Something I Need (xoxo Nashville Book 1) (17 page)

She hit send before she could delete the hugs and kisses.

W
hen Nannie returned
from church she found a trembling and incoherent Cash on the bathroom floor. She’d gotten straight to business, dragging him up off the floor and throwing him into the shower. When he got out, a clean pair of boxers and a T-shirt were waiting for him.

Shit, he hadn’t even heard her come back in.

Nannie wanted to call Dolly so that she could come over and talk to him, but he refused. In the end, he’d let her call Jerry to get him to cover the bar tonight.

Despite the summer heat, Nannie made him a pot of homemade chicken and vegetable noodle soup, claiming it had cleansing powers. Considering his stomach was empty, he didn’t protest and scoffed two full bowls down, hoping they would stay down.

After his late lunch, Nannie urged him to rest on the sofa with her while Pop went out and attended to the cattle with Benny. She promised not to pester him about what had him so troubled or to offer him any further ‘insights.’ Eventually he agreed and together they watched one of Nannie’s favorite movies, You’ve Got Mail. Nannie loved the Meg Ryan-Tom Hanks pairing. Cash loved how she went on and on about not understanding why they weren’t a real life couple.

True to her word, she didn’t say anything more personal during the movie; she just kept refilling the cup of herbal tea in front of him. God only knew what was in it. He didn’t care and chugged it down, because it was warm and seemed to take the edge off.

Nannie was the only real mother he’d ever known, and he knew she had his best interests at heart. When it came to him and Dolly, he knew anything she did, she did out of the purest love. Reflecting on that now made him feel shitty for questioning her earlier.

B
odies and blood
. The little girl was twisted and limp, illuminated by the car’s headlights on the dark road. And his lovely Jonte speared by the star post. “No!” he yelled and flayed about, trying to save her. “No, no, no! Jonte!”

“Cash. Cash. Wake up.”

He stirred at the sound of Nannie’s calm, yet insistent voice.

“It’s okay. Everything’s fine,” she said evenly and rubbed his shoulder.

His eyes opened and the bodies were replaced by Nannie. Oh, thank God. He let out a long breath and sat up.

The last thing he remembered before his new worst nightmare, was watching movies with Nannie. Even though he was still on the old sofa, the room was dark, except for the dim light of the antique glass lamp on the side table.

“Just take deep breaths and I’ll get you some water.” Nannie stood up and left the room.

Get your damn shit together.

Cash swung his legs onto the floor and leaned forwards, his elbows pressed hard against his knees, his head drooping low in his hands. Slowly, methodically, he breathed in and out, in and out.

This was ridiculous. He was twenty-seven years old. He shouldn’t be plagued by nightmares and need to be rescued by a seventy-one-year-old woman.

“Here,” Nannie said, handing him a tall glass of water. He gulped it down, hoping it would help him gain some semblance of composure, and then rested the glass down on one of the floral coasters on the coffee table.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” He shook his head.

“If not with me, then maybe with someone else. A therapist perhaps?”

“I’m not crazy. I don’t need a shrink.”

“Never said you were, Cash. Something’s got you spooked and I thought maybe it might help to speak to someone. Let me call Dolly. Maybe she’ll help?”

“No!” Cash shook his head again, adamant he didn’t want Dolly getting wind of any of this. She’d never experienced the debilitating nightmares he’d had following their accident. By some small miracle, she’d managed to blank out the whole incident. For her, it was as if she had never even been there that night. No way was he bringing her into this. Plus, as far as he knew, she didn’t know anything about him and Jonte, and he wanted to keep it that way. “What time is it?”

“When I came down the stairs, it was just after one in the morning.”

“When did I fall asleep?” Cash rubbed his forehead. Everything was so foggy. He didn’t remember shutting his eyes and couldn’t believe he’d missed dinner. Why hadn’t Nannie woken him up? He decided that was a question worth asking, so he did.

“You looked peaceful. You were so tired and I was worried after finding you in that state when we got home from church. I added some calming herbs and natural sleep inducers into your tea.”

He nodded, suspecting as much.

“Please talk to me, Cash. What has you so troubled and anxious? It’s not that marriage business still, is it?”

“Not exactly.”

“But it has to do with it?”

“I guess in a way it does. Well, you know how you mentioned that dream earlier today, or yesterday now I suppose? It’s kinda changed. No, mutated. Now instead of mom driving, it’s Jonte. And instead of Dolly and me sitting in the backseat, it’s a little girl. Our future daughter, I presume.”

“Oh, Cash.” Nannie gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. “I’m so terribly sorry. I never expected what I said would upset you so much. I’m a bumbling old fool that needs to learn to shut her mouth.”

“No, Nannie. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’m just a little shaken.”

“Well, that’s to be expected.” Nannie paused before speaking again. “It’s just a dream, Cash.”

“I know.”

“What can I do for you?”

“Nothing. Go back to bed. I’m sorry about waking you. I’m gonna get some more water and go for a shower.”

Cash stood, picked up his glass and made his way to the kitchen. He spied Pop’s whiskey on the bench and poured a good couple of shots into his empty water glass and knocked it back. Figuring it probably wasn’t enough to put him out for the rest of the night, he poured the same amount again and gulped it down. He’d replace the bottle for Pop tomorrow, or later today. Whatever. Right now, he just needed to make it to the morning.

Oh, fuck it.

Cash swiped the bottle off the bench and took it upstairs. Just in case. He dropped the bottle on his bed and spied his cell.

Shit. There were two new messages. Both from Jonte. And she’d called too.

The messages were sweet. She was worried about him and had even done the girly thing and signed off with hugs and kisses. Maybe the alcohol had already kicked in. That would explain why when Crystal had sent hugs and kisses he’d freaked out and dubbed her obsessed, yet when Jonte did it, he thought it was endearing.

There was a good chance that Jonte was still awake right now. No doubt her shift at The Big Bang had either just finished up or was about to. Not that it really mattered. He wasn’t in any state to talk to her right now. Besides, what the fuck would he say? Things were crazy in his mind and he had no idea what it meant for them.

Based on his disturbing dreams, there really should not be a
them
. There should be a
Jonte
and a
Cash
. Two distinct, separate entities.

No
Jonte and Cash
.

No wedding.

No honeymoon in Bora Bora.

No future daughter.

No death.

No heartbreak.

Yeah.

Simple.

* * *

J
onte flopped
into bed and set her alarm. She had a plan: in the morning she was going down to clean and re-stock the bar. She’d seen Cash do it a bunch of times before, so she knew how he liked things and where everything went.

The need to help out in any way she could had plagued her all night. Before Dean picked her up to head into work earlier tonight, she’d ducked down to the bar and heard Dolly and Jerry talking about how Cash never took sick days because he never got sick. That worried her, especially considering Jerry didn’t know what was wrong with him. It concerned Dolly too, who had in turn called Nannie. Apparently Nannie had been extremely evasive about what exactly was wrong with him.

Jonte hadn’t heard back from Cash and hoped he was getting plenty of rest so he’d be better soon. Was it weird that she actually missed him? Gah! It had only been a day. But it was true. She missed his effortless charm, his sweet kisses, and even his cranky-pants snark.

R
ight after Dolly left for
work the next morning, Jonte headed down to the bar and let herself in. Dolly and Jerry had left it pretty clean last night, so she focused on wiping down all the windows, on both the inside and the outside, with Windex and scrunched up newspaper like Cash always did. To help pass the time, she turned the jukebox on and shimmied away as she went cob-web hunting with the extra-long duster. Once that was done, she swept up the mess she’d just moved from the ceiling to the floor.

It was almost lunchtime when Jonte started surveying the stock behind the bar. She’d just headed to the stockroom to grab a variety of the pre-mixed drinks when the jukebox suddenly cut off.

“Hello?”

Cash was here. Oh, sweet relief. If he was here, he must be feeling better.

She just about fell over her own feet as she hurried out from the stockroom, still carrying what was already loaded up in her arms.

“Hey, you.” She smiled, happiness radiating out of her as she sat the drinks down on the bar.

“Hey. What are you doing here?” He cocked his head to one side, all serious.

All she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and kiss him and touch him and maybe finally have her way with him on that pool table, and he was asking why she was here? Super weird. Where had playful and carefree Cash gone? Maybe he was still feeling a little off?

“I…I wasn’t sure if you’d be in today or not, so I came down to help out.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“Are you feeling better?” She stepped closer, skimming her hand up his arm. He flinched at her touch. “Did I do something wrong? Should I leave?”

Cash rubbed his forehead, then ran his hand through his hair and tousled it. Now that she looked more closely at him, she noticed the darkened skin underneath his bloodshot eyes.

“Cash?” she asked more softly this time.

“I think maybe you should leave,” he finally said.

“Are you contagious? I’m really worried about you.”

“Please, just go.”

“Cash?”

“Look, Crystal was right, okay? I don’t do relationships. Never have. Not in high school, not in college, and not in the past few years.” His voice had a hard edge to it she hadn’t heard before.

No.

Her breathing spiked, and her hands trembled, shaking and twitching like she’d played for forty hours straight.

Seriously? That’s what all this weirdness was about? He wasn’t interested in her anymore? It didn’t make any sense. She’d tried to walk away from him the first time they’d had sex, but he wouldn’t let her, and now he was pushing her away. What was the point of reeling her back if he was just going to do this? That was a real prick move!

“But you said –”

“Forget what I said.”

His words sledgehammered through her heart with a shocking force. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t resurrect her silly schoolgirl fantasies of what might have been. Now, they lay scattered all over the floor, dead on impact.

“So what, I don’t have the right to ask questions? To ask what the hell changed over the past two days? When I left here on Saturday afternoon everything was great, and now it’s Monday morning and you can’t even stand the sight of me? What the fuck is going on, Cash?”

“I’m fucked up, okay? Thanks for coming down to help out, but you really shouldn’t have. I’ll transfer some money into your bank account to pay you for this morning.”

Money?

She didn’t want his stupid money.

Jonte scooped her keys and purse off the bar and started unthreading the key to the bar as she stalked off towards the door. When she reached the door, she turned and threw they key in Cash’s direction.

“Fuck you, Cash,” she shouted, slamming the glass door behind her.

B
ile rose
in Jonte’s throat, her breakfast threatening to decorate the pavement, her heart ready to jump out of her chest and join it. He’d used her. Why would he do that? Did he derive some sick pleasure in luring girls in, making them fall for him, and then discarding them like trash?

She stood on the pavement trying to stop the tears that were threatening to escape.

It couldn’t be right. She’d felt things with him. And it hadn’t just been a spark between them – together they were explosive, shut-the-whole-fucking-grid-down explosive. Surely it wasn’t all in her mind?

It didn’t matter. He was completely right – he was fucked up and she was done.

Now what?

She didn’t want to go upstairs into what was technically his apartment. It wasn’t like she could call Dolly to bitch about her twin brother. If not Dolly, then who?

Dean.

She pulled out her cell and dialed his number

“S’up, J?”

“Hey, Dean. What are you doing today?”

“Nothing. You?”

“My day just freed up and I…I was wondering if I could come hang with you?”

“For sure. Need me to pick you up?”

“Do you mind?”

“Wouldn’t have offered if I did.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry. Thanks. That would be great. I’ll be on the footpath, walking towards Broadway.”

There was no way she was going to stand or sit here and wait for Dean to arrive. She needed to be gone. Now. Five minutes ago.

“Too easy. See ya soon.”

Excellent.

She hung up and started power walking up Division Street. Ugh, she was such an idiot.

Ten minutes later, Dean’s beat-up red Ford truck pulled up alongside her.

“Everything okay?” he asked when she slid onto his bench seat.

Perfect. But it was the obvious question. No way was she going into any specifics. She had no idea if the whole Dolly and Dean hook-up had been a one off thing or if they’d made some kind of friends with benefits arrangement. Not that she cared either way. Dean was a really good-looking guy, and what he did outside of their dueling together at work was his own damn business. She just didn’t want her business and anything she said getting back to Dolly, and then to Cash.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I had planned on helping out Cash this morning, but he was in a mood, so I left and I didn’t really feel like being alone.”

There. That was vague and kind of close to the truth.

“That dude’s strung pretty tight. If he and Dolly split from the same egg, she must have stolen all the personality.”

Jonte laughed. She was almost positive they weren’t identical twins, although they definitely looked similar. But besides looks, they were completely different people. How had that happened?

“So, what do ya wanna do?”

“I don’t mind,” she said and shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

A couple of minutes later, Dean pulled up outside their work.

“Do you guys do special rehearsals I don’t know about or something?”

“Nah.” Dean chuckled and grabbed his Stetson off the bench seat. “We’re not going into work.” He nodded in the direction of the ranch-looking bar across the road. A neon guitar and cowboy hat sat on top of the huge sign, which spelled out The Stage.

There were always impressive lines out front over the weekend, not that she had ever been inside.

“I don’t know if I’m really appropriately dressed.” She pointed at her ripped cut-offs and thongs.

Dean removed his hat and plopped it down on her head. “There, now you’re all set!”

Jonte adjusted his hat and then scooted out of the truck.

“Are you hungry? They do great tater tots in here,” Dean held the door open for her.

“Sure. Although, I have no idea what a tater tot is.”

He shook his head. “Well, that is a crime.” Dean grabbed her hand and dragged her over to the long bar. Wow. There had to be twenty, maybe thirty, wooden bar stools running the length of the bar. Cash’s bar was nice and had that whole modern industrial feel to it, but this was what Jonte had envisaged when she thought of a Nashville bar: wood everywhere, from the floor all the way up to the huge exposed beams on the roof, wide open spaces – with almost a dozen sets of small tables and chairs scattered throughout – guitars, and photos of all the Country greats plastered all over the walls.

“It’s pretty quiet. The music doesn’t start until two p.m.”

“They have live music on a Monday?” Jonte asked.

“Yep. Live music every day of the week.” Dean slid onto a stool and Jonte did the same. He ordered them a bowl of fries, a bowl of tater tots, and a couple of light beers. They chatted and sipped on the beers until the food arrived.

“Oh, tater tots are potato gems.” Jonte chuckled and popped one in her mouth.

“Potato gems?” Dean picked up a handful, but dropped them quickly, shaking his burnt hand.

“Yeah, that’s what we call them back home. Jerry, one of the bartenders at Cash’s bar, he and I spent hours comparing what different things are called. I guess we never got to tater tots.”

“Oh, I get it. Hey, we should probably move to a table before they all fill up.” Dean grabbed the fries and his beer. Jonte picked up the tater tots and her beer, and followed him.

He led them all the way over to the tables at the front of the stage and selected the tall one with stools that was hard up against the wall. He offered her the stool facing the stage and he took the one opposite. “Music’s always pretty good here, so you wanna be able to hear it.”

D
ean was right
; the band was friggin’ awesome. They mainly played covers of crowd favorites, but threw in a few originals Jonte really liked too. And despite being a Monday, the bar filled up quick smart once the music started.

The afternoon passed by and Jonte knew she should consider going back to the apartment, but she didn’t want to be was anywhere near Cash. Crap, maybe she should start looking for somewhere to stay again?

As if on cue, her cell chimed.

Dolly:
Hey, where you at?

Jonte:
Drinking beers at The Stage with Dean

Dolly:
Sounds like a plan, see you guys soon!

“Um, that was Dolly. She’s on her way. Shit, is that okay?”

“Sure.” Dean’s eyebrows furrowed together, like he didn’t understand why she had to ask. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I…I just wasn’t sure if it would be weird.”

“Shit only gets weird when people aren’t clear on what they want. Dolly’s a fun chick. We had a great time together.”

Dean’s words made Jonte’s mind spin more than it already was. That’s what she’d thought too. Initially she had no expectations. He was the one who’d insisted things were different with them, but then everything had gotten so screwed up this morning.

Jonte tried to concentrate on the music as the band finished their set and began packing up their gear.

“There’ll be another one up soon,” Dean said.

“Oh, cool.”

“Now don’t tell Sierra I said this, but at some point you wanna try to get a gig here. This is where all the big players come when they’re in town. Keith Urban stopped by and played last September, and a heap of singers have been discovered right there.”

“Wow. Thanks for the tip.”

“It’s all good. I’ll probably be playing next door forever and couldn’t be happier. But it’s just a pit stop for you, I can tell.”

“Dean.” She glared at him, peeved he’d put himself down like that. His talent was crazy amazing.

“Hey, I just wanna play music and make peeps smile.” He held his hands up in the air defensively and smiled like he didn’t have a care in the world.

“Well, you certainly do that. Thanks for today. I needed a friend.”

“I figured as much. Wasn’t really expecting to hear from you, but I’m glad I did.”

The next band were folksier and started with a Mumford & Sons cover. Jonte tapped away on the table. She adored “The Cave.” Who was she kidding, she loved everything Mumford & Sons. They were proof that bands with their own distinct sound could move into the mainstream and be hugely successful.

Halfway through the band’s second song, something by The Avett Brothers – Jonte had never heard of them, but Dean assured her they had a decent following in the States – Dolly showed up.

Dolly immediately plucked Dean’s hat off Jonte’s head and put it on her own. “I didn’t know we were allowed to steal your hat.” She winked at Dean and sat on Jonte’s lap.

“Do you two need a room?” Dean joked.

“What? There was nowhere else to sit. Thanks for saving me a seat. Some friends you two are!”