight,' said Fraid. ‘You will attend, Ruther,
and we will discuss the news you have brought.'

‘Ailia!' Ruther held out his cup. ‘I am empty.'

I took the jug to him. As I poured, he slipped his hand beneath my skirt, trailing
his fingertips over my calf. Though I angered at his claim of me, my blood coursed
at his touch. ‘There is something else you must both consider in relation to the
intentions of Rome,' he said to Fraid. In a moment he would know my sword. I pulled
away and returned to my place.

‘Speak,' said Fraid.

‘Romans do not judge their women as we do here,' said Ruther.

‘Yes,' Fraid scoffed. ‘I have heard they do not head tribes or fight…'

‘Nor choose their leaders,' said Llwyd.

‘Not publicly, at least.' Uaine laughed.

‘The wives exert power enough,' said Ruther. ‘But not to command soldiers. I've heard
them mocking the tribes that are led by queens: the Brigantes, the Iceni. And us.
To their minds, these are weak targets. Easiest to destroy.'

‘If women are so poorly esteemed,' said Llwyd, ‘then how is their knowledge heard
in statecraft?'

‘Beyond bedchamber politics, it is not,' said Ruther.

‘There are virgins,' countered Uaine, ‘the Vestels, who keep the fires. They are
always present at state ceremony.'

‘Virgins?' Fraid snorted. ‘What do virgins know of the power of the Mothers?'

‘Little,' Ruther laughed. ‘In this matter, the women of Britain are greatly superior.
But we are already a target, due to the fortune of our geography,' he continued.
‘To be led by a queen makes us yet more vulnerable.'

‘So you suggest a change of leadership,' said Llwyd, ‘to address this problem?'

‘Without doubt a tribeking would present a more daunting opponent to Rome,' said
Uaine.

This man loved Bebin, I mused. How could he question the Mothers' strength? Was it
Rome that infected him, or Ruther?

‘It may favour our hopes, Fraid,' said Ruther, ‘if you were to hand the leadership
to another.'

Fraid's shoulders stiffened.

‘Fraid is our chosen consort to these tribelands,' said Llwyd. ‘Deeply loved.'

‘I acknowledge it so.' Ruther bowed his head. ‘I think only of the tribe.'

‘And who should replace me?' asked Fraid. ‘I have no sons. We both know my brother's
temper is too poorly restrained.'

‘Perhaps you suggest that we select from the other high warriors, Ruther?' said Llwyd.
‘Or their sons?'

‘I make no campaign,' said Ruther to Fraid. ‘My loyalty is sworn. I merely bid you
think on this and exploit me, if it serves you. I have rank and friends in Rome.
I am in a strong position to negotiate when I return to the east.'

None spoke.

My eyes were fixed on the plush hide at my feet. I was rocked by the pride in Ruther's
petition and by the dawning reality of this attack.

‘Thank you, Ruther,' said Fraid, standing, ‘for your information and advice. But
I am Tribequeen of Northern Durotriga. Whether we fight them or submit, it will be
under my rule.'

My heart swelled with love for her.

I returned to the grain hut after Fraid had dismissed me and it was here that Ruther
found me when the day was late. He approached
my turned back, winding his arms around
my waist without a word of greeting. I knew him by the scent of his sweat and foreign
cloth.

‘Come walking with me,' he urged.

‘I am not finished here.'

‘Yes, you are.' He pulled me by my hand toward the door. ‘I am sure I could have
the Tribequeen's pardon if you need it.'

‘And Cookmother's?' I snatched my hand away. ‘Gain her permission and I will walk
with you.'

He sighed. ‘Where is she?'

‘The kitchen, I expect.'

‘Wait here then.' He strode out the door.

I swept the sheaves that had fallen to the floor. I had not expected Ruther's interest
to endure his journey, and I had to find a way to tell him I was no longer free.
My hope for Taliesin was fruitless, but the months of separation had not lessened
my wanting of him.

Ruther pushed back through the doorway, smiling broadly. ‘You have the Cookwoman's
blessing to walk with me.'

I set my broom down, surprised. ‘She's not let me walk for weeks. How did you gain
it?'

‘As I always gain what I wish.'

I shoved his thigh with the broom end for his arrogance.

We walked through field lanes to Sister Hill, talking all the way. There was no danger
of silence with Ruther. He regaled me with tales of mishaps from his travels. How
Uaine's horse, weary with heat, and with full packs upon it, mud-rolled to cool itself
in a bog and Uaine had to ride naked for a day while his tunic dried. How, lighting
candles in their Roman guesthouse, their man attendant set his beard alight and had
to douse it with the pisspot.

I laughed freely and it was easy between us, despite his long absence, despite another's
claim of my heart.

As we climbed the slope our conversation quieted and I was
sure he was remembering,
as I was, the Beltane night we spent here. Breathless, we sat down at Sister's summit,
looking westward toward the dusky township. The days were beginning to shorten and
a cool breeze rolled up from the valley. Ruther leaned on one elbow to face me. ‘Have
you been feeble with the want of me?'

I laughed. ‘Not in the slightest way.'

‘Good then,' he said, ‘nor I for you.'

I glanced at him. ‘You have cut your hair like a man of the Empire.'

‘Better in the heat,' he said. ‘You prefer me with clansman's hair and beard?'

‘I prefer you neither way. I only make an observation.'

Now it was he who laughed. ‘Ailia, I've missed your tender ways.'

‘You seem to have found your comforts in Rome.'

‘Jealousy becomes you,' he said, eyes shining.

‘I meant the city,' I said quickly. ‘It sounds like it has ensnared you further.'

‘I am willingly trapped,' he said. His face softened. ‘I wish I could show you, Ailia.
It is an otherworld—'

I touched my finger to his lips to silence him. ‘Enough. You already look half-Roman,
now you sound it, too. The tribespeople will begin to doubt your loyalty. Especially
when you make claims for the Tribeking's crown.'

He shook his head. ‘I am a loyal clansman, Ailia,' he insisted. ‘I love this country
and I wish to see it prosper as I have seen other lands prosper. The wiseman, Llwyd—'
he grunted in frustration.

‘Hush,' I chastised. ‘He is our Journeyman Elder—'

Ruther exhaled heavily. ‘But he cannot see beyond the old ways. He sees the Empire
only as a threat, but perhaps it is a gift.' He turned to me. ‘The Romans will bring
their crafts, their villas, their roads, their waterways, their fightcraft. There
is so much that will be gained—for those with the eyes to see it.'

‘But will not the gains be paid heavily in losses?' I asked.

‘What will be lost?' he said. ‘Our mud huts? Our buckets?'

I stared at him in shock. ‘Is your tribesman's learning so faded? I am untaught yet
even I know what will be lost. The most important thing: they will not cherish the
laws of skin.'

He met my gaze. His eyes were like a summer sky. He would have been the finest of
men had I not known another finer.

‘How are you so loyal to what has abandoned you?' he asked. ‘In Rome, there are so
many different gods and ways to worship them, that no one even asks of your totem.
Skin is what can be touched on your cheek. Nothing less or more. You are your word
and your deed and you are judged so. Does such a world not appeal to you, Ailia?'

I did not answer. A world without skin terrified me. Where were its roots? How was
it fed?

Ruther shifted in the silence. He seemed to be searching for words. ‘You are a servant
woman of unknown parentage.'

‘Cleverly observed.'

He smiled. ‘Do you dream of something more?'

For what was he digging? ‘I am not wanting.'

‘You are not wanting of your own house, a marriage bed, fine jewellery?' As he spoke
he was fishing in his belt pouch and finally pulled out a gold pendant, tear-shaped
in the Roman style. He laid its chain over my bent knee like a small, glittering
snake. A dark red stone sat like a bead of blood at its centre.

‘What is this?'

‘A gift.'

‘I cannot wear such a gift. What would my worksisters think?'

He rolled back his shoulders and spoke to the horizon. ‘They will think you are first
consort to Ruther, son of Orgilos, High Warrior of Cad.'

My mouth dropped open in surprise.

Swinging around to kneel before me, he gripped my shoulders. ‘This is what I offer
you,' he said. ‘Leave the Tribequeen's kitchen and come to my house. You will travel
with me and share my bed until I marry—and beyond.'

My thoughts spun. He had offered me servitude before, but not to stand, as honoured
companion, at his side. I would see the Eastlands of which he spoke. I would draw
yet closer to the knowledge of statecraft that he commanded. But I would never see
Taliesin again.

‘Why do you not answer?' he pushed. ‘Surely such a bond to a high warrior is a future
greater than you have ever imagined.'

My anger rose. Indeed his offer should delight any woman without skin, but who was
he to define the limits of my hopes? ‘No greater or lesser than any future lived
by the laws of the Mothers.'

He warmed to my anger like it were fire, taking my face in his hands and kissing
me greedily. Heat surged through my body at his touch. Like fat in a cookpot, I could
not hold my shape.

‘You have grown more womanly, more beautiful, in even this short time,' he whispered.

‘I am no great beauty,' I scoffed, drinking his kisses like water.

‘Yet you bewitch me still.' He grasped at my belt.

I braced my hands on his chest to hold him back. ‘Ruther—'

He silenced me with a more determined kiss.

‘Ruther!' I insisted, ‘please steady this.'

‘Why do you parry me?' he asked, frowning. ‘Has there been another since I have left?'

I went to answer but the words would not come. I had not yet lain with Taliesin.
There had been no bond made. I did not know if there would ever be.

Ruther's hands were upon me and under my robe. My mind protested his free admittance
to my breasts and thighs, but my body knew a different logic, filling with blood
and warmth where he
touched. My hunger for Taliesin gathered and hardened at the
chance of release. I would betray both men in this and yet I had promised nothing
to either. Taliesin had my heart but he would not lay claim to my flesh. Right now
this was Ruther's and I gave it freely.

‘Wait,' I whispered. I tugged off my cloak as he untied his belt. Then, with his
mouth at my throat, I loosened my sword from my leg and hid it, one-handed, under
my cloak. ‘It may be the time for seeding me,' I whispered into his hair. ‘So spill
outside. A babe now will not be well timed.'

‘I will spill outside,' he assured me.

My hip grazed raw against the pebbly ground, this time there was little gentleness
in it. We coupled frantically, violently, on the hillside, each taking our fill of
the other. I looked up to the night's first stars as he moved above me. It was not
a joining, but a feeding, and afterwards, as I lay with my head on his chest, my
body was sated but my heart was even emptier.

Ruther wrapped his thick arm around my shoulder. ‘I take this as your agreement,'
he murmured.

‘No,' I said before I could stop it. Quickly, I softened my refusal. ‘You flatter
me too much. I must take some time, to know if I can step up to such an honour.'

The muscles of his chest stiffened. ‘I will give you one night. Not a moment longer.
By tomorrow, market day, I want your answer.'

Only after darkness fell that night did I recall the pendant, which must have slipped,
forgotten, to the grass.

We were back just in time for the meeting of council. It was still warm enough to
gather outside. The discussion was lively with the new threat to Durotriga.

I heard scattered talk as I went back and forth to the kitchen, replenishing platters
of oatcakes and jugs of ale. But as the moon crept high and the voices rose, I stalled
in the darkness to listen.

‘I cannot see their purpose in pursuing these tribelands,' said Fraid. ‘We have been
ready partners in trade. They skim the cream of this country without the burden of
administering it. What do they truly seek?'