Songbird (24 page)

Danny
gave her the briefest of looks.  “Yes, but I’d love to see the foals.  May I go
to the stables?” 

I
placed my hands on his shoulders conscious of the fact that the formalities had
been overlooked.  “You’ll have to ask his lordship about that, they’re his
horses.”  I turned him round.  “But you’re forgetting your manners, Danny.  You
must be introduced to everyone first.”  I guided him over to Lord and Lady
Waltham, feeling very proud that he bowed to the earl and took the countess’s
hand and kissed it softly.  Around the room we walked as he kissed each lady’s
hand in turn and bowed to every gentleman.  Eventually we reached Karl and
Emily and I noticed the look of bewilderment on his face, the look of adoration
on hers.  At that moment, it was as though only we four existed.  “This is
Viscount Shelbrook, Emily’s papa,” I said vacantly.  “My lord, may I introduce
you to my son, Danny.” 

Danny
bowed.  “Pleased to meet you, sir.”

“He’s
so courteous, Papa,” Emily smiled.

Karl
responded with a sharp nod and a deep frown.  His eyes swept over my son and
his lips parted as if to speak, but then thought better of it.  Our eyes met
and I could see his smouldering anger.  He knew that I had kept a few secrets
of my own and he didn’t like it one bit.

The
earl’s voice from across the room broke the spell.  “Yes, indeed.  The spring
foals will be seven months old now and quite a delight to see.”  He turned to
his daughter.  “Abigail, why don’t you take your guests to the stables and
inform Gus that they are free to wander about as they wish.”

She
let out a sigh.  “Oh, very well.  Come on, then.”

She
left the room and Emily and Danny followed her.  I smiled when I saw my son
stand to one side and allow Emily to pass through the door first. 

“He’s
a lovely boy, Mrs Asquith,” said Lady Chalgrove.  “How old is he?”

“He’ll
be nine this March,” I said quietly.

I
watched with mounting alarm, Karl’s hasty exit from the room. 

The rest of the
afternoon was spent in the company of the ladies, taking walks in the brisk
winter air.  The sun was weak and gave no warmth, but wrapped up warmly, we
chatted our way along the garden paths and through the orchard.  I didn’t see
anything of the men since some of them had gone to play billiards and Lady
Waltham informed me, the others had probably joined the children in the
stables.

“They
take great pride in breeding excellent horses,” she said.  “Especially Lord
Shelbrook since his estate in Wiltshire also breeds the best racing stock in
England.  He’s reared three winners of the Derby and two of the Grand National,
you know.”

I
tried not to show too keen an interest, but it seemed that every hour brought
new revelations about Karl.  He bred racing horses.  That was probably why I
thought his shoulders broad and muscular, the first time I had seen him remove
his shirt.  All his life he had dealt with horses and had probably brought
quite a few into the world.  I knew that delivering a foal was no easy task and
took a great deal of strength.

It
was getting dark by the time we all met up in the drawing room for tea.

A
tall woman in a nurse’s uniform appeared at the door.  “I’m sorry to intrude,
my lady.  But it’s time for the children’s tea and I can’t find them anywhere.”

Her
ladyship became exasperated.  “Oh, Nanny Pearson, they must still be in the
stables.  I’ll send one of the footmen for them.”

I
rose to my feet.  “Please don’t trouble yourself.  I’ll walk round and fetch
them.”

Lady
Waltham nodded.  “That’s so kind of you.  But you’d better wrap up warmly. 
There’s such a sting of frost in the air.”

I
left the drawing room and went up to my room and found my coat.  I didn’t
bother with a hat, since I would be out for a matter of minutes.  I went down
to the hallway and out of the main door.  It was now quite dark and the lamps
had been lit along the gravel path.  My breath turned to white mist and I
pulled my coat closely round me.  The moon kept disappearing behind clouds that
seemed to glow a metallic silver-grey.  If it rained, it might turn to snow.

When
I reached the stables, I looked about me.  I saw two grooms going about their
business and I heard the gentle neighing of horses and the stamping of hooves
on stone floors.  I crossed the yard and asked the way of one of the men.  He
pointed a little further along and I could see in the distance a succession of
low barns, with light streaming from the door.

Stepping
lightly over the cobbles, I made my way towards the golden, welcoming light and
entered the first barn.  Everyone seemed to be gathered down the far end where
a wonderful coal fire burnt.  The smell of oil lamps filled the air, mixed with
the pungent aroma of horses and hay.  Danny and Emily were sitting on a low
stone wall, Abigail lounged against one of the struts.  I came to the side of my
son and looked down.  Two foals lay on the straw with their heads turned
towards Danny and Emily.

Danny
pointed at them, his eyes shining.  “Aren’t they beautiful.  They’re twins, but
I like the one with the white across his back.”

“But
you don’t need a horse,” said Abigail.  “You can’t even ride.”

Emily
jumped immediately to his defence.  “That’s because he was brought up in London
and he has hackney cabs and the omnibus to get him about.”

“And
trains,” nodded Danny.

“Fancy
not being able to ride,” scoffed Abigail.

“I’ll
teach you to ride,” said Emily.  “It’s quite easy when you’ve had a bit of
practise.”

I
glanced around at the three men present and saw Karl standing half in shadow,
watching us.

“So,
have you come to see the foals too, Mrs Asquith?” asked Sir Joshua, smiling.

“No,
I’ve come to collect the children for their tea.”

Danny
and Emily jumped down from the wall. 

“Mama,
I’ve decided to own a stud farm when I grow up,” said Danny.

I
straightened his collar.  “Have you really?  But what about your ambitions to
become a pirate and sail the seven seas?”

He
pulled a face.  “No, I don’t think I’ll bother with that after all.”

I
couldn’t help laughing.  “I’m so relieved, since you were going to make me walk
the plank.”

Emily’s
eyes opened wide in horror.  “Was he, Mrs Asquith?  Was he going to make you
walk the plank?”

I
nodded and tried to be serious.  “He was and at the point of a cutlass.”

Emily
stared at Danny.  “How awful.  Your mama could have been eaten by sharks.”

I was
startled when she placed two thin arms round my waist and gave me a loving
hug.  I responded instinctively and then took her hand in mine.

“Come
on, you three.  Nanny Pearson will be making me walk the plank if I don’t get
you back for tea,” I said, trying to swallow the annoying lump in my throat.

“She’s
only a servant,” said Abigail.  “We don’t have to do what she says.”

The
men had been listening with amusement and laughing at the banter, but as we
moved away and walked out of the barn, I was horrified when I heard the
marquess say,  “Now that young woman would make an excellent mistress.”

Sir
Joshua Portland answered with a coarse laugh.  “Yes, but for which one of us? 
We’ll have to invite her to our summer house parties and have a wager on who
can bed her first.”

And
then I heard Karl say,  “Now that would be a very interesting wager.”

Shock
swept through me. 

I soaked in a
bath that evening.  Nelly bustled about me and was as attentive as any personal
maid could be.  She had sprinkled jasmine bath salts into the water and I lay
back and closed my eyes, a sudden weariness sweeping over me.  I couldn’t
understand why I felt so utterly tired.  I thought over the events of the day.

Karl
wasn’t pleased with me that was certainly obvious, although he had no right to
make me the centre of amusement along with the other men.  Why he thought only
he could have secrets was beyond my understanding.  But I knew there was more
to it than that.  He will have assumed, as Mrs Holland had done, that I had
given birth to Danny while unmarried.  He had already known that I was no
longer a virgin when I first went to his bed and had accepted it.  But bearing
a child while unmarried was a different matter.  Did he think the mother of his
child shameful?  Did he now doubt my reputation?  If that was the case, then it
was contradictory that his high-minded principles didn’t stop him fathering a
child out of wedlock.  Men had such a blinkered way of looking at the world. 
Well, he would have to learn a hard lesson and realise that Mrs Isabelle Asquith
had a life of her own.

I
dressed for dinner with Nelly’s help, choosing an oyster pink satin gown with a
sleeveless top.  It had a complex decoration of white ribbons and Nelly tied my
hair up into curls with a matching ribbon.  As I looked into the long mirror, I
felt that I could equal the ladies of the nobility.  Better, Nelly informed me,
some of them had no taste.

Before
I went downstairs, I made my way to the nursery and found the three children
engrossed in a game of snakes and ladders with Nanny Pearson.  She assured me
that she would see the children to bed at the appropriate time and I left them,
feeling satisfied.

Dinner
was more formal than luncheon and the table was magnificently set.  I found I
had been placed between the marquess and Lord Ramsbury, a squat, bald man who
turned out to have German ancestry and insisted on telling me all about his
family in Munich.  Thankfully, Karl was seated at the far end of the table and
now and again I could feel his eyes on me, but he would turn away quickly if I
looked in his direction. 

Meeting
his wife was very interesting.

Lady
Angelique Shelbrook turned out to be a small, dainty woman with a mass of dark
hair.  The moment I met her I recognised the Duc de St Julienne in her
features.  The same dark blue eyes, always haunted by the spectre of poor
health.  The same slight, fragile build, as if a gust of wind would blow her
over.  It was as if she found life too much to bear and needed to retire
frequently to her room to escape from it.  The boisterous, vivacious little
girl that was her daughter was a drain on her and I discovered that she spent
hardly any time at all with Emily.  Suddenly, I found my heart breaking for the
baby I had carried and given birth to.  She had a devoted papa, there was no
doubt about that, but the woman whom she called Mama, was constantly
exasperated with a child who demanded too much on her limited resources of
energy.

After
dinner, the ladies adjourned to the drawing room and drank coffee, leaving the
gentlemen with their port and cigars and when they joined us an hour later, I
could see that some of them were quite merry.  Lady Portland remonstrated with
her husband when he bumped into the table, knocking over one of the delicate
china coffee cups and ushered him off to bed immediately.

Angelique
also retired to bed shortly after them, but the rest of us settled down for an
evening of cards.  I was delighted when I was asked to join the marquess and
Lord and Lady Waltham at their table.  I watched the marquess over my cards and
wondered if I should ask him to elaborate on his theory that I would make an
excellent mistress.  But not wanting to embarrass my hosts, I decided to forget
the entire incident.

On
the far side of the room, Karl, Eloise and Mr and Mrs Cannings started their
game.  Now and again Karl’s pleasant chuckle drifted across to me causing my
heart to lurch in my chest.  But I couldn’t help feeling indignant with him. 
He had no occasion to feel annoyed with me; I hadn’t done anything wrong.  In
fact, I had upheld my end of the agreement faultlessly.  I had given him the
child he wanted and I had kept out of her life, neither demanding nor expecting
any maternal rights.  It’s a pity the same thing couldn’t be said about him.  I
sighed as I threw a card down on the table. 

“Now
what are you sighing about?” asked the marquess, smiling.

I
glanced at him.  “Sometimes it’s impossible to win the game, no matter how well
you play.”

Lady
Waltham winked at him.  “Why do I get the impression that Mrs Asquith is
talking about the game of life and not cards?”

I
grinned at her perception.  A drama queen she might be, but she had more about
her than anyone might hope to expect.  It’s a pity she hadn’t instilled some of
her attributes in that spoilt daughter of hers.

But
little Lady Abigail Waltham was going to turn out to be more than just a spoilt
and unruly child.  She would have a profound impact on my feelings for the son
that I cherished and the daughter I was starting to love.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR

T
he
following morning was bitterly cold, but it was decided that we would all walk
down to the river.  Lady Waltham was adamant that none of us would be cooped up
in the house as long as the sun shone.  Only two people were excused, the
Viscount and Viscountess Shelbrook.  She because of her poor health and he
because he thought it only right to stay behind and keep her company.  I was
glad that I wouldn’t have Karl’s presence to distract me.  I hadn’t seen him at
breakfast and had been told he was staying with his wife until after luncheon. 
Perhaps it was a simple case of not wanting to leave her on her own or was it
that he wished to keep as much distance between us as possible?  But I was
content with the arrangement.  I needed to sort out my tangled thoughts.

As we
strolled along, our coats pulled tightly round us against the brisk wind, I
wondered at my feelings for the man that I had come to know as Karl.  I had
fallen in love with him while we had been so close and had found it difficult
to push his memory to the back of my mind.  Meeting him again had been a
revelation. 

At
first, he had seemed like the man that I had grown to love.  That was until he
had met my son and then everything had changed.  He had ceased being the Karl I
had known and had become Viscount Shelbrook.  Proud, moody and I suspected,
rather prejudiced.  I wondered if I should tell him the truth about myself. 
Tell him that I had been a widow for almost nine years.  But then I thought
better of it.  Why should I?  I didn’t have to explain anything.  I had entered
our agreement as Miss Isabelle Pritchard for my own specific reasons.  And
those reasons still held.  I didn’t want to disgrace my darling husband’s name
and I would keep true to his memory by refusing to justify my actions to a man
who had no further claim over me.  Viscount Shelbrook would have to wallow in
his own mire of resentment since I didn’t intend to lift a finger to help him
out of it.

“You’re
quiet,” said Eloise, as we reached the river.

“Just
going over my thoughts.”

“I
hope they’re happy thoughts.  I know you’ve been here less than twenty-four
hours but are you enjoying yourself?”

I
nodded.  “I’m having a wonderful time.”  I looked ahead where Danny, Emily and
Abigail were running down to the river.  “And I know Danny is enjoying himself.”

“He’s
getting on very well with Emily, but I’m not so sure about Abigail.”

I
pursed my lips.  “She seems such a pampered little girl.  I’m sure that will
not bode well as she grows older.”

Eloise
gave a long sigh.  “It’s been the same way since she was born.  Penelope can’t
have any more children, so they’ve doted on her and haven’t enforced the
necessary discipline, as they ought.  Unlike your Danny, who is such a
well-bred young man.”

“They
say it’s difficult to be a mother and father to a child, but I found it quite
easy.  I just lay down firm rules that he had to obey.  Children like to have
boundaries, it makes them feel protected.”

“And
you’ve done it without a male figure to guide him.”

“I
think that’s why I like to look out for him.  He’s my responsibility, my little
boy.”

“He
is, but I’ve noticed you’re giving him more rein here than you did in
Eastbourne.”

This
amused me.  “In a house the size of Claythorpe it’s difficult to keep track
where he is.”  I decided to do some investigating of my own.  “Emily is an only
child too, but her mother and father have brought her up to be polite and
considerate.”

“Brett
is a wonderful father to her.”

“And
Lady Shelbrook?”

“She
tires easily,” she answered lightly, but I could see by her stiff expression
that she was concerned about the situation.

“Perhaps
she never fully recovered from Emily’s birth,” I said.

Eloise
smiled.  “Oh, Emily isn’t Brett and Angelique’s natural daughter.  In fact,
Angelique is unable to have children.”

I
tried to pretend surprise at this morsel of news.  “So where did Emily come
from?”

“It’s
no secret, so there’s no harm in telling you.  They adopted her.  Went across
to France to fetch her home.  Lady Shelbrook’s parents are the Duc and Duchesse
de St Julienne and they like to help young girls who find themselves in what’s
euphemistically called ‘the family way’.  They’re very good-hearted when it
comes to that kind of thing.  They knew of a young girl in trouble and made all
the arrangements for them to take her baby.”

I
found swallowing difficult.  “Didn’t the mother ever want to keep in touch with
her daughter?”

“Oh,
no.  From what I heard, she wasn’t interested in the child.  But it was
probably for the best since she lived in France and Emily was brought to
England.  Anyway, no doubt they paid her and I’m sure the money was more
important to her.”

“Even
so, she gave them a lovely little girl.”  I knew my voice was stilted as I
struggled with the truth of her words.

She
shrugged.  “True, my dear.  And would you believe it, there are times when
Emily has a look of Brett about her.  Now isn’t that silly?”  I nodded, trying
to hold back tears.  She gave a sigh  “Yes, circumstances are very difficult
when a young girl is pregnant and unwed.  Society can be very cruel and perhaps
it’s better if her baby is adopted and taken off her hands.”

We
stood beside the river and watched the children throwing stones into its bluish
grey depths.

“It’s
so cold today,” I said, shivering.  But I knew the coldness came from within
me.

Eloise
glanced skywards.  “We’re definitely going to have some rain and perhaps even
snow.  When the river freezes, we go skating on it.  It’s such fun.”  She
turned to me.  “You know about the Christmas ball tonight?”  I nodded,
remembering the talk at breakfast.  “People are invited from all over and it
will be held in the grand ballroom.  Have you seen it?” I shook my head.  “You
must go and take a look.  It’s in the west wing.  The musicians should arrive
about six-thirty and it starts at seven.  There will be food provided and we’ll
dance the night away.”

I
gave a half-smile, our previous topic had left me feeling drained.  Danny and
Emily running towards me saved me from making any comment.

“Mama,
there’s a rope attached to the tree.  May we swing on it?”

I
looked across to where a long length of thick hemp was tied to a branch of an
old elm that leaned precariously over the river.  The rope dangled inches away
from the surface of the water and probably five feet from the bank.

“No,
dearest.  It doesn’t look safe.  You might fall in.”

“I
told him that we swing on it and plop into the water to swim.  But only in the
summer,” said Emily showing wisdom beyond her years.

Eloise
grimaced.  “Quite right too.  It’s too cold now and the rope will be slippery
with frost and you could easily lose your grip.  The water will be freezing.” 
She smiled at me.  “They really should take it down through the colder months,
but it’s been there for years and tends to get forgotten.”

Abigail
strolled up.  “I’ve swung on it when it’s been snowing.”

Danny
was obviously impressed.  “That was very brave of you.  Didn’t your hands get
cold?”

She
gave him a withering look.  “I wore gloves, foolish boy.”

“Well,
you shouldn’t have swung on the rope in winter,” said Emily.  “It’s against the
rules.”

“It
wasn’t winter, so there.  It was April and that’s spring and anyway rules are
meant to be broken.”  Abigail tossed her head and walked away.

My
heart quickened.  Had she heard Karl say that?  If she had then he was teaching
her bad habits that could have terrible consequences.  There was no time to
ponder further as Lady Waltham was gathering her flock to usher us indoors for
luncheon.  I was very relieved and as I turned to go, I glanced back at the
rope swinging gently in the breeze.  It seemed malevolent and I shuddered.

Luncheon was in
the usual buffet-style and I spent the hour chatting to the other guests,
especially Mrs Cannings who turned out to be a very interesting elderly lady
who was well travelled.  She told me of her years in Ceylon when her husband
owned a tea plantation.  She had enjoyed her time out there and spoke fervently
of going back to live one day.

By
the time the meal was over I felt in much better spirits.  The gloom that had
descended on me during our walk was fading away.  I decided to spend some time
on my own and find the magnificent ballroom that Eloise had spoken of and at
the same time, see more of this wonderful old house.

I
made my way along the gallery that ran the whole length of the building from
the west to the east wing.  This room was a wonder in itself, with a varnished
floor partially covered by a thick, intricately patterned rug and numerous
windows down the left-hand wall.  Every twenty feet or so was punctuated by a
noble arch in white plaster and embellished with the engravings of fruit.  The
ceiling was also deeply engraved with huge squares; the crest of the Waltham
dynasty sitting in the centre of each one.  Against the walls were cabinets,
statues, jardinières and elegant chairs.  The walls were covered with paintings
and portraits.

This
long gallery seemed to go on forever and its considerable length suddenly gave
me the urge to run down it.  I looked around and seeing no one about, I picked
up my skirts and began to sprint, my feet thudding on the rug.  I began to
laugh as I sped along, knowing that my hair was coming unpinned and I would
look a dreadful sight.  At the far end, I turned the corner and collided with
someone just leaving one of the rooms leading off the corridor.

He
caught my arm to steady my balance.  “Is someone chasing you?”

I
tried to catch my breath and hurriedly tucked my hair back under the pins. 
“No.  I was…Oh dear,” I gasped.

Karl
cocked his head to one side and gave an amused smile.  “You were running down
the gallery?”

“Suddenly
got the urge,” I laughed.

His
hand dropped from my elbow and he looked down at the floor.  “Alastair and I
would race each other when we were boys.”

“Who
used to win?”

“Neither
of us really.  Close to the finish line the loser would always grab the winner
in a rugby tackle.”

“Typical
male pride.”

His
eyes swept over me and his expression softened.  “You have a lock of hair still
loose.”

Before
I could put it right, he reached for it and fastened it behind a pin.

“I
must look such a mess,” I breathed, conscious of my heart thudding against my
ribcage with the exertion.  I suddenly felt very weary.  “Thank goodness none
of the servants saw me.”

He
glanced around.  “Yes, we seem to be quite alone.”  He licked his lips and
studied me for a few seconds.  His hand gripped my elbow again.  “I think it’s
time we had a talk,” he said quietly.  He didn’t wait for my reply, but opened
a door and propelled me into a room that was obviously used as a study.  I
stood in the middle of the floor, not daring to move.  “Would you care to sit?”

I
turned to face him.  “No, thank you.  I prefer to stand.”

“So
be it.”  He stared at me and his eyes seemed bluer than I had ever seen them. 

“What
do you want to speak to me about?” I said, trying to sound relaxed even though
I knew what he was about to say.

It
was obvious he was not going to mince his words and came straight to the
point.  “Why didn’t you tell me at your interview that you already had a
child?” 

“Would
it have mattered?  The outcome would have been just the same.”

“I
needed to know everything about you.  I had that right.”

I
looked at him coldly.  “Why did you need to know everything about me?  And why
do you think you had that right?”

My
questions seemed to astonish him.  “Because I had chosen you to bear my
child.”  I stayed silent.  He shook his head in bewilderment.  “You already had
a child and I should have been told about him.”

“Why? 
I fail to see what Danny has to do with it.”

“Did
you tell Mrs Holland about him?”

I
considered this for a moment.  The last thing I wanted was to cause trouble for
a lady who had been so kind to me.  “I told her in France.”

He
took a step back from me, his hand to his forehead.  “Dear Lord!  She never
said a word.  She should have told me.”

“I
begged her to keep it a secret,” I said softly, hoping this would pacify him. 
“Besides, by the time I told her, it was too late.  I was already carrying your
child.”

His
eyes seemed to burn into me.  “If I had known I would have asked questions
about your health during your pregnancy and if there had been any complications
with the birth.  I would have wanted to see your son to ascertain he was
perfectly normal.”