So I'm a Double Threat (Double Threat Series) (10 page)

Wait...wait a minute. What just happened here? I thought my life was going smoothly. I mean, my grades are good. Quarter grades are out. I got all As except for a B in Spanish. Soccer is all right. I survived tryouts and actually made JV. Keesh made varsity, like I expected. Getting moved across the room in English worked out to my advantage. Eric and I have been talking a lot more. I was actually beginning to think I might get my first high school boyfriend. But now, Ben has managed to throw another “option” into my love life.

I thought I liked Eric. Like, really liked him. He is so sweet. He’s always saying nice things. He doesn’t care I’m not a size two and I have some meat on my bones. We haven’t kissed or anything, not since last school year. We’ve come close but I keep holding back.

At first I thought it was because of Alex. But that isn’t it, he’s just a good friend. He’s with Amy and I’m over it. Sure, every once in a while he makes me think, maybe someday we’ll be more than just friends. But honestly, I just enjoy the time I spend talking to him on the phone or texting. It’s like I lost Amy, but got Alex in return.

Maybe I’m holding back because of Ben. I’ve never thought of Ben like that before. Not seriously, anyway. Sure, we’ve flirted, but it’s always been harmless. I’ve never considered something might come of it. I just thought we were joking around. But now Ben has asked me out and I can’t help but feel little butterflies in my stomach when I think of him. I feel happy, giddy almost.

Why is this happening?

Is this what high school is supposed to be like? I can’t stop thinking about Alex. I thought I liked Eric, but now Ben has confused me. He’s driving me crazy. They’re all driving me crazy. Holy crap. Is it possible to have feelings for two guys? Three guys, maybe?

I have all these emotions going through my mind: confusion, happiness, fear, more confusion, anger.

Wait. Anger?

I pick up the phone and dial.

“Speak on it.”

What’s with these guys? That is just so
stupid
.

“Alex, where do you get off telling Ben to stay away from me? Who do you think you are...my dad?”

“Hi, Megan. Wanna slow down and tell me what this is all about?” Alex responds, calm as usual.

And his voice
is
calming—always deep and smooth. I feel a wave of fresh air come over me as I hear him speak. It’s almost scary.

“Sorry.” I pause. “But I just got off the phone with Ben and he told me some things that bothered me.” This time, I speak much softer than before.

“Okay. What’d he say?”

“He told me you said you’d kick his ass if he hooked up with me.” My voice rises again.

I just cut the crap and get straight to the point. I can’t wait to hear his side of the story.

“Well, I would.” He’s so nonchalant, as if it isn’t a big deal.

“I don’t get why you’d say that or even think you had the right to.”

“Meg, listen to what you just said.” He pauses. “You said I’d kick his ass if he hooked up with you. I would if it was just a hook up. If he wanted you, and only you, to be his
girlfriend
, then I’d be okay with it. But I don’t think that’s what he wants.”

He’s still calm. I’m going nuts. I’m more confused than ever. Maybe it’s because I’m a freshman. Maybe this is why freshmen girls should not talk to senior guys. It’s hard enough being at the bottom of the high school food chain, but factor in the older, more experienced guys, and I’m going to go insane.

“So are you saying Ben just wants to hit it and quit it?” I ask, bluntly.

“No, you didn’t just say that. It sounds so nasty coming from you.” Alex laughs.

Why did it sound nasty coming from
me
?

“Why?” I pause. “I think you have this false impression of me. You think I’m this nice, innocent little girl or something, and I’m really not.”

“No, you really are a nice girl. You just think you’re bad. Sure, you drink Malibu Rum like its water, go to parties, cheat on your homework, whatever.” He chuckles. “But deep down, I don’t think you’re like other girls. I don’t think you could hook up with a bunch of dudes, and not care if they didn’t talk to you afterward. It’s not you.”

Well, when you put it that way, I guess I wouldn’t be okay with it. I’ve never even kissed a boy who wasn’t a boyfriend or didn’t turn into one. But Alex isn’t talking about kissing. He’s talking about
more
. I’ve thought about doing other stuff with Eric. I’ve even thought about what it would be like to do them with Alex. But now, when I think about doing anything with anyone, it’s just scary. I’m sure if
it
ever happened, I would want something more after. I wouldn’t want the guy to just ignore me. No “wham bam, thank you ma’ams.” But is Ben really capable of being such a dog? With
me
?

I sit with the phone to my ear, sprawled out across my bed, in silence.

“You there?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Meg.” I love the way he always says my name. “I don’t want you to be pissed at me. I honestly didn’t think Ben would ever tell you what I said.”

“Well, he did.”

“I know. I guess I have to beat his ass now anyway, huh.”

We both chuckle.

“I don’t know,” he continues, “you’re just different than other girls. You’re not fake. You’re funny without trying to be. You cuss like a dude but still sound all girlie. You’re easy to talk to. I can talk to you forever without all the bullshit, ya know?”

“Well, if I’m so freakin’ great, then why did you choose Amy?”

It’s out before I can take it back. Holy shit. I can’t believe I just spoke those words aloud.

He laughs a little. I can almost see the uncomfortable smile on his face. I wish we weren’t having this conversation over the phone. I need to see the look in his eyes. They can tell me much more than any of his words.

“Megan, you’re too young, and you’re...too real.”

“Huh?” Too young? Seriously?

“I know, I know. You and Amy are the same age, but it’s just Amy and I work, right now. I really should have thought this through better when I started seeing her. And maybe I didn’t have all the facts. I get that. It’s just the way it has to be...for now. You and I...I just don’t deserve you...yet.” He stutters over his words.

Yet. Yet? Holy crap. These guys are killing me. As if I wasn’t confused enough already. Now let’s just add one more thing to my madness. And what’s wrong with Alex? He always speaks with such confidence and now he’s stuttering and tongue-tied. This is all just too crazy.

“Hey, I’ve gotta go. It’s late and I still have a paper to write,” I mumble.

“Oh. Okay. Hey, I know it’s a little weird to talk about stuff like this but...but you’re a good friend and I want things to be okay with us. Are we cool?” His voice is soft with concern.

“Yeah, sure. I’m good.” I’m really not. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Bye, Meg.”

“Bye.”

You know what? I don’t have time right now to think about all this crap. I’ve got a paper to write. Damn, I wish I could do this with all the girls. But papers are off limits for sharing since we got in trouble last year.

I need to talk to Steph, or Keesha, or Amy. Oh shit. I can’t talk to Amy. Can you imagine?
Hi Amy, I just got off the phone with your boyfriend and he told me he didn’t deserve me
. Seriously. Can you imagine? Ugh.

And Eric...I’m supposed to call him. I take out my cell and text him:

TTYL. Havent finshd my papr n dont wnt 2 stop til I finsh.

I tear open my backpack and yank out my binder. I completed my outline earlier so it shouldn’t take too long to finish this stupid paper. I push the power button on my computer and wait, thinking about the information I’ve had to absorb today.

Has anyone ever died of confusion?

There’s always a first for everything, right?

––––––––

M
y right knee shakes frantically with impatience during first and second period. I feel like I’m going to die waiting for a chance to talk to Steph or Keesha. My crazy phone calls last night were torturous.

On my way to school, I contemplated my unexpected conversations with Alex and Ben. When I do get to chat with my girls, I know I’m going to leave out some of the details from the convo with Alex—that part about him not deserving me yet, is not necessary to repeat. It makes me feel weird, and I don’t want to be mean to Amy by telling anyone what her boyfriend said. In fact, I’m going to try to forget that piece of information. He doesn’t want anything from me right now anyway. Nothing but my friendship, and it’s all I’m going to give. He wants things to be normal so I’m going to try to be as normal as possible.

When I finally get to third period, I’m relieved. We’re just doing bookwork so this gives me the perfect opportunity to tell the girls what happened. I’m going to have to be creative though. We sure as heck can’t talk. Ms. O’Brien will freak out if she even hears a whisper. I stare at Keesh and Steph, pursing my lips shut to keep from blurting out my news. I already have paper out, but instead of conjugating verbs, I decide to write them a note.

I grip my pencil, click the top to release some lead, and began to write:

Last night Ben told me I had more options than just Eric. We could hang out more. We’re going out for lunch today. Alex told Ben he’d kick his ass if we hooked up cuz he thought Ben was just out for a piece of ass. Ugh. HELP. I’m going craaaazzzzyy.

I pass the paper to Keesha and wait impatiently. My knee is still shaking. As Keesha reads the note, I see her eyes getting big. She smiles and begins to write.

I told you Ben liked you. All that flirting wasn’t for nothin’. Stop buggin’ and go with it.

I scribble my response and pass it back again.

You’re NUTS. What about Eric? And what do you think about what Alex said?

She skims my questions, looks over at me, and rolls her eyes. Then she pauses, looking up at the ceiling before she begins to reply.

Alex is just jealous you don’t want him no more. Don’t worry ’bout him. Who says you can’t go out with both? Guys do it all the time, why can’t we?

OMG. I can’t believe what she wrote. These are two nice guys we’re talking about here. I can’t do that to them. At least, I don’t think I can. As for Alex, he’s not jealous. He sounded concerned, not
jealous
.

Keesh, you’re freaking crazy. I’m not going out with BOTH of them. Actually, I’m not even with either one of them. So we’ll just see what happens. I’m just gonna be honest with both of them. Oh, and Alex is
NOT
jealous.

I press down on the paper, grip my pencil tightly, and write the last part really dark to prove my point.

If you already knew what you were gonna do, what’d you ask me for? And you are going out with both of them. You went out with Eric already and you’re going out with Ben today. AND Alex
is
JEALOUS. Everyone knows he likes you except for you. We all see how he looks at you, even Amy.

I read her ridiculous statements and throw her a dirty look. The space between my eyes crumples with irritation from Keesh’s comment. I scrawl out my next reply. She’s wrong about Alex, but I guess she’s right about going out with Ben and Eric. I guess.

YOU ARE FREAKIN’ WRONG. About Alex.

She shrugs her shoulders and passes the note to Steph.

I try to ignore my friends and work on my Spanish. I get a nudge on my arm and look over. Steph holds out the paper to me with a mocking smile.

Meg, I agree with both of you...kinda. Go with the flow with Ben AND Eric. You’re not married, you’re only 14 so act like it. But Alex does look at you in a DIFFERENT way. Even my sister noticed it at the end of the summer when we hung out at my house. He IS jealous but there’s nothin’ you can do about it now, so leave it alone.

I don’t know what to make of everything—especially what they’re saying about Alex. But Steph makes the most sense, she always does.

THANKS you guys.

I pass the note back for the last time and wait for the bell to ring. Keesh glances at it, folds it up, and stashes it in her folder. Amy continues to pretend she hasn’t seen us passing notes the entire period. It wouldn’t matter if she did. It’s not like I’m going to show her what we’ve been writing.

We’re all just sitting around in ASB when I get a text from Ben.

hey can u get out erly?

I smile from ear to ear.

Keesh notices my delight. “Is it Ben?”

I nod, and text back.

Sure

meet me otside ur class

when??

now.

I grab my stuff. I can barely find the words to let the girls know where I’m going.

“You go, girl,” Keesh teases.

“Be careful,” Steph advises.

“Have fun,” Amy mumbles.

I leave class in a hurry, checking behind me to make sure Mr. Mitchell doesn’t see me leave.

I walk outside and scan the quad for Ben. The sun is blinding me, but when I put my hand up to shade my eyes, I see him. He’s leaning up against the building across from mine. He looks cute, standing there with his hat flipped backwards, and his arms crossed over his chest.

I move toward him, consciously trying to walk at a normal pace, trying not to seem too eager.

When I reach him, he puts his arms around me in a tight squeeze. My arms wrap around his waist and rest just above his booty. This feels good.

I can feel his breath next to my right ear. His face is nestled into my hair. He holds this embrace for a minute before saying, “You ready?”

I sigh, not ready for it to end. “Sure, where we going?”

We pull away slowly and look at each other. This is so new to me. That was not just a friendly hug. I definitely sensed something more just now, something exciting.

“You pick. It has to be fast food though; we need to be back before lunch is over.”

“Okay, how about Wendy’s?” I suggest, as we begin walking out to the parking lot.

“Uh...yeah. A frosty sounds good.”

“Totally, and we can dip our fries in them.” The thought of scooping up the chocolate ice cream with my fries is making me drool just thinking about it. I have the technique down perfectly; it’s like art.