Something Found (22 page)

“For what?”

Emily couldn’t believe he was asking the question with genuine curiosity.

“For that.” She motioned back behind them.

Robert shrugged. It was a movement she was beginning to equate with him. “It was bound to come out eventually.”

“But you two looked happy when you came in. I ruined your date.”

Robert nodded. “Well that’s true.” Then he smiled before she could feel too guilty. “Look, don’t worry about it. It was probably something I should have told her myself a while ago.”

“Why? So you could get the look I got?”

“Yeah. I’d say that’s why I didn’t.” He smiled and Emily couldn’t help being amused herself. “Charming isn’t she? At least you don’t have to go back home to her.”

“I’m sorry,” Emily apologized again.

“Oh, she’ll forgive me in a day or two. Then she’ll come up with something else to be mad about.”

Emily thought that was pushing it a bit but didn’t think it was a good time to be defending Joni. Robert was the one who’d just saved her after all. “But will she forgive me?”

“Not any time soon.”

Emily was hurt by his honesty but knew it was the truth.

His look became more serious. “Emily, it’s not that her father was dating someone. Although I’m sure that’s upsetting for her too. They all think of their mother as if she was some sort of saint. They don’t want her replaced. But if they’re forced to accept it they will eventually. But what she’s really angry about is finding out from you.”

“I know.”

“Joni is very protective of her family. A little too protective. She’s even kept me on the outside. When her dad offered me a job working at the furniture store she was the one who told him no. Not that I minded. It wasn’t really something I was interested in. But it was clear that in her mind there was a separation from her family and me.”

“Does she know you feel that way?”

Again Robert shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Emily found herself being pulled out of her own self-pity to really look at the man walking next to her. “She says you two used to laugh more and that you don’t now.” She left it there waiting to see what he would say.

“The Joni I met in London was a determined young woman who liked to have fun. She’s still determined but ever since we came back to Ireland she’s so much more serious. She wants to take on the weight of the world, or at least the weight of her family. I think it’s how she feels useful.”

“Do you still love her?” Emily almost slapped her hand over her mouth. Would she never learn?

There was only a short pause before he answered. “Yes. Very much. And I respect her.” Robert was staring off into the darkness in the distance. “But I miss the woman I fell in love with. I know she’s still in there. And I know she wants out. But that side of her never comes out around her family. She’s so used to being strong for them she doesn’t let herself have fun.” As he finished speaking he turned on her, stopping. “This is what she was talking about. This is what you do.”

Emily stopped as well, staring back confused.

“And this is no doubt how you found out about Martha. How do you do it? How do you just get people to open up?”

Emily shrugged, mimicking his gesture and feeling uncomfortable. She wanted to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about but she didn’t think he’d let her off that easily. “I don’t know. I just listen.” She stopped to think, pushing herself to come up with the real answer. “And maybe I let people know I’m vulnerable too. People don’t want to tell perfect people that there’s something wrong. But when you let them know you’ve got major flaws as well . . . . well . . . then they might open up.”

“Why do you do it?”

“I don’t know,” Emily’s voice rose an octave as she became more upset with herself. “I wasn’t always like this. I barely talked to anyone in high school. Then in college . . . . Maybe it was losing Jeremy, my cousin, that made me come out of my shell. Maybe it was wondering why my dad left and why my mom was such a bitch. I just became so curious about my friends lives, about their families, and why they were the way they were. It’s annoying isn’t it?”

Robert started walking again. “It’s hard to say. You do it unobtrusively. It’s only after I started talking about things that I realized you were doing it. Ever thought about becoming a psychologist?”

“It’s not like I’m a gossip,” Emily said defensively, not hearing his question. “I don’t go around telling people other people’s business.” Emily cut herself off as she realized what she’d just done back at the house. Her eyes darted to Robert’s face and she could see him smiling. “Well, usually I don’t.”

He started to chuckle then.

Emily stared at him uncomfortably.

Then he started to laugh.

Without meaning to Emily cracked a smile herself then joined him. It was funny after all.

“You’re something new for this family,” Robert said when he’d calmed down enough to speak again. “And Joni wouldn’t want to admit it but you are having an effect on her. She enjoys your company. She will hold a grudge about this because that’s her way. But she’ll eventually forgive you too.”

“I hope so. I’m still not sure what Collin’s reaction will be. You two came in before I could really be sure.”

“Collin will accept it. He might be a grump for a couple days, but I don’t think it’ll be anymore than that.”

They both fell silent thinking about their partners and what tomorrow would bring.

Emily was surprised when she could see her own house in the distance. The walk had gone faster than she’d expected. “Do you want to come in for a drink? Or do you want to spend the night until things cool down?”

“Tempting. But no. I’m sure I’ll be sleeping on the couch, but if I don’t go home it’ll only be worse for me in the morning.”

“How long have you known about Joseph?”

“A few months. It’s Orla’s aunt he’s dating isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d give Orla a call tomorrow if I were you. She might be able to give you a hand with Collin. She’s never put up with his shit in the past. She’s fairly good at setting him straight. And if he realizes it’s her aunt he’s objecting to he might come around that bit faster.”

Chapter 17

Emily turned over and stretched, her eyes still closed. Her mind was fuzzy and barely awake but she knew something was wrong. She stretched her leg that bit further and realized what it was. Collin was missing. The events of the previous night slowly resurfaced in her mind and she cringed.

She thought about staying in bed. Maybe Collin would come home and tell her he loved her and that everything was all right. But that was a maybe she wasn’t sure she could count on. With slow movements she dragged herself from the bed dreading the day ahead. She pulled on one of Collin’s sweaters breathing in the smell of him and, realizing the substitute would have to do for the morning, she headed downstairs to make herself some coffee.

She had just added one teaspoon of sugar and a fair amount of milk to the mug in her hand when the phone rang. She almost dropped her coffee in her haste to answer it hoping desperately that it was Collin.

“Hello?” She managed to hold back adding his name at the last second as the possibility that it might be Joni hit her.

“Emily?”

It took her a moment to refocus. It wasn’t a voice she’d expected. “Yes?”

“It’s your mother,” her mother said sounding slightly amused. “I know we’ve had our problems but I still thought you’d recognize my voice.”

“Oh mom.” It was all she could manage as her emotions reeled her in another direction.

“I got your letter yesterday. I tried to call you last night but nobody answered.”

“We were babysitting for Collin’s sister,” Emily explained in a soft voice.

“Oh, Joni. And how did that go? I’ve never really seen you with kids before.” The amusement was still there in her mother’s voice. It was something that was rare in their conversations together making clear just how much of a difference the letters had already made.

“Oh mom, I’ve made a mess of everything,” Emily suddenly exploded, breaking into tears.

“Emily, what’s going on? What happened? Calm down honey, I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”

“But it is. I’ve stuck my nose into everything that isn’t my business and now they’re all going to hate me.”

“Honey have you had your coffee yet?”

Emily found that question odd but answered it. “No. I just made it.”

“Okay well take your coffee and the phone over to the couch and sit down.”

“Okay.” It was comforting having her mother tell her what to do.

“Are you sitting down now?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now slowly explain to me what you’re talking about.”

Emily took a deep breath then launched into what had happened. She took her time going over all the details starting from the beginning. She explained how she’d been meeting Joseph in the pub and how he’d eventually opened up to her about having a girlfriend. And she explained how hard it was to get to know Joni in the beginning and how much she really liked her and valued her friendship. And she explained how the whole family felt about Colleen and how much her death had affected them all. She began to cry when she came to the part about sitting down to write her mom the letter and how she’d realized how much she’d affected her mother’s life negatively and how she didn’t want that for Joseph. She opened up about everything to her mother and for once felt completely secure in the knowledge that her mother loved her and wouldn’t judge her for her mistakes.

“Okay Emily. It’s going to be okay.” Her mother’s voice was soothing and reassuring, as if she were talking to a five-year-old. “I’m sure that by now the family has gotten to know you well enough to know you have good intentions. Of course they were upset by the shock of the news. Their father has been keeping this secret for quite some time and of course that would upset anyone. But once they calm down they’ll realize this isn’t your fault.”

“I don’t know . . . you don’t know Joni.”

“Oh Emily, you really can stick your foot in it.” Again amusement traveled down the line. But where once Emily would have felt hurt by her mother’s laughter this time she shared in it allowing herself a small smile.

“I know.”

“You said Robert told you you should call Orla. That really does sound like the best advice. At least then you’ll have someone to support you. I’m sure she can help calm them all down and this can all be sorted out. It’s really not as bad as it seems.”

“But Collin never even came home last night. He still hasn’t come home.”

“And what time is it?”

“It’s going on twelve.” As Emily said the words another thought occurred to her. “Jesus mom, what’re you doing up at this hour?!”

“There’s no need for that language Emily.” Her mother’s voice was reproving then it softened again. “I told you I got the letter yesterday. When I couldn’t get in contact with you last night I went to bed thinking about it. I woke up thinking about it as well and just couldn’t get back to sleep so I thought I’d call.”

“Oh.” Emily knew this was an important moment for them but didn’t know what to say.

“Anyway, I’m sure Collin just got stuck late at the house sorting things out with Joni. He couldn’t possibly stay mad at you about this. I’m sure he’ll be home any time now.”

“Maybe.”

“Look this probably isn’t the best time for us to have a chat about our own issues. You’ll probably feel better once you call Orla and start getting things sorted out.”

“Yeah,” Emily agreed because her mother’s advice seemed better than any thoughts of her own.

“But Emily,” her mother paused and when she spoke again her voice was filled with emotion, “I’m just so happy that you could open up to me and tell me what’s going on. It really means the world to me.”

“Thanks for listening mom. It means a lot to me too.”

“Call me and let me know how things work out, okay?”

“Of course. I love you mom.”

“I love you too.”

Emily hung up the phone and sat quietly where she was. She went over the conversation in her head then thought about past conversations with her mom. It had been years since she’d revealed that much of her life to her mother. She’d kept her at a distance for so long she was surprised at how comforting it was to let her back in.

But there was no time to revel in the moment. She had to get things sorted out with Collin and his family.

Emily made her way upstairs to find her mobile phone, hating how quiet the house was as she moved through it. Saturday was usually her favorite morning of the week, knowing she had two whole days ahead of her to spend with Collin. Now she was dreading the hours to come wondering what they would bring.

She felt a rush of annoyance at needing somebody else’s help with her own husband as she headed back downstairs, but pushed quickly past it. There were too many other things to consider to let pettiness get in the way.

The phone rang four times and Emily started to feel panicky. Then Orla’s calming voice answered.

“Hello Emily. What’s the story?”

Emily breathed out relief, but it didn’t quite reach her voice. “I need help.”

“What’s wrong?” Orla was instantly concerned.

“I messed up again.” Emily fell silent after that.

“Who’d you tell?”

Emily found it mildly amusing that Orla knew what she was talking about without her explaining, but not enough to laugh. “Well . . . I was telling Collin-.”

“That’s okay. Martha and I thought you might.”

“Yeah but I told him while we were up at Joni’s babysitting. And Joni walked in while I was telling him.” Emily said the words quickly, wanting to get them out and move past them.

“Oh.” The simple word expressed a lot.

Seconds passed very slowly as Orla’s mind raced. “Is Collin there now?”

“No. Robert walked me home and as far as I know Collin spent the night at Joni’s.”

“Right.” Orla covered the phone but Emily could still here her calling out. “Brendan. Forget breakfast and get dressed. We have to go.” Then to Emily. “We’ll be there as quickly as we can.”

“Thank you.”

Emily felt foolish as she dressed. This was ridiculous. It was Collin she was dealing with after all. But she found herself hoping he wouldn’t come home before reinforcements arrived. She tried to sit down to a bowl of cereal but was too nervous to eat. He hadn’t even texted. She wasn’t sure what that meant.

It was only a half an hour later when there was a knock at the door. Emily peered out the little round hole nervously still afraid of finding an angry Joni and was relieved to see Orla and Brendan.

“I still don’t understand why I had to come,” Brendan was saying as she let them in. “Nothing personal, Emily,” he added quickly. “But I just don’t see what use I’m going to be.”

“You’re moral support,” Orla told him brusquely. “Now sit down and be quiet.”

“Can I get you both some coffee?” Emily offered lamely.

“That’d be great,” they answered in unison.

In seemed another pot would be in order. “I’ll be back in a minute. Make yourselves at home.”

Emily decided she should put on some sausages as well. She felt guilty about them scrapping their breakfast plans and knew it was the least she could do. But breakfast was the one meal she never made. She had to think about the steps Collin went through, first digging out the big heavy frying pan, finding the vegetable oil, then cutting the sausage links into individual pieces and setting them to cooking. The coffee was ready by the time she had things in motion.

“Sorry about the wait.” She came through the kitchen door carrying two full mugs of coffee just as Collin opened the front door and came through followed by Joni and Kevin.

Emily jumped. Her nerves were wound so tightly she couldn’t help herself. The coffee went up in the air and came back down all over her and the floor. The scalding heat of it made her jump again repeating the episode once more.

“Shit!” Emily couldn’t hold back the tears.

Collin was at her side in an instant taking the mugs out of her hand. “Are you okay?” His sweater, which she was still wearing, was saturated at the sleeves and burning her. “Come up the stairs. We’ll get you out of this.”

Emily was halfway up the stairs, with Collin leading her and trying to get the sweater of at the same time, when she remembered the sausages. “The sausages!” She tried to turn around but Collin grabbed hold of her.

“You have to get this off,” he insisted.

“They’ll burn!” She was still trying to make her way back downstairs.

“I’ll take care of them,” Orla called up to her. “Get yourself cleaned up.”

She heard the whole group of them break into stifled laughter as Collin pulled her through the bedroom door.

Collin then lifted her arms and stripped her of the sweater. Emily complied to his movements as a child, slumping down onto the bed as he disappeared into the bathroom to get the burn ointment.

By the time he returned she was curled up in the fetal position, her sore arms stuck out in front of her, the tears still coming.

“Oh Em, does it hurt that much?” his voice was soft with concern.

Emily kept her head tucked down but managed to shake it. “No,” she mumbled.

Collin gently began rubbing the salve on her wrists. “Then why are you crying?”

“Because all I ever manage to do in this country is make an ass of myself.” Her voice broke as she said the words. Then she had to take a minute to sniffle before snot started coming out of her as well.

When she had pulled herself together a little bit she noticed that Collin had stopped applying the soothing lotion to her wrists. Even in her upset state she wondered at this. Then, when she inhaled deeply trying to breathe through her crying she noticed that the bed was shaking and it wasn’t from her. Emily looked up fearing the worse. Then the tears came even harder. “Even you’re laughing at me,” she managed in a completely defeated tone.

“Oh my poor poor Emily,” Collin said as he pulled her to him, but he was still chuckling with amusement. “What have we done to my poor little Em?”

Emily made a half-hearted attempt to pull away from him before letting him envelope her completely, pulling her onto his lap. “I wish you could see the humor in all of this Em.”

“Stop laughing,” she could still feel his body shaking in amusement.

“But it is funny.”

“You call me worrying all night about whether or not you’re still going to be angry with me funny.”

“No,” he agreed with a bit more levity in his voice. “I call it just deserts for you sticking your nose in where it didn’t belong.”

Emily was stung by the comment. “But Joseph told me. I didn’t go asking,” she said defensively.

Collin gave her a long knowing look. “Just the way you look at people is asking. And the fact that those eyes of yours draw secrets out of people is something you might want to take a little more responsibility for or else learn to curb.”

“Am I really that bad?”

“Yes.”

“Do they all hate me?”

“Who?”

“Joni and Joseph and your family. Are they really that mad at me?”