Somewhere in His Arms (74 page)

              Gavin woke the next morning to find Lucy outside; knee deep in putrid muck and wearing a pair of rubber gloves to scoop up what was left by the neighborhood strays. “Need some help, sis?” he called out to her. Her dark head snapped up, and she waved to him with a little smile. Gavin could see why his brother was so smitten. He tugged on an old pair of sneakers and retrieved a broom and dustpan from the kitchen.

             
The sun was shining brightly this November morning with no hint of the wintry weather that was pummeling the rest of the country. Gavin tied a bandana over his face to filter out the nauseating stench of banana peels and rotting chicken carcasses. His sister-in-law had no such problems and happily bent over the foul-smelling miasma like she was tending a rose garden. It took them an hour to scrape up the mess, put it into garbage bags, and hose down the street. When they were finished, Lucy raced into the house to beat him to a hot shower while Gavin contented himself with reruns on the telly while he waited.               When she was finished, she called to him and he raced upstairs to wash the stench off.

             
Now that they were both clean, Lucy offered to take Gavin out for a spot of lunch and shopping for new clothes. He didn’t know why he needed new clothes when Alec’s fit him just fine, even if they were two sizes too big.  “I don’t think so,” he said, whilst munching on stale popcorn and washing it down with soda. “We’ll save money by
not
shopping.”

             
“Oh, stop!” Lucy groaned in exasperation and tugged a brush through her damp hair, tying it back with a colorful scarf. “It’ll do you good to get out and get some sun.”

             
He put his feet up on the coffee table and began to channel surf. “Well, have a jolly good time…without me!”

             
Lucy could sense when something was wrong with Alec. Now, she felt it with Gavin. He seemed in a mood today, hardly eating anything but junk food, and tossing on a wrinkled t-shirt and baggy jeans. She sat down beside him and willed him to look at her. “What’s wrong?”

             
Gavin kept punching in the same channels over and over again, until finally he gave up, and tossed the remote onto the table. He glanced sideways at Lucy and crossed his arms defensively over his chest. “There’s nothing
wrong
with me,” he said sullenly.

             
“Okay,” she said, settling back against the pillows and crossing her arms over
her
chest. “There’s nothing wrong with the both of us.”

             
They sat in companionable silence for what seemed an eternity before Gavin finally realized he was being played like a fiddle. “Oh, all right!” he yelled and jumped off the sofa. “I’ll go!” He marched off to find a light jacket and a clean pair of trainers.               Lucy was waiting for him on the front stoop wearing a loose pair of jeans and one of Alec’s university hoodies. Gavin glared balefully at her, but she simply stared back with those doe-eyes as if knowing what had set him off in the first place. She neither gloated, nor seemed smug. She just seemed to be…waiting.  “Ready?” she smiled instead.

             
He followed her onto the sidewalk. “Aren’t we driving?” he frowned. Pat had left the hatchback in the garage for them to use, but Lucy seemed bent on walking today. “Don’t tell me we’re walking!”

             
“And why not?’ She reached out and caught his arm. “It’s a lovely day. The sun is shining, and we’ll get to ride a streetcar. You’ll love it!”

             
Gavin allowed himself to be tugged along like a child being carted-off to his first dentist appointment. He didn’t know how someone so little could be so…pushy. “Do you do this to Alec, or am I special?”

             
She turned in surprise to see the look on Gavin’s face. Lucy stopped and faced him.
“Now,
what’s the matter?”

             
He wondered how long it be would before it all caught up to him. But he thought he’d be trussed up in one of those funny jackets and in a quilted room when he finally lost his shit. No, it
had
to happen in broad daylight,
in
a residential area,
and
with his brother’s wife looking at him with those big brown eyes. Gavin couldn’t take it anymore and collapsed promptly onto the sidewalk and buried his head in his hands. He began to weep, wishing his mother were here. He felt Lucy’s quiet presence beside him instead, and he was grateful for her silence. It had been a long time since he allowed himself to feel anything resembling remorse or self-pity.

             
After a while, he was able to look up and not feel as if the world was coming to an end. “At the mall,” he began, wiping his nose on his sleeve, “these…girls…were looking at me.” Gavin took a deep breath before continuing, “They couldn’t have been more than 15-years-old, and they...
knew
me!” The realization that he might have contributed to the loss of a child’s innocence led to a fresh round of self-flagellation. “How do little girls get to know me, huh? How do they…
know
what I’ve… done?” The last word was choked out. He began to wonder if Lucy was listening to anything he said when she pulled out a pocket pack of tissues and handed him several.

             
“Blow,” she commanded gently and waited patiently as he did just that. “Feeling better?” she asked after he’d demolished several tissues.

             
“No,” he sighed finally. “There’s more…if you…want to hear it.”

             
“Okay,” she whispered, trying not to cry for him. “I’ll listen.”

             
“Before…Harvey decided to put me in those…films…he let me live with him. I didn’t have to pay rent or nothing…but sometimes…he’d…have these…um…parties.” Gavin swallowed hard and focused on his clenched hands. “He’d invite all these celebrities and he’d have me…dress up for them. Sometimes…he’d make…me wear…certain…outfits.” He stopped just then to see what effect this sordid tale was having on his sister-in-law. She was white as a sheet but nodded for him to continue.

             
“He’d make me and this other boy dress…up in these leather shorts…and he’d have us crawl out on…all fours…with chains around our necks.”  Gavin clenched his hands together so hard the nails began biting into his skin, drawing blood. “They’d all clap and holler…and…laugh. The women would jump on our backs…and ride us around the…room, hitting us with whips. Then we’d…perform for them…with each…other…or…with them.” Gavin hung his head in shame. “Please don’t tell Alec,” he pleaded hoarsely. “Or dad.”

             
Lucy’s eyes were wet with unshed tears, and she let them fall freely. She didn’t know what to say or what to do that would make his obvious shame go away. So she showed him instead. She jerked up her sleeves to show him the scars. “Do you know what these are?” she asked as her eyes met his.

             
He nodded. “Why…?”

             
“When I was thirteen, one of Viv’s boyfriends decided to visit me at night. After he was done, I did this,” she fingered the scar lightly. “I figured anything was better than having him in my mouth again.” Lucy dragged her eyes from his and pushed down her sleeves. “You’re not the only one who’s scarred you know.”

             
“Does Alec know?” he asked, his voice a horrified whisper.

             
“He does.”

             
“What did he say when…you told him?”

             
“Well, he…” her voice caught at the memory. “He told me that whatever happened wasn’t my fault. That it had nothing to do with me and who I am now and that I had to stop blaming myself because he didn’t and that he would always love me.” Lucy swiped at the tears that didn’t seem to want to stop and smiled tremulously at Gavin. “I think your brother would say the same thing.” She reached up and wiped at this cheeks with a tissue like she would a child. “He’s like that you know.”

             
“Is he?” Gavin said, feeling somewhat relieved. He’d been afraid Lucy would look at him like he was a monster. “I still think I should take it to my grave.”

             
“That’s your choice,” she slapped him on the shoulder and stood up, squinting in the mid-morning sun. “You can wither away like a dying plant and let it define you, or you can dig yourself out of the wretched hole you’ve dug for yourself and start living again.” Lucy held out her hand. “It’s up to you.”

             
He looked up at her in wonder. “Is that what
you’ve
done?”

             
“It won’t be easy,” she warned. “But I’ll help you every step of the way if you want. Alec will too, if you’ll let him.”

             
Gavin pondered this as he peered up at the petite brunette who possessed enough mettle to rival that of Winston Churchill. She was too young to be this dauntless, but he figured living in a house with
that
bitch had forced her to it. “You can’t tell mum.”

             
“I won’t if you don’t want me to.” Lucy smiled and reached down for his hand. “Come on, I’m hungry!”

             
He took her hand and stood up, brushing himself off. They walked down the street in quiet contemplation, when Gavin suddenly remembered something. “Isn’t this where they filmed that movie with Steve McQueen?”

             
“You mean
Bullitt?”

             
“Yeah!”

             
“I guess so, why?”

             
“Can we get that?” he asked eagerly.

             
“Come on!” she groaned, and towed him along, wondering idly if this was what having children was like. If it was then by the time she and Alec decided to have a few of their own she was going to be exhausted.

* * *

             
“That’ll be 500 dollars,” the mechanic informed them as he swiped his face with a filthy bandana.

             
“500 dollars!” Pat choked back in outrage. “That’s outrageous! I won’t pay it!”

             
“Oh yeah?” the burly man in dirty coveralls grunted. “Well, maybe I’ll tow you back and you can sit in the desert all by your big self and think about it.”

             
“Just pay the man, dad!” Alec said irritably, stepping between Pat and the man who’d taken the time and energy to haul their sorry arses all the way to Las Cruces. They’d sat in the desert all night, listening to the hungry howls of coyotes and trying without any success to get someone on the radio. It was only by a pure stroke of luck that a trucker made a wrong turn and found them on the side of the road. He’d called on his CB radio for them and here they were. “Here,” he said, taking out his credit card, and glaring at Pat whose pockets were deep enough already. “Put it on this.”

             
“Can’t do that, sonny,” the mechanic said with a rueful shrug of his heavy shoulders. “Cash only.”

             
Alec swore and stalked over to Pat and searched the man’s pockets. He yanked out his wallet before Pat could protest and withdrew five 100-dollar bills. “W-What do you think yer doin’ laddie?” Pat blustered in righteous indignation. “That’s me money!”

             
“And now it’s
his
money,” Alec retorted angrily as he handed over the bills. “Don’t start, dad. I’m not in the mood.” He was tired and hungry and he hadn’t been able to get hold of Lucy. “Not unless you want me to throttle you right here.”

             
“Fine,” Pat grumbled, and went off to sulk by the soda machine. “But I’m telling yer mum.”

             
“Fine,” his stepson said, twirling his index finger next his ear. The mechanic chortled loudly at this and went inside the garage to ring up the total. Alec plunked himself down onto a nearby bench and tried to text his wife. He was eager to see how she and Gavin were doing. He didn’t like leaving her alone, but he knew Gavin wouldn’t let anything untoward happen to his beloved. He dug around in his jacket for a stick of gum and popped it into his mouth. His jaws began to work the strip into a bland wad of mint. “You going to pout all day, dad?” Alec called over to Pat who was busy chugging a cheap soda and fuming over his lost 500 bucks.

             
“I might!” Pat called back angrily. “Don’t think I won’t forget this!”

             
“Very mature, dad!” Alec said dryly and continued to try and contact Lucy. He didn’t think it odd that she wasn’t answering her phone since she sometimes went a couple of days without checking her messages, so he left her a voicemail and hoped to reach her later in the day. “We should check into a motel,” he said more to himself than his stepfather.

             
“What’s that, laddie?”

             
“I said we should check into a motel to refresh our batteries, dad. We need to sleep and shower. It’s going to be a long drive out.”