Sojourner (6 page)

“Elizabeth!” Lev screams, running after me.

Despite the pain, I stumble.  I have to get away from him.  Get away from those eyes that burn through me.  The mouth that frowns at my pain.  He should not be there.  I should not be dying.

“What is wrong with you?”

I hear his voice so close to me before I feel his arm around my waist, tugging me to him.  I throw my weight against him, trying to break free.

“Let me go!” I scream.  My heart races and I can’t take in enough air.  I’m so tired and everything is blurry.

“Not until you talk to me.  I don’t know what’s going on.”  He firmly holds me but his arms are non-threatening.  Still, all I can think about is the dream.

“You were there.  You watched me die!”  The words sound crazy, but I can’t stop them any more than I can quit trying to escape.

“Calm down.”  He effortlessly stills my body as his fingers gently stroke my arm in soothing circles.  “Now tell me where I watched you die.”

“I just want to go home.”  I’m bordering on tears and I’m so frightened that the world is spinning.

“And I was taking you until you started screaming and jumped out of the truck.”  He waits for a few seconds longer before he offers, “Now if you’ll just take it easy, I’ll let you go so we can get back in the truck.”

Shaking, I look at him and find my reflection in those blue eyes.  I don’t recognize the girl there who trembles with fear, her mouth slack and eyes too wide.  She only knows fear.

Lev clenches his jaw and shakes his head.  “I’m not going to hurt you.  I swear.  Maybe you cracked your head on the ice or something.  But I won’t hurt you.  I need to get you home.”  He slowly releases me, still hovering as though he anticipates I will run, forcing him to catch me again.  I rub my hand where he touched me, my fingers trying to understand all the emotions and panic swirling around me.

I draw a shaky breath, trying to reconcile the Lev of my nightmares with this guy.  He frowns, and his hands remained close, as though he desires to hold me.

“I want to go home’” I whisper.

“Let’s go to the truck, and I’ll take you.”  He gently moves his hand toward my back but I forced myself to hurry so he won’t touch me.  It all blurs together, and I need some sleep.  I want to make it go away.  I can feel him behind me, ready to reach out.  He follows me to the passenger side and opens the door for me.  When he’s sure I’m inside, he closes the door and strides to the driver’s side.

The rest of the way home a silence flourishes between us.  His hand rests on the gearshift. And he keeps looking at me.

“Why are you in my dreams?” I whisper, staring at his perfect profile, his golden hair shimmering in the headlights of a passing car.  His frown deepens, and I know he’s hiding something, especially when I see his hands clench the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have a clue what you are talking about.”  The words come out through tight lips and he stares at the road, not at my face.  “What dreams?”

Knowing I’m not going to get anywhere, I shake my head and look away. “It doesn’t matter.”  I want to close my eyes, but I know the dreams will be waiting, and so will the Lev I don’t understand, the dangerous gleam in his eyes, not this person who is warm and seems to care.  How can I reconcile the two?

Without directions, he drives right to my house and pulls into the driveway where Jimmie stands on the porch.  As the vehicle pulls in, the headlights’ flickering arrests his pacing, and he’s already striding down to the pickup before I even open the door.

“Lizzie?”  He cranes his neck, checking both the driver’s side and the passenger seat.

“I’m right here, Jimmie.”  I step away from the car.  Even in the shallow street lamp light, he notices the baggy clothing draping my form.  And then his gaze settles on Lev.

“Where have you been?” he demands.  “I was worried sick about you when you didn’t come right home or answer your cell.  I was just about to drive to the cemetery.”    He stares at Lev.  “And who are you?”

“Lev Walker, sir.”  He offers his hand to Jimmie for an introductory shake.  Jimmie stands back until Lev lowers his hand.

“What happened?  And whose clothes are those?”

“Mine, Sir.  Elizabeth slipped on the bridge at the cemetery and fell into the water.  My father is Evan Walker, the cemetery caretaker.  We live on the property so I took her to my house where my sister, Celia helped her into a warm bath and gave her some of my dry clothes.  She was soaking wet and freezing.”  He swallows hard, probably wondering if Jimmie is going to come unglued.  Instead Jimmie grabs my arm.

“Are you all right?” he demands.  Worry lines crease his forehead, and his grip cinches down on me almost painfully tight.

“I’m fine, thanks to Lev and his sister.”

“Where is the Jeep?”

“At the cemetery.  I lost my keys and purse in the water so I thought maybe you could drive me to it in the morning right before school.”  Jimmie stares at us both, weighing our words against his better judgment.

“All right,” he finally concedes.  “I can do that.”  He slips his arm around me.  “Let’s get you inside.”

I let him lead me, aware that Lev still watches from beside his truck, keys still in hand.  My steps falter and I turn slowly.  “Lev?”  I say, my voice trembling.

“Yeah?”  His worried eyes stare.

“Thank you.”  I barely get the words out before Jimmie whisks me inside.  Maybe he is my downfall, but all I know is that he could have left me in the icy water.  That has to count for something, doesn’t it?  From inside, I stand at the window and watch him slowly slip into the vehicle and drive away.

“What do you know about that boy?”  Jimmie stands beside me at the window.

“He’s in a couple of my classes.  He’s quiet, for the most part.  A good student.”  Yes, I can tell Jimmie about the dreams, and Lev’s part in them, but I don’t want to.  Yes, I am afraid.  I’m not sure of what, but the fear is there nonetheless, and I can’t escape it.  I don’t know what’s happening.

Chapter Four

Morning light wakes me, the bright sunlight washing the bed with false warmth, I realize as I peel back the covers and touch my feet to the chilly hard wood floor.  Although I’d expected to dream about the soldiers again, the night has passed peacefully.

 And there is Lev, the image in my mind.

Rising, I fold my arms across my chest, trying to ward away the cold from within.  I close my eyes.  His face jumps into my head, stealing my breath yet again.  I swim in the ocean of his eyes.  Inside I burn from the warm of his skin.  And yet I cannot seem to pull away.  There are two camps fighting for possession in my soul.  One believes in the Lev of my waking world and the other only sees the nightmare Lev who will not save me.

I glance at the clock and realize it’s almost time to get up.  The radio alarm will go off soon so I reach over and shut it off.  Although I’m still tired, and half my body is sore from hitting ice, I force myself to shower, knowing Jimmie will awake soon to drive me to get the Jeep.

As I’m toweling off, I see the nasty bruises that cover both a hip and shoulder.  Staring at the purple blossoms that flower out unevenly, I cringe, hating the thought of  clothes touching my skin.  Still, I force myself into a sweater and jeans.  The pain is manageable.  Then I turn my attention to brushing through my hair and touching up my face.  Although the base conceals the minute flaws, it does nothing for the shadows of exhaustion lining my face.

No matter how I try to forget the nightmares, my thoughts return to them like I’m a magnet drawn to them, and while I’ve had them most of my life, usually they come and go in spurts, never long enough to wreak this kind of havoc.  But I can’t seem to shake them no matter how hard I try, and they seemed to be getting more vivid and intense.  My mouth goes dry when I think of them and my heart races as though it’s trying to leave them behind.

“Lizzie?  You awake?” Jimmie yells, coming toward my room.

“Of course,” I yell back.  “Just finishing up getting ready.”  Taking one last look at my reflection, I open the door and trudge down the stairs, carefully avoiding eye contact with Jimmie as we pass.  Normally he’d be wearing his security uniform, but since I really gave him a scare last night, he took the night off.  So it was probably a good thing I didn’t have any nightmares.  Otherwise he would have been up in my room so fast with questions I couldn’t answer as usual.

“You okay?” he finally asks when we pull into the cemetery lot.

“Fine,” I say, grabbing the handle and getting out. Clenching the spare key in my hand, I walk to the Jeep and get in, still feeling Jimmie’s gaze following me.  Once inside the vehicle, I look around the cemetery, my path of vision first falling on Mom’s headstone but then traveling around.

I don’t even know what I’m going to say to Lev.  That is if he’s still speaking to me.  He may not like bipolar people.

Glancing at the clock, I realize that if I don’t get a move on, I’ll be standing outside the school when the tardy bell rings.  Not a good plan.  So I force my thoughts to go on autopilot and drive to school.  Jimmie sits in the parking lot until I’ve pulled out and then he drives away.

The parking lot is pretty full of vehicles and deserted of people, signaling just how late I am.  I grab my backpack and head inside, managing to make it to my seat just before the bell rings.  Griffin watches my entrance, offering a wide smile.  Lev, on the other hand, is obviously double-checking his homework.  I keep staring at him while Mr. Maguire takes roll.  Still no return glance.  From my peripheral vision I realize that Griffin is still grinning.  He leans toward me.

“Hey, I’ve got a surprise,” he says.

I bet you do
, I think, gritting my teeth.  “Really?”  I feign an interest just to make him happy because I don’t have the energy to deal with him turning into a butt.

“Yeah.  Follow me to my locker after class and I’ll give it to you.”

“Sure,” I say nervously.  Glancing toward the front of the room, I can feel Lev staring at me, and I wonder if it’s because he just realized that I’m here or that Griffin is talking to me.  Trying to confirm one or the other, I turn my full attention to him, but before I can search the depths of his eyes, he looks away and busies himself with his homework again as Mr. Maguire lectures.

Part of me wants to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.  I have the most popular boy fawning all over himself to get my attention, and yet I’ve managed to alienate the one I’m drawn to because of stupid nightmares.

In daylight it is so much easier to separate myself from the horror, so much easier to forget what my mind keeps trying hard to bring to the forefront of my consciousness. 

I spend most of the hour, puzzling over Lev.  Not so unusual.  Most boys I’ve ever liked haven’t really liked me back, and let’s just say the few that have weren’t great ideas.  Lev’s already got two strikes against him: my dreams and the fact that I like him.  Now if I could just get that through my head.

When the bell rings announcing the end of the class, I’m still pretty much staring at him.  Griffin touches my shoulder, his fingers gently squeezing to get my attention.

“Hey, come to my locker.”

As I rise, I see Lev turn his full attention to me.  He clenches his jaw, suddenly seeming angry.  Before I can get a word in, he rises, collects his books, and brushes past me, his shoulder bumping mine callously.

“What’s his problem?” Griffin asks, grinning as though he already knows.  The question is rhetorical, but I still think about blurting out, “You” just to bug him.  Then Griffin sets his hand on my shoulder, a sign of possession I’m irritated by.  I shrug him away and put a couple of feet of safety distance between our bodies as we walk.