Sommersgate House (41 page)

His hands
pressed in and he drew her nearer to him while she began to shake
her head from side to side in denial. He felt an astonishingly
strong sense of anger on her behalf. He would like to get his hands
around Webster’s throat and squeeze.

She lifted her
dazed eyes to his.

“What’ll we
do?” she asked and Douglas didn’t answer, he just looked at her.
Julia carried on. “If… I mean, last night?”

“It’s unlikely
we conceived last night, if we did, we’ll worry about it when it
happens,” Douglas assured her.

It was all the
same to him except that perhaps the existence of a child would make
it a certainty that she would never leave. At that thought, he
fitted her snugly against his body before bending his head to brush
his lips against hers.

When he drew
away, he watched Julia lean back against his arm, her eyes wide
with something he couldn’t identify, something immensely tender and
phenomenally raw. He’d never seen the like of it and the sight made
his arms tense protectively around her while a feeling he could not
place sliced through his gut.

He also felt a
near overwhelming need to possess her, though he always felt that
way, but somehow, just then, it was different.

Last night it
had been a driving need to brand her as his, to bend her to his
will, but now it had gentled. He had no intention of making her
squirm under him, of withholding himself until he heard her whisper
his name, of making her beg him for release. What he had planned
for her this morning was entirely different.

But he knew he
couldn’t take her now and the only way to respond to her acceptance
of this newly realised cruel deception was again to brush his lips
against her parted ones.

“Maybe,” he
whispered, “we should try again.” He lifted one hand and exerted
pressure between her shoulder blades to press her torso back to his
body but she resisted.

She had masked
the look in her eyes and he found that, even though he had only
encountered it a moment ago, he wanted it back.

Her response
was to pull out of his arms, stepping away and walking to the
window. She stood there staring out at the fields and wrapped her
arms around her body protectively.

Another man
might have given her a moment of contemplation but he didn’t want
Julia to have a time to think.

Julia, Douglas
decided, thought way too much.

He followed
her and stood behind her, seeing her reflection in the window. With
his left hand, he pulled her hair from the right side of her neck.
He bent his head to drag his lips lazily from the soft spot behind
ear to where her graceful neck met her shoulder while his left hand
stole around her waist and pulled her against his body.

“Douglas,” she
whispered, her voice trembling with something he mistakenly thought
was desire.

Without
lifting his lips, his eyes caught hers in the reflection of the
window, his right hand came up to her shoulder and he slowly pulled
the dressing gown aside, his lips trailing its progress, his other
arm drawing her incredible warmth deeper into his body. He noticed
as her glowing, faultless skin became exposed at her chest and he
felt the acute response of his body when he saw she was still
wearing his emerald. His eyes dropped as the lapel of the dressing
gown swept across her breast and caught against her nipple.

“I need you to
promise me something,” she interrupted his progress by speaking and
his hand stilled at the fervent tone in her voice as his eyes
lifted back to the reflection of hers in the window.

With her body
against his, the smell of her in his nostrils, the taste of her at
his lips and his knowledge of what was going to happen in his bed
in a few moments time, he almost told her he’d promise her
anything.

Of course, he
did not.

“That
depends.” His hand slid up from her waist to just under her breast.
His lips ascended her shoulder again, up her neck and behind her
ear, a delectably sensitive area he discovered last night.

As he
expected, she shivered. Also as he expected, she ignored her
reaction.

“I want to
talk about our, um… my agreeing to marry you.”

He’d
anticipated something like this. She thought too much. It probably
had something to do with the children. She was excessively careful
with them. Not to mention, she had an exceptionally strong sense of
self-preservation, he’d been living that nightmare for two months.
He wasn’t going to give her the opportunity to build an exit
strategy. If today’s behaviour was any indication, Mrs. Kilpatrick
might set fire to Julia’s room and he couldn’t imagine what antics
the self-styled matchmaker Lizzie would get up to.

“Yes?” He ran
his tongue up the side of her neck and playfully nipped her
earlobe, his body gladly absorbing the shudder that his action
induced.

He was
becoming impatient. Mrs. Kilpatrick said hours and all the things
he wanted to do to her would take much longer than that.

Definitely
months

Probably
years.

“Promise you
won’t get angry with me,” Julia said.

He couldn’t
imagine anything she could say at that moment would make him angry
with her. Douglas didn’t, however, answer. He simply waited.

“I’m not going
to marry you.”

Except
that.

“
What?”
he
exploded, his arm tightening reflexively about her body, his head
coming up with a jerk.

“I’m not going
to marry you,” she repeated.

“You bloody
well are,” he growled.

She shook her
head and tried to pull away, succeeding in putting inches of space
between them. He wrenched her back and his other arm went around
her to hold her more firmly.

“Douglas, let
me go.”

“I believe
I’ve answered that request more often than I’ve cared to,” he
clipped into her ear.

“You don’t
understand!” she cried, her eyes on his in the window.

“Explain it to
me,” he bit out.

She pushed
against his arm. “Please, give me some space.”

His arms
loosened with a motive, the minute she moved away, he swung her
around and yanked her back against his body, facing him then his
arms closed back around her roughly.

“Douglas!”

“Talk!” His
voiced cracked in the room like a thunderclap and he watched her
clouded eyes clear as she became angry.

“I don’t want
to marry you!” she burst out.

“You must be
joking,” he snapped derisively.

Her eyes
widened in angry apprehension.

“You aren’t
entirely irresistible,” she informed him.

“Would you
like me to prove you wrong?” It was a threat and his tone
dangerous.

“No, not
that,” she evaded, knowing exactly what he meant and not stupid
enough to deny it. Her eyes moved left to right and back at him.
“That was… lovely.”

“
Lovely?”
His
voice was scathing. “You describe last night as
lovely?
”

“It was good,”
she stopped at his narrowed eyes. “Very good.” His arms tightened.
“Okay, it was wonderful. All right?” She was losing her composure,
he saw she was both frightened and angry and he didn’t care.

“So, explain
to me how I’m resistible, would you?” he demanded.

“You have to
give me a moment to let me think.”

“I don’t have
to do anything.”

“Fine,” she
snapped, “you’re cold –”

“I was hot
enough for you last night.”

“I’m not
talking about last night!” She stamped her foot in frustration and,
at any other time, he would have found that adorable.

Now, he did
not.

“Stop
interrupting me,” she ordered.

“Go on,” he
allowed, his strained patience showing as he spoke through clenched
teeth.

“
I’ve
done this before, this marriage thing and let me tell you it
is
not
all that
it’s cracked up to be.”

If he thought
he couldn’t get angrier, he was wrong.

“I’m not
Webster,” he growled.

“I know that!”
she shouted. “I didn’t say you were and you’re interrupting
again.”

He snapped his
mouth shut and glared at her with glittering eyes.

“I can’t do it
again, I can’t. I won’t! It’s too damned hard!” she burst out. “You
get mixed up, you lose yourself. I won’t lose myself again,
Douglas. I can’t and I won’t.”

He stared at
her.

There had been
very little in Douglas Ashton’s life that he ever wanted. Most of
it he could obtain, the rest of it, a loving mother and father, his
sister back from the dead, was unobtainable.

At that
moment, he found himself wanting something.

And what he
wanted was for Julia to lose herself with him.

He wanted this
stubborn, tempestuous Julia Fairfax to disappear and an
acquiescent, but still tempestuous, Julia Ashton to take her place.
He wanted to brand her with his name and shackle her with his
ring.

Did she not
understand that was a good thing?

He used a
particularly heavy weapon in his arsenal. “And what if you got
pregnant last night?”

She gasped and
her tense body stilled. He jostled her in his arms, giving her a
none-too-gentle shake.

She came out
of her surprise. “I’ll worry about it if it happens.”

“You’ll damn
well marry me if it happens!” he roared and she reared back against
his arm.

He could not
believe in all his years, all his experience, all the women before
her, that he was reduced to ordering a woman to marry him.

“Of course!”
she blurted.

“Jesus, Julia,
don’t you know I’ll make you happy?” The words should have been
beautiful but instead they were rough with anger.

“Douglas,” she
used words that stung, “what do you know of making anyone
happy?”

He felt those
words like a kick to the stomach and he immediately let her go and
stepped back.

He wouldn’t
have expected that attack from Julia.

His mother,
probably, his father, definitely, but not Julia.

They watched
each other across the short expanse that separated them like
warriors on a battlefield.

Finally, she
seemed to realise the cruelty behind her words and she made a move
toward him but stopped herself.

“I’m only
protecting myself,” she whispered. When he made no response she
continued. “You won’t want to hurt me but you will. They always
do.” Her words were filled with a strange mixture of wisdom and
bitterness.

He looked at
her and realised his mistake.

Weeks ago it
occurred to him that she was innately damaged, not only by her
ex-husband’s treatment but at the hands of her father.

But again,
he’d been wrong.

He’d never
been wrong so many times in his bloody, fucking life as he was with
Julia.

She wasn’t
innately damaged.

She was
destroyed.

His challenge
was far bigger than he expected. To have her, he’d have to gather
the shattered pieces of her and put them back together.

He vaguely
noticed she was speaking. “It’ll take some time but we’ll get
passed this…”

He heard her
talking but he wasn’t listening.

Instead he was
thinking exactly how very much he liked a challenge.

“I’m not the
others, Julia.” He cut her off and she just looked at him. “I’ll
simply have to prove it to you,” he declared.

Her mouth
opened slightly but no words came out. He didn’t wait for a reply;
he walked toward his bedroom to take a shower.

“Don’t you
ever give up?” Her exasperated voice sounded from behind him.

His answer was
to close the door.

Alone

Julia heard
the beeping in her room after she came out of the shower.

After that
scene with Douglas, she was shaken and frightened half out of her
mind. She wanted to pack and leave but couldn’t because of the
children. Wouldn’t, because of her promise to Tammy and Gav.

She was stuck
in a nightmare.

And it was all
her own damned fault.

She saw her
evening bag lying on the bed. She must have left it in the Bentley
and Carter found it. She opened it to find that her mobile was
telling her she had a missed call.

Or, to be
precise, eleven.

And all from
Charlie.

She was
considering turning it off when it sounded in her hand.

She jumped,
nearly dropping it and before she could think what she was doing,
she flipped it open and put it to her ear.

“Thank God,
Jewel! I’ve been worried sick, I thought he’d killed you!” Charlie
shrieked and any other time Julia would have laughed at her
dramatics.

“I’m all
right,” Julia lied, not wanting to talk to Charlie, not wanting to
talk to anyone.

Charlie
failed to read her mood. “You just
have
to tell me what happened! Oliver spent the entire drive
home to London, two hours, mind, lecturing me about interfering so
I hope it’s good.”

“Charlie…”
Julia started and then she couldn’t stop herself, she burst into
tears.

Seconds before
she wanted nothing but solitude and the time to plan her defence
against whatever barrage on her senses and emotions would next come
from Douglas. But now she strode to the chaise lounge and collapsed
on it, unburdening herself entirely, honestly (and somewhat
explicitly), to her friend.

When she
finally finished, Charlie was silent.

Julia sniffed
and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her robe “Charlie? Are you
there?”

“I’m here,”
Charlie stated, uncharacteristically quiet.

“I think I
need –” Julia started but Charlie interrupted her.