Something Like Winter (50 page)

Ryan pulled his lips back
in a snarl, then launched himself in Ben’s direction, pushing
party-goers out of the way.

No. Absolutely not! Tim
changed his stance, ready to deck Ryan before he could lay a finger
on Ben.

Tim tensed as he felt a
hand on his check, one that turned his head. He barely had time to
process this before Ben’s lips smashed into his and everything was
forgotten. The party, Ryan, the years of mistakes and regrets—all
gone. There was only Ben, and he was everything love should
be.

When their lips parted
again, the room silent, Tim understood. Ben knew that Tim would
never leave Ryan. He would have done so already if he could. But
they could drive Ryan away if they convinced him they were an item.
Tim didn’t need to pretend. Not about this. He looked over at Ryan,
leaving his emotions exposed. When Ryan saw the truth, a sob
escaped from his throat.

“
I’m moving in,” Ben said,
twisting the knife. “Tim asked me to. You are leaving and never
coming back. All of you.”

When no one reacted, Ben
mentioned cops and drug dogs. That did the trick. The street value
of the illegal substances these kids were carrying in their pockets
and bloodstreams was probably worth a fortune, and none of them
wanted to lose what they had. The house cleared out quickly. That
left Tim and Ben alone with Ryan, whose sorrow was shifting back to
anger.

“
I’ll kill myself,” he
said. “I swear to God I will!”

“
No, Ryan, you won’t.” Tim
slowly walked toward him. “I know you won’t, because you’re too
much of a coward. You’ve been running away since the day I met you,
away from your family’s disapproval, away from the one person who
loves you, but most of all you’ve been trying to escape from
yourself. I was once that cowardly, and you still are.”

“
I overdosed!” Ryan
whined.

“
And I was there holding
your hand in the hospital as they pumped your stomach. When I told
you that you almost died, you cried. I thought there was still hope
for you then, but I’ve seen you almost overdose every night since.
I don’t know how to fix you, Ryan. I wish I did, but it’s not going
to be my money that helps destroy you. Not anymore.”

“
You need me! Ben won’t
stick around. He’ll leave you and you’ll be alone. Then what will
you do?”

“
I guess we’ll find out,”
Tim put a gentle hand on Ryan’s shoulder, guiding him out of the
room. “Come on. We’ll pack your things.”

“
I’m not packing
anything!”

“
Then you’ll watch me do
it.” He tightened the arm he had around Ryan, trying to make it
feel supportive when really he just wanted to get him away from
Ben. Thankfully, Ben didn’t follow them out of the room.

“
You can’t make me leave,”
Ryan said on the way up the stairs. He kept stopping like they
would stand there and discuss it. Tim tried to keep him walking.
Eventually he gave up and went into the bedroom by himself,
gathering up Ryan’s things while listening for signs of trouble
from downstairs. But soon Ryan came into the room, his face
contorted with anger. “How long have you been seeing
him?”

“
Ben?” Tim smirked. “Since
I was seventeen.”

“
You know what I
mean!”

Tim grabbed a bunch of
shirts from the closet and stuffed them in the suitcase, hangers
and all. “We never stopped seeing each other. Not
really.”

“
So you’ve always been
cheating on me?”

“
Yeah.” Lying to
him—hurting him intentionally—wasn’t a good feeling. But it had to
be done.

Ryan sat on the edge of the
bed, head down, and Tim started getting angry himself. What right
did he have to act so hurt when he’s the one who cheated? Tim
packed the rest of Ryan’s things with little care, then called a
taxi while watching Ryan cry.

“
Where are you going to
go?” Tim asked him.

“
I don’t know.”

“
Go home. Your parents will
take you in.”

“
I hate them!”

“
You hate everything.” Tim
headed for the door. “Come on.”

“
No.”

“
I’ll call the cops if I
have to. Now come on.”

Ryan stood and took hold of
his arm. “Please,” he said. “Please don’t make me go. I’m
sorry.”

Tim ignored him, walking to
the front door and practically dragging Ryan along. Even when they
passed Ben on the way, Ryan kept begging, and Tim felt oddly
embarrassed for him. When the taxi arrived, he gave the driver a
hundred bucks and told him to take Ryan wherever he wanted. As the
taxi drove away, Tim stood in the street watching it go, the brake
lights blazing red before the car turned at a corner and
disappeared from sight.

“
You okay?”

Tim turned around to find
Ben there. “Yeah.” Then he gave in to instinct and wrapped Ben in
his arms. Everything about him brought comfort. The feel of his
body, the familiar scent of his skin, the warmth of his neck. “You
always know how to make things right. I’m a mess without
you.”

“
I’m awesome, I know.” Ben
gently pulled away. “I’m also in trouble. Jace is going to give me
hell when he finds out I kissed you, no matter what the reason.
You
are
going to
make all my suffering worth it by never seeing Ryan again,
right?”

Tim stepped close. “Since
you’re going to be in trouble anyway—”

Ben playfully pushed him
away and they laughed.

“
Oh, man.” Tim looked
toward the house. “Chinchilla is still locked up.”

“
She’s fine,” Ben said.
“While you were upstairs I let her out and gave her some honey ham
I found in the fridge.”

“
That’s good.” Tim stared
at him and couldn’t help wishing things were different. He supposed
he always would.

“
I should probably go,” Ben
said.

“
Don’t. I mean, not
forever. We could hang out sometime. After all these years, we
should be able to be friends, right?”

Ben studied him. “Do you
mean that?”

Of course not. “Yeah. It’ll
be a test of just how nice Jace really is.” He chuckled nervously.
“Maybe I can have you guys over sometime. Uh, but not like
Splashtown. No ulterior motive. I just want you in my
life.”

That was true. After all
this time, Ben should be more than just a painful memory. Being
friends was better than nothing.

“
No promises,” Ben said,
“but I’ll talk to Jace.” He hesitated as if he had something more
to say, but then he shook his head and headed for his
car.

“
Thanks, Benjamin!” Tim
called after him, and despite it all, he couldn’t help grinning.
Then he went inside, ready at last to clean up his mess. And maybe
look up a good maid service to help get him started.

Chapter
Thirty-two

Tim threw a party that
weekend. Not a Ryan-style puking-on-the-carpet,
overdosing-in-the-bathroom party, but a much more respectable
Sunday barbeque in the backyard. Of course he waited until Ben and
Jace agreed to come before making arrangements, inviting Marcello
and some of his more pleasant friends. As a show of goodwill, he
even invited Allison and her husband.

And now they were all here,
gathered together in a comfortable scene worthy of Norman
Rockwell—if he had ever painted gay guys and interracial couples
grilling steaks beside a private pool. Marcello’s date was a
younger Asian guy who seemed bookish, and Brian, Allison’s husband,
was just as plain as she was pretty. Brian, it turned out, was the
owner of Twilight Theater and the very same person who had let Tim
in the other night. Then there were a handful of older gay guys and
a pair of lesbians who were eyeing the pool like they wanted to
strip down and dive in.

Tim manned the grill,
letting his guests enjoy themselves while he made every effort not
to stare at Ben and Jace. They sat across from each other, deep in
conversation at one of the picnic benches Tim had bought for the
occasion. What did couples talk about after so many years together?
One thing was certain: They looked happy.

When Ben came up to him
alone, grabbing two paper plates, Tim played it cool and said,
“What can I get you and your dashing boyfriend?”

“
I don’t know where to
begin,” Ben said, eyeing the food. “Did you make all this
yourself?”

“
Of course,” Tim said. “How
hard is it to marinate meat?”

Ben nodded at one of the
tables. “Even the dates stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in
bacon?”

“
Is that what those
are?”

Ben chuckled. “You either
talked some lovesick guy into making all this or you hired a
caterer.”

“
Caterers,” Tim admitted.
“I may have to fire them. These hot dogs look a little
gray.”

“
They’re bratwursts, and
they’re supposed to look that way.”

“
Oh!” Tim replied
innocently.

Ben took two, and after
loading his plate with other goodies, headed back to the bench
where Jace waited. Tim shouted that lunch was ready, and soon his
guests were plundering the spread. He watched them with
satisfaction, serving brats and feeling a little embarrassed when
Allison and her husband approached. Hopefully the guy hadn’t
overheard his argument with Ryan in the theater.

“
Thanks for having us,”
Brian said.

“
My pleasure,” Tim replied.
“Have a wiener. You too, Allison.” He eyed the gold band on her
finger as she took the plate. “How’s married life treating
you?”

“
Good!” Allison beamed. If
Jace and Ben were going for world’s happiest couple, they had some
competition.

“
How did you two meet,
anyway?”

Allison glanced over at
Brian, who gestured that she should tell the story. “I was
volunteering at a hospital. Brian was in one of the programs I was
leading, and we just sort of hit it off.”

Tim cocked an eyebrow.
“Putting the moves on a patient? Isn’t that immoral?”

“
Absolutely,” Allison said
shamelessly. “Besides, that was just my apprenticeship. I’m a
counselor now.”

“
Which means no more
flirting with patients,” Brian chimed in.

Tim laughed. “Wow, a
counselor. Go Allison! Maybe you should leave me your card. With
all my problems, I’ll keep you in business for years.”

“
Actually,” Brian said,
scratching at the reddish-brown hair of his beard, “I wanted to
invite you to something similar. I’m a recovering alcoholic.
Haven’t touched a drop in two years. Ben was telling us how he’s
worried about your drinking. I’d be glad to have you at one of our
AA meetings if you’re interested.”

Tim shifted uncomfortably.
“I know this is going to sound like I do, but I don’t have a
problem. I just need to slow down.”

“
Well, if you find it
harder to slow down then you thought, my phone number and email
address are right here.”

Tim accepted Brian’s
business card, feeling somewhat embarrassed. He wasn’t an
alcoholic, was he? He thought longingly of the cold beer bottles
buried in ice in the cooler, and realized he’d be going without
today—and for a while after. He was sure he didn’t have a problem
and wanted to keep it that way.

After more chitchat, Tim
excused himself and kept grilling, snacking between serving hungry
guests. Ben was worried about him, huh? That was something, at
least. After everyone had eaten their fill, even Marcello, Tim did
something he’d been nervous about all day and went over to
Jace.

“
Can I talk to you for a
minute?”

Jace looked between him and
Ben and nodded. “Sure.”

Tim led him away from the
party to the side of the house, willing his pulse to slow. This
could get ugly. Hopefully the legends about Jace’s niceness were
true.

“
What’s up?” Jace asked.
His expression wasn’t entirely friendly, but he wasn’t sneering,
either.

“
I just wanted to
apologize,” Tim said, extending a hand. “I figure it’s long
overdue.”

Jace eyed his hand but
didn’t accept it. “What exactly are you apologizing for? And before
you answer, do us both a favor and think about it carefully. If
there’s one thing I won’t put up with from you, it’s more bullshit
and lies.”

Ouch! Was it too late to
scamper back to the party with his tail between his legs? But Jace
was studying him, waiting for his response. The truth? Tim didn’t
regret trying to get Ben back or kissing him when he had the
chance. He wasn’t sorry for trying to steal Ben away from Jace.
When he considered the absolute truth, the answer was
obvious.

“
I’m sorry for hurting
Ben.”

Jace grabbed his hand and
shook it. “Apology accepted.”

Tim laughed in relief.
“Jesus, dude! Everyone says you’re a saint, but you’re kind of
scary, you know that?”

Jace winked. “Remember that
right hook?”