Song of the Navigator (15 page)

“Sorry my brother is such a dick,” Ana whispered. “Don't let his words get to you. He's been political his whole life, he doesn't realize when it isn't appropriate.”

“His speech this morning is the least of his offenses against me,” Tover told her.

Ana frowned. “He loves you, Tover.”

Tover stood quickly. He made his way out of the valley, taking careful steps. He didn't want to hear Ana, but she followed closely behind.

She might have said more but then Feo's cheerful face appeared over the ledge and he reached down to help Ana up the last steep incline.

That evening, before she left for her clinic in Villazul, Lourdes told Tover about a visual book on Caridan wildlife that she thought he'd be interested in, located somewhere in the family library. After she left and Ana had turned in for the night, Tover made his way through the house to Lourdes's office. Noise came from Ana's room, where she was watching something. If Cruz was around, he was nowhere to be seen.

He didn't bother with the room lights. He sat down on the couch and flipped through files until he found the collection of articles and holo-visuals on Caridan native life by a Dr. Mark Hanson.

Tover quickly forwarded through the flora section and skipped past the amphibian-like creatures until Dr. Hanson discussed carbon-dioxide-breathing mutations in birds.

Darkness permeated the room, and he considered moving the holoscreen back to his own bed. But then light blazed into the room and Cruz stepped out of the bathroom, naked.

He was toweling his hair as he walked toward the guest room. He froze immediately as soon as he spotted Tover.

Tover stood, embarrassed. “Sorry. I was reading.” He backed away from the holoscreen and stood against the wall beside the door. But he didn't leave.

Cruz was silent, expressionless. He let the towel fall from his hands, but he made no other move. Naked and still, he stared at Tover. He began to get an erection, but Cruz seemed to ignore that as well, eyes never straying from Tover's flushed face.

Tover looked over Cruz's dark, almond-colored body. He had known that skin very well at one time. He remembered his surprise the first time Cruz undressed, seeing the myriad scars. How did a structural engineer end up with the damaged body of a soldier?

Now Tover knew, and he took in the familiar landscape, the faded white slash above Cruz's right hipbone, the scar on his arm. Above Cruz's left hipbone was a fresh wound, circular and puckered angrily, the flesh angry pink.

“When did you get shot?” Tover said at last, breaking the silence.

Cruz didn't look down at his body. He stared at Tover as he spoke. “On the Jarrow ship.”

“You were shot? I didn't notice.” Not that Tover had been conscious of much other than his own agony, but surely he should have seen the blood, or felt the recoil if Cruz had been injured while carrying him.

Cruz's cock rose to full mast, but he still made no move toward Tover.

“You didn't react to being shot. You don't feel anything at all, do you?” Tover hated the hurt in his voice.

“I feel everything.” Cruz stepped toward him. He said nothing more. But his eyes—they were warm now, dark and dilated. He moved so close he could pin Tover to the wall if he wanted to.

“You should show it,” Tover suggested.

And for a moment, Cruz's visage broke. His eyes trembled and a glitter of moisture filled his eyes.

Then Tover could not see because Cruz kissed him.

Instantaneous, all-encompassing relief flooded Tover. Cruz's touch was an endorphin-rush, Tover's body immediately slack with need. He opened his mouth and Cruz thrust his tongue inside, carefully tilting his head to avoid dislodging the breath clip. Cruz's hand slipped around Tover's damaged neck and cradled him, his large calloused hand touching him with gentleness.

Cruz broke the kiss and slid down to his knees. He lowered Tover's trousers and pulled Tover's cock into his mouth without so much as a pause. Tover's head slammed back against the wall, overwhelmed with sensation.

Cruz's tongue swirled over the tip of Tover's prick, and Tover sucked in his breath, his eyes fluttering closed. The feeling was devastating, for he couldn't resist Cruz now, not when he made Tover's body feel so good.

Pleasure flooded him. His legs trembled and he didn't care. His brain turned off the anger and hurt he felt, and all his focus directed to the slick, wet heat of Cruz's tongue, and the breathtaking pressure of Cruz's lips tightening at the base of his shaft.

Cruz's hands rested on Tover's thighs, eyes closed, with a look of adoration on his face as he sucked Tover's cock. Tover took in the sight of him crouched there, muscled back and defined spine leading down to the swell of his ass.

It felt too good to last long. From the depths of his body Tover's ecstasy escalated, culminating in a release of unadulterated joy.

He stood there, shivering in aftershocks of pleasure. He watched Cruz wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. His erection stood prominent between his legs, the tip glistening with moisture. The sight of him crouched there, cock jutting so ruggedly between muscled thighs, stirred Tover's desire once more.

Cruz stood and kissed Tover again. Tover tasted his come and toothpaste and that masculine spiciness he had always loved about Cruz. He let Cruz take his hand and lead him into the guest bedroom.

The small room smelled like Cruz. His clothes were strewn all over the furniture and the sheets on the bed were rumpled from restless nights.

“Come here,” Cruz said, laying down.

Tover knew if he thought too hard about what he did he'd be disgusted with himself, so he let his body make the decision. He took off his clothes and lay down on the soft mattress. He let Cruz pull him close, let him run his hands over Tover's skin.

“You are so beautiful,” Cruz whispered. Tover found that hard to believe now. Most of his injuries had healed, but there were still bruises here and there, his neck was scarred and he was too skinny.

But Cruz's touches soothed away his insecurities. He kissed Tover again, and Tover relaxed into the lazy pace Cruz set, let himself be carried away without thought into the simplicity of sex.

Tover smelled Cruz's arousal and reached down to grasp that heavy, hot solidness in his hand. The feel of palming Cruz's cock was like a homecoming.

Cruz's slow kisses and his increased thrusting into Tover's hand brought Tover's own erection back in full force. Cruz gently pulled back.

“If you keep doing that I'm going to come,” he said, his voice husky.

“That's the idea,” Tover replied.

Cruz smiled, bright and carefree, and Tover couldn't help himself. He kissed him, pushing into Cruz's embrace.

“Do you think I could fuck you?” Cruz asked. He sounded hesitant.

What the hell am I doing?
Tover thought momentarily.
This is insane
.

“Yeah.” Tover pressed closer.

“You sure?” Cruz asked.

Tover continued the kiss because he didn't want to answer that. He
wasn't
sure. He was pretty certain this was a terrible idea, but the mere suggestion had him hungry.

Cruz broke their kiss and rose to his knees, frowning down at Tover. “I don't want to put weight on your knees.”

Tover stretched his back on the bed and lifted his legs, spreading himself open. “Fuck me like this.”

Cruz's typically expressionless face looked instantly wild. His eyes were black as coal and dilated as he reached out and grasped Tover's ankles, spreading him wider. He seemed to be swallowing in the sight of Tover's groin, his shivering cock, heavy balls, and the impatient tensing at his ass.

Cruz reached to the side of the bed and fussed around in a backpack, mumbling curses.

Tover almost laughed, but the sight of Cruz hanging half off the bed, dick clearly visible between his legs, made him too hungry for humor.

“Hurry up,” Tover commanded.

Cruz turned back with a triumphant smile, holding up a bottle of lube. “Ta da!”

Tover laughed then, but the laugh sucked inwards as the gel cooled against his opening.

Cruz repositioned Tover's legs, guided his cock to Tover's entrance, and slowly slid inside. He didn't pause, he kept coming, and Tover had to force himself to exhale, to make room for the invasion.

There was a brief moment of alarm. He always felt this with Cruz. He was too big, and a painful stretch radiated from his anus. He thought he couldn't fit anymore inside his ass, but there was still more, the sensation of being filled so completely overwhelming everything else. Cruz paused once his cock was fully inside of Tover. Tover breathed heavily, coming to terms with the fullness. He reached down between them to feel how wide he was stretched, and he tentatively rocked against Cruz.

Cruz took this as permission to start thrusting. He began gently, a slow rhythm which built quickly, becoming frantic, and he fucked Tover with an almost aggressive hunger that stunned Tover into submission. But it wouldn't last long. They had made love enough times together for Tover to recognize the signs of Cruz's desperation. Tover reached back and grabbed the bedframe and let Cruz plunge into him. His breathing became ragged and uneven.

He felt Cruz shudder, his hot seed pulsing deep inside of Tover. But he didn't pull out. Instead he kept a steady rhythm while reaching down to pull Tover's cock in his hand.

It took only another minute of such relentless stimulation and Tover came again, trying to muffle his cry under his arm. His semen splashed high up on his chest and on Cruz's pillow. He breathed heavily, the thick Carida air making it hard to draw a complete breath.

With a groan Cruz pulled himself out and yanked the sheet over them both. He settled Tover in his arms. He then adjusted the clips at Tover's mouth and nose.

“Fucking respirators,” Cruz mumbled sleepily. “They never stay in place.”

Tover didn't answer. He closed his eyes contentedly.

After a moment Cruz asked, “You okay?”

“Yes.” Tover hesitated. “But I want to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

Tover took a deep breath. He felt so sleepy, sated and happy right now, he nearly changed his mind. What if the answer was not what he wanted to hear? He'd have to live with whatever Cruz said forever.

But the curiosity, and desperation in knowing, won out. “Was it always your plan, to sleep with me, get me to trust you, so I could get you off the station?” he asked at last.

Tover sort of expected a shocked look of innocence, or maybe guilt. Instead, Cruz simply snorted. “That would have been the worst plan ever.”

Tover almost laughed in relief.

Cruz pulled Tover tighter. “I hooked up with you because I liked you. Even if you never believe another word I say, believe that. You were the one and only part of that terrifying mission I truly looked forward to.”

Tover hid his smile against Cruz's shoulder.

He thought Cruz had fallen asleep, but a few minutes later he said quietly, “If I had known then what I know now, I would never have asked for your help. I'm haunted by what my request did to you. But at the time I was out of better ideas.”

“There's nothing you or I can do to reverse what's happened,” Tover said. He meant it to be comforting—the past had passed.

But Cruz looked a little sick. “No,” he agreed. He tucked Tover's head in the crook of his arm and curled around him, throwing his heavy thigh over Tover. “Sleep well.”

The weight put a little pressure on Tover's knee. And the smell of them both, their sweat and sex, filled Tover's nostrils, but he wasn't going to complain. Despite logic, despite
everything
, for the first time in nearly three months, he felt safe.

Chapter Twelve

“He's gone! He's gone!”

Lourdes's frantic screech woke Tover up, and it took him a second to remember that he no longer lay in bed alone, but in the guest room with Cruz.

Tover dove under the sheets as Lourdes burst into Cruz's room.

“He didn't even say goodbye!” Lourdes lamented.

Cruz stirred beside Tover, pulling the sheet tighter over his naked groin. “Relax, Mom. Keep your voice down, he's right here sleeping,” he lied. He shoved his toe against Tover's thigh.

“Oh!” Lourdes gasped.

Tover remained hidden, mortified at being caught
in flagrante
with Lourdes's son, but Cruz sounded calm, yawning as he spoke. “We'll be up in a bit.”

“Oh!” Lourdes said again.

“Mom!” Cruz growled. “Can you please get out of here?”

Tover heard Lourdes
tssk
and the door shut behind her.

Cruz ducked his head under the sheet and grinned sleepily at Tover. “Just one of the problems of bringing guys to your mother's place.”

“Do this often, do you?” Tover asked, raising his eyebrow.

Cruz scooted down under the sheet and ran his hands along Tover's body.

“Not often enough, I'm afraid,” he said with a smile. “Too bad I can't keep you around.” His hand found Tover's morning erection and made quick work addressing Tover's morning-after regrets of sleeping with the man who had ruined his life.

After all, it was hard to be pissed at Cruz when he was so good at getting Tover off. They had been lovers too long for secrets. Cruz knew how to touch Tover, where on his body he was guaranteed to forget everything and let go.

Tover abandoned his resentment and surrendered to sensation, as he had the night before. The past didn't matter. All that counted was this—ecstasy building and erasing out all evil—and the release which was so much more than mere completion. He panted, sated, in Cruz's arms, while Cruz watched him with a crooked smile.

“What about you?” Tover asked at last.

“Oh, I took care of myself as well. Watching you come is pretty much the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen.” Cruz held out his right hand, showing the evidence.

Tover shook his head. “Show off. One in each hand.”

“It's a handy trick,” Cruz said. “I can show you how tonight if you're up for it.”

“We'll see.” Tover disliked conceding that quickly, but he still grinned like a lovesick kid as he crawled out of bed.

He dashed half-dressed through the house back to his own bathroom, where he showered and shaved, taking extra care to comb his unruly hair. Then he realized how ridiculous this was, as if looking better would alleviate Lourdes's fury at having him screwing her son under her nose.

He felt self-conscious as he sat down in front of Lourdes and Ana, although Cruz apparently didn't share his shame of being caught naked by his mother. Cruz leaned back on the kitchen chair, which looked too small to hold him. He hadn't shaved, and his hair was still mussed in the rakish peak Tover's frantic fingers had left. His black eye made him look even more roguish. He stretched his arms as he surveyed breakfast options.

“You made fried eggs,” he commented.

“Yeah, so?” Ana sat down beside him.

Cruz shrugged. “You usually make me make them.”

“You were too busy
sleeping
.” She smirked.

Tover studied the details of his plate intently. He ate without comment as the Arcadio family talked about repairs that were needed to the roof. Tover kept his eyes down, but when he reached for the plate of toast he looked up and found Lourdes grinning at him.

Tover flushed and quickly buttered his toast.

“More juice, honey?” Lourdes asked him. She squeezed his arm and smiled.

Tover nodded. “Okay, thanks.” He stared at her. She wasn't pretending…she genuinely wasn't angry.

A wave of relief swept over him. He'd spent his entire adult life hiding his sexual orientation. Only half a dozen people were privy to his tastes, other than the casual lovers over the years.

But here were Lourdes and Ana, whose opinion of him hadn't altered one bit now that they had evidence he was a homosexual. If anything, Lourdes seemed excited about the prospect of Tover getting together with Cruz. And as unbelievable as this homey picture of family acceptance was, it made Tover's heart lurch at the thought of losing this when he departed Carida. He would be back to secret trysts and public flirtation with women to please the folks who wrote his paychecks. The idea wearied him.

“You think you can get
los soldados
off our back for an hour, Ana?” Cruz asked, interrupting a budding argument between Ana and her mother about finding work.

Tover scowled. “Don't make your sister do your dirty work.”

Ana laughed. “It's not a problem. Diego's on around lunchtime today, and he loves my cooking. I can keep him busy for an hour at least.”

“Good.” Cruz closed his eyes again and leaned back in his chair. “I thought I'd take Tover over to meet Gilespie's wild parrots.”

A thrill shot through Tover. “Really? Wild parrots?”

The entire Arcadio clan smiled at him. He cleared his throat. “I mean, that might be interesting.”

“Tover's got a big thing for birds,” Cruz explained.

“Does he,” Lourdes said.

“A big thing?” Ana said.

Lourdes scowled. “Shut up, Ana.”

Ana laughed. Cruz shook his head. “You don't know much about that, dear sister.”

“You never saw Elias,” she argued.

“I did.” Cruz smirked. “He was hung like a four-year-old boy.”

“Oh for God's sake,” Lourdes muttered.

“It's only cuz
you
were looking at him,” Ana responded.

Cruz raised his eyebrows. “Face it. I have better taste in men than you do.”

“Oh yeah? Like Mario?”

“Pfft.” Cruz waved his hand. “Ancient history.” He finished his coffee. “That said, he was still hung five times bigger than any dick you've seen, Ana.”

“And
that's
where I leave,” Tover announced, standing up. Ana and Cruz both laughed, and even Lourdes seemed to think dick size appropriate for a breakfast conversation. Tover walked away, flushed bright red, and he could only imagine where the conversation went from there.

Feeling so genuinely happy, Tover was therefore shocked when he stepped outside only to be shoved back by a hand against his chest. The cruel face of Ramirez, the Pulmon Verde who had kicked him back on Jarrow, glared at him. Ramirez's unnaturally long body tensed, but he drawled when he spoke as if he were as relaxed as a cat in a sunbeam.

“Where you think you're going, Navigator?” Ramirez fingered his gun.

Cruz rushed forward and stepped between him and Tover. “Back off. I'm taking him for a walk.”

“Yesterday Lalo mentioned to me that our prize here climbed out of Roja Valley like a natural athlete,” Ramirez said. Another Pulmon Verde soldier watched the confrontation as he leaned against a nave, looking nervous.

“Funny,” Ramirez continued. “I thought you said it'd take several weeks before he'd be healthy enough to pulse out of here.”

“He's
not
healthy,” Cruz said. “Something's wrong with his head.”

True enough
, Tover thought, although he glared at Ramirez and Cruz both. It infuriated him how Ramirez and Cruz spoke about him as if he wasn't standing right there.

Ramirez turned his cold glance to Cruz and looked as if he relished the sight of Cruz's bruised eye. “You know Soto will scalp you if it turns out we busted that Jarrow ship for nothing, Arcadio.”

“I know.”

“He better be worth it, or you're fucked.”

“I know, I know.” Cruz pushed Tover toward the insulin crop. “Get moving,” he said. Then he turned back to Ramirez. “Why are you here?”

“I need you to interpret the schematics of the base,” Ramirez said.

“I'll be back in five minutes.” Cruz followed Tover into the field.

Tover sensed Ramirez, not following but lingering nearby. Cruz prodded Tover forward until they were deep under the foliage. Tover stopped walking and Cruz rested his head on Tover's shoulder, hand on Tover's hip. “You okay?” he whispered. “Sorry about that.”

“I hate that bastard,” Tover whispered.

“He's a prick. But he's one of los jefes. He's higher than me, so we have to be careful.”

“Yeah, well, I've had enough of people pushing me around.”

“I know. I'm sorry.” Cruz ground his teeth, watching the spot they walked through as if expecting Ramirez any moment. “Most of us in el Pulmon Verde are only in it for the future of Carida, and are decent people. Ramirez though… Some of the ex-soldiers have misunderstood what this revolution means.” He sighed loudly. “No parrots today. Come on, let's walk back. I'm sure I can find another way to entertain you indoors once that son of a bitch leaves.”

That night, in bed, Cruz was silent for a long time, staring up at the ceiling. Tover studied his worried expression, amazed at how much of Cruz's emotions he could now read.

Tover didn't ask, but after another minute Cruz enfolded Tover in his arms. He resettled the sheet around their bodies. He gently fiddled with the clip at Tover's lip, straightening it.

“You breathing okay?” he whispered.

Tover nodded. Cruz rested his forehead against Tover's.

But then Cruz sighed. “It's getting dangerous now, Tover. We have to get you out of here.”

“Yeah.” Tover spoke into Cruz's neck. He loved the smell of Cruz's warm skin, the weight of Cruz's thigh over his own.

“We can try for the base again, although if we get caught by Ramirez's folks, we're in trouble.”

Tover didn't respond. Cruz continued. “There's another option, but it's up to you.”

“What?” Tover went rigid. His stomach dropped at the idea of navigating.

“If I were to tell los jefes that you had decided to join our cause and volunteer for the Pulmon Verde, I'm pretty sure they'd welcome you with open arms. We need supplies too, you know. And with their trust, the guarding would cease and you could walk into Harmony base as a free man.”

Tover considered it. It would mean betraying Harmony. It would mean throwing his weight behind an underpaid, underprovisioned band of terrorists, half of whom treated him like chattel.

But the prospect of staying with Cruz, Ana and Lourdes brought an instant flush of satisfaction through him.

And he didn't really have to swear allegiance to the Pulmon Verde. They only had to pretend long enough to drop the guards.

“You wouldn't have to mean it,” Cruz said, as if reading his mind. “I won't hold you to the oath.”

“I don't want to leave right now.” His voice hitched, and he clenched his eyes, ashamed to have spoken that thought out loud.

“Hey. Look at me,” Cruz demanded.

Tover opened his eyes.

Cruz's expression was searching. “You mean that?”

“God knows why.” Tover shook his head.

“No, tell me why,” Cruz whispered. “Because you are afraid of jumping? Or because of me?”

Tover swallowed. He couldn't say what he really felt.

Cruz gave him a long time, then the corner of his mouth lifted. “Brave men we are, able to risk life and limb for others, but unwilling to say what's in our hearts.”

Tover flushed red.

“Fine, I'll say it if you won't,” Cruz said after a pause. He looked nervous. “I want you to stay. Not out of fear, or coercion. I want you to stay for me.” He didn't look to Tover for a response however. He simply kissed the top of Tover's head and settled himself to sleep.