Sometimes, Forever (Sometimes Moments #2) (15 page)

“G
oddammit, Peyton!” Cooper cursed as he threw his phone onto the couch. It had been four days since she had him leave her.

His calls and messages had gone unanswered.

He sat down on the couch and ran his palms over his face.

Cooper had just wanted to know that she was okay. Every time he had stopped by the hotel, she was out. When he had visited her house, she wasn’t home. She was intentionally avoiding him. He let out another exhausted exhale and eyed the beer bottle on his coffee table. Whiskey was a better option, but he hadn’t picked any up. He wondered if Jay Preston’s pub had any. It was the local pub, so he was sure they would.

But he didn’t want to do anything stupid while intoxicated. It was a small town, after all. Whatever he did would find its way back to his girlfriend.

Ex
-girlfriend.

“I don’t even know,” he muttered to himself.

He had no idea if he was still in a relationship with her. When he had asked if she was breaking up with him, she had said yes. Then she had said no. But Cooper couldn’t forget that yes had been her first answer.

The burning in his chest had been an absolute nuisance since he’d left Peyton. Never dwindled. Continued to burn brightly, no matter how much he wanted it to stop. With each delivery he made, it became more and more frustrating. He was devastated. His girlfriend found shame in them, and he had no idea how to remove it from her.

Reaching for the beer bottle, Cooper decided that if he couldn’t remove the pain she inflicted, then he might as well attempt to dull it. In the safety of his house, he could drink away Peyton.

Even if it were just for a little while.

Maybe enough to get some sleep.

The bell rang as Cooper stepped into the Spencer-Reid. As usual, Jenny was behind the front desk. And just like the last five days, she gave him a sad smile.

He knew what that smile meant.

She pitied him.

Even if Jenny Fields liked him, she sided with Peyton. Cooper had seen it. She treated his girlfriend like her own daughter. It was sweet to see. Peyton had lost her parents in a car accident, but she had her own family who loved her and were there for her.

His shoulders sagged as he made his way to the front desk. Upon reaching it, he set the hotel’s large crate order of lavender down. Then he took the clipboard out of the wooden box and handed it to the hotel’s operations manager.

“Morning, Jenny,” he greeted. He heard it for himself; he’d heard the flatness in his voice.

“Morning, Coop.” That pity smile returned as she took the clipboard and signed the bottom of the delivery invoice slip.

He knew what the upcoming answer would be, but he would still ask. “Is Peyton in today?”

Jenny shook her head as she set the clipboard down. “No, I’m sorry.”

Cooper knew she was lying. He appreciated that she had tried to sound believable. Her loyalty lay with Peyton, not him.

He forced a sincere smile and picked up the clipboard. “Do you mind telling her to call me? I just want to know that she’s okay.”

“I will,” Jenny promised.

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he spun around and headed for the entry. He had six more deliveries to make. He hoped that would keep him busy and keep his mind off the call he hoped would come. But deep down he knew that there would be no call. Not after he remembered the regret in her eyes.

She didn’t talk to me for almost a week. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I stormed to her house.

“C
ooper, if you get out of that car, you are going to make the worst mistake of your life,” his sister, Margot, warned through the phone.

“I can’t take it anymore. I hate not knowing what I am to her, Margie. I love her and I have to pretend that I’m okay with not knowing if I’m her boyfriend anymore,” Cooper said, his vision blurring with his tears.

He was emotional.

He’d never been this emotional in his entire life.

“You gotta give her more time. Neither of us has gone through what she has. I don’t think we could ever understand how she feels,” Margot said, the sadness in her voice had Cooper wrapping his fingers tightly around the steering wheel.

“I know,” he said softly. “But I’ve had enough of not knowing. If she wants to be done with me, I’d like to know.”

Margot sighed. “I can’t stop you if you want closure or whatever. Go. But I honestly think you are making a mistake. I really, really want you to listen to me. Don’t get out of your car. Go home, Coop. Go home,” she urged.

Cooper watched as the window lit up. Then he saw a shadow and knew she was in her lounge room. He pulled the key from the ignition.

“I’m sorry, Margot, but I can’t live like this. I need her to put me out of my goddamn misery,” he said.

“Okay,” she said, the disappointment laid thick in her voice. “I’m here if you need me.”

He hung up and threw his phone onto the passenger seat. A deep breath later, his fingers found the door handle. Cooper pulled on it and opened the car door. He stepped onto the nature strip and stared at her weatherboard house. It had been a week since she had sent him packing with his tail between his legs.

But not this time.

If Peyton wanted to end it, then sure.

But he needed to know why.

What did he do?

Why did she regret that one perfect night?

Why did she cry?

His pride was shot. His heart in pieces and his anger reaching a peak it had never reached before.

Cooper had stormed up the steps until he stood on her doormat. He sucked in air through his nostrils and then formed a fist.

He banged on the door, yelling, “Peyton! Let me in!”

His knocks had halted for a moment to hear if there were footsteps.

There were none.

He slammed his fists against the door once more. “We need to talk. You at least owe me that!”

Then he saw her shadow through the stained glass window panels of the door. Seconds later, the door opened wide to Peyton standing there. Her eyes were red and her hair was up in a messy bun. Cooper was slightly pleased by her appearance. If she had been all dolled up, he’d be insulted that she was able to move on so quickly with her life.

She said nothing as she stepped aside, allowing him access into her home. Cooper made his way inside and made it several steps when he heard the door close. He spun around to face her. Her sad, tortured eyes killed him. He hated it. Hated the wounded expression. Hated that he had no idea how to fix any of it. Hated how much he hated himself.

Cooper’s hands made fists as he waited.

Somewhere, he heard a clock tick each second of silence that passed between them.

All Peyton did was stare at him.

Having had enough, he decided to speak first. It was the only way to progress through this confrontation.

“What did I do, Peyton?” he asked.

She said nothing.

And her silence only broke his heart further.

Cooper took a step forward. “What did I do, Peyton?” he repeated, and it sounded more like a demand.

She blinked several times.

That was it.

His heart felt as if a blunt knife had split it in two. She had no idea how much she had hurt him with her unwillingness to talk.

He couldn’t hold back his anger as he yelled, “You’d rather me dead and Callum alive, don’t you? You hate that I’m alive and he’s dead! You hate that you slept with me. You wish it were him and not me! Well, guess what, Peyton? He’s dead! And right now, the way you look at me, I’d rather
I
were the dead one. Maybe you’d love me more.”

Tears had formed in her eyes before they spilt down her cheeks. He watched the pain consume her face. Cooper was mortified at what he had said. What he had accused her of.

Peyton sobbed as her teary gaze fell to her hands.

His sister was right.

He had made the worst mistake of his life.

Now, he knew for sure that he had lost Peyton and the chance of her loving him.

Peyton sniffed and clutched her chest. She walked past him, not making eye contact. Then seconds later, Cooper heard her bedroom door shut. He didn’t blame her for walking away. He had said the worst thing he had ever said in his life.

“
Shit
,” he murmured.

Cooper knew what he had said was wrong.

He had handled it badly.

Unsurprising to him, his own tears welled up. He had hurt the woman he loved so much more than she had deserved. He took a deep breath and made his way to the front door. Ensuring that it was locked, he stepped out of her house and closed the door behind him.

He knew the moment he had said that she’d love him more if he were dead was the moment he lost her.

It took mere words to break not only Peyton’s heart but also his own.

I’m not proud of those words. I’ll always regret saying them.