Songbird (35 page)

Her words sink deep into my soul, and I wipe away the tears that start to trickle down my cheeks. She’s right, of course, and I’m surprised by Lorie’s gentle words and quiet demeanor. She’s never this philosophical and soft-spoken. It’s kind of nice.

“But this Dominic Barkley bullshit? Devin’s never going to let that happen.”

And just like that, the real Lorie’s back.

“This is my decision, Lorie.”

“Actually, it’s not just yours. You want to be equals, remember? Your decisions affect him and vice versa. Devin will tell you not to take this job, because a good man protects the woman he loves from slime balls like Dominic Barkley, especially when his woman loses all common sense and considers a job offer from her former stalker. Are you insane?”

After my verbal lashing from one of my best friends, I take a walk through the mall to clear my head. It’s just October, but some of the stores are already decorating for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It makes me wonder how the McAllisters celebrate the holidays. Do they have a big dinner and watch football on Thanksgiving Day? Do they open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? Those weren’t my Christmas traditions, of course. Growing up, Dad worked most holidays, which didn’t matter because Mom wasn’t much of a cook. After they divorced, I shuttled between the two of them until I got old enough to rebel against the custody agreement and stayed with Dad full-time. We started our own traditions. Like opening gifts on Christmas Eve just so we could sleep in the next day. Or making snow angels in the backyard and snowmen in the front. It actually felt like the holidays when I was with my dad, and it had nothing to do with the presents under the tree.

Money doesn’t buy happiness.

That’s what I want for our baby. I want her to have the love and security I never really felt, and I know with Devin, his family, and my dad, she will. She would be spoiled rotten and hopelessly adored. Even if we never get married, our kid would never be forced to live with me in one city and with her dad in another because we would never, ever let that happen. Even if things don’t work out between us, we would stay close for the sake of our daughter.

Of this, I’m positive.

I just wish I could be as certain about everything else in my life.

“Hi, sweetheart. Doing some window shopping?”

I turn to find Devin’s mom standing right next to me.

“Just taking a walk. Clearing my head.” I nod toward the multitude of bags in her hands. “I see you’ve been busy.”

Valerie laughs—a warm, motherly laugh that curls my toes and makes me ache for my own mother who rarely laughed that way.

“Rumor has it I have a granddaughter on the way. I hope you like pink.”

This is a good mom. I want to be a good mom.

“Pink’s . . . great.” I smile, but my voice breaks a little. Of course she notices, because she’s a good mom.

“Bad day?”

“No, just . . . an emotional one, I guess.”

She nods. “I remember. Those mommy hormones wreak havoc, don’t they?”

“Yeah.”

Valerie smiles kindly. “What can I do?”

I wipe my eyes and offer her the best smile I can muster.

“You can take me home.”

H
alf an hour later, I’m sitting with Valerie in her kitchen. She sips her tea while I ramble on about my crazy life.

I hadn’t needed to clarify when I asked her to take me home. She knew.

Valerie listens with rapt attention while I talk about the baby. Her eyes shine with happiness and pride when I tell her about Devin’s bargaining tactics with our daughter during the ultrasound and the shopping spree that followed.

“Life sounds pretty wonderful. So why isn’t Mommy happy?”

“Because Mommy is feeling inadequate and undeserving.”

To my surprise, she nods in understanding.

“It’s overwhelming, isn’t it? You have this beautiful baby growing inside you and a man who would move heaven and earth to make you happy.”

When she puts it like that, I feel guilty. How many women can’t have babies? How many women have asshole boyfriends?

“I know I’m lucky.”

“You are, but I understand it. William was finishing up med school when I got pregnant. Then we found out we were having twins. By the time Devin and Shyann were born, he was working full-time at the hospital. I was alone a lot. William’s mom and dad moved closer just to help us with the kids. They were retired and more than happy to dote on their grandchildren on a permanent basis.”

I smile. “I bet that was a relief.”

“Oh, it was. I know a lot of people complain about their in-laws, but not me. Mine were amazing people. It did take some time for me to feel comfortable around them. I hadn’t grown up with the same luxuries as William and his family, so I felt . . . insecure. Undeserving. Unworthy.”

Valerie pours herself another cup of tea and offers me more cookies.

“No, thanks. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“How did you overcome it? The insecurity, I mean.”

“It took time, but I finally accepted that just because we came from different backgrounds didn’t mean I was unworthy of his love . . . or his family’s love. I was a good mother and good wife. That’s all I needed to be. In the grand scheme of things, that’s what really mattered.”

The phone rings from the living room, and Valerie excuses herself to answer it. She’s gone for a while, so I head to my favorite place in the house—the room with the piano. Sitting on the bench, I slowly lift the lid, letting my hands wander aimlessly along the keys as I start to play. My mood has always dictated the movement of my fingers, so the song is haunting and sad. While I play, I glance at the picture frames on top of the piano. One’s of Devin, decked out in a cap and gown. He looks young, so I can only assume it’s from his high school graduation. Most graduates are all smiles, but not him, and it’s easy to understand why.

He graduated without his twin by his side.

Tears spill down my cheeks as I finish the song, and suddenly, a pair of warm, strong arms encircle me and lift me off the bench. Devin’s smell surrounds me. I bury my face against his neck as he carries me upstairs.

We enter a bedroom, and he lowers me down onto the bed. Our eyes lock, giving me a glimpse of the mixture of love and fear he’s feeling right now. I smile softly and brush my fingers across his cheek as he slowly undresses me. Devin pulls his shirt over his head and pushes down his slacks, and within seconds, he’s pressed against me. I don’t think about the fact that his mom’s just downstairs. I don’t even think about whose bed we’re in. I just whisper his name against his heated skin and hold on tight to the man I love.

“I really hope this is a guest room.”

“It is now. It used to be my bedroom.” Devin sighs softly and kisses the side of my neck. “You scared me to death, Callie.”

I lift my head. “Why?”

“I got a call from Malik. I’m sorry Dominic got that close to you. It won’t happen again.”

My body tenses, prompting Devin to hold me close.

“He won’t bother you anymore.”

I have to tell him. I’m going to have to tell him eventually, anyway.

“Devin, he wasn’t bothering me. He . . . offered me a job on his mayoral staff.”

He bolts up in bed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“As his senior speech writer.”

He tiredly rubs his face. “The nerve of that bastard. What was his reaction when you told him to go to hell?”

“I . . . didn’t. I mean, I haven’t decided yet.”

A deathly silence hangs in the bedroom. After a few tense minutes, Devin gently turns my face toward him.

“Don’t tell me you’re actually considering this.”

“My salary would be six figures, Devin.”

“I don’t give a shit if it’ll make you a billionaire, Callie!”

“Stop screaming. Your mom will worry.”

“Mom left as soon as I got here. She called me because she thought I needed to know you were . . . what’s the word she used? Oh yeah.
Emotional
. I assumed it was because Dominic cornered you at the park, but I guess I was wrong. You’re upset because you’re considering this job offer, and you know I won’t let you do it.”

“You won’t
let
me?” I swiftly climb out of bed and reach for my blouse. Who does he think he is? “I don’t suppose we can talk calmly and rationally about this?”

“No, because there’s nothing to talk about, Callie. Have you forgotten that the man stalked you?”