Song for Sophia (22 page)

Now he understood how the first two people on earth had managed to procreate without any instruction; the same instinct pounded the compulsion in his brain. After years of painstaking discipline, he felt like an exploding volcano, and for the first time, he welcomed it. Need roared through his mind, burned in his veins, making him want nothing else. He knew there would be no going back if he gave in to it. Exquisite temptation, and he had to taste it … .

Sophia whispered his name again, music to his ears. “
Now
,” she breathed in between gasps for breath. “Please.”

He captured her jaw in one hand and looked her in the eye. Fierce autumn hazel seared him, clouded with a dreamy ardor he had put there. So, she meant it. Praying he wasn’t making a mistake, he rose on his elbows and covered her. She pressed her knees to his flanks in a gesture of submission. Heady, how she fit in his arms, how he felt both the protector and master.

Apparently he had stalled too long. She reached down to grasp him, and all he had to do was push. He didn’t expect resistance, and when he thrust harder Sophia whimpered. He darted back, she caught him by the arm, and for an awkward moment they stared in silence at each other.

Entirely possible his technique was faulty, but it seemed more likely he had a separate problem. If his brother’s doctrine could be believed, Wilhelm was in bed with a fellow virgin. Oh, hell. “You are not … .”

Oh yes she was. She had been waiting for him to figure it out, and he had made an ass of himself with his assumptions. How the blazes did a man apologize for such a trespass? How would she punish him?

“Sophia, I — ”

“Stop talking, Wil.” She urged him closer and teased him into a kiss. He half expected her to bite. “Tend to your duties, husband,” she murmured in a sultry voice, then caught his earlobe in her teeth.

Sensation shot to his toes, detouring at his groin. He tried to answer but all he managed was,
Gah!
She made a sound suspiciously like giggle. He swallowed, then ground out, “You are killing me, woman.”

“Now. Do it,” she whispered, sliding her hands down his chest, squeezing his tensed muscles using the tips of her nails in a combination of soothing-sting.

He had no choice but to obey.

Aggravating, feeling jolts of pleasure while she tried not to stiffen, obviously biting her lip over the pain. Luscious, hot, beyond his imaginings — this could be over very soon. He waited to move until she seemed to recover. His pulse radiated from his groin and vibrated in his head; he had only felt the like in the throes of combat when the thrill of death wielded control over his aggression. In those days he responded with a battle cry and surged into the attack. That would not do here, and his body was at odds with his mind.

Finally she moved, and he followed. Like a dance, deliciously carnal, electric pleasure at every rise and fall. He meant to be gentle, but a streak of white-hot energy possessed him. The instinct to conquer overrode conscious thought. Nearly painful, to linger near the top of a summit without knowing what lay on the other side.

He felt her yield, pliant as he held her by the small of the back. She trapped him with her knees on his flanks, writhed and rose against him, hungry and wild.
Beautiful. Magnificent
. Her fingers raking down his back hurled him over the edge. He didn’t mean to drive her so hard into the mattress. Dark waves slammed through him from head to toe, like a lightning strike. His vision went dark. Every muscle clenched. The most exquisite pleasure shot through his core and radiated outward, riding his pulse.

It didn’t seem right to release his seed after years of ingrained restraint, but now he had no control — a fiery-icy pleasure-pain made him grind into her even harder. Need to claim his woman, to brand her. Rocked by stormy waves, crushed in a vise and stretched out on a rack, blown apart by dynamite — it nearly knocked him unconscious.

Unbearable heat, eerie tingling. Sudden weakness. He let out the breath he didn’t know he held in. His hearing had cut out and slowly returned with a dull ringing sensation in his ears, echoing his erratic pulse. His voice choked on a feral groan, and his arms gave out.

He had no idea it was such violent business.

Sophia clawed his neck and thrashed with her knees and elbows before he understood she was in distress. He rolled away at once, but she caught him squarely in the jaw with a flailing fist as she pushed herself up and scrambled out of his arms. Her gasping for breath turned into shallow weeping. Cautiously he drew her into a loose embrace. She came willingly but shuddered as though cold, as though she might fall to pieces.

Virgins always cry
, Roderick had warned. Wilhelm had half a mind to do so himself, but he had the suspicion Sophia had just been frightened more than she had moral regrets. Guiltily he realized he had no comprehension of her the past few minutes. He had lost control, awash in sensation. How long had she fought him without him noticing her panic? He had probably crushed her, made her feel trapped, deaf to her pleas to let her go free.
Husband of the year, right here.

He did what had worked before, holding her gently and muttering in the soothing rise-and-fall patterns he used on spooked horses, coaxing her to breathe deeply in rhythm with him. His body jerked with an aftershock, making him aware of his cooked nerves, their sweat-slicked skin, the warm blend of their fragrances simmered with a musky wild scent. He drew it in, tasting it, memorizing it. A pleasant exhaustion rivaled with the insidious suggestion,
Do it again!

No, she would not want him again. He had done it wrong, as he had known he would. Jackass. And he owed her an apology, but he wanted to wait until he could sound sincere. Now his throat felt swollen, his thoughts jumbled, and he simply felt too damned good.

He liked to think he had just gotten her with child, but she insisted it was impossible. Enough failure-flavored elation for one day. Wilhelm slowly surrendered to drowsiness as he felt Sophia slip away to sleep, but first he whispered three words to her. Because he wanted to, and because she didn’t hear.

• • •

“Wilhelm, stop behaving like a maudlin old woman.” Sophia cupped his shoulder and tried to roll him over. Like pushing against a boulder. “You are sulking? Ridiculous.”

In the dim morning light she could see faint red tracks down his back, claw marks. They spread over his backside, evidence of the rabid, desperate creature he had turned her into. It had been a good sort of delirium, until the end. But who was the one pouting? She still felt the residual tingle of pleasure in her limbs and a dull ache which could easily turn into desire if encouraged.

“I know you are not asleep,” she warned, tracing her fingers over the scratch marks. So he refused to discuss what had happened last night? She reached over his hip, grabbed a handful and rubbed a few gentle circles… then squeezed. Hard.

He launched off the bed, shouting “Bloody
hell
, woman!” then turned with a flat glare.

She wasted no time, sliding under his arm to press herself against his front and molding her lips over his. She felt his bewilderment then acceptance as he laced his arms around her waist and kissed her back. Slowly, the strokes lazy and wicked, infused with the carnality that had possessed them both last night. It made her want him, made heat crawl through her veins, made excitement unfurl in her belly and tickle her nerves in anticipation.

And that was all.

No matter how she teased and provoked him, he merely rubbed his hands over her and kissed. The man could probably kiss for hours. Not that she meant to complain, but wasn’t it supposed to be far easier to seduce a man? Slaves to desire and void of clear judgment in the throes of passion, and all that?

If she had not already been wary, she might have missed the careful way his hands behaved. He avoided her back, halting his movements to keep away from the scars under her shoulders. No, she didn’t imagine his fingers sliding over her ribs but shifting forward before touching the tapered whip marks there. To make a point, she ducked her head and kissed the bullet scar on his shoulder. She traced the taut pink and purple welt on his skin with her fingertips, waiting for him to understand she found no shame in it.

He froze, his hands still on the small of her back. She listened to him breathe, slowly in and out until she could stand it no longer. She twisted around and sat on her ankles, presenting him a view of her back as she gathered her hair and pushed it over her shoulder.

“Look your fill, Wilhelm. Yes, it is as bad as you imagined. Worse, I wager.”

“You showed me before.” His voice was tense and deep, like a rusty hinge.

“Then why are you so bothered? Do I repulse you?” The possibility made her conscious of her nudity when moments before she had relished it. She pulled the sheet under her arms.

“No!” He rose to fold her in an embrace, and she pushed him away. He scowled, surprised at the rejection. “Not in the least. You are my siren, lovelier than my wildest imaginings. What kind of hypocrite would I be?”

“The worst.”

He sighed in a gust and leaned back, hanging his head. “Sophie. I am sorry. Truly.” She waited while he chose his words. “I confess … .”

“Yes?”

“I confess distraction.” He blurted the rest all in one breath, “Touching you arouses me. Of course. But then — it makes me insane with anger. He flayed you to the bone, Sophia. I have never seen the like, and I ordered my fair share of floggings in the army. He tried to
kill
you. He could have.” His eyes went cold, and she saw the dark ruthlessness she had glimpsed before. It chilled her, that hint of violence. “And I want to kill him.”

Oh. Well, what should she say to that? “You are right. I am distracted now, too.”

“And honestly, love, I can’t bear to remind you of the abuse, not in bed like this.” He looked out the window, which was mostly covered with curtains. Anything to avoid her gaze, she guessed. “And I am sorry I did it wrong. Frightened you, I mean. It won’t happen again. I swear.” He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes, leaving her to guess what emotion he battled.

She suspected the “it” in his statement meant he would not try again. Damned stubborn man. Well, she was stubborn, too.

• • •

Wilhelm was up to something. He had been acting suspicious since they arrived in Cornwall — had it really been a month? Always riding out to St. Agnes to check the post and send wires. Sophia wanted to get her hands on one of those pesky yellow papers to see what the big mystery was all about. Of course she appreciated the demands on the Earl of Devon, managing his vast estate and all that, but he acted too forthcoming when she pried. If he had behaved impatiently with her droll, nosy questions, she would have believed him.

That, and he had been subtly interrogating her about her father.
So Lord Chauncey oversaw the withdrawal of the East India Trading Company? In his capacity as a military officer, or for private interests? Did you ever notice so-and-so visiting at Eastleigh?

What newlywed man had that on his mind? Definitely suspicious.

Sophia sat on the lawn, reading Dostoyevsky while Aunt Louisa napped upstairs and Wilhelm rode to St. Agnes for the fourth time this week. The girls had taken Fritz out exploring, promising to stay inside the property gates. Occasionally she heard Fritz barking from afar, probably at a rabbit. Her brain struggled to comprehend life in a Siberian prison camp, since every other paragraph her thoughts wandered to Wilhelm, and what went on between them behind closed doors. Or more accurately, what
didn’t
go on between them in private.

He defied every known trope regarding male behavior. Just her luck, to finally want a man who seemed all too capable of keeping his hands off her. He believed the consummation of their marriage a failure, which he felt keenly, and refused to try again. Oh,
she
had tried. Joining him in the bathtub? Tossing her dressing gown and shift over his head, climbing into his lap? All met with a controlled kiss and cool geniality. Or he wanted to
talk
. He looked, but he wouldn’t touch.

For her to want him in the first place felt like a victory. She had not panicked until the end, when his rather inspiring enthusiasm bordered on just this side of roughness. He had pinned her down, blocking her in with his shoulders and thrusting with a force that shook the whole bed. For a while it was deliciously masculine. Then it hurt a little, and the pain hurled her into a mindless panic.

She couldn’t control it, even though her subconscious had shouted,
It is only Wilhelm. You are ruining the experience
. Alas she had been conditioned to fight, like a Pavlovian dog. It conjured those horrible memories, tactile with an artificial sense of danger. He hadn’t even noticed, not until she was half-crazed with irrational fear. Considering it was his first time, too, she figured he could be forgiven.

But her father had intruded in the bedroom — come between them as husband and wife, and that made it personal for Wilhelm. He could not let go of his anger, he burned with hatred in a destroying angel sort of way. Almost as much as she hated Lord Chauncey herself.

She suspected only time would heal her, with Wilhelm’s help. Now if only she could convince him practice makes perfect … . So he loved to read? Perhaps she should give him an illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra. She had an idea about how to stave off her panic, but she wanted Wilhelm to think it was his idea.

Oh, bother.
Would Fritz quit barking already?
Sophia rested the book face down on the grass and listened. Like mothers know a baby’s cry, she knew barking, and she didn’t like the menacing, deep-toned volley from Fritz. It should mean a warning, a show of dominance. No hint of playfulness in the sound.

On instinct she decided it was an emergency. She ran to the stable, remembering she had only the old mare since Wilhelm took the gelding. Sophia climbed atop the gate to mount the horse bareback and rode directly from the stable, ducking under the door. The horse spooked at the gate; Sophia grasped the mane and held tightly with her legs as she calmed the horse. After a moment of wrestling with the mare, it seemed to understand she wanted to follow the sound of the dog’s barking.