Sky Child (19 page)

33

It is late when I finally wake up. I know what is coming, and I don't want to face it. Because I know that when we bury Jet, it will mean that it's real, and he won't be coming back. I won't ever be able to talk to him again. I won't be able to wrestle with him, or teach him how to hunt, or be there to celebrate with him when he joins with someone.

In my pain, I had forgotten about Till, the girl that Jet had liked. I can imagine, if she liked him back, that she is having a hard time dealing with his death, too.

I check on Flot, and he is still sleeping. Thankfully, he seems to be breathing okay, and his snoring isn't as loud as it was last night. I get up out of bed and make my way to Helm's room. I see him moving around inside, so I go in.

"Helm?" I say.

"Yes, Sam. What is it?" asks Helm.

"Can you please watch over Flot this morning? I have someone I need to talk to, and I want to make sure that Flot has help if he needs it. I also want to know that he is protected, so that no one else tries to harm him."

"I will do that," says Helm.

"Thank you."

As I turn, Helm stops me.

"You aren't going to talk to Chaff, are you?" asks Helm.

"No. I'm going to try to avoid him and his sons for now."

"That seems very wise. Maybe you will make a good leader then. Remember that it isn't just you and Flot that you're responsible for now, it is also the hunters, and in some ways the entire Crag."

"I know," I say. "It's funny; I had told Lagan that I didn't want to lead. I have never wanted to lead, or be responsible for other people."

"He told me. Probably part of the reason he thought you would be so good at it. That, and ever since you arrived, he believed that you were the Sky Child," says Helm.

"I wish I was the Sky Child. Maybe I could have saved Jet."

My eyes feel heavy, and I feel weak and tired. I leave Helm's room and make my way to the room that Till's family lives in.

It takes me a while to get there, because it's across the other side of the Crag, on the side that Chaff and Sickle and Scythe live on. Thankfully, Till's room is down a different set of tunnels, so I don't pass near Chaff's room.

Once I reach her room, I see fresh flowers sitting in front of the door. This is how we mark the loss of someone special. I need to pick some flowers too, but in my pain and anger I had forgotten. It seems like such an empty thing now, because flowers will never bring Jet back.

I look inside and see Till talking to her mother, Leaf. Leaf notices my arrival, and understands immediately why I am there.

"Till, are you up for seeing Sam right now?" asks Leaf.

Till nods her head slowly.

"Okay. I will let the pair of you talk. Till, if you need me, I will be outside our room," says Leaf, kissing her daughter on the forehead.

"Thank you," says Till.

As Leaf leaves the room, I try to give her a smile. She puts her hand on my shoulder, letting me know that she cares, and that she is sad for what I have lost. I nod, then step inside.

"Hello Till. I'm sorry that we haven't met before," I say.

"Is Jet really dead?" asks Till.

The question takes me by surprise, not because of what she is asking, but because of the urgency of the question.

"Yes Till, I'm sorry. Jet died yesterday," I say.

Till cries, and I sit next to her, putting an arm around her.

"I didn't know whether to believe it or not," says Till. "I overheard Sickle and Scythe talking about it in the tunnels nearby. I wasn't sure if it was true, because they are always lying. But I put out flowers just in case."

"That was very sweet of you. How well did you know Jet?" I ask.

"Not very. The first time I had even said more than a pair of words to him was a few nights ago, at the feast. He came up to me and started talking to me."

"What did he say?"

"Well, he was trying to act very brave, but I could tell that he was nervous. He had a hard time getting the words out at first. He said some very sweet things about me. It made me blush. No boy has said those kinds of things to me before."

I smile at her. I'm proud of Jet for working up the courage to talk to her. Talking to someone you like is always difficult, but when you've only seen as many snows as they have, it is much harder.

I realize that as she's telling me this, tears are coming down my face too.

"I hope it is okay that I ask, but what did you say to him?"

"I told him that I thought he was cute, and nice, and that maybe he could come out to the gardens with me some day. Maybe we could talk there, and get to know each other," says Till.

"That sounds nice," I say, swallowing hard.

"He also said that he thought he'd enjoy working in the harvest. That he was good at hunting, but he didn't enjoy it very much. He only did it because he wanted you to be proud of him."

Those words cut me deeper than any spear could.

"I had no idea that Jet didn't want to hunt, and I don't think I ever pushed him into it," I say, tears pouring from my eyes even harder.

"No, I don't think it was like that. It was just that he was so proud of you, and he wanted to be like you. He even told me so," says Till.

Whatever control I had over myself fails me. I cover my face with my hands and let the tears come. I can't believe that I'm letting Till see me like this, but I feel like I can trust her. She won't tell anyone how badly Jet's death is affecting me. She has lost him too, even if she barely knew him. Jet was like that, someone that people never forgot.

It is Till's turn to put her arm around me. I can feel her head against mine as she cries out her pain. We sit there together for a while until we both calm down. I give Till a final hug then make my way out of her room. Before I get to the tunnels, she speaks.

"Sam?"

"Yes, Till?"

"Thank you for coming and talking to me. It was very nice to meet you," says Till.

"And you," I say, doing my best to give her a smile.

As I leave her room, I see Leaf still waiting in the tunnels for us to finish.

"Thank you, Sam, for talking with her. It was better to hear about losing Jet from you. It will help her to know that someone cared about her feelings, and that she isn't the only one missing Jet," says Leaf.

"I understand why Jet liked her," I say.

Leaf smiles, and I give her a tear filled smile back.

I head down a tunnel, and turn into a dark corner so that I can dry my eyes without anyone seeing.

34

I'm feeling a little better, now that I've been able to talk to someone else who cared about Jet. It think it helped me to talk to Till as much as it helped her, and I will make a point of talking to her from now on. And Leaf. They both seem like very good people, which there aren't a lot of in the Crag.

I walk down the long, shadow-filled tunnels, until I finally get back to our room. Flot is out of bed, unclothed, and he is trying to scrub the red floor of our room. Trying to get the blood out. Jet's blood. I rush to his side.

"Flot, no, please, you don't have to do this. You shouldn't have to do this," I say.

"Sam, it's okay. It's just blood, like any other day," he says.

"Okay, Flot, okay. I will help you clean then," I say.

I take off my clothes and put them on my bed, so that I don't stain them any worse than they already are. I grab a brush and start cleaning the dried blood off of the stone floor. It is hard work, but together, Flot and I are able to get the blood up. We do such a good job that the stone is no longer red. It's a dark gray now.

We both take our soap bars and dirty clothes to the loud waters and wash away the dirt and blood that clings to us. It's the first time I see all of Flot's wounds. I see the deep bruises on his stomach where Sickle and Scythe kicked him, and the redness around his neck. I can feel the anger inside me building, but I have to hold it in, for Flot's sake. I have to stay in control. I have to be like the Sky Child.

Only, I don't want to be the Sky Child. I don't want to lead. I don't want people to know who I am. I just want to live in peace, and I want Jet back. It makes me sad to realize that Vault was right. People almost never get what they truly want, and it seems like that is especially true for me.

I'm feeling sorry for myself. I need to think of something else, do something else to keep my mind and my heart from giving up. There is nothing I can do to bring Jet back, but I can make sure that his life wasn't meaningless.

I will do what needs to be done, to honor him and his memory. Because Jet wouldn't want me to give up. He would want me and Flot to be happy again someday. He would want us to miss him, of course, because we loved him and he loved us. But he wouldn't want us to give up on life because we were hurting so much.

Once I finish cleaning myself, I start to wash both of my shirts and pants. I want to make sure I have clean clothes for when we bury Jet. It takes a while, but eventually my clothes look better than I can remember.

This time I wait for Flot to finish, but I don't have to wait long. I don't want him alone and outside of our room right now. Not after what happened. I'm still worried, even after our talk, that he might try to find and attack Sickle and Scythe on his own. If they come by to harass him, he might lose control, maybe even kill one or both of them. I can see them saying things about Jet, and Flot trying to hurt them for it.

I don't think Sickle and Scythe will try to kill Flot though, because once I have lost both of my brothers, there is nothing else that they can take from me. There is no way to control me. Chaff knows this, and he knows that a person with nothing to lose is a person that can't be reasoned with. That they can and will do anything, even kill. I am sure that Chaff has told his sons to stay away from Flot because of it, but I'm not willing to take that chance.

After wringing out our clothes, we walk back to our room. I hang up one set of clothes for each of us, and we carry our other sets to the Great Fire. When we get there, I notice that Gravel is watching over the fire, not Moss. I was hoping Moss would be watching it, because he is nice. I don't like Gravel as much, because he almost never smiles, and he ignores people when they try to talk to him.

Flot and I hang our clothes up on the tree limbs that have been stretched between holes in the cave walls. Flot and I also spend a few minutes drying ourselves off with the heat of the Great Fire. When I'm close to finally being dry, Flot asks me something.

"Sam, why did the Sky Gods let Jet die?"

My mind thinks hard on that question.

"Even though we pray to the Sky Gods for help with things like hunting, and the harvest, and with healing, they allow us to still be people. They do not control us. They let us make our own mistakes, and our own decisions. Unfortunately, sometimes people make bad decisions, like what Sickle and Scythe did. Jet's death isn't the fault of the Sky Gods. It isn't your fault, and it isn't my fault. It's the fault of the people that killed him, and the person that told them to attack you in the first place. They are the ones that have made decisions so bad, that they will soon lose everything," I say.

"I hope so," says Flot.

"Me too."

"Do you think that Jet is with the Sky Gods right now?" asks Flot.

"I am sure of it. He was a good person. He didn't listen very well, but his heart was always true. Jet always wanted to help, always wanted to do the right thing, and wanted to make people happier. But we still need to bury him, so that he will be at peace with the Sky Gods. Otherwise, he will toss and turn forever while he sleeps," I say.

"Do you think Sickle and Scythe will be with the Sky Gods when they die?"

"Only if they try very, very hard to become good people, and deep in their heart want to be good people. But right now, I don't think that they will," I say.

"That's good. I don't want them to be anywhere near Jet when they die."

"I don't either."

"Is it okay that I hate them?"

"Yes, Flot, you can hate them, but you can't let that hatred control you. It is always okay to have feelings and emotions, but sometimes it is very wrong to act on them. Sometimes it is even wrong to share those feelings with other people. You will find out on your own what is fine to share with others, and what is not," I say.

"So I shouldn't go tell Sickle and Scythe how much I hate them and want them to die?" asks Flot, holding back a smile.

"I think that would be a bad idea right now. You can feel that way, but do not act on it."

"Are we going to see Jet before he is buried?" asks Flot.

"We can. Was that something you wanted to do?" I ask.

Flot thinks about it for a moment.

"I think we should see him. That way we can talk to him without anyone being there. When we bury him, other people will come."

"Okay, Flot. We can do that. Do you want to see him right now?"

Flot nods his head 'yes'.

"Then we will go visit Jet," I say.

Flot and I hold our clothes over the fire, doing our best to make them dry faster. Eventually, they are dry enough to wear. We put our clothes on then travel the crooked tunnels to Pyre's room.

When we get close to the entrance of Pyre's room, I ask Flot to stay there. He asks me why, but I explain that there may be things he doesn't want to see. Thankfully, he understands. I let my name arrive in Pyre's room before I do, just so that he can cover whatever needs covering.

"Pyre? It's Sam. May Flot and I come in to visit Jet?"

"Yes, of course, but please give me a moment."

I hear Pyre moving around his room.

"Okay, you may come in now," says Pyre.

"Thank you," I say.

I turn to where Flot is standing, and put my arm around him to guide him inside. I keep him in front of me, so that I can hold him back if necessary, and to hug him from behind if he needs that.

On Pyre's table is Jet. He doesn't really look like him, not the way I remember him. He is very pale, and his lips aren't the right color. They are a blue color. Pyre has covered most of his body with a blanket. Flot moves forward and reaches under the blanket to hold Jet's hand. Fresh tears roll down my cheeks. Flot turns to me.

"This isn't him," says Flot.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

"This isn't Jet. It's just his body. He is with the Sky Gods now. So I don't have to remember him this way, because it isn't really him."

"Okay, that isn't really Jet," I say, doing my best to smile through the tears.

"We can go," says Flot.

I turn to Pyre, who is standing there, watching us.

"Thank you, Pyre," I say.

"Of course," replies Pyre.

"When will we be burying him?" I ask.

"When the sun is at its highest in the sky. Not long."

We leave, and make our way back to our room.