Social Skills (27 page)

“And
besides,” Ben went on, “I’m at least as good looking as your…friend there, and
as far as I know you’ve never tried to rape me, so I figure my ass is safe.”

Connor’s
throat closed up on a swallow of blood and saliva, throwing him into a coughing
fit, and Jared’s mouth dropped open.

“Uh,
that was a joke,” Ben added with a lopsided smile. “Sorry, probably
inappropriate.”

Jared
accepted his explanation with a dazed nod, and the room fell silent.

Silent
for too long. Connor’s eyes bounced back and forth between the two tall men as
he waited for someone to speak. But no one said anything…until it suddenly
occurred to him he had his own mouth.

He had
his own mouth, but he’d never used it for
this
before—for purposefully stepping into an awkward silence. He
drew in a halting breath and peered out from behind Jared’s back. “S-so, we j-just
dropped Ronnie off at the hospital.”

Maybe
not the best topic to bring up, but it was the only thing that came to mind.

Ben
blinked down at him in surprise, as if he’d forgotten Connor was even in the
room. “Are you serious? Why?”

Thank
God Jared took the conversational bait. “The doctor at Student Health wouldn’t
tell us what was wrong, but he asked us to take her there.”

“Was
it like mono or something? Or crap, an…an STD?”

Jared
grimaced. “I really don’t know. She was just saying all kinds of weird shit,
and she’s been looking pretty rough lately.”

Ben
puffed out a breath of agreement, pushing a stack of books over so he could
fall back on his bed. “Shit. I always thought something was off with her.”

“I
guess I should’ve seen it too.”

“I
bet it’s harder to notice when you deal with her craziness all the time,” Ben
offered. “I mean, who can tell when a chick is just being their regular kind of
crazy, and when there’s really something wrong?”

Jared
moved to sit on his own bed, and Connor hung back in the doorway until Jared
patted the spot beside him. Scrunching his nervous hands into his pockets, he
took the offered seat, careful to keep a space between their bodies.

“Nice
of you to even give a crap after the shit storm she caused.” Ben shook his head.
“Don’t know that I would do the same if someone had—” He stopped and inhaled
sharply. “Wait, that whole gay thing…that wasn’t just more of her craziness,
was it? You really are a…uh, gay, right?”

Connor’s
heart skipped its downbeat. This was Jared’s out if he ever wanted to take it.

Jared
gave Ben a long, pointed look, and eventually Ben nodded. “Right. I get it.”

Relief
swept Connor into a goofy smile, but Ben caught it and raised an eyebrow at
him, effectively wiping the expression from his face. What would Jared’s
friends find more shocking—that he was gay, or that he was dating someone
like Connor?

“Jesus,”
Jared said suddenly. “I’m gone for like two days and your fucking mess is
taking over the entire room.” He waved a hand toward a popcorn bag that had
spilled its unpopped kernels under his desk, his nose curling up in disgust.

Ben
turned to Connor. “Are the gays really into neatness? Is that a gay thing?”

“Uh,
um…” Connor stuttered, caught off guard by the direct address. Did it mean he
was being accepted, or was he supposed to be the butt of some kind of joke?

Jared
saved him from having to respond by launching a shoe at Ben’s face.

“All
right, all right.” Ben ducked and threw his hands up in surrender. “I was just
wondering.”

“Well
you can keep your dickhead wonderings to yourself,” Jared retorted, but he didn’t
really sound angry. In fact, Connor had the distinct impression this was how
the two normally spoke to each other.

“Connor—that’s
your name, right? Maybe you could help Jared with his aggression issues,” Ben
suggested as he stood.

“Really,
Ben? Do you want to take this outside?” Jared’s eyes narrowed. “Gay or not I
can take your scrawny ass down.”

“No,
I’d like my ass untouched by you, thank you very much.”

A
blush rose in Jared’s cheeks, and this time he didn’t come up with a witty
response.

Ben
squinted and gave them an embarrassed smile, like he’d sensed his
misstep. “Anyways, it’s getting late. I’m gonna go grab some food and head
off to Clemons to finish my chemistry. Guess I’ll see you later, Jer?”

“Yeah.”
Jared nodded stiffly, still tense. “Later.”

He
reached out to grab Connor’s hand as soon as the door closed. “I’m sorry about
him…don’t take it seriously, though. That’s just the way he is.”

“Yeah,
uh, I understand. It’s okay.” Connor squeezed Jared’s fingers. The contact was
as comforting as always—but who was Jared really trying to reassure?
Connor, or himself?

A
yawn cut off the train of thought.

“You’re
tired,” Jared said. “And you didn’t finish that paper yet, did you.”

“No.”
Connor sighed. “Not yet.”

“You
should go. I’ve taken up too much of your time already.”

“Oh.”
Jared was probably right…but it would’ve been so much nicer if the world could
just wait for them to have a moment to themselves. “Are you gonna be okay if I
go?”

Jared
lifted his hand and ran it through Connor’s hair. “Now who’s taking care of who?”
He chuckled sadly. “I’ll be fine.”

But
as soon as Connor gripped the doorknob to leave, Jared’s voice stopped him. “Wait,
Connor…”

“Yeah?”

Jared
chewed on his bottom lip. It was already a little swollen, making it even
fuller than normal. “I know I probably shouldn’t ask you this, given, well,
everything, but…um…do you think you could come with me to visit Ronnie in the
hospital?”

Connor
blinked. “Oh, uh…”

“Someone
should visit, I think. I just don’t know who else would. And I’d go by myself,
but I…I
really
hate hospitals.”

“Yeah,
of course. No problem, just give me a call.”

“Thanks,
Connor. Thanks for…you know, everything.”

Connor
brushed past the scowling redhead in the hallway as he left. By the time he
remembered he had reason to be nervous around him, he was already out of the
suite.

Jared
needed
him. Some things just seemed so trivial now in comparison.

Chapter Twenty-five

A dozen
yellow roses lay spread out on the passenger seat of the station wagon. Connor
waited patiently as Jared propped open the door for him and tossed the flowers
petals-down into the back of the car.

“Hey,”
Jared mumbled. He stepped on the gas and darted back into traffic, lips tugged
downward and knuckles going white from his death-grip on the steering wheel.

Connor
buckled his seatbelt and watched Jared’s angry movements through the reflection
in the window. Maybe this visit was a mistake. At the very least, he should
have asked Jared to come up first, so they could have taken some time to talk,
hold each other…reestablish their connection. In just a few minutes, they’d be
under the scrutinizing eyes of the public, and there’d be no opportunity to be
close.

And it
suddenly felt like it had been far, far too long since they’d kissed.

“You
don’t mind that I’m bringing her flowers, do you?” Jared suddenly asked.

“What?”
Connor mumbled, then processed the question a second later. He smacked his
thigh and forced himself to turn back to Jared before he wasted any more of the
precious little private time they had left. “I mean, of course not. She’s sick
and in the hospital. That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

“Right.”
Jared squeezed the steering wheel impossibly tighter. “Sorry. Didn’t get much
sleep last night.”

That
was already clear from the shadows beneath his sunken-in eyes. “We could always
visit tomorrow, if you want to go back to my place and take a nap or something.”

Jared
shook his head. “I’ll be all right.”

Connor
hunched down in his seat with a sigh. If only Jared would drop one of his hands
from the wheel so he could take hold of it—he was positive it would make
him feel better. Make
both
of them
feel better.

“So…how
are things going with Ben?” he ventured quietly.

“Okay.”
Jared’s shoulders jerked in a stiff shrug. “Most of the time stuff seems pretty
normal…but every once in a while it gets a little awkward. And when he’s around
the other guys…I dunno. I guess I’d rather just stay clear for now—let
things blow over.”

Blow
over to what?
Although, there were
probably worse things Jared could be doing than lying low. Connor returned
to staring at Jared’s hands, trying to will the right one from its three o’clock
grip.

But
he never had any luck. For all that Jared claimed to hate hospitals, he
certainly seemed to be in a hurry to get there. Hopefully that just meant he was
in a hurry to get it
over
with. The
creases on his forehead and near the sides of his eyes were starting to leave
marks even when his expression changed—perhaps a glimpse of the wrinkles
that would one day line his face. They wouldn’t make him any less handsome,
but it would be better if they were from laughter instead of worry.

A
male nurse greeted them this time, with less of a sugary-sweet demeanor than
the previous one. He was all business as he opened the first door for them. “Do
you have anything sharp on you? Scissors, razors, pocket knife…”

“No,
nothing,” Jared said, and Connor nodded. “We’re here to see Veronica Straton.”

“Third
door on the right. Visiting hours are over in forty-five minutes.” He walked
them down the hallway, then took off.

Connor
followed Jared past a skeletal blonde, drowning in the starchy white sheets of
her hospital bed. Veronica was propped up in her own bed at the back of the
room.

“Jared!
I knew you’d come!”

Her bright
voice didn’t match her face. Without a stitch of makeup on, the sheen of the
fluorescent lights made her skin appear sallow.

Jared
stood there awkwardly for a moment, flowers in hand, until he turned and shoved
the bouquet into Connor’s arms. “Hi, Ronnie. We wanted to stop by for a little
visit.”

“That
bitch tried to say you wouldn’t come, but I knew you would. I know my boyfriend
loves me.”

He
sank into a chair by her bedside. “Ronnie, you know I’m not…we’re not…”

“Remember
when we went to prom?” She went on, hugging herself and staring up at him
dreamily.

Connor’s
stomach lurched, and he made himself busy by scanning the room until he found
an empty plastic container by the windowsill. He took the vase into the tiny hospital
bathroom and filled it with water, wishing the faucet would make just a little
more noise so as to completely drown out Veronica’s voice.

“We
were perfect in our pictures, weren’t we? I had that green dress.”

The roses
would wilt quickly without scissors or a knife to cut the stems. But Connor had
no intention of asking for either of those, so he just stuck the flowers in the
vase and set it back by the window.

“There’s
green Jello sometimes.”

Jared
scooted his chair back a few inches. “Maybe we should come sometime when you’re
feeling better,” he mumbled.

Ronnie
stretched out to grasp his hand. “How long will I be here? It gets cold at
night. And
she
won’t stop talking shit.” She jerked a thumb at her
sleeping roommate, who really didn’t look like she had the strength to be that
much of a problem.

“I…I
don’t know. The doctors are going to make you better, first.”

Veronica
nodded. “I know. I might need a brain transplant.”

Jared
freed his hand. “No one said that.”

“Yes,
because of all the voices trying to get to me.”

“Ronnie…you’re
not making any sense.” Jared’s shoulders twitched. Without thinking,
Connor placed his hand on Jared’s back. He would’ve withdrawn it immediately,
but Jared surprised him by reaching up to take hold of it. “There’s no such
thing as a brain transplant. You just need to rest…”

The
nurse popped into the room, but Jared didn’t seem to notice.

“…eat
some healthy meals, talk to the doctor. You’ll feel better soon.”

Connor
nervously tried to pull his hand away, but Jared refused to let go.

“Excuse
me.” The nurse cleared his throat. “Her parents are waiting outside to see her,
and we can only allow two visitors at a time.”

Jared
released his grip, standing quickly. “Of course. We’ll come back tomorrow.”

“You’re
leaving?” Veronica’s lip quivered. “Don’t you want to stay with me?”

“I
said we’d be back.” He gave her a weak smile that vanished as soon as they had left.

They
passed a couple in the waiting area between the two sets of double
doors—a woman in her fifties with graying hair tucked into a harried bun,
and an heavy-set man in a rumpled suit. The woman turned red-rimmed eyes on
Jared as he approached.

“Mrs.
Straton,” Jared began, but she put up a hand to stop him.

“You
should have consulted us first before you put her in here.”

“But
the doctor—”

“We’re
her parents. We should have made the decision. I’m not even sure why you’re
still around her, since you broke up with her.” She pressed her lips into a
thin, trembling line and strode off after the nurse.

The
color drained from Jared’s face and his walking speed nearly doubled. He
bypassed the elevators and opted on crashing down the stairs instead, forcing
Connor to run to keep up.

“I’ll
take you home,” Jared said gruffly.

Connor
barely had time to buckle his seatbelt before the car squealed out of the
parking space.
Take him home?
And
then he’d have to watch Jared drive off at this breakneck speed—which was
entirely too fast for the garage structure they were currently in. Even if Jared
really did want to be alone with his distress, Connor wasn’t willing to sit in
his room and chew his tongue to a bloody nub worrying about him.

“Um,
th-that’s okay…I have to go to the library later. Your place is closer.”

Jared
didn’t respond. He just sped on past Connor’s dorm.

When
they reached his place, he stormed inside and nearly slammed the door on
Connor. He stood in the middle of the room and stared straight ahead without
moving or recognizing Connor’s presence.

Then
he turned and smashed his fist into a wall. “Fuck!”

Connor
jumped back, wincing at the impact.

“Fuck,”
Jared repeated, cradling his hand. The skin of his knuckles went from ashen
white to red as he held it.

Shaking
himself from his stupor, Connor ran to the mini-fridge. He tossed aside a few
popsicles and found an icepack stored in the back. “Here, use this.” He laid it
on top of Jared’s hand, trying to meet his downcast eyes. “Jared…”

“It’s
my fault, Connor,” Jared mumbled.

“No
it’s—”

“Her
mother blames me.”

“No,
she—”

“You
heard what she said!” Jared pulled back from his touch, letting the icepack
fall to the floor.

“She’s
just upset about her daughter—she probably doesn’t even know what’s going
on yet.”

“No.
She blames
me
. And why shouldn’t she?
I shoulda seen something was really wrong. I just assumed it was drugs or
drinking…and I thought that was my fault, too.”

Connor
squeezed his eyes shut. What could he do to break Jared free of this downward
spiral of guilt? “How would her doing drugs be your fault?”

“Because
I used her.” Jared folded onto the bed, propping his feet on the frame so he
could wrap his arms around his knees. “I let people believe I was interested in
her to keep them from getting suspicious. I let things get physical when she
pushed for it…and when she started telling people we were a couple, I just went
along with it. I figured, what the hell, she’s the kind of girl I’m supposed to
be with, right? Attractive, popular…why shouldn’t I give it a try? “

“That
doesn’t mean you’re responsible for her getting sick.”

“Yes
it does. I never should have let her get close to me when I knew…I
knew
I
couldn’t be what she needed. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I’d just
wanted her, the way I’m supposed to…the way a normal person would…”

“A
normal person?” Connor broke in, the words souring in his mouth.
Normal.
Something he’d never been.

Regret
flashed across Jared’s dark eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that. Shit.” He dropped
his head into his hands. “I’m gonna screw this up again, aren’t I? Maybe it’d
be better for you if we just…took some time…”

Alarms
rang out in Connor’s mind, screeching like a thousand violinists sliding up their
fingerboards. He couldn’t,
wouldn’t
let this happen again—not
because of Veronica, not because of fear, not because of undeserved guilt.

“Don’t
you dare!” He scrambled across the room and gripped Jared’s face with both his
hands. “Don’t you dare pull away from me again!”

Jared
gaped at him, his lips parting as a long, shaky breath escaped.

“I
don’t want to lose you,” he eventually said, brushing Connor’s cheek with the
backs of his fingers. “I just don’t think I’m gonna be any good to you right
now.”

“Then…then
maybe I’m good for you.”

Tears
fought to escape, but Connor held them back, maintaining his focus on Jared’s
startled eyes.
Believe me.

Jared
watched him for a few more seconds before sinking into his arms. “Yeah,” he
murmured, clutching him tightly. “You are.”

***

“Well
if it isn’t the prodigal friend,” Rebecca remarked as Connor slid into a seat
beside her. She stirred honey into her tea with one fair eyebrow arched. “I was
beginning to think you weren’t going to show.”

“Sorry.
I didn’t realize it was nine already. I was trying to catch up on all my class
work…it’s been a long week.”

“Mhm.
We’ve missed you at lunch. Seems to me you could spare a few minutes to stop by
then.”

Connor
inhaled the rich coffee and cinnamon aroma of the small café, struggling to
dampen his annoyance. He wanted the comfort of friendship, but he could do
without the guilt trips.

“I
told you, Veronica’s visiting hours are during my lunch break, and he needs me
there.”

“I
know.” She sighed, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “I’m not trying to give
you a hard time. I just want to make sure you’re still taking care of yourself
in all of this. He’s looking out for her, you’re looking out for him…someone’s
gotta look out for you.”

Connor
flushed. How could he be irritated with Rebecca when she was his biggest
supporter, as usual?

“I’m
doing all right, really. It’s Jared I’m worried about.”

She brought
her cup to her mouth and blew a swirl of steam toward him. “Maybe you two
should take a break from the whole nursemaid thing.”

“He
can’t. He thinks it’s his fault. The whole thing is just…crazy.”