Songbird (38 page)

I love you with
all my heart.

Brett

I
held the letter close to my heart, trying to ease the pain.  He was gone and I
wanted him here with me.  I walked across to the mirror and stared at my
reflection.  And then taking in a deep breath, I turned on my heels and went
down to breakfast.

Andrew
and Martha were already there and as I took my seat, Andrew murmured ‘good
morning’ and smiled as if there was nothing untoward between us.  We ate our
meal in silence and then Martha left to prepare my wardrobe for my final
performance in Plymouth.

“We
set off for Torquay tomorrow morning,” said Andrew matter-of-factly.  “And the
next four weeks will be taken up right along the coast until we reach the
Theatre Royal in Brighton, before returning to London.”

I
tried to smile.  “Almost done, then?”

He
nodded.  “Unfortunately the next month might be the most gruelling, but I’m
sure you’ll manage.”

“I’m
sure I will,” I said crisply.  My thoughts turned to my son.  “Danny starts at
The Hall in early September.  I’ll need to break from the tour to go back to
London.  I want to see him settled in on his first day.”

“Can’t
his governess do that?”

“I
want to do it.”

“Very
well.”  He pondered on this.  “By then we should be in Bournemouth.  After your
last performance you can leave for London and meet us in Bognor Regis.”

It was gruelling
and although the weather that August was wonderful, I went from theatre to
theatre, from hotel to hotel in a tired daze.  When I finished in Bournemouth,
I caught the train to London with a sigh of relief. 

I
arrived home to a family that I had missed more than I realised.  Ruth and
Gwilym looked well and I laughed when I saw Ruth’s fruitful shape.

“I’m
due in November,” she said, smiling.  “So, I’m going to be quite a size for
Diamond’s wedding.”

Gwilym
placed his arm round her waist.  “Thank you for letting us stay here, Issy. 
But we’ll be moving out very soon.  I’ve found a rented house just a few
streets away.”

I
smiled in delight.  My brother and his wife would be close by and so would
Diamond and Victor.  Ealing will be a wonderful place to live when my tour
finished. 

That
evening my son showed off his new school uniform and then took himself off to
his bedroom in order to translate a section of simple Latin into English; this
work set by his new form master in readiness for his first lesson.

Although
Danny’s room was the smallest, there were also three quite large bedrooms and
two servants’ rooms in the attic on the second floor.  Nan had taken over the
larger attic room and made it into a lovely workroom and storage area.  Her
reputation as a dressmaker had grown enormously and she believed she might have
to employ a young girl to help her.  Lily and Violet slept in the other room
and although I could only make the briefest of acquaintance with them on this
visit I could see that they had settled down at Gibson Place.

When
Gwilym and Ruth had returned, Diamond and Nan had moved in together not wanting
to give them my room.  I had shown surprise with this but they had sheepishly
said that I might unexpectedly come home.  I wondered if they, or more likely
Diamond, had had an inkling that Andrew Perry would be more difficult to work
with than he had been at Covent Garden.

But
that first night I didn’t want to think of Andrew Perry.  I stretched in the
large bed that Brett and I had shared and sank into dreamless sleep.

The
following day was spent in the garden enjoying the cool breeze.  It was
peaceful, sitting in a wicker chair under the trees, listening to the bees
humming and the birds singing.  The scent of roses and honeysuckle filled the
air and it was wonderful knowing I was home and amongst those I loved.  Gwilym
had obtained a position at Guy’s but he had talked of starting his own
practice.  The following morning I would accompany Danny on the omnibus to
Camden and to school and the day after I would journey to Bognor Regis to take
up the tour once more.  How strange that the tour was now the only blot on the horizon. 
Nan and Lily setting up the small table on the lawn for our afternoon tea
brought me out of my day-dreaming. 

Miss
Rupp had been invited to tea and in the middle of some lively conversation she
touched my arm to attract my attention.  “Mrs Asquith, I’m so pleased that
you’ve decided to send your son to preparatory school, but I must warn you that
I will be leaving too.”

I
felt aghast.  “You’re leaving?  But I didn’t realise you would want to.”  I
hadn’t thought what Miss Rupp would do after Danny went to school.

She
smiled sadly.  “My time here is finished and there’s nothing for me to do now.”

“Would
you like to be my secretary?”  I couldn’t hide my distress.  “Oh, I don’t want
you to leave.  I shall miss you so.”

“I’ve
obtained a position at a girls’ school in Bloomsbury.  I shall be perfectly
happy, I assure you.  Besides, my mother is getting on and needs more of my
attention.”

I
took her hand.  “But you’ll visit?  You must come for tea and keep in touch
with Danny.”

“Naturally,
ma’am.”

I joined in with
Danny’s excitement the following morning and the ride on the omnibus to Camden
was exhilarating.  However, the sight of the large impressive house known as
The Hall, brought a lump to my throat.  Although established only five years
previously, it seemed to reek already of education and privilege and I had been
impressed when I had first visited and met the headmaster.  And at that
interview I found I couldn’t help mentioning Brett’s name and then feeling
embarrassed immediately after for my blatant name-dropping.

Danny
insisted on going in alone, although in reality he wasn’t alone since quite a
few new boys were heading through the large double doors with imposing columns
each side.

“Don’t
want the older boys to think I’m a fag,” he said sharply.

“A
fag?” I asked.

“Lord
Waltham told me all about it.  A fag is a boy who runs errands for the older
boys.”

I
felt alarmed.  “I had no notion.”

He
grinned.  “Goodbye, Mama.  See you this evening.”

“You
remember what omnibus to catch?” I called after him, but he was already
striding through the door; lost amongst the sea of uniforms.

I
gazed over the red brick building with many windows.  The Belsize Park area of
London was quite respectable and the steps of the school led straight onto the
pavement.  The omnibus stop was only a short distance away.  Danny would have
no trouble getting home.

But I
went home still feeling worried and all that day I felt restless, much to
everyone’s amusement.

“Sit
down, Isabelle,” said Ruth.  “You’re exhausting me.”

“Not
to mention wearing out the rug,” laughed Nan.

Ruth
hauled herself out of the armchair and held out her hand.  “Come with me and
I’ll show you my mementoes.”

We
spent the rest of the afternoon going through the chest she had filled while on
her trip.  There were shells from the Philippines, a frightening mask from
Africa, a Japanese fan and many more besides.  By the time Danny came home
carrying his books under his arm, I had had a very interesting few hours as
Ruth regaled me with her stories.  She and Gwilym had been away for three yeas
and she had had an incredible adventure. 

Danny
was filled with more information than I could take in.  He had met two other
boys who also lived in Ealing and they had travelled home together on the
omnibus.  The maths master had complimented him on his work and he had been
asked if he would like to play a small part in the school’s Christmas play.

“I’m
playing Snout the tinker in
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
.”  His eyes shone
with excitement.

“I’ll
look forward to seeing it, dearest,” I said, choking on tears.

“I
don’t think you need to worry about him,” whispered Nan.

And I
had to agree.

I left them all
with a melancholy heart and journeyed to Bognor Regis for a one-night
performance.  Martha was pleased to see me and Andrew gave me a half-smile.  I
decided to persevere and get through the rest of the tour, but more especially
I had Brighton to look forward to.  Hopefully, Brett would keep his promise and
meet me there.  

And
when we reached Brighton I felt I had come full circle once again.  The
grandeur of the Pavilion made me smile when I remembered the last time I was
there and my meeting with Eloise. 

The
Theatre Royal was wonderful and I would perform for five nights, which would
then conclude the tour.

Before
going on stage on the fourth night, Brett sent me a telegram that he and Emily
would be arriving the following morning and would book into my hotel.  I left a
message for him with the desk clerk saying I would meet him in the foyer and we
could spend the day together.  I was determined that Brett and Andrew would not
come face to face. 

After
the performance I breathed a sigh of relief that there was just one more before
I would be free.  Free?  That word buzzed round my head like a bee.  Was I a
prisoner?  Sometimes I felt like it.  I thought I had a voice, but now I
realised the voice had me.  And wherever the voice wanted to go, I was forced
to follow.  But no more.  After one more night, I would decide my future. 
Perhaps I would carry on singing.  Perhaps I would make guest appearances
only.  Perhaps I might teach music for a living.  That last notion made me
chuckle.

We
arrived back at the hotel and while I changed for bed, I ordered a tray of
tea.  I was surprised when a knock on the door revealed Andrew carrying the
tray. 

“Took
this from the maid,” he said.  “Thought we’d have a cup together.”

“In
my room?  Are you sure that’s correct behaviour?”

He
shrugged indifferently.  “I want to speak to you privately.  And at least we’ll
not be overheard here.”  He placed the tray on a small table and then turned to
look at me.  “You be Mother.”

I
took a seat and started pouring.  He sat opposite me.

“I
take it you want to talk about when we return to London?”

He
nodded.  “I’ll be going back to Covent Garden to take up the reins there.  Are
you returning as my diva?” 

I
felt uncomfortable at the thought and hesitated before saying, “No, Andrew. 
I’ll not be returning to Covent Garden.  In fact, I’ve no idea what I’ll be
doing.  I might take a few months away from singing.  I need a rest.”

His
grey blue eyes seemed to get darker.  “I understand.”

“Good.”

“When
we had that argument in…Truro, was it?” 

I
nodded slowly.  Places were becoming muddled for me too. 

He
continued.  “Yes, Truro.  You admitted that you had had an affair with Lord
Shelbrook and given him a child.  His daughter, Emily?”  Again I nodded
wondering where this was leading.  “I believed he paid your academy fees?”

I
looked down at my teacup.  For some strange reason my mind returned to that
terrible argument I had had with Gwilym when he had discovered my lies about
winning a scholarship. 

“He
did,” I said slowly.

He
stared at me for a few seconds before saying,  “He must have had a lot of faith
in you.”

“You
did, when you took me on at Covent Garden.”

“True. 
But I had the experience of knowing you had potential.”

“Perhaps
he did also,” I said.

He
dipped into his pocket and brought out a piece of paper.  “This is what I
received when we were in Bath.  The mysterious message that you thought was
from a lady admirer of mine.”

I
stared at it blankly.  “What’s it to do with me?”

“But
it’s not from a lady admirer as you can read for yourself.”

He
passed it to me and I read with mounting alarm.

Dear
Mr Perry,

If
you meet me, I might have information you would find interesting.  It relates
to your Miss Emmeline Barri and I think you should know what kind of woman she
is.  I will be in the park near the abbey at half eight this evening and we can
come to some sort of agreement.

A
friend

“An
agreement,” I said my heart in my mouth.  “This person was blackmailing you?”

“Oh,
she was.”

“She?”

“A
young woman.  Small with delicate features and dark hair.”

I
closed my eyes in horror knowing it had to be Jane.  “So she gave you the
information that I had borne a child to a member of the nobility and you paid
her?”