Authors: Daniel Price
[mrvl_girl]
In other words, yes, but you damn well better take my check for that auto damage.
[pr_demon]
Hey, not a problem.
[mrvl_girl]
AND you better cash it.
[pr_demon]
. o 0 (Damn!)
[mrvl_girl]
Seriously.
[pr_demon]
Seriously. I’ll take it. I’ll cash it. I promise.
[mrvl_girl]
Good. It’s been hanging over me for nine days now.
[pr_demon]
Are you okay?
[mrvl_girl]
What makes you ask? You can’t even see me.
[pr_demon]
Subtext, baby. Subtext.
[mrvl_girl]
Oh, you’re good.
[pr_demon]
I’m good.
[mrvl_girl]
DAMN good.
[pr_demon]
Damn right. So what’s the problem? Can you talk about it? Or is it the Subject We Dare Not Speak?
[mrvl_girl]
No. It’s not maternal. It’s marital.
[pr_demon]
Oh.
[mrvl_girl]
But I won’t get into that either.
[pr_demon]
Right. Fair enough. You want me to piss off then?
[mrvl_girl]
No. I want you to talk to me all night. Again.
[mrvl_girl]
Look, in case you’re worried, I don’t see this as an escalating thing. Our relationship is purely textual.
[pr_demon]
I know. We just seem to be having an awful lot of text.
[mrvl_girl]
Okay. You tell me your problem with that and I’ll tell you mine.
[pr_demon]
I don’t want to become an issue in your family.
[mrvl_girl]
You mean marital or maternal?
[pr_demon]
I don’t know. You tell me.
[mrvl_girl]
Well, I can rule out the former. In order for you to become a marital issue, we’d have to screw. Outdoors. Right on top of his azaleas. And his cat.
[pr_demon]
Wow. It sure takes a lot to upset Neil.
[mrvl_girl]
No it doesn’t. Now should we talk about the maternal issue?
[pr_demon]
Yes, because I’m not quite sure what it is.
[mrvl_girl]
I just feel like we’re somehow cheating on Madison.
[pr_demon]
I’ve felt that a little too. It’s silly, though.
[mrvl_girl]
Not in her head.
[pr_demon]
Why? What do you think is going on in her head?
[mrvl_girl]
I’m guessing pictures of you.
[pr_demon]
Oh come on.
[mrvl_girl]
It’s true.
[pr_demon]
How do you know?
[mrvl_girl]
Because I can read minds. Didn’t I tell you?
[pr_demon]
I think you’re misreading this one.
[mrvl_girl]
I think you’re just being humble.
[pr_demon]
No. I mean it. If she’s in love with anything, it’s the work.
[mrvl_girl]
How do YOU know?
[pr_demon]
Because I can read subtext. Didn’t you notice?
[pr_demon]
I’m serious. I would know.
[mrvl_girl]
Yeah. I think you would too.
[pr_demon]
So then what’s the issue?
[mrvl_girl]
I guess the issue is what you would do with that knowledge.
[pr_demon]
Ahhhh. I was wondering when we’d finally get to this.
[mrvl_girl]
It’s my biggest fear.
[pr_demon]
Hey, I don’t blame you for having it. I just wish there was something I can say to ease your mind.
[mrvl_girl]
It’s not that I think you’re twisted or evil or anything...
[pr_demon]
Praise indeed.
[mrvl_girl]
It’s just that you’re human. She’s pretty. And she would do anything you wanted. Anything. You’d just have to ask.
[pr_demon]
Uh...
[mrvl_girl]
And the worst part is, I’d never know. You'd totally get away with it.
[pr_demon]
You enjoy torturing yourself like this?
[mrvl_girl]
A little. But only when I’m in a pissy mood.
[pr_demon]
Yeah, well stop it. You’re weirding me out.
[mrvl_girl]
Fine. What’s your biggest fear?
[pr_demon]
You mean about you?
[mrvl_girl]
No. In general.
[pr_demon]
Mediocrity.
[mrvl_girl]
Wait. Back up. You have a fear about me?
[pr_demon]
Currently, yes. But it’s a nutty one.
[mrvl_girl]
What, that I’m a psycho-killer?
[pr_demon]
No.
[mrvl_girl]
A vampire? An alien? A Lutheran?
[pr_demon]
No, that you’re Madison.
[mrvl_girl]
Wow, Scott. I’m not sure how to take that.
[pr_demon]
Try it with a grain of salt.
[mrvl_girl]
No. Still doesn’t wash. Either you think she’s amazingly mature for her age or I’m amazingly immature for mine.
[pr_demon]
I didn’t say I believed it. I just said it was a fear.
[mrvl_girl]
So then for the record, you do not believe, assume, or hope that you are electronically flirting with a 13-year-old girl.
[pr_demon]
I thought we weren’t flirting.
[mrvl_girl]
Oh wake up. We’re flirting like mad. We’re just not escalating.
[pr_demon]
Maybe I should read more carefully.
[mrvl_girl]
Maybe you should answer me.
[pr_demon]
NO. I DO NOT BELIEVE, ASSUME, OR HOPE THAT I AM ELECTRONICALLY FLIRTING WITH A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
[mrvl_girl]
And if it turns out you are?
[pr_demon]
Is that a confession?
[mrvl_girl]
It’s a query.