Somewhere Only We Know (15 page)

Alex

Nadia was more relaxed here in her home environment; less gung ho and get up and go. She sat cross-legged on the floor wearing pyjama trousers that were so long they concealed her feet; laughed so much she got the hiccups; picked the chunks of fruit out of her Pimms to eat with her fingers; got tipsy and lay back on the carpet with her head on Holly’s thigh; held her cards so carelessly it seemed she didn’t give a shit that everybody could see what was in her hand.

Alex was revising his original opinion of Caro. Yes, she acted as if she owned the room and checked her mobile phone with irritating frequency, but she also had a wickedly sharp sense of humour and a no-nonsense attitude that appealed. ‘Ledge’ – as they called him – had been harder to read until his fifth or sixth pint, at which point the hackles that seemed to have risen at the introduction of another guy into this cosy social group were calmed. But Holly – who had been nice as figurative pie to him the night of the Bellevue quiz – was uncomfortably reserved and watchful. He hadn’t expected disapproval from that corner.

With Lila being weird and quiet too, the night had a bit of a peculiar vibe. It fell far short of outright awkward, but there was a definite sense of agenda nonetheless. But Nadia was there, and it might be unfathomable and it might be stupid, but Alex was perfectly content; he just flat-out loved spending time with Nadia. It was the only time he really felt like himself.

Caro had already upped and gone, having made a rush for the last Tube hours before. Ledge and Lila were conversing out in the hallway as they put their shoes on, raring to go. Holly was in the kitchen, rinsing out the empty Pimms’ pitcher, a klaxon that politely blared “It’s 2 o’ clock in the morning, will everybody please get out of my house?”

But somehow over the course of the past couple of hours, Nadia had shifted – or maybe it had been him – and now she was sitting so close, tucked into him as if he was a blanket over her shoulders. He could have leant only slightly forward and kissed the curve of her face; you know, if he wanted to… At first it had been a bit weird and he hadn’t been entirely sure where to put his arms, but now it was insanely comfortable and he didn’t really want to move.

Nadia was doing something with the pack of playing cards they’d been using earlier, laying them out on the carpet in front of them in nonsensical piles, counting under her breath as she did so, so obviously there was some sort of method behind what she was doing. Her hand stalled suddenly and she stiffened oh-so-slightly. It was almost imperceptible; he only noticed it at all because her shoulder blades were pressed against the plain of his chest.

“What?” he asked. “What are you doing?”

Nadia pulled her hand through the haphazard piles of cards to pull them back into one messy deck again. “Trying to foretell my future,” she sighed.

“Don’t you need actual tarot cards for that?” Alex teased. “Or how about a crystal ball?”

“Hey, don’t knock it!” Nadia chastised. “I went to a boarding school, remember? Girls in boarding schools have to make do. This method was created by girls generations ago and it was always good for predicting if you’d pass your exams, if you’d get a snog off one of the townie boys, things like that.”

Alex laughed softly. “Okay, okay. So what are the cards telling you?”

“Not a lot.”

Alex arched an eyebrow. “Not a lot?” he repeated. “Well they said
something
you didn’t like.”

Nadia sighed; Alex felt it more than heard it. “Oh, I just got lots of odd-numbered pairs.”

“And that means…?”

There was a suspended moment, and all at once Nadia seemed to realise how she was sitting against him. She sat up, pulling her plait over her shoulder nervously and combing her fingers through its tail, flustered. Alex felt cold and exposed where she’d been touching him.

“It means,” Nadia said, after another flustered moment had passed, “that I’m not going to get what I want…”

Chapter 12

Nadia

There really was no denying it any more. When she saw a message from him on her phone her stomach flipped over as if she was a teenager. When he smiled at her the skin on the nape of her neck tingled stupidly. She’d started to daydream, had fantasies where she’d slip her arms under one of Alex’s t-shirts, before pulling it up and away, over his head and finally getting a good look at that tattoo she’d caught a glimpse of months before.

This wasn’t meant to happen. It was already going to be too hard to leave behind so many people she loved in London; she didn’t exactly want to add another to the roster. That boy on the swing in Clapham Common had felt safe; white bread down to his bones, boring and predictable, someone she could have fun with and have as a mate, for sure, but she’d sensed from the off that he’d never let her close and that had suited her just fine. It was bad enough that they’d become such close friends, let alone something more…she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t.

But then there was that
something
inside of her, hot and selfish, that kept on pointing out the entirely random way that Alex had fallen into her life, the entirely unprecedented way she was feeling, insisting, insisting that it might be
meant to be
; and who was she in the face of something like that?

The sound of Alex’s name drew her attention. “Pardon?”

Matt just smiled indulgently; he was used to her- by now habitual - lapses in concentration. “I was just saying, that Alex guy. I met him, right? At Bison, the night we met?”

It seemed a lifetime ago. “Yeah, you did.”

“I was thinking that you guys are such good friends and all – and you look like you have so much fun in all those photos I see – I was wondering if we should do a double-date or something?”

Nadia shifted uncomfortably. “He’s not seeing anyone at the moment.”

“Oh? I thought he was seeing that little blonde scrap that was in all the photos from that games night you had the other week?” Nadia tensed again.

“No, that’s just Lila.”

Matt raised an eyebrow inquisitively. “’Just Lila’?” he echoed.

“Yeah. She’s his housemate’s girlfriend.”

Matt laughed suddenly. “Oh yeah, of course. The flatmate’s girlfriend, I remember.”

“No, you haven’t met her, I don’t think…”

“Oh no, I know. But I remember Alex talking about her when we were in Bison.”

There was something in Matt’s tone that made Nadia curious. “What was he saying?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m sure you know it all.” He rolled his eyes. “The love-sick whining. ‘The girl of my dreams is banging my flatmate’ and all that. He needs to man up!” Matt laughed.

And Nadia’s stomach flipped over again. And not in a good way.

Alex

It wasn’t that late; it wasn’t even full-dark yet, but still Alex had made to go after Lila when she’d come flying out of Rory’s bedroom and straight out of the flat door, pausing just long enough to turn her sticky, tear-stained face in Alex’s direction, breaking his heart. After staring after her in mild shock for a beat or two, Alex turned to get a pair of shoes from his bedroom. He pulled up abruptly; Rory was standing in his doorway, rubbing the pads of his palms aggressively against his temples.

“Sorry about that,” he said after a minute.

“Is she alright?” Alex asked, without preamble.

Rory exhaled dramatically. “Why do girls always do this? Why does there have to be a bad guy? Such martyrs, all of them.”

Alex fixed his friend with a hard look. “And what exactly is it that you’ve done to ‘martyr’ Lila..?”

Rory returned his look. “Nothing. She’s throwing a bitch-fit about the hours I’m working. Said I just don’t want to spend time with her. And I said it wasn’t that at all, but maybe it’s not such a good time for me to be in a relationship at the moment, because I obviously can’t give her what she wants and…” Rory trailed off and gestured eloquently towards the flat’s front door. “And she apparently agreed.”

Alex had to digest that for a moment or two. “You broke up with her?” he asked, incredulously. “You broke up with
Lila?”

Rory groaned. “Stop it, will you mate? I already feel like I’m your dad come to tell you that your parents are getting a divorce or something.”

Alex looked towards the door again. She’d probably already be on a bus off the high street by now; it was too late to follow. “She didn’t even say goodbye…”

Rory gave a bark of a laugh. “It’s not like you’ll never, ever see her again.”

“Oh, I hardly think she’s going to be spending much time sitting on our sofa watching you and me play
Call of Duty
any more, Ror.”

Rory shrugged dismissively. “Nah, she always liked you. You’ll stay friends, I’m sure. But don’t let her turn you against me. I didn’t
want
to hurt her – you know – didn’t want her upset; that’s why I had to end it. It wasn’t going anywhere any more, and she knew it.” Rory’s voice hitched slightly, so slightly, right at the end, and Alex belatedly realised that his friend was actually quite cut up about it after all.

“Okay,” he agreed after a moment. “Right, so, how are we playing this? I’ve never been present during break-up aftermath before. Do I get you a cup of tea or do I get you a beer?”

Nadia

Alex was distracted, odd; or maybe it was her who was the one being weird, she couldn’t tell. All Nadia knew is that suddenly there were elephants in the room where before it had been only them.

Because they’d agreed they needed proper sustenance to fuel an all-night movie marathon they’d decided to fit in a late dinner before the first showing. Nadia’s cotton onesie was balled-up in a tote bag at her feet; she wasn’t quite brave enough to wear it in a Soho restaurant, even though she’d had great fun convincing a horrified Holly she was going to do exactly that.

When she noticed that Alex was checking his phone more often than he was putting forkfuls of food into his mouth, Nadia snapped.

“What’s up with you?” she asked, a little forcefully. “You’re like an expectant father waiting for news or something.”

Alex laughed. “Sorry. I’m just waiting on a text.” Although Nadia clearly indicated for him to elaborate, he didn’t, dropping his eyes to his plate and raking his fork prongs through his cooling jambalaya. He seemed startled to find Nadia still scrutinising him when he looked up again. “I promise I won’t use my phone in the cinema, miss!” he joked, holding up his fork and fingers like a Boy Scout salute. “Scout’s Honour.” Nadia softened and allowed herself a smile.

She knew it was physically impossible, but lately Alex seemed to be filling out his clothes a lot better. She’d even wondered if he’d bought new things, but she was more or less certain she’d seen him wearing that evening’s particular loose-fit t-shirt before. Maybe it was more in the way he sat. He always used to sit slightly forwards, with his shoulders pinched inwards towards one another. Now he sat back, open and expansive and comfortable in his own skin, in a way she would never have imagined him doing before. That night it was Nadia who was slightly hunched and closed-off.

Because she didn’t know what was bothering her more; that the Alex she was falling for was in love with someone else, or the Alex who was one of her best friends had never told her about it. Both affronts stung her in different ways.

Alex quickly glanced at his phone again; it was almost as if he didn’t realise he was doing it.

“I tell you what, I’m glad we’re spending tonight watching films with lots of explosions,” Alex said suddenly, shaking his head. “I couldn’t sit through anything heavy. It’s been a weird old week.”

“How-so?”

Alex looked at Nadia for a beat before he answered. “Ah, Lils and Rory are having a spat. Well, actually I guess it’s more than that. They’ve actually broken up.”

Suddenly Nadia found that her mouthful of jerk chicken was stuck in her throat. She swallowed laboriously.

“They’ve broken up?” she echoed.

Alex shrugged. “Apparently. Well, they’ve both set their Facebook relationships to ‘single’ anyway, which is about as serious as these things can get,” he laughed. “Anyway. Speaking of relationships, how are things with Matt? He didn’t fancy getting in on nine straight hours of
Avengers
action then?”

Alex

Nadia seemed sad. She wasn’t wearing any makeup – she said there was no point just sitting in a dark cinema all night – but even aside from that she seemed somewhat diluted. He’d wondered if she was just tired – asked her three times if she was sure she was still up for the epic superhero movie marathon that she had booked them in for – but she’d insisted she was fine. But whatever she said, her mouth still had a sad little tilt and her eyes were shadowed and for the first time since the moment he met her she felt far away.

He’d never seen her wearing a dark colour like this before – she was in a deep plum that made her look even paler than normal and made her blonde hair shine dully under the restaurant’s dim lighting. Her hair was loose, threaded over with deep kinks where she’d previously had it plaited. She’d picked the braid apart with quick, nervous fingers shortly after their arrival, shaking the hair loose as she talked.

Alex was struck, not for the first time, about how emotive Nadia was. When she smiled, the whole world smiled with her. When she was down, well… He supposed it didn’t help that he was already bummed out about Lila. He’d messaged her twice since Wednesday night but she hadn’t replied. He hoped it was because the whole thing with Rory was still a little too raw and not that she was going to cut him out of her life completely now she wasn’t going out with his flatmate any more.

Lila, single. For some reason it had never occurred to Alex that Rory and Lila might ever break up. He should be thrilled, jumping cartwheels; the girl he’d been pining for from not-even-that-afar was now available. But instead the situation was sitting heavy and queer inside of him, like way too much food, which probably explained why he had no appetite. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if Lila never got back in contact. She obviously would never feel the same way about him, so maybe this could be a golden opportunity to cut his losses and run. But then, equally, he could always grab the opportunity to confess his feelings; he had nothing left to lose, after all.