Sorrows of Adoration (50 page)

He rose, kissed my
cheek gently, and left me to consider his words. I did so for a
long time. Soon, I grew hopeful that he might be right. Kurit had
certainly appreciated my sexual appetites before I had been
abducted. I envisioned going to his room dressed in a revealing
nightdress and enticing him. I remembered how he had lusted for the
sway of my hips while we stayed at the royal cottage after our
wedding. I devised in my mind a scheme to remind him of his desire,
as Cael had recommended.

By the end of my stay,
I was filled with a new hope and happiness. I thanked Cael many
times for his wise advice. The dear man only winked roguishly each
time, always making me laugh. As we said our good-byes, he leaned
to me and whispered, “When next I come to Endren for Council, I
expect to see your waistline growing with your next child.”

I felt a blush rise in
my cheeks and looked at him with a reproachful smile. He laughed
loudly and sent us merrily on our way home.

I confided my plan to
Leiset as we travelled home, and she was elated to hear it. She
said with enthusiasm that she’d have the tailor make me an alluring
nightdress.

“I knew Cael would get
through to you, Aenna.” She laughed. “I just hope he didn’t have
the gall to have suggested this plan of attack himself.”

I didn’t answer, but my
face gave his guilt away.

“By the Temple, he’s a
wretched knave,” Leiset said. “But if takes a foul-mouthed beast to
make you smile hopefully like that, then I suppose he’s forgivable.
Even Jarik’s less fretful. When he heard you laugh at dinner that
first time, I thought his face was actually going to glow brighter
than the lamps!”

I smiled and looked out
the window at him. He still looked serious and handsome as he rode
but was noticeably more relaxed in his saddle. “He’s in love with
me, you know.” I said bluntly.

“Yes. He has been for
some time,” Leiset replied. Her tone had become serious.

“I don’t know what to
do about it.”

“There’s nothing you
can do, Aenna. He’s a grown man. He knows you’re married. He’ll
never sacrifice his honour to do anything untoward.”

“Oh, I’m not worried
about that. I just feel badly that he is condemning himself to
loneliness.”

“Don’t. The Queen’s
Champion isn’t supposed to marry anyway. Well, it has happened
under certain circumstances. It’s not a law. But it’s not
considered a good idea. A Champion must always be available to
protect his royal lady. If he marries another, he could become
distracted. Jarik is the type of man who would have dedicated his
life to you whether or not he fell in love with you.”

I sighed. “But still,
even if he didn’t marry, he could still …” I wasn’t sure how
to phrase myself without earning a lecture from Leiset on
vulgarity.

“He could still be with
other women in his spare time?” she asked, surprising me.

“Well, yes.”

Leiset shook her head.
“I don’t think he has been interested in dalliances since knowing
you. Don’t fret for him, Aenna. He seems to quite well enjoy his
duty. He may be miserable when you’re miserable, but when you’re
happy he’s in his glory. Don’t worry about Jarik. He can care for
his own heart. Concentrate on Kurit. Kurit needs your attention
now.”

A few nights after our
return, Leiset presented me with what the tailor had wrought. I
blushed at the sight of it, knowing full well the funny little man
must have suspected the garment’s intent. When I put it on, it
revealed the tops and inner sides of my breasts, and though the
length of it reached nearly the floor, the sides were slit up to
the middle of my hips. The material was a gauzy white fabric,
through which my dark nipples could faintly be seen.

I stood before the
mirror with Leiset, who shook her head in mock disapproval.

“By all that’s sacred,”
she muttered, “even I have lustful thoughts for you.”

I smiled at her. “I’m
not your type, Leiset.”

She shrugged. “No, but
my beautiful Zayel would be jealous if she knew I was seeing you in
this.”

I laughed. “I won’t
tell her. She doesn’t fancy speaking with me anyway, I’ve
noticed.”

“Ignore her. She’s been
snippy lately,” Leiset muttered.

“Probably because
you’ve been spending all your time fretting over me.”

“That’s my duty,
Aenna.”

I hugged my dear
friend. “Perhaps, but you always go beyond your duty. Hopefully
tonight will be an end to this nonsense with Kurit, and you’ll be
able to worry more about your personal life than mine for a
change.”

“I saw light in his
workroom on my way through the Great Hall just now,” Leiset said.
“And judging from the lack of light beneath the door here, I’d
guess he’s not yet in his room.”

“Then I shall wait for
him in his room,” I said, admiring myself again in the mirror.

“In a tawdry pose upon
his bed, no doubt?” Leiset chided.

I laughed, and she left
my bedchamber. After a last glance in the mirror, I went into
Kurit’s room.

As we had suspected, he
was not yet there. I lit two small lamps—enough light that he could
see me, but dark enough to provide an enticing atmosphere. Then I
worked myself into what I imagined to be a sensual pose upon his
bed and waited for him to arrive.

I could smell the
mingled scents of his hair, his particular mixture of bath salts,
and his skin in his bed. I pulled his favourite pillow to me and
hugged it for a moment. I inhaled deeply of his scent and became
incredibly aroused, despite the small scent of alcohol that was
also present. I decided to ignore that.

I found myself
remembering how wonderful it had been to sleep in his strong arms,
enveloped in his touch and his scent. I put the pillow back down
and stared at the canopy of the bed, thinking of how I had often
seen it while he made love with me here. I imagined him finding me
soon and making love with me again. I pictured him throwing his
head back in his moment of joy in me, flipping his hair back in
that way that drove me mad for him. I heard him in my mind,
whispering and moaning my name in delight, calling me his wicked
little klysh.

I ran my hand over my
breasts and found my nipples were almost painfully stiffened by my
desire. Feeling rather naughty, I indulged myself to touch them as
he used to—teasing my fingers around them. The thought of his lips
there made me whisper out his name in lust.

The sound of his voice
in the outer room broke me from my fantasy. I quickly resumed my
pose just before he opened the door and entered.

He came in and tossed
some papers on his dresser, not even noticing that I was there. He
sighed and ran his hand through his hair. When he turned around to
look towards the decanter on the table, he noticed me on his bed
and was momentarily startled.

“Curse it, Aenna,
you’re so quiet there I didn’t even know you were in the room,” he
said. He didn’t sound angry, just surprised.

I smiled at him. “I
thought I’d surprise you.”

“You did.”

I laughed softly, a
throaty little laugh to let him know my intent. “I’ve been waiting
for you. You were working late.”

“What of it?” He eyed
the decanter and glass.

I rose from the bed and
stood such that I was blocking the view of his liquid mistress. His
eyes moved over my gown, but his face showed no emotion.

“Do you like it?” I
asked softly. “I had it made just for tonight.”

“Why? What’s
tonight?”

I slid my hands gently
around the back of his neck and pressed myself to him. “Tonight is
the night I remind you that you have a wife who deeply desires
you.” I moved to kiss him, but the instant my lips brushed his he
pulled himself from my embrace.

“That’s very sweet,
Aenna, but I’m really tired right now. I just want to go to
bed.”

Not to be deterred so
easily, I gave him a naughty look and said, “I just want to go to
your bed as well.”

He sighed and sat in
his chair. I caught him giving another glance towards the alcohol
and wondered if perhaps he had spent his evening sober whilst
working and was now frustrated because I was preventing him from
rewarding himself with drunkenness. I moved myself again so that I
was blocking the tempting view.

“Didn’t you miss me
while I was gone to Staelorn?” I asked in a mock pout.

He shrugged. “You were
out of the palace almost as much while you built your famous
marketplace,” he muttered.

I pushed his sting
aside in my mind. “But I was gone so far away. You weren’t
concerned for me at all?” I spoke in a hushed voice that I hoped he
would find enticing.

“I didn’t worry about
you. I knew that Jarik was with you. I know he doesn’t take his
eyes off of you.”

Another jab, and again
I ignored it. I told myself that I needed only to weather a few
more such comments, for once I convinced him to make love with me,
he would remember his love and stop lashing out at me.

I leaned to him,
putting my hand on the back of the chair behind his shoulder. I
knew full well that the angle would give him a nice view of my
breasts, so I moved my shoulders slightly to make them sway just
enough to catch his eye. It worked, but not as I had hoped. His
eyes flashed to them for a moment, but then he looked back at my
face without even changing his expression.

I leaned to kiss him,
but he turned away from me. So I kissed his cheek with slightly
parted lips. He did not react, so I stood back up and resisted the
urge to sigh in frustration.

“Come now, Kurit,” I
purred at him, “Surely you can’t resist me all night.” I took his
hand from the armrest of the chair and placed it against my thigh,
between the split parts of the gown. I moved my hips slowly as I
lifted his hand up my thigh to my hip. As I held it there, I swayed
seductively as I had in the meadow at the cottage. “Surely you
remember how this used to make you want to chase me and take me
like a hungry beast.”

“You’re being rather
unseemly, Aenna,” he muttered, pulling his hand away from me.

I blinked at him in
surprise. Not only was my attempt to entice him clearly not
working, but he actually seemed put off by me. My confidence
dissipated. “Unseemly? Did I hear you correctly? Did you just call
me unseemly?” I asked in shock.

His face became bitter
and hard. “Yes,” he snapped. “Do you not know what the word
means?”

I stepped back away
from his chair. My hands rose to my chest in shock and dismay.
“Kurit, I’m well aware of your predilection for spitefulness when
you haven’t had your drink, but that is terribly cruel. You used to
tell me that I was beautiful and sensual and that you were
delighted that I enjoyed our lovemaking. Now you find me
unseemly?”

He rolled his eyes as
though I were a nuisance of a child. “You’re a mother now, Aenna.
It is inappropriate to be so … so …”

“Sexual?” I finished.
“Kurit, are you saying you never want to be with me again? That you
wish for no more children? I regretfully inform Your Majesty that
children do not grow in the garden!”

He shot out of his
chair and stormed over to his precious decanter. He poured himself
a fast glass of whatever dark brown alcohol was inside and drank it
back. He kept his back to me as he did so.

I became furious in my
sexual frustration as much as by his cruelty. “Kurit, I suspect the
problem is not me, but more that you’re such a drunkard of late
that you cannot function as a man,” I spat.

He poured himself
another glassful and muttered, “Don’t be vulgar, Aenna.”

I threw my hands in the
air in exasperation. “Oh, splendid. First I’m unseemly, and now I’m
vulgar.” I put my hands on my hips and muttered, “But I should not
be surprised.” I walked to the table with the decanter and stood in
front of him as he drank. “After all, why would I be the least bit
attractive to you when you have this?” I held up his decanter, and
he watched me dangerously, as a dog eyes anyone approaching his
food dish.

I held the decanter in
one hand and stroked it sensually with the fingers of the other.
“This, your lovely mistress, who dulls your pain and asks nothing
in return.” I put it back hard on the table. “She can have you,” I
snapped. “I’ve grown weary of trying to attract your attentions
away from her. Fear not, husband, I shall no longer approach you in
these ‘unseemly’ ways. I’ll become as cold and distant as your
precious mother—whom I know says awful things about me to you every
day, and you don’t defend me.”

He glared at me, glass
in hand, but said nothing.

“Is that what you want
then, for me to stop hassling you with my ‘vulgar’ behaviour?
Fine!” I went to the door between our bedchambers and then turned
again to look at him in fury. “And the next time you do manage to
feel yourself rising to the occasion, as it were, you can stick it
in that decanter for all I care. Make love to your mistress, Kurit,
because you won’t be doing so with me.”

I exited and slammed
the door behind me. My fury turned immediately to sadness as I let
go of the knob and leaned back on the rough wood of the door. I
sighed in frustration and sadness.

Suddenly, there was a
crash against the door. I screamed and jumped away from the
movement and the sound. Dark alcohol leaked underneath the door
into my own room. I knew in an instant that he had hurled the heavy
glass decanter against the door in his fury at my words. I shrank
back in fright just as Leiset and a guard ran into my bedchamber. I
threw my arms over my chest and abdomen to hide my barely-clothed
form.

“Majesty, are you
hurt?” the guard asked.

I shook my head. “I’m
not hurt. But there must be broken glass all over his room.”

Leiset looked from the
growing puddle under the door to me and asked, “What in the name of
the Temple happened?”