Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked (55 page)

Ravel called everyone in the Science-Magic Department down to the Accelerator Room, and they examined the Tempest and within half an hour they had come up with the best way to weaponise it in the time they had available. They set about dismantling the Tempest’s components, adapting and rethinking as they went. It was all very, very boring, and Valkyrie lost interest halfway through.

She nudged Skulduggery.

“Isn’t this fascinating?” he said.

“Yeah,” she lied. “So you said drawing Argeddion into a trap won’t be a problem. But we don’t even know where he is.”

“We don’t have to. We have something he wants.”

“Which is?”

He looked at her, and hesitated. “You love your grandmother, don’t you?”

Valkyrie frowned. “We’re not giving him my granny.”

“No, I just mean you love her. She’s an elderly lady, and you love her.”

“So?”

“So it’s important at this stage to acknowledge that you love your grandmother, who is an elderly lady, and to also acknowledge the fact that she is a strong and intelligent woman.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re in love with my granny.”

He sighed. “We’re going to use Greta Dapple to draw Argeddion into a trap.”

“What does that have to do with my granny?”

“Nothing, but I wanted to establish that elderly people don’t need to be coddled.”

“Some of them do.”

“Well, yes, some of them, but not your granny. And... OK, I’m kind of losing track of where I was going with that. Here’s what I didn’t want – I didn’t want you confusing your grandmother with Greta Dapple.”

“Why would I confuse them?”

“I don’t know. I thought there might be a danger of that happening. I thought if you started looking at Greta as a kind of substitute for your beloved grandmother, then you wouldn’t want to see her being used as bait.”

“My granny’s still alive.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“I don’t need a substitute for her.”

“OK then. Are you onboard with using Greta as bait?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Lenka’s dead because of the lies Greta told us. She may have believed she was doing it out of the goodness of her heart, but it doesn’t change the fact.”

Tipstaff hurried over. He looked even more harassed than usual. “Excuse me, Detectives, I was wondering if either of you would have a moment to deal with a slight... problem in the Medical Bay.”

“I’ll do it,” said Valkyrie. “Anything to get me away from this conversation.” They walked towards the stairs.

“Thank you,” said Tipstaff. “There are strange... noises coming from Doctor Nye’s ward. Sounds of a disturbance, if I may be so bold.”

“Oh, you may,” Valkyrie said.

“I hope you don’t mind. I know how some people become unnerved around Doctor Nye.”

“Not me,” she said. “Any opportunity to threaten it with violence is a good opportunity for me.”

Tipstaff left her at the top of the stairs and she went on alone. She walked straight in, found Nye hunched over a microscope.

“Doctor,” she said, “apparently you’re having a problem up here.”

It looked around. “Problem? No, no problem. I’m sorry, I don’t know what you—”

There was a crash from the room behind it. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow and started forward. Nye uncurled itself and stepped into her path.

“Back away, Doctor,” she said, shadows curling between her fingers.

“Detective Cain, I assure you, there is nothing untoward going on here at all. It’s a waste of your valuable, valuable time to be even—”

“Step away. I’m not going to ask you again.”

It hesitated, then nodded, and moved from her path. She was halfway to the door when it spoke.

“It was too good to pass up.”

She turned. “What was?”

“The opportunity. The procedure. I’d never performed one before. I wanted to see if I could. I wanted to see what would happen with the consciousness, with the brain... with the soul. And now I’ve done it not once, but twice. Two successful procedures.”

There was another crash.

“What have you done, Doctor?”

“In layman’s terms? A brain transplant.”

“What?”

“Two of them. They came to me a year ago, these two pathetic and shambling zombies, and I sent them away. But then they returned and I looked upon their sad, rotting faces and I felt something I had not felt in decades. Pity. I... pitied them.”

“You’re talking about Scapegrace?”

“Scapegrace, yes, and his idiot companion. Scapegrace was nothing more than a head in a jar, and his companion was an idiot. So I agreed to find them new bodies, strong new bodies, and transfer their brains.”

“Are you serious? They’re back there right now with new bodies? Where did you get them?”

“The bodies? Donated to science. I can show you the paperwork if you would like.”

There was a crash, and a shout.

“Excuse the noise,” Nye said. “They have to learn how to co-ordinate. Adjustment will take time.”

“This is insane,” Valkyrie said. “Are you seriously saying you...? So you just took out their brains and...? Can I... can I see them?”

“Ah... Detective, this is a very private and personal moment for them both. I’m sure you can understand their need for—”

A man stumbled out clutching a sheet round his waist and Valkyrie’s eyes widened. “Whoa,” she said as he bumped into a table. He was tall and sandy-haired and his physique was jaw-droppingly amazing. “No way,” she said. “Scapegrace?”

The man looked at her, and shook his head. Then a woman came charging out of the backroom, slammed into the man and they both went rolling across the floor.

“Give it to me!” the woman screamed. “Give it to me!”

Nye scuttled over. “Mr Scapegrace, you
know
the procedure cannot be repeated, your brains are in far too deteriorated a condition.”

“
You! Gave! Me! The! Wrong! Body!
”

“An honest mistake,” Nye said. “You didn’t make a clear choice. You said you found the female body amusing. I assumed this indicated acceptance.”

“Master,” gurgled the handsome man with the incredible body as the woman continued to throttle him, “please...”

Valkyrie walked backwards as quietly as she could, then turned and left them to it.

She found Ghastly in the next corridor, and he called her over.

“I need your help with something,” he said softly.

“What do I have to do?”

“Just stand beside me, basically. Look pretty. Contribute to the conversation.”

“What conversation would that be?”

“The conversation that will result when I take Sult down to see what we’ve done with Grand Mage Strom. Are you feeling up to it?”

“Ravel gave this job to you?”

“He did. Isn’t he nice?”

They stopped talking when Sult came over, and Ghastly led the way to the detention area. Not a whole lot was said on the way, but Sult frowned when they got to the cells.

“What am I doing here?” he asked, suddenly looking like he was about to bolt. Ghastly didn’t answer. Instead, he opened the cell door.

Sult’s eyes widened. “Grand Mage? But what...? What’s going on?”

Strom stood in the middle of the cell. “I’ve been placed under arrest, Mr Sult. What does it look like?”

Sult stared at Ghastly. “You can’t be serious. You did this? You arrested a Grand Mage?”

“His intentions constituted a threat to the Council of Elders and this Sanctuary, and so he was arrested and detained until—”

“Are you mad?” Sult raged. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“We were threatened, we acted accordingly.”

“You falsely imprisoned a Grand Mage!”

“The arrest was entirely legal.”

“False arrest, false imprisonment, kidnapping, assault on an Elder, obstruction of justice—”

“Obstruction of what?” Ghastly said with a laugh. “You came in here with threats and an agenda to take over and we defended ourselves in a peaceful manner.”

“
You can’t do this!
”

“Well, we did.”

“This is lunacy!”

“Is Mr Sult to join me in here?” Strom asked, his voice calm. “Or have you come to your senses?”

“We have a chance to resolve our current crisis,” said Ghastly. “Working with the three teenagers, we’re going to launch a full-scale attack on Argeddion, weakening him enough so that they can deliver the killing blow.”

“I see. And what makes you think you can trust these children?”

“They’re scared of him now,” said Valkyrie. “But what they don’t know is that once he dies, their powers will vanish.”

“Putting an end to one crisis,” Strom said, rather pointedly.

“Indeed,” said Ghastly. “Which is why I’m here.”

“Oh?” said Strom.

“You offered us your help, and we’d like to take you up on that offer.”

Sult’s eyes practically bulged. “I’m sorry? You want our help
now
?
Now
, after falsely imprisoning a Grand Mage?”

“That’s right,” said Ghastly.

Sult started to laugh, but Strom held up a hand.

“Mr Sult, please. Elder Bespoke, the actions of your Council were illegal and aggressive.”

“I disagree.”

“Be that as it may, what you have done could very well result in a war between Sanctuaries, sir – an unheard-of situation.” Ghastly nodded, and Strom sighed. “This isn’t over. If this plan works, and if the threat posed by Argeddion is averted, there will be consequences.”

“We’ll deal with that if we survive.”

“Very well,” said Strom. He put on his jacket. “We promised you our assistance, and our assistance you shall have. For now.”

“OK then,” said Boffin, standing there in his white lab coat looking all pleased with himself, “Tyren Lament’s design for the Tempest was, quite frankly, ahead of its time. It was a singularly momentous achievement that even today will raise the collective eyebrow of the scientific community.”

His name wasn’t really Boffin. Valkyrie couldn’t remember his actual name. It was something long. She’d called him Boffin because he looked like a Boffin.

“In weaponising the Tempest, we have adhered to Lament’s design template and merely tweaked, or as my good friend Professor Lorre would say,
tickled
–” and at this there was a polite chuckle from other people in white coats – “the relay system and delivery method. In essence, we have made the Tempest mobile. Where the chair was ideal for Lament’s needs of siphoning a mage’s power, it is not so for ours. Therefore, I give you the new and improved Siphoning Disc.” He held aloft something silver with holes cut into it.

“That’s a hubcap,” Ghastly pointed out.

Boffin nodded. “Ah, yes, it is indeed.”

Ravel pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re giving us magical hubcaps?”

“We’ve only had a few hours,” Boffin said, a little defensively. “We’ve used what was available.”

“Go on,” Madame Mist said.

Boffin cleared his throat. “The Siphoning Discs will be connected via cable to the Tempest itself, which we have adapted to suit our needs.”

“Adapted how?” Skulduggery asked.

“We’ve opened it,” Boffin said. “We’ve attached a focusing nozzle to aim – but unfortunately, it can only aim upwards.”

“Then it’s a good thing our target flies,” Ghastly muttered.

“There are sixty Siphoning Discs,” Boffin continued, “so at the very least sixty mages will be required.”

“At least?”

“The discs will drain an individual’s magic in the same way Lament’s chair did, only it will be faster, and more intense. The chance of some mages being overwhelmed is... substantial. When they pass out, there will need to be another mage ready to take their place.”

“So we hold on to those discs,” Ravel said, “and our power is pulled from us, collected in this Tempest pyramid, and then fired upwards.”

“As pure energy,” Boffin said, nodding. “Yes. By our calculations, it should stun even a being of Argeddion’s power. Provided you can get him to stay in the same place while you shoot him.”

“Leave that to us,” Skulduggery said.

“Oh, good,” Boffin said, visibly relieved.

The atmosphere darkened when Kitana, Sean and Doran entered the Sanctuary. Against their protests, the Elders had been moved to another part of the building, purely for safety reasons. Ghastly seemed especially indignant. Non-essential personnel were moved out of the Sanctuary completely, so it was only Valkyrie, Skulduggery and Bernard Sult who escorted the teenagers downstairs. Sean seemed nervous and trying not to show it, while Doran kept a permanent smirk on his face. Only Kitana appeared genuinely relaxed as they were shown into the Accelerator Room.

“Ooh,” she said, rushing over to the Cube as it rotated in the Accelerator. “What’s this?”

“It’s called the Cube,” said Sult. “It’s where Argeddion was imprisoned.”

“It’s so cool,” she said, eyes wide. “Look at it, all floaty and glowy and stuff.”

Doran rolled his eyes like he couldn’t be impressed.

Skulduggery hit a button and two mechanical arms lowered, catching opposite corners of the Cube and lifting it from the Accelerator. Kitana watched it move, enthralled.

“What’s it doing now?” she asked.

“It’s getting out of the way,” Skulduggery said. “We’ll put it back when we’re done, but the Accelerator is what we’re here for.”

Kitana made a face. “That? That’s boring.”

“What does it do?” Sean asked.

Skulduggery looked at him. “It will increase your magic long enough for you to stop Argeddion.”

“This will make us stronger?” Kitana asked, instantly forgetting about the Cube. “Even stronger than we already are?”

“It will amplify your abilities.”

Kitana’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not trying to trick us, are you, skeleton man? I’ve seen that Superman movie where he uses that chamber thing to rob the villains’ powers.”

“We’re not tricking you.”

Doran rapped a knuckle against the Accelerator’s glowing skin. “Then why don’t you guys use it, and you go up against him?”

“We don’t fully understand the source of Argeddion’s magic,” Sult said, “but we do know that it is a purer strain than ours. You can think of magic like a frequency if you want. Your magic is on the same frequency as his, so you stand a better chance of hurting him.”