Smooth Sailing (14 page)

Laurie’s eyes lit up. Fernando had blocked her access to the cruise ship’s computer, but he couldn’t stop her from using her personal e-mail account to keep in touch with her staff. Getting in a couple of days work in advance of her return made her salivate. “That’s very tempting.”

“Do what you need to do, but take my advice about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Tell Kaatje that you chose to stay. If she thinks you stayed only because you couldn’t get the flight, she’ll…well, she’s a very proud woman.”

“Thanks for the advice.” Laurie took a big bite of the toast. “Delicious! Could I use your phone to call her?”

“Of course. Her number is right there on that button. Just press it.” She closed the door as she left the room.

Laurie punched the button, and in a few seconds heard Kaatje’s clear, lilting voice. “Met Kaatje.”

“Hi, it’s Laurie. What did you just say?”

“I just answered the phone.”

“But you said something besides your name.”

“Oh, I said ‘with.’ Shorthand for ‘you’re speaking with Kaatje.’”

“That’s cute.”

“I wasn’t trying to be cute. I thought you were my mom and I went back to Dutch. How is it going?”

“Good. Hey…I was thinking…why am I rushing to get back on that dumb boat?”

Kaatje’s laugh rumbled through the line. “Why, indeed?”

“If I hung out for a couple of days, would you have time to see me?”

“Of course. You could sail with me. As a matter of fact, my mother could bring you down to the dock right now. I’m still waiting for my clients.”

“Hmm…” Laurie thought of all of the things she could do with an internet connection. “I’ve got a lot of calls to make. Maybe I’ll ask your mom to take me to a hotel.”

“Fine.”

Not another word. That wasn’t good with Kaatje. She was garrulous when she was happy, stoic when not. Recalling what Antonia said, she tried a different tactic. “What would you like for me to do?”

She didn’t wait a beat. Her voice had no inflection at all when she spoke. “Whatever you want.”

Kaatje’s lack of affect might have fooled a woman into thinking she didn’t care. But Laurie had heard that flat tone enough times now to know it meant she not only cared, her feelings would be hurt if one answered the wrong way. “What I’d really like is to get some things settled and then spend as much time with you as possible.”

“Then you should stay with me.” Now there was an affect. It was an undeniably happy one.

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes. Of course. Why would I ask if I didn’t want that?”

Laurie realized that Kaatje was not going to be the type of woman to give her thoughts away without a certain amount of work. But she was certain the work could be very rewarding.

*

Antonia and Laurie set off for Philipsburg on a short shopping spree. When they returned home, Laurie used their bath to take a shower, shave her legs and put on the new clothes she’d bought. Antonia insisted on washing her dirty things, and Laurie gave in, finding Antonia as hard to refuse as her daughter.

Since Kaatje was out on a full-day sail, Laurie could hook up to the Hoogebooms’ computer and scratch her itch for getting some work done. Thank God Fernando didn’t control the entire Internet.

Since it was midnight in Osaka and no one was in that office, she had to limit herself to communicating with her staff in Los Angeles. It was seven a.m. at her office, and she was pleased to receive a reply to her first e-mail in moments. She’d trained her staff well. They might drop dead of a heart attack at thirty-five, but no one could say they didn’t work for every dime they earned.

Antonia went out some time in the early afternoon, after Laurie refused her generous offer of lunch. No longer having to respond to the occasional polite question, she kicked things into high gear. Her phone was working, the internet connection was fast, and she was able to get updates from everyone on her senior staff.

An e-mail came in from Hiroshi in Japan, and she bristled with excitement now that she was finally able to talk to the people with their fingers on the pulse of Osaka. But Kaatje came in just minutes later. She leaned against the door frame, then said, “I hope you didn’t sit in this room all day.”

“No, I got up.” Laurie stood and started to approach her, but then got shy and stopped mid-room. Now feeling awkward and unsure, she shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “I was just sending a few e-mails.”

Kaatje clearly wasn’t feeling shy. She closed the distance between them and put her arms around Laurie, holding her possessively. “Did you miss me?”

It would have been unspeakably rude for Laurie to admit the thought of Kaatje had barely crossed her mind. Resorting to her usual tactic with a lover, she said what she knew should have been her answer. “Of course. I’ve been waiting for you to come get me.”

“Good.” Kaatje put her hands on her shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “How are you feeling?”

Laurie wracked her brain to recall why she might be feeling unwell, then it hit her. “Good!” She said this with far too much enthusiasm and Kaatje noticed it.

“Second thoughts?”

Laurie stood there, transfixed by Kaatje’s kind eyes, bluer than the ocean she loved. “No. Not one.” This was true. She’d not had a second to have a personal thought. But now that she did her stomach flipped and she was lost, adrift, even while gazing into those lovely eyes. She nuzzled her face into Kaatje’s neck, unwilling to let her see the doubt, the uncertainty that she knew the perceptive woman would discover.

“That’s surprising.” Kaatje pulled back and scanned Laurie’s face as carefully as an MRI. “I came out when I was a girl and it took a while for me to adjust.” She gently touched Laurie’s chin, tilting her head as she continued to look at her. “Are you sure?”

Laurie couldn’t stand to have her look at her with such empathy. “No,” she said, breaking into tears, something she did so rarely she hardly knew how to react. “I don’t think I came out. I just…I don’t know.” Wiping at her eyes quickly and roughly, she felt her hands pulled away, replaced by a nicely ironed blue handkerchief that Kaatje used to dab gently around her reddening eyes.

“Let’s go have dinner and talk.”

*

Kaatje wanted to treat Laurie to dinner at a restaurant, but Laurie prevailed when she insisted she’d like to go back to the boat. They didn’t bother to stop for food as Kaatje said she had a good supply of leftovers from lunch.

Kaatje stood at the counter in her galley, carefully filling two plates with various cold salads while she companionably told Laurie about her day. They sat down at the banquette and Laurie found herself wolfing the food down, remembering just how hungry she was after skipping lunch.

“Do you cook at home?” Kaatje asked.

Laurie’s mouth was full. She shook her head, chewing quickly. “No, not much at all.” She wiped her mouth with her napkin. “I can cook, a little, but I haven’t used the oven in my new condo.”

“How long have you been there?”

“Mmm.” She squinted her eyes, as if she could see a mental calendar better that way. “A year and a half? Two years? Maybe a little more?”

“You don’t cook,” Kaatje said, giving her a quick grin.

“After I broke up with my boyfriend…” She trailed off, then made a face. “That’s such a stupid term for someone you lived with. Anyway, after Colin and I broke up, I let a lot of things go to pot.” She pinched the flesh around her waist. “I’ve gained twenty pounds in two years, and it’s just from eating the wrong things.”

“Twenty pounds? You must have been like a stick.”

“Not really. Everyone in LA is thin.”

Looking doubtful, Kaatje said, “Maybe you exaggerate?”

“Not much. Luxor wants us to be lean and mean. Not one person above me is overweight. They think it’s a sign of lack of control. For me— they’re right.”

“What do you eat?”

“A lot of junk.” She tried to hide her disgust with herself, finding that unattractive in others, but it was difficult. “I have good intentions. I eat a healthy lunch and think I’ll stop for sashimi or a salad on the way home. But then I get involved in something and wind up eating pizza that someone orders in or, even worse, eating a couple of candy bars and having a couple of Cokes to keep me alert. I know I should drink Diet Coke, but I can’t stand the taste, and sometimes a Coke is the only pleasure I get all day.”

“It wouldn’t take long to gain weight eating that way. Were you… depressed after you broke up with Colin?”

“Not really.” Her reply was so offhanded it made her wince. “I was sad, of course, but not depressed.”

“Who made the choice?”

“To break up?”

Kaatje nodded.

“He did. After six months of arguing about this and that, he said he wasn’t happy. He moved out the next week when I was in Osaka.” She took another bite and chewed for a few seconds, hoping Kaatje would change the subject. But when she was met with those inquisitive eyes, she added a little more. “He was pretty needy.”

“How do you mean—needy?”

“He wanted to spend more time together.” She let out a sigh. “I tried. I really did. Colin liked to have dinner together, and I made a huge effort to get home and cook. It was usually just a big salad or something simple, but I tried.” She deftly transitioned back to the previous topic. “After he moved out, I didn’t have to rush home, and I started my candy bar and pizza nonsense.”

“I don’t think anyone recommends candy for a balanced meal.” Kaatje gave Laurie an impish grin that didn’t show a bit of judgment on her part.

“Even worse,” Laurie said, popping a cherry tomato into her mouth, “I stopped exercising. Colin was a runner, and he dragged me with him on weekends. Once he was gone it was all too easy to go to work.”

“It sounds like you need a supervisor.” She adopted a stern tone. “Laurie, we’re not going to be able to keep you on if you don’t eat some vegetables and go out for a walk.”

Smiling, Laurie said, “You might not believe this, but I’m…I was… very athletic.”

“Why wouldn’t I believe it?” She reached over and pinched the same area Laurie had. “You can call this flab, but this is what makes you look womanly. You’re not overweight.” Her eyes lingered on Laurie’s body for a moment. “You have a beautiful shape. Such nice, shapely curves.” Kaatje’s voice had taken on a husky, sexy timbre, but when she looked up and their eyes met, Laurie almost cried again.

“Sorry,” she said, shaking her head roughly. “I’m not usually very emotional. I must be getting my period.”

Kaatje reached over and took Laurie’s hand, holding it tenderly. “Maybe you’re upset. I would be if I were you. This has caught you by surprise.”

Head nodding quickly, Laurie said, “I guess I am.” She took a long breath. “It just seems silly.”

“Silly? What about this is silly?”

“I’m almost thirty-two years old. I should have had my sexuality figured out when I was fifteen. How old were you?”

“You can’t compare yourself to other people. And thirty-two isn’t old. Lots of people, women especially, come out when they’re adults.”

Laurie shook her head. “I’m not coming out. Everyone says sexuality is fluid. I’m just being a little…fluid,” she added weakly, looking unhappy with her choice of words.

“I’m only using ‘coming out’ as a term for people who discover a new part of their sexuality. Like my father’s sister. She fell in love with a woman when she was a grandmother.”

“Really? A grandmother?”

“Yes. Absolutely. She fell in love with a woman at work. Things were very…tense, I guess you’d say, with her children, but that only lasted a year or two. They were mostly upset that she divorced their father, I think. She seems very happy now, and my uncle remarried and he seems good too.”

“Wow. That must have been hard for your cousins. Not to mention your uncle.”

Kaatje shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. “I think everyone deserves to be happy and fulfilled. It’s awful to disappoint the people you love, but sometimes you have to.” She took Laurie’s hand in her own and turned it over to run her finger down the lines on her palm. “Will you upset the people who love you if you tell them you’re…you’ve had sex with a woman?”

Laurie thought about the question for quite a while. “Not much, I don’t think. I told you yesterday that my mom has asked me if I might be a lesbian. She made a point of telling me it would be just fine with her if I am.”

“That’s encouraging. Maybe she sensed something.”

“Yeah. Maybe. My sister has asked me a dozen times. I’m not sure how she’ll take it.” The truth of that statement made her stomach flip, and she couldn’t back away from it fast enough. “If it turns out that I think this is something I want to do again…you know. I won’t tell anyone now. It’s too…new.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kaatje said, still looking at Laurie with calm equanimity. “You don’t
ever
have to tell anyone.” Her mouth quirked into a grin. “You have vacation immunity.”

Laurie smiled back. “Immunity, huh?”

“Absolutely. You can go home and forget all about it. Just tell yourself you had Caribbean fever.”