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'No
guess, huh?' I said. 'I'll tell you, if you punched him in the nose he wouldn't
be taking it as nicely as I am now. He'd probably have a couple of his deputies
dig a hole in the woods to plant you in.'

I
could see fear in her eyes, because she knew what I was telling her was true.
It was more than that, though. If Dan ever found out she knew of his
involvement, he'd take care of her just the same. She knew that also.

The
fear in her was now palpable. 'You told Dan so he'd send Paul to that motel,'
she said.

'No,
not me.' I shook my head. 'If I had any idea he was going to do something like
that I would've called Phil and warned him.'

'Why
do you think it was Dan?'

'I
asked him after I heard about the shooting and he admitted it to me. You have
to remember, the two of us go way back.’

‘How
did he find out about Susie?'

'I
don't know.' I had her pinned with my forearm, and I used my free hand to
gingerly touch my nose. I winced as I did. I could feel the blood dripping from
my nostrils.

'Look,'
I said. 'If I let go of you, you're not going to punch me again?'

She
shook her head. I let go, and sat on the bench and held my head back. I pinched
my nostrils to try to stop the bleeding.

'If
I had to guess,' I said, talking slowly and deliberately because I was
breathing in through-my mouth, 'he probably found out the same way I did. When
you do coke, Toni, you get a little too free with your words. It's something
you should watch.'

'You're
lying.'

'Why
would I lie? You think I care at all what you think?'

There
was a long silence and then she started to cry. It wasn't real loud, but loud
enough for me to hear it. I lifted my head and could see her bawling away, her
small face screwed up in pain, her shoulders rising and lowering rhythmically.
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. All I could think was, fine, let her
feel half as lousy as I do. As I sat there I realized I was still craving
cocaine. Even with a bloody and broken nose, if I had a few lines, I would

have
snorted them up without a second's thought. I guess at that point I had hit
rock bottom.
I
just started laughing
thinking about it. It hurt like hell to laugh, but I couldn't help myself.

My
nose had stopped bleeding. I got to my feet,

Toni,
still crying, asked, 'You won't tell Dan?'

I
didn't bother answering her.

When
I pushed past the curtains and into the main club, I could feel eyes turning
towards me. I imagined what I looked like with my face and shirt smeared in
blood. The blonde who I had given a twenty to must've seen me from behind,
because I could see her out of the corner of my eye coming towards me, a
plastic smile set on her face. When she caught up to me her jaw dropped. And
then she backed away.

I
stopped in the rest room to clean up the best I could, and then got out of
there. When I got to my car, I went through my duffel bag and found my last
clean shirt.

 

 

 

Chapter
17

 

I
drove towards Stowe and found a ski lodge that was open off season. I could
tell the desk clerk didn't like the look of me, and I couldn't blame him. I
must've looked like I'd been in a street fight. It was amazing how much damage
a little thing like Toni could do. But I paid cash and he gave me a room.

When
I got to my room, I checked myself over in the mirror and saw that my upper lip
was as swollen as it felt and that my nose was indeed broken. I left the room
to fill up an ice bucket, and when I returned I wrapped ice in two hand towels,
lay down on the bed, and placed one towel against my nose and the other against
my mouth. As I lay there I tried to think about what I could do, but I guess I
was too tired and too wiped out, and at some point I drifted off.

Right
before waking, I dreamed that I was back with Elaine and my two daughters, and
it was like we were a family again. We were in our old house, but it still
seemed like the present. Melissa and Courtney looked like they did in the
photographs, both blonde and pretty, both in their teens. Elaine was like she
was the,} other day when I saw her in Albany except instead of a cold and
indifferent attitude towards me, she was warm and relaxed.

We
were all sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. My two
;
girls
acted like typical teenagers, rolling their eyes when I asked them questions
about how their day went and stuff like that, but at times someone would make a
joke and everyone would get a laugh out of it. It felt nice. Near the end,
Elaine got up and moved behind me so she could massage my neck and shoulders.
My girls giggled at that.

The phone started ringing. Elaine very sweetly
asked whether I would answer it. 'Not now,' I said. 'But it might be important.’

‘Why don't we ignore it?’

‘You should answer it, Joe.’ I really don't want
to.’

‘Joe—’

‘Okay, okay.'

Then
my eyes opened wide and the dream was gone. It took me a moment to realize
where I was. The ringing was real, though. I looked over at the phone next to
my bed and watched as a red light flashed with each ring.

I
didn't want to lose my dream. I wanted to somehow get back into it. I wanted
more than anything to be back with Elaine and my two girls. But I was wide
awake and they were gone.

I
watched the phone and waited for the ringing to stop. Nobody should've known
where I was. With each ring I felt my heart turning more into an icy slush.
Nobody should've been calling. All I could think was that it had to be a wrong
number. But I didn't answer it. Finally, after what seemed like minutes, the
ringing stopped.

I
waited a long time after that before sitting up. I held my breath and
concentrated, trying to listen for anything out of place. The only noise I
could hear was my heart skipping to a sick Irregular beat.

I
was about to get out of bed when there was a hard knock on the door. I almost
jumped out of my skin. There was another knock, and then a voice yelling,
'Denton, Joe Denton. This is the Stowe police. Open the door.'

I
moved as quietly as I could to the door, looked through the peephole, and saw
two uniformed officers standing out in the hallway. I didn't recognize either
of them.

I
had the chain on. I opened the door a crack, keeping my shoulder against it so
they couldn't force it open.

'What
do you want?' I asked.

'We
have a warrant for your arrest.'

'Can
I see it?'

He
handed me a paper through the crack. I read it over quickly. It was for missing
a meeting with my parole officer. The warrant was signed by Sheriff Dan
Pleasant. I couldn't believe that Craig had reported me.

'Let
me call my lawyer,' I said.

'You
can call him from the station.'

'You're
taking me to Stowe?'

'Yes.
Now open the door.'

'Can
I get dressed first?'

'Go
ahead. Make it fast.'

I
made it fast. When I opened the door, the officer I had talked to turned me
around and cuffed me. He and his partner led me out of the room and through the
lodge. We probably didn't pass more than ten people, but each of them stopped
to stare as we went by. When we got to the parking lot I saw Hal Wheely and
Stan Black leaning against a Bradley County sheriff s vehicle.

'You
said you were taking me to Stowe,' I said.

Neither
of them said anything. They were on either side of me, dragging me faster as
they held me by my elbows.

I
started to yell for help and something hard whacked me on the back of my head.
Next thing I knew I was in the back seat of the cruiser, with Hal behind the
wheel and Stan taking up the passenger seat. The back of my head throbbed, and
I sat frozen from the pain for a minute before asking how they knew where to
find me. .

Hal
asked, 'How do you think?'

'Come
on, at least tell me that.'

I
could see Hal through the rearview mirror smirking. I followed you last night.'

'From
where, Kelley's? You spotted me there?'

His
smirk widened. 'I followed you all night last night. I saw you when you crawled
out of your car and curled up like a baby sucking your thumb.'

'You
did a lousy job early on,' I said.

'Yeah,
well, fooled you later, didn't I?'

He
was still smirking, but it seemed to tighten, almost like it was etched on his
face. I didn't like the glazed look in his eyes. I also didn't like the fact
that Stan was being so withdrawn and quiet.

I said, I kept my mouth shut all these years. I
could've sent both of you away for a long time.’

‘I appreciate it,' Hal said. 'Look, what you're
doing now is nuts.’

‘Doesn't sound nuts to me.’

‘Did Dan ever tell you about my safety deposit
box?’

‘Why don't you shut up?'

'Stan,
what about you, you don't want this, do you?’

‘What
I don't want is to go to prison because of you,' Stan said.

'Look,
I told you to shut up,' Hal said.

I
could see his ears turning red. Something about his tone told me that I'd
better listen to him. I sat back and watched the road. As we entered Bradley
County, Hal turned down a dirt path and headed towards an old quarry that was
once used for swimming but had dried up years ago.

As
we got closer to the quarry, I could see Dan and one of his deputies, Josh
Stone, leaning against Dan's car. Hal pulled up next to them, and before I knew
it, Josh and Stan were pulling me out of the back seat and dragging me onto the
ground. Hal joined them as they dragged me to the edge of the quarry and then
flipped me on my stomach. Knees pushed into my neck and the small of my back,
pinning me to the ground. I tried to lift my head, and for a second could see
Dan standing off to the side watching. Then a hand shoved my head back into the
dirt. As I was pushed down, I could feel my broken nose being smeared to the
side.

The
handcuffs were taken off me. While I was pinned to the ground, my right arm was
forced out and then bent so my hand was against the side of my face. A gun was
shoved into my hand, and my hand held in place with the barrel pushed hard
against my temple. Other fingers were on my trigger finger, applying pressure.
I had to fight like hell to keep from pulling the trigger.

Dan
said, 'Manny's still around. You promised me he'd be gone by morning. I'm
getting sick of you breaking your promises.'

I
was losing the fight. I could feel the trigger being pulled in. I had only
seconds left.

'So
long, Joe,' Dan said. 'Believe it or not, I am sorry about this.'

My
mouth was being pushed into the dirt, but somehow I spat out that Manny was
being taken care of.

The
pressure on my finger was relaxed. Someone grabbed my hair and yanked my head
up. I started gagging, spitting out the dirt I'd been forced to swallow. After
I could breathe, I opened my eyes and saw that Dan had moved over to me. He was
squatting, sort of sitting on his heels as he considered me.

'How
is Manny being taken care of?' he asked.

'He's
going to be overdosed with morphine.'

'And
how is that going to happen?'

'His
nurse—'

'Joe,
you're lying to me again—'

'Dan,
it's true. I've been seeing her. It's all set.'

'And
why would a nurse do this for you?'

'She
has no choice.'

"Why
would that be?'

'Look,
can you get them off me? My neck and shoulders are killing me.'

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