Sought...Book 3 in the Brides of the Kindred series (39 page)

She felt Lock nod. “I’ll let Deep know.”

“Let me know what?” Deep said in a low
voice.

There was the soft growl of masculine voices
in the dark, too low for Kat to hear, and then Lock positioned her
against the curved wall and started buckling her in with some kind
of safety harnesses. “What’s this?” Her voice echoed emptily in the
hollow interior of the drum and she made an effort to lower it.
“Why do we need to be strapped in?”

“Because among other factors, the
psychic-knife uses centripetal force to cut the bonds between
Kindred and their brides.” Deep was already strapping on his own
harness.

“Seriously?” Kat gave him an incredulous
look. “We traveled halfway across the galaxy to cut this damn bond
when we could have just found a traveling fair back home and gone
on the tilt-a-whirl? I mean, who needs the AllFather’s evil
inventions when you’ve got an all day ride pass and a semi-sober
carnie?”

“I said among
other things,
” Deep
growled. “I would not be subjecting you to this if it wasn’t
absolutely necessary.”

“But why?” Kat peered at him, trying to make
out his features in the gloomy interior of the silver drum. “Why is
this so important to you, Deep? Why do you hate me so much that you
can’t stand even the
thought
of being tied to me?”

“I don’t hate you.” His deep voice was
suddenly hoarse. “If I hated you, or cared for you even a little
less, I wouldn’t hesitate to complete our bond, little Kat.”

“You told me you felt nothing,” she said,
her voice trembling despite herself.

“I lied,” he whispered.

“Deep doesn’t hate you, my lady,” Lock said,
sounding bitter. “He hates himself. And we all must pay for his
self loathing.”

“I’m sorry,” Deep said in a soft, agonized
voice. “Lock is right—forgive me for all I have put you through.
But please don’t think any of it is because of you, my Kat. I bear
this blame alone.”

For some reason his last words seemed to
echo in her head.
I bear this blame alone…I bear this blame
alone…
The words seemed important somehow, like something she
had heard before and forgotten. Something she must remember…

And then the door slammed shut and the ride
began.

It didn’t take Kat long to be glad she
hadn’t eaten much for breakfast. Earlier that morning, Sophie and
Liv had arrived at the docking bay yawning and bearing donuts.
Despite the fact that she’d been tempted by a chocolate covered
Bavarian crème and a jelly filled glazed donut, Kat had only
accepted one plain one. And as the drum of the psychic knife
lurched and began to spin, she knew that if she’d eaten more it
would have come right up.

Kat loved scary rides but the psychic-knife
soon attained a speed and force that put anything she’d ever
experienced at any amusement park to shame. Flattened against the
wall with her head pressed to the side, she struggled to breathe,
her heart pounding frantically.

Oh God, I’ll never go on the tilt-a-whirl
again if you just let me live through this. Hell, I’ll never even
go on the
merry-go-round.
I could kill
Deep for getting us into this. This is all his fault…
And again
his words echoed in her head.
I bear this blame alone…
What
had he meant by that? When had she heard those words before?
What…?

Suddenly a picture began to form in her
head. Kat didn’t know if it was a side effect of the knife or just
her mind’s desperate attempt to distract her from her fear. But
whatever the reason, the vision was clear.

A doll on the bed…a life-sized doll with
dull blonde hair and wide blue eyes. But not a doll—a girl and
she’s dead! She’s dead! Deep kneeling by the bed, taking the blame,
saying that it is all his fault, swearing that it will never happen
again…

And then it all came back.
The dream—I
dreamed about the dead girl but it must be real,
Kat realized.
We were dream sharing again last night, just like we were when
he took my pain. My God, this is why he wanted us to be separated.
He was afraid he’d hurt me—ruin my life or kill me. That I’d die
like that poor girl, Miranda, who took her own life rather than be
with him. But what would make him think that? He ought to know by
now I’m not the type to commit suicide…

Another thought flashed through her head.
The memory of the way she’d almost died before Deep had taken her
pain and Mother L’rin had cured her. And the way she’d fainted
during the ceremony on Twin Moons while Deep was making love to
her. Surely the sight of her limp body, her illness caused—so he
must have believed—by him alone, had affected the dark twin. Could
it be that Deep had somehow convinced himself she would die if he
stayed with her? If he allowed their bond to become complete and
permanent?

That must be it!
Kat thought
excitedly.
That must be why he—

And then a pain like nothing she had ever
felt before stabbed into her very soul.

Part of her was being removed—and not neatly
and cleanly like a knife would cut it either. It felt like it was
being pulled out like a tooth by a sadistic dentist with no
Novocain.
Psychic-knife my ass,
she thought wretchedly.
More like psychic-pliers.
It occurred to her that the pain
was on purpose—that the instrument they were in wasn’t meant to
sever the bonds between a Kindred and his bride quickly and
cleanly, but to draw the process out and make it even worse. Lock
hadn’t called it a torture device for nothing—he’d been absolutely
right.

As the pain grew, Kat moaned in agony. God
it hurt! Hurt more than anything she’d ever felt in her life and
the worst thing was, the pain wasn’t physical. It went deeper than
that—into the very core of her being. The part that was being
removed from her was something she
needed
—something she had
to have to survive. It was like someone was cutting out a piece of
her heart and she could feel every cruel stroke of the butcher’s
dull knife. She writhed against the curving wall, feeling like she
was being gutted and turned inside out like a fish. Feeling like
she was going to die if it didn’t stop…

She wasn’t sure how long it went on but from
the hoarse cries to either side of her, she could tell that Deep
and Lock were experiencing the same thing. She longed to comfort
them and to draw comfort from the feeling of their strong arms
around her. But would she ever be able to touch them that way
again? Would she ever—

And then, as suddenly as it had begun,
everything was over. The pain ceased and the machine stopped
spinning with a sickening jolt.

“Is…is it over?” Finding that she could move
again, Kat raised a trembling hand to her head and then ran her
fingers down the front of her body.
Am I all right? All in one
piece?
It seemed like she must have some visible, tangible
wound after going through such a horrible experience. But her
seeking fingers didn’t feel anything sticky and warm—she wasn’t
bleeding. At least not outwardly. She wondered about what was going
on
inside
though. And what was going on with Deep and Lock?
Instinctively, forgetting that their connection had been cut, she
reached out for them, wanting to know how they were feeling. To
reassure herself that they were both all right.

“My lady, are you well?” Lock asked in a
low, trembling voice. Kat could feel the waves of tension and fear
coming from him—pretty much what she was feeling herself.

“I…I think so,” she said. “Are you?”

“I will be, when we get out of here.”

“Deep?” Kat asked. “Are you okay?”

There was a low rustling sound. “Yes,” he
said at last. “I’m fine.”

“You bastard,” Lock said, addressing his
brother. “You never said it would hurt like that. I’ve never
experienced such pain. And to put the lady Kat through it
too—you’re a
monster.”

“I didn’t know.” Deep’s voice was hoarse,
filled with horror and pain. “Forgive me—I thought with just a
partial bond—”

He said something else but Kat didn’t catch
it. She was too busy noticing that while she could
hear
the
pain in his voice, she couldn’t
feel
any of it. Frantically,
she tried harder, reaching out with the part of herself that had
somehow grown during the time she and the twins had been bonded.
But for all her seeking she encountered…nothing.

Oh my God, no…No!
Kat knew in the
past she would have been overjoyed not to feel Deep’s dark,
negative emotions crowding her head, but now she felt only dismay
and traumatic loss. It was as though she’d looked down and suddenly
realized that someone had cut off one of her hands.

“Deep,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
“What’s going on? I can feel Lock but when I try to reach you…”

“It’s the same for me.” Lock sounded, if
anything, even more horrified than Kat. “I can feel you, my lady
but when I reach for Deep…nothing.” She felt his terror—the sudden
sense of loss, the realization that after a lifetime of being half
of a whole, he was now just a half. “Brother,” he said, his deep
voice shaking. “What…what have you done?”

“You don’t have to call me that anymore.”
Deep’s tone was one of utter desolation. “You got your wish, Lock.
Can’t you tell?”

“I don’t understand.” Kat yanked against her
safety harness, trying to get free. If she couldn’t touch Deep with
her mind, she needed to touch him with her hands. To make sure he
was still there. She had the absurd but somehow compelling notion
that he was a ghost now—something she could hear but would never be
able to see again.
I need to feel him under my hands, need to
smell his skin, touch his hair…

The door opened suddenly, making her blink
with the rush of light. “Now.” Xairn’s voice was a harsh
whisper.

“Now what?” Deep was the first to recover.
Unbuckling himself from the safety harness, he crouched close to
hear what the Scourge warrior was saying.

“The AllFather is distracted—the pain from
your cutting has filled him to completion. He is satisfied for the
first time in weeks—torpid. We must act before he becomes alert
again. And most especially before the
dravik
bursts.”

“
Dravik?”
Kat frowned as she fumbled
to unbuckle her harness. “Is that the weird blood-bubble thing he’s
in?”

Xairn nodded tersely. “Yes. Come, we need to
get Lauren and run for the front entrance of the Complex at once.
Here.” He passed Deep and Lock the weapons he’d taken from them
earlier. “Watch what you shoot—if you burst the
dravik
none
of us will get out of here alive. Now hurry.”

“Wait,” Lock said. “What about the
guards?”

“They’re slow and stupid—they do only what
the AllFather tells them,” Xairn said rapidly. “But they’re also
extremely strong so don’t let them get too close
.
They
aren’t intelligent enough to be trusted with projectile weapons but
the AllFather has armed them with
kusaxs.”

“What’s a
kusax?”
Kat asked, finally
getting free of her harness.

“A Scourge knife,” Lock answered in a low
voice. “The blade is made of the tainted black metal found only
here on their home planet. It’s said that even a scratch from one
it will poison your soul.”

“Great,” Kat muttered. “Like my soul wasn’t
messed up enough already.” She was trying to joke but in fact, the
strange feeling of having had something vitally important amputated
continued to grow. She couldn’t stop reaching out, feeling for
Deep, expecting to pick up his emotions. But every time she tried
she felt nothing…nothing…

Then Lock wrapped an arm firmly around her
waist and they were leaving the confines of the silver drum. “She’s
yours now,” she heard Deep telling the light twin. “Take care of
her. Leave the guards to me.”

“Brother—” Lock began but Deep gave him a
look fierce enough to shut him up.

“Just do it,” he ordered. “And don’t call me
that anymore—it no longer applies.”

Lock nodded. “Very well.” He pulled Kat
closer to him. “Stay with me, my lady. I will shield you with my
life if necessary.”

“I know you will.” There was a lump in Kat’s
throat as they exited the interior of the psychic-knife. She kept
feeling like she had lost something important—something
irreplaceable which was now gone forever.

The first thing she noticed when they
stepped out was how silent everything was. The spidery shadow of
the AllFather, within the glistening bloody bubble, was
still—almost frozen. The three huge guards that surrounded him were
silent too, reminding Kat of robots that had been switched off or
monstrous toys whose batteries had run down.

What’s going on with them?
Kat
wondered, staring at the silent tableau in the viewing gallery. She
remembered Xairn saying something about the AllFather being
satiated with pain…
Our pain,
she realized suddenly.
That’s why that damn psychic-knife hurts so much. It’s not just
meant to cut bonds—it generates the maximum amount of agony. Pain
is what that sick bastard feeds on.
Looking at the skeletal
figure slumped within the slimy bubble, she knew she must be right.
After everything we just went through, he must have sucked down
so much hurt he can barely move—like a spider full of flies. He
looks like somebody who just finished an entire Thanksgiving dinner
all by himself, turkey and all!

Obviously the AllFather’s torpor had spread
to his attendants. Even the Alpha guard who was holding Lauren
seemed to have loosened his grip and was simply standing behind her
with his huge hands resting on her shoulders.

Lauren seemed to have sensed the change too.
She was tense—her eyes wide, obviously poised for something. A
signal? A word? Kat moved a little back from Lock, ready to reach
for her and try to drag her away from the monstrous solider
guarding her. Then Xairn said, “Now!” and everything happened at
once.