Solitary Man (15 page)

“You were done a long time ago,” Kevin retorted.

When they reached the door, Max glanced over his shoulder. “He might think he’s high and mighty and better than me, but the apple don’t fall far from the tree. You both remember that.”

Kevin gave him an abrupt shove out and the door slammed closed behind them. The sound of the car engine reached her ears. Wrapping her arms around herself, Nikki shivered. No matter how far away Max got, his parting words continued to echo in the empty house and in Nikki’s ears.

Not because Nikki believed him, but because she was all too afraid that Kevin did.

* * *

Kevin deposited Max face down in his bed, fully dressed, then headed on home. Facing Nikki tonight would be harder than looking in the mirror each morning, and that was saying a lot. But putting it off wouldn’t change the fact that his father was a drunk and had made a despicable scene. He’d also uttered truths Kevin would have preferred remained unspoken. But what the hell. It was nothing Nikki didn’t already know.

And if by chance, she’d started believing in fairy tales, tonight had dispelled the myth. So perhaps he owed Max for that. He stepped into the darkened house, expecting to find himself alone, Nikki closed in her room. He didn’t figure she wanted to look at him any more than he’d be able to meet her violet eyes. Eyes he was sure would be filled with pity or disgust. He couldn’t tolerate either.

Though the house was quiet and the overhead lights were off, the soft glow of a lamp beckoned to him from the family room. Just like Nikki to be thoughtful and leave a light burning for him, he thought.

With a weary groan, Kevin stepped inside the room.

“Are you okay?” Nikki asked.

Her soft voice took him by surprise.

Kevin was used to Max. She wasn’t. He glanced her way. “Are you?”

She bit down on her lower lip. “I feel responsible. He went into the basement earlier and I forgot to mention it… what with dinner and the tension, not that there’s an excuse…”

“Stop right there.” He held a hand up to forestall any more explanations.

“I don’t blame you for being angry.”

He raised an eyebrow. “If I’m angry at anyone, it’s at myself for subjecting you to him.”

“Don’t you think he’s responsible for his own behavior, not you?”

Kevin couldn’t help but grin. “Using that logic, you ought to lighten up on yourself, too.”

She tipped her head to one side. “So you’re not upset with me.”

“No, Nikki. I’m not upset with you.” How could he be? She was the one person who made him want to be better than he was—and the one person he kept letting down.

“But you’re still upset.”

“You always were perceptive.”

“I’m also here. For you.”

Though he’d be damned later, Kevin couldn’t resist the temptation—or the solace she offered. She held out her arms and he walked into her embrace.

No hesitation, no uncertainty. One minute Nikki was standing alone, the next he was there. She had no illusions. Kevin needed someone. If he hadn’t been emotionally drained, he’d never have turned to her now.

But somehow, it didn’t matter. Solid and sexy, his hard body aligned with hers, leaving no doubt where this could lead.

If she so desired.

She cupped his cheeks in her hands.
If she desired
. As if wanting him was ever in question. She’d sought the chance to show him what they could share. It seemed she was getting her wish in a way she’d never expected. Maybe she’d regret this in the morning. Or maybe she’d be looking at a brand-new start.

What better way for them to begin again than with the ultimate act of intimacy? If nothing else, they were good at that. Good at giving of themselves when the other one was in pain. What was so wrong with that? Didn’t that show a depth of caring not many people possessed?

He grabbed her wrists. “You know we shouldn’t do this.”

“Why not? It’s not like I could get pregnant,” she said with a grin.

Her attempt at lightening the situation worked, and Kevin laughed. But only for a moment. “I’m no good for you, Princess.”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of what’s good for me?” she asked. Her body ached in delicious ways and all because she was in his arms, inhaling his scent and imagining them entwined more deeply. She drew a breath for courage and pressed closer to him.

He let out a slow groan. “Nikki…”

“No more words, okay?” She touched her mouth to his. His lips were warm, but remained closed.

After seeing his father in action, Nikki understood how Kevin’s mind worked. He’d never had anyone give to him or take care of him. Rather, he’d always been the strong one. Which was why he possessed that all-consuming need to control. About why he tended to treat people like they needed his protection.

“I don’t need your protection,” she murmured. She threaded her fingers through his hair, feeling the soft strands between her fingertips. “But I do need you.”

A man couldn’t resist a plea like that—even if the reverse were true. Nikki didn’t need Kevin as much as Kevin needed her. She was warm and giving, and she wanted him. She wasn’t holding his father’s behavior against him, nor did she seem disgusted by tonight’s scene.

She seemed only concerned. For him.

And he needed that right now. Needed her. He cupped her face in his hands, much as she’d done to him. And he kissed her the way she demanded to be kissed. Her mouth opened in return and he lost himself in her.

Their clothes landed haphazardly around the room. Wanting more for Nikki than a fast tumble, he swept her off her feet.

“You do realize you’re lifting two of us,” she said, laughing.

“Do you hear me complaining?”

“I hope we’re going to bed,” she murmured. Her tone was sexy, her eyes glazed with desire.

“Can’t argue with that.” And he couldn’t. Not with them both undressed. The warmth of her skin heated his already overloaded senses. They made it to the bedroom and he lowered her to the bed before following her. At least the sheets were cool, a contrast to the fever burning inside him.

Kevin felt the give and take between them, sensed the need when he cupped her breast in his hand. The soft mound was fuller now than last time and the reason why was staggering.

With every movement and every touch, he was in tune to Nikki. But he couldn’t escape the feeling in his gut that they weren’t meant to be. That this time was inevitable, but it couldn’t… shouldn’t happen again. And from the frenzied way she writhed against him, he had a hunch she knew it too.

Entering her soft heat was like coming home. Too bad it couldn’t last.

TEN

T
he aftershocks of her climax had barely subsided when Kevin rolled off her. “Don’t want to crush you,” he muttered.

Nikki didn’t believe him. More like he didn’t want to be inside her once his brain kicked back into gear and he’d have to face what he was feeling. She inhaled and refused to give in to despair. The seductive masculine scent that was so much a part of him wrapped itself around her, giving her strength.

She wouldn’t give up a possible future. Not without a fight. She wasn’t sure when she’d made the decision. She did know she’d been struggling with it, fighting an internal battle between what was best for her baby and what was safest for her heart. There was no contest as to which was more important.

The scene with his father should have convinced her to back off and have nothing to do with him. After all, she’d seen why he couldn’t sustain relationships easily and knew what a struggle it would be to force him to try. He’d had no family to speak of growing up and she didn’t want her child raised with an absent father, or worse, none at all.

If she was to give her baby the sense of family she’d had, if she was going to give all of them that feeling of family, she’d have to start at the beginning. She reached for his hand and brought it to rest on the slight swell of her stomach, which felt like it had blossomed overnight. “You can feel the baby kick as early as fourteen weeks,” she said.

She met his gaze. No doubt he’d been expecting her to question his emotions or the reasons he’d backed off. But an overt grasp for his heart wouldn’t work. Instead, she planned to ambush him slowly until his heart and hers were so closely intertwined he couldn’t tell whose was beating stronger, or faster. Until he didn’t want to.

“It’s too soon then.” His fingers curled more tightly against her stomach. More possessively, she thought.

“It’s too soon,” she agreed. “But a few more weeks and it won’t be.” She looked into his dark eyes. “Will you want to feel it? Or will you want to run?”

He lay a hand over his forehead and covered his eyes. “You don’t ask for much, do you?”

Now that their lovemaking was over and the world had intruded, a chill rushed over her skin. “I’m not asking for anything at all.” She tugged at the bedsheet until it covered her exposed skin. The cotton was cool and did nothing to warm her, so she curled into Kevin’s body heat. The chill eased completely. She wasn’t surprised.

“I helped create this life. You know I want to be part of everything.” He wrapped his arm around her waist. Because she’d pushed first or not, she’d never know.

“I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have asked. But that aside, there was more of a point to the question.”

“What is it?”

“If you want to share in the physical changes in my body, we’re going to have to come to some kind of understanding,” Nikki said.

Kevin bolted upright beside her. “What kind of understanding?” he asked warily.

“I’ll marry you, Kevin. I’ll give my baby his father’s name and the best possible medical care. I’ll give you a home and try to be the best wife I can be. I only ask one thing in return.” She had a nerve asking anything at all, she knew. He was doing all the giving just to make her life—and their baby’s life—easier.

“Why do I think giving blood would be easier than whatever’s on your mind?” he muttered. “You have to know I’ll do whatever it takes to keep both of you safe.”

She sighed. So it all came down to that again. To responsibility. What she wanted from him entailed so much more. “Safety isn’t the issue, Kevin.”

She curled her legs beneath her. Being naked around him didn’t embarrass her which said so much about her trust and faith in him. Why couldn’t he see that?

They sat in silence. He obviously waited for her to continue. She couldn’t ask him to love her. Either he did or he didn’t.

She hung her head for a minute, gathering her thoughts. “A baby should be born into an atmosphere of peace and harmony. Into a family,” she explained at last.

She raised her head and Kevin met her gaze. “Like I said… you don’t ask much, do you?” She didn’t just want what he could give her or the baby. She wanted his heart and soul. His heart was rusty from disuse and aged beyond his years, while his soul was something he’d discarded when Tony died.

She might as well have asked him to cut himself in two. But he had to admit he’d set himself up for this. Every move he’d made had been an uncalculated step in this direction. Sleeping with Nikki, getting her pregnant, asking her to move in, insisting they marry.

And now she wanted it all—the white picket fence and the family out of a Norman Rockwell painting. How could he expect a woman like Nikki, a wholesome woman from a close-knit family, to want anything less? He actually envied her wide-eyed optimism.

If she thought he was capable of making the attempt, how could he deny her? “You really think someone like me can give you what you want?” he asked.

She nodded. “All I want,” she said softly, “is you.”

That’s what he was afraid of. “When?” he asked.

She inhaled and a visible shudder rippled through her. So she wasn’t any more sure of this arrangement than he. “As soon as possible.”

He wondered if she was still trying to convince herself marrying him was the right thing to do. He couldn’t blame her. As soon as possible would prevent either of them from changing their minds—or running from their feelings.

As soon as possible was the right thing for everyone. He nodded. “Next weekend work for you?” he asked.

Wide-eyed, she gave a small nod of assent. He looked into those violet eyes. Eyes that shimmered with emotion and brimmed with tears. No way were they tears of joy. She was stuck with him.

But they’d made their bed almost three months ago. It was time to sleep in it. Damning himself for a fool, he pulled her into his arms.

* * *

Nikki had to hand it to Kevin—he hadn’t been avoiding the house, nor had he been avoiding her. If his presence was all she wanted, then she’d have to say he’d been trying. Just as she’d asked.

Just as he’d promised.

But his emotions had remained firmly in check and despite her best efforts, she hadn’t been able to tap into them. With their wedding two days away, Nikki felt as though the minutes of her life were ticking down. She was marrying the man she’d dreamed of marrying, but for all the wrong reasons.

All the wrong
personal
reasons, she amended. She placed her hand over her stomach and wondered when the nervous jitters would turn into the real flutters described in the books. She couldn’t wait to feel her baby kick. Evidence of life symbolized hope. She’d do anything for the happiness and security of this child, even if it meant risking her heart.