Sorta Like a Rock Star (19 page)
Read Sorta Like a Rock Star Online
Authors: Matthew Quick
Tags: #Humour, #Young Adult, #Contemporary, #Religion
“I don’t know.”
T
HE SUN IS NOT A
B
ALL
—
IT
’
S AN ENDLESS WHITE STREAK
T
IME
’
S AN ILLUSION
“Father Chee?”
“Yes, Amber?”
“If I had followed my mom on the night she was killed, do you think I might have been able to stop that man from doing what he did?”
“I don’t know.”
F
OUR
-
LEAF CLOVER: A
M
IRACLE, MUTATION, OR
H
APPY ACCIDENT
?
“Father Chee?”
“Yes, Amber?”
“Why do some people go through life never knowing a single major tragedy, and then others have horrible things happen to them over and over again?”
“I don’t know.”
B
ITING INTO MY
Y
ELLOW
–
GREEN APPLE
—
LIPS AND
F
INGERS GET STICKY
“Father Chee?”
“Yes, Amber?”
“Do you believe that I was a pretty good person before my mother died?”
“I know it. You still are a good person.”
“So it really doesn’t matter if we are good or not—bad things will still happen to us regardless?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
O
UTSIDE MY WINDOW
S
PARROW MAKES A NEST OUT OF
W
HAT I THREW AWAY
“Father Chee?”
“Yes, Amber?”
“Why didn’t God turn the other cheek when Adam and Eve ate the apple? Why did He have to punish all of mankind for eating a damn apple?”
“It is a metaphor for wanting to know more than what we can handle. God tried to protect us from the consequences of knowledge, but we failed to listen.”
“Do you think I ate some metaphorical apple? Do you think my mother was killed because I pissed God off somehow? Did I fail to listen or something?”
“No. I do not think this. Not at all.”
“Then why was my mother killed?”
“I don’t know.”
H
OW MANY PIECES
O
F BREAD SEPARATE THESE WORDS
:
N
EEDY, FINE, WASTEFUL
?
“Father Chee?”
“Yes, Amber.”
“Why do you keep coming here every day?”
“Because you are worth visiting.”
“Why?”
“Because you will come through this and be stronger on the other side. You will help people again someday.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes. It is inevitable.”
“So why do you need to come if it’s inevitable?”
“No need. I like visiting Amber Appleton. I want to be here when you are reborn—when you finally come through this and are stronger for it.”
“Is that why bad things happen—to make us stronger?”
“Maybe, but truthfully—I don’t know.”
“I miss my mom. She was a terrible mom, but I miss her. I really do.”
“I also miss my mother.”
“What are your parents like? Are they here in America or in Korea?”
“My parents were very good people. They are both dead now.”
“How did they die?”
“They were murdered.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“You did not ask.”
“How were your parents murdered?”
“Many years ago. In a detention camp.”
“What’s that?”
“It is a prison where people who criticize the North Korean government are taken.”
“What did your parents say about the government?”
“They said that people should be allowed to believe in Jesus and build churches.”
“That’s a crime?”
“It is in North Korea.”
“And they were killed in prison?”
“Yes.”
“Why would JC let them be killed after they stuck up for Him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is that why you became a priest here in America? Because of your parents?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“So my parents’ death would mean something.”
“How does your being a priest make your parents’ death mean something?”
“They gave their lives for a good idea. Now I use my life to tell other people the good idea.”
“What’s the good idea?”
“That no matter how much evidence we have to prove that life is meaningless, we should believe that life makes some sort of sense—and that the story of Jesus is a good story, simply because it teaches us that we should be kind to others. That we should do whatever it takes, that we should sing soul music if it makes the lives of others better. That we should try to be good people, and love everyone.”
“Do you love the people who killed your parents?”
“I pray for them, and all like them.”
“But do you love them?”
“I don’t know.”
“You think that I’m going to be like you, don’t you? That’s why you come here every day?”
“I think you are going to be much better than me.”
“Why?”
“Father Chee cannot do the soul clap so well.”
For the first time in many weeks, I smile—and Father Chee laughs out a single note—
ha!
“I’m sorry your parents were killed for believing in JC,” I say.
“I am sorry your mother was taken from you for no good reason at all, Amber. I am truly sorry for your loss.”
“But there is nothing either of us can do to bring our parents back, right?”
“There is nothing we can do to bring them back, but we can honor their memory by moving forward.”
“Why should we do that?”
“Maybe it is better than sitting in a room forever?”
“Why?”
“You know why,” FC says.
“It’s not fair.”
“Life is not fair. You are correct.”
“Then why should we be fair?”
“Because we can.”
“I don’t know, FC. I mean I totally dig your coming here every day. I do. True. But I don’t think I can go back to being who I used to be.”
“Who were you?”
“Amber Appleton. Aka the Princess of Hope.”
“You were, are, and will always be a hopeful person, until you die.”
“Why do you say that to me? Even now, when you know I’ve got nothing left. Why do you put that on me?”
“Because I have faith, and it is riding on the Princess of Hope. I believe in you, Amber Appleton. I’ve seen your powers.”
“Don’t do that to me.”
“What?”
“Put your faith on me. I can’t take that kind of pressure right now, okay? I just can’t take it!”
“I did not mean—”
“Just don’t,” I say, and then go to the bathroom.
I stay in the bathroom for a long time—until I hear FC walk down the steps and leave Donna’s house.
T
HE FLY THAT DIED BY
S
MASHING INTO MY WINDOW
P
ANE
, I
DISPOSE OF
Ty visits my bedroom solo and says, “I brought you this.” He places a clear vase with a single rose and some baby’s breath on my dresser, and then adds, “How you feeling?”
“Crappy,” I say from under my comforter; I don’t even sit up.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot, Amber.”
I haven’t thought about Ty even once in the last few weeks, so I don’t say anything.
“I don’t really know what to say about what happened,” Ty continues, “and it seems like you don’t want to talk about it, so I’m just going to talk about other stuff, okay?”
With my head still on my pillow, I just look at Ty, who is leaning his butt against my new dresser.
He swallows once and says, “The Marketing Club regionals are next week.”
“I know.”
“We’ve been practicing pretty hard. The team and all. Maybe Ricky told you, but Franks has us debating and practicing our pitches in the morning instead of playing Halo 3. We debate at lunch too. We’re on a video game hiatus until after regionals. We’re all pretty nervous and excited. We think we can place this year, no sweat.”
“Good luck.”
“You’re really not going to compete this year, are you?”
“No.”
“You would take first place if you did. We’d all do better, if—”
“Well, I’m not competing, so I’m not taking any place. And The Five will just have to be The Four, because I’m out.”
Ty smiles sorta weird and then says, “I’m going to win regionals for you. I’ll even give you the red ribbon. I’m going to do it for you. Then we’ll take The Five to nationals. Would you come to Vegas with us if I won?”
“No.”
“We miss you. All of us. The entire Five.”
“I’m sorry my mother’s murder has inconvenienced you.”
Ty’s eyes narrow as if I had sucker-punched him. “Why you being like that?”
“Like what?”
“So mean.”
“Because I’m a cat—a real bitch.”
“No you’re not. You’re the coolest girl I ever met. I’ve always admired you, Amber. And maybe I didn’t say it before, but—”
“Just leave.”
Ty looks at me for a second, and then says, “I thought maybe sometime The Five could like maybe share a sundae at Friendly’s? We could all go to the one in Hampton, so no one would know, if you are afraid of being seen outside the house. You could sneak out one night. I got my license last week. It was my birthday, remember? I sent you an invitation to my party. Did you get it? Ricky came.”
I remember throwing it out, but do not say so.
“Maybe Ricky told you my dad bought me an old Volvo station wagon. I’ve been driving Ricky to school and all. My ride’s outside actually. So I was thinking maybe I could take you out sometime?”
“No.”
“No?”
“Hell no,” I say, and then I walk over to my desk and pretend to do my assignments.
Ty stands there for a few minutes, and then he leaves.
