Sorrows of Adoration (21 page)

But he was insistent
and clearly too upset to be seeking my company for illicit
purposes, so she relented and left us alone. He bade me to sit and
did so himself as well, though on the edge of the chair in an
obvious state of great anxiety.

“What is it?” I asked
in alarm.

“There is something
that I must tell you, Aenna. Something happened last night, and it
is very unpleasant, but you must believe that I am telling you the
full and honest truth and I would never betray you in any way.”

“Of course I would
believe whatever you told me, Kurit. What has happened that you are
so upset?”

He looked at the floor
in obvious shame, his hands knotted together in agitation. “I would
have come to tell you last night, but it was so late, and I didn’t
want to upset you.”

“Well, I’ll be upset
now if you don’t tell me what is so terribly wrong!”

He untangled his hands
and raised them as fists to his face. He looked angry and
frustrated, and I suspected his mother had done something to
disturb the wedding plans. She had not spoken so much as a word to
me, but whenever we were in the same room—such as every evening at
dinner—she glared at me with unabashed vehemence.

Angrily, Kurit
blurted, “That vile fiend Sashken tried to seduce me last night.
She came into my room as I slept, which I assure you I have given
the guards a stern lecture for allowing! I woke to find her in my
bed, naked, with her hand on my
 
…” He paused in embarrassment, which was
disturbingly uncharacteristic of him.

“She didn’t!” I
exclaimed, not in doubt of his words but in outrage at the very
thought. I had learned over time that Sashken had been unofficially
chosen by Queen Kasha to be Kurit’s bride. I had spoken with her
myself only once and found her to be cold and unpleasant, most
certainly not someone Kurit could ever love.

“
She did. Of
course I woke with a start, and seeing that pointy face of hers
looking down at me, I almost fell out of the bed. But she kept a
hold of my, well, my sensitive area, which
 
…” He sighed in exasperation. “Aenna, I
swear to you, she must have been touching me as I slept, because it
was
 
… in her hand
it had become
 
…and
when I tried to roll away she gripped it, and of course I could not
move without tearing it off!” He rose from his chair in
frustration. “I blurted out something to the effect of ‘Get away
from me,’ but she refused. She said that she was ripe for
childbearing, and she intended to have me father one inside her
that night so I would be forced to forget about you and marry her
instead.”

I was speechless
in outrage. My jaw had dropped, and my fists sat clenched at my
sides.
That
pathetic slut!
my mind
screamed.

He saw my anger and
nodded. “I know how you must feel. Believe me, Aenna, I don’t wish
to upset you, but I had to tell you. I grabbed her wrist and
twisted it until she cried out and let go of me. Then I got out of
bed and dragged her out to my receiving chamber. I ordered her out
of my sight. I was embarrassed, shocked, enraged! I shamefully
admit that I wanted to strike her for her insolence, but thankfully
I had the presence of mind to restrain myself.

“
She stood facing
me, naked as the day she was born, a hideous sight, I swear.
Honestly, Aenna, her nude form disgusted me, both in its
impropriety and in her almost emaciated form. Ribs poking out over
a waist misshapen from growing up in an over-tightened
corset
 
…” He shook
his head in revulsion. “Forgive me—I should be sparing you such
details, but I need you to understand that in no way was I the
least bit tempted by her.”

I took a deep breath to
calm my anger, because I didn’t want him to misinterpret it as
being directed towards him. “I would not suspect you, Kurit. I
doubt I would suspect you of being disloyal with anyone, but
certainly I would never suspect it with Sashken. By the Temple,
Kurit, I’ve seen your loathing of her. Everyone has, except
obviously Sashken and your mother.”

“
Oh, don’t even
let me start on that issue, Aenna,” he said emphatically. “Sashken
is conniving and manipulative, but she is not smart enough to come
up with such a wretched plan on her own. I fully see Mother’s hand
in this, and
 
…” He
bit his tongue and was quiet for a moment. When he spoke again, his
voice was low and threatening. “Mother had better not come near me
for at least a day, if not a week. You must understand, the reason
that I hurried in here this morning to tell you all this is because
I was afraid of what would result from Sashken’s next ploy, which I
could tell by her rehearsed words came straight from Mother’s
coaching.”

He sat beside me and
took my hands between his, pressing them to his lips but not
actually kissing them. He moved them to his forehead, closed his
eyes—in anger or worry I could not tell—and said, “She told me that
if I refused her, she would tell ‘the little field mouse’—Mother’s
favourite term of insult for you—that I had gladly taken her. She
threatened to convince you that I had always loved her and had
pleasured her regularly, even since our engagement. I had to come
and tell you of her threat before she could get to you. I had to
make you understand that I would never do such a thing. Aenna, I
swear—”

I moved my hand out of
his and placed a silencing finger on his lips to stop his
apologetic babbling. When he looked up at me I said, “I believe
you, Kurit. And I wouldn’t have believed her if she had arrived
before you. You need not convince me of your loyalty and
honour.”

He sighed with great
relief and hurriedly embraced me. I held him tight, wanting him to
know that I had not the least bit of suspicion in my heart.

“Thank you,” he said,
his voice pained. “Thank you so much, Aenna. I didn’t want to
imagine that you would suspect me, but I feared she would play on
your insecurities and that you might be convinced.”

I chuckled as he sat
back on the couch. “I am amazed that she would think such a ploy
would work. How could she possibly think that you would acquiesce
to her? What a vile tramp!”

He sat forward on
the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and his forehead in his
hands. He sighed heavily, shaking his head slowly. “I
just
 
…I just don’t
need this ridiculous nonsense.” He rose from the couch in anger. He
paced for a moment and then stopped, let out a growl, and kicked
one of the chairs over, making a loud racket.

Leiset came running in
from the hall as he continued to kick the chair. She stared at him
in fright. I rose from the couch, also startled by his anger.

He stopped beating on
the chair and stood staring at it, as if he had imagined
administering the kicks to Sashken herself. He looked at Leiset,
who stood pale by the door with one of the guards from the corridor
at her side.

“
Sorry,” he
muttered and picked up the chair. Then he noticed my startled
expression and apologized again. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I
just
 
…” He sighed
loudly and rubbed his head with both hands.

I went to him, and he
embraced me, cradling me protectively against him. “Sorry,” he said
again, kissing the top of my head.

“I understand,
Kurit—it’s fine. I understand how angry you are. I am too,” I said,
hoping to ease his frustration and guilt. I looked over his
shoulder to Leiset and the guard and said, “Everything is fine
here. Please, just leave us alone for a moment.”

We talked for some
time, and eventually he calmed down. But a depressed frustration
remained in him, even after we took breakfast together and walked
in the garden.

He remained sullen and
upset until the night before the wedding, when finally his mood
broke. He came to me before bed to apologize for his dark frame of
mind as of late but assured me it had lifted as he realized we
would finally be wed the next day.

“I’m certain this
madness with my mother will end tomorrow,” he said. “Once our love
becomes official and she cannot stop it, I’m certain she’ll finally
give up this absurd battle.”

I WOKE VERY EARLY on my
wedding day, too excited to turn over and go back to sleep. I
quietly peeked out of my bedchamber into my receiving room, but
Leiset was not there. I didn’t know if she was still sleeping
herself or if she had gone off on an errand.

I closed the bedroom
door and fetched my dressing gown. Knotting the gown’s cord about
my waist, I opened the glass doors to my small balcony and stepped
out into the dewy summer air.

It was very quiet; the
only sounds were morning birds chirping in the garden. I leaned my
elbows on the cold, dew-damp stone edge of the balcony and put my
chin in my hands. I stood like that for some time, smiling like a
fool and staring idly into the air.

A guard on sentry duty
walked along the wall on the opposite side of the garden. Noticing
me there, he paused and bowed. I gave him a polite wave, glad to
know that he was being observant even at this early hour. He bowed
again and continued his march.

“Ah, that’s who he was
bowing to,” said a voice to the west, startling me. “You’re up
early.” It was Kurit, leaning out of his own balcony door.

“Oh, you startled me!”
I said, catching my breath.

“
Sorry. I’ve been
standing here by the open door for some time. I didn’t hear you
come out, and I couldn’t see you from inside. Then I saw the guard
bow, and I thought,
He can’t possibly see me in the shadows!
So I took a step out, and there you are.”
His hair was tousled from sleep, and he smiled a tired smile at
me.

“You’re not supposed to
see me today until you remove my veil,” I said. “It’s a bad omen,
you know.”

He shrugged. “The day’s
hardly begun. I think the Gods will forgive an inadvertent meeting.
It’s not like I’m over there with you.”

I laughed. “Out of
tradition or because Leiset and Gilrin are still entrusted with the
keys to the door between our bedchambers?” All of the bedchambers
along this portion of the south wing were linked by doors, so
husbands and wives in adjoining rooms could visit each other
discreetly in the night. It was standard practice for the
maidservant or manservant of an unwed occupant of these rooms to
keep the keys to the doors. Leiset would also be charged to keep
safe the key from my room to the unoccupied one to the east.

Kurit threw his hands
in the air in jest. “Even today you accuse me of beastly
behaviour!” He smiled and dropped his hands to put them on his
hips. “Go then, go inside before we wake up everyone else. I shall
see you in a few hours.”

I smiled and took his
advice, but just as I was about to close the door behind me I heard
him call my name softly. I poked my head back outside to see him
leaning over his balcony’s ledge towards my own.

He saw me and said,
“Everything is going to turn out perfectly today. Don’t fret about
anything. Just enjoy the day. I love you.”

I smiled and went back
inside, preventing myself from attempting to say something
sentimental in return that would no doubt sound trite, as though I
were choking on flowers. As I closed the door I heard a soft
tapping from the receiving room, and I said, “Come, I am
awake.”

Leiset entered with a
garment bag in her careful arms. I straightened the blankets of my
bed out sufficiently that she could set it down.

“I was going to hang it
out in the other room, but I heard voices in here,” she said
questioningly.

“Oh, I went to the
balcony, and Kurit was on his.”

“Aenna!” she exclaimed
in dismay. “You’re not supposed to see him!”

“It was an accident!” I
said and quickly explained what had happened.

Leiset, being both
religious and superstitious, said a quick prayer for us. Then she
unlaced the garment bag so I could see what miracle the tailor had
wrought for my wedding day.

I stood dumbfounded,
staring at it. The gown was more beautiful than any I had ever
imagined. It was a deep green—the traditional colour for weddings,
of course, because of its fertile implications—and I knew instantly
my hair would look wonderful against it. Because it was a summer
wedding, it had no sleeves, but the dear tailor had widened the
shoulder straps to cover my wretched scar. The gown had neither
laces nor buttons—it would have to be pulled on carefully over my
head and removed the same way.

The waist would fit
snugly, and the low neckline would likely reveal a hint of the tops
of my breasts. Knowing I did not wear a corset, the tailor had
tapered the bodice to a point in front and in back, letting the
wide fabric of the skirt billow out naturally where my hips would
be. I knew this would make me appear to have slender frame whilst
still maintaining the curves that Kurit seemed to so
appreciate.

The skirt was the same
deep green but a lighter material that was gathered in many, many
layers. As I picked up the edge to examine the exquisite green and
gold beadwork near the bottom, I saw that shadows played in between
the gauzy layers, making the skirt shimmer in the way that trees
seem to when looked on from a far height.

“Isn’t it perfect?”
Leiset sighed, putting her hands gently around my arm.

I leaned the side of my
head against hers, and we stood staring at it happily. “I could not
dreamed of better,” I whispered, as though speaking too loudly
might awaken me.

After some time, Leiset
finally said, “Well, enough of this. I’ll have water brought in for
your bath, after which we must set your hair in the rods for the
ringlets. And I have to send Melly to the Temple to pick up your
veil, because they did not have it ready when I sent for it last
night. The clip for it is there on your dressing table, but don’t
worry about that now.” She started busying herself immediately.