Soul Fire (21 page)

Morri stuck by me all day every day, and let me pet
him absentmindedly as I did my homework in my room in
the evenings. I was becoming very fond of the bird, and
unfortunately had taken to talking to him. He didn’t
understand much, except for his name and words like
‘food’ or ‘bread’ or ‘bad’. I only had to use ‘bad’ when he
annoyed me so much that I kept crossing out sentences,
driven to distraction by his antics. When I told him ‘bad’
then, he flew off and perched on my statue of Queen
Fleur, watching me with his little yellow eyes, until I’d
cave and hold my arm out to him.

I was becoming a common sight around the Academy
with my bird on my shoulder and my satchel bag slung
over the other. Everything was peachy until one day when
I saw Netalia – though we rarely saw her walking the halls
- approaching from the other end of the corridor.

I quickly picked Morri up and Dena pointed towards
my bag.
“I’m so sorry,” I said to the bird, and put him in my bag,
latching the buckle before he could fly out.
“Good afternoon,” Netalia said as she drew closer. “I
trust you’re all studying hard?”
We nodded in unison just as Morri began peeping
angrily to be let out.
“Goodness, what is that whistling noise?” Netalia asked,
looking around for the source.
“Sorry,” Ispin piped up from the back. “It’s me. I’ve got
a bit of a cold.”
He made a whistling noise with his breathing, very
similar to the one Morri was making. Netalia looked at us
all a bit funny, and we all plastered on the same bad poker
face.
“Alright,” she said finally. “I hope you get better soon,”
she said to Ispin, and then breezed past us.
When she rounded the corner, I broke into a run to
reach the end of the corridor. Once I’d made it there, I
opened my bag and Morri leapt out, taking off and flying
around us, making a terrible screeching noise as he did so.
“Bad!” I commanded finally, and he quietened down,
floating back onto my shoulder where he crawled under
my ponytail in shame.
Though we all laughed about it later, I realised just how
dangerous it was to be walking around with Morri on my
shoulder, though I didn’t know why Netalia and Iain
would care. I left him in my room from then on, and the
bird’s absence was noticeably saddening.

Though I had fun with my group – it was almost
impossible not to - on my own I fell into a bit of a slump.
I’d taken to staring at my homework for hours on end, not
seeing it, not caring at all about it. I just wanted this week
to be over, so that I could tell Dustin that it was well and
truly over, then both of us could start healing and my food
would regain a bit of taste, the world a bit of colour. I just
wasn’t used to this emotional turmoil; it was something I
saw on television, something I saw the other girls at my
school exhibit. It was something I’d never experienced
myself and I felt lucky I hadn’t.

“In just a few days you will all be embarking on a three
day camp, completely self-reliant. You will plan for
yourself what you need, and take what you need with
you.”

I nodded, thinking it would be a good chance to get
away from all of this misery and awkward encounters
with Dustin in the halls.

“You will be accompanied by your soul mates on this
camp.”
I looked up, my emotions raging. Part of me was
apprehensive, the other was utter disbelief; I couldn’t see
that this trip would turn out anything good. Phoenix
hadn’t even made eye contact with me since the stables,
much less offered an explanation for his strange
behaviour.
The day of the camp arrived, and Phoenix and I
collected the equipment and rations we would need and
set out. In the classes leading up to it, we’d spent time
pouring over maps, and plotting our course through the
forest, although this had taken place in silence. I had just
finished telling Morri to watch my room while I was gone
when Phoenix approached me.
“Ready?” He asked me.
I nodded slowly, the bird alighting from my arm and
beginning to fly towards my open bedroom window.
Eleanora ran up to him and I turned my back as they
‘said’ goodbye. Dustin waved at me a little sadly. I just
smiled back, though the smile didn’t feel natural.
We set out along the trail, the noises of our classmates
fading behind us. We walked all day in silence, stopping
only to have a snack and a drink, checking the map to
make sure we were on course. The further we got from
the Academy, the happier I was. It was as though a weight
was being lifted from my shoulders with every step. The
birds sang to me and the wind wound lazily around the
trunks of the trees.
The trail we were following, little more than a deer
track someone had taken the time to plot on our map,
began to ascend. I pushed my legs up the slope, revelling
in the slow burn of my muscles. The air grew colder as we
went higher, and as the sun began to slip behind the
mountain peaks, it grew frigid.
“Remind me why we chose this course?” I asked,
hoping to start up a conversation, but he didn’t reply.
We trudged in silence until it began to grow dark.
According to my copy of the map, this is where we’d
planned to stay a night, though I don’t think either of us
realised how cold it would be.
“Phoenix.” I called, and pointed to my map.
He nodded and set down his pack in the middle of a
clearing just off of the rapidly thinning deer trail. We
quickly set up, and for some reason I was dismayed to see
that we only had one large tent.
“Why didn’t we bring two tents?” I asked, trying to act
casual.
He looked up.
“Because it was easier to carry one,” he replied. “Don’t
worry; I don’t snore.”
I set a fire and lit it with a touch of magic. Pulling out
one of the pots I’d nabbed from the storage shed (Phoenix
had sent me in because I was small; I could dart around
everyone else and get the best stuff), I set some water to
boil and then dunked in two of our dehydrated ration
packs. I stirred the water as the cakes of dehydrated food
began to separate, and soon it was bubbling away over the
fire, the smell lending a somewhat homey feel to the
clearing.
It wasn’t so bad, I thought to myself, this camping
thing.
I was sitting close to the fire to keep an eye on the food.
Phoenix had gone off in search of more firewood so that
we’d be able to bank the fire overnight. I was hunched in
front of our fire, balancing on the balls of my feet so I
didn’t sit in the damp leaves that covered the clearing.
Though the trees were thin, it was impossible to see a few
metres into them; there were just too many. My mind had
just started throwing up all these images of what creatures
could be watching me right now when Phoenix stomped
back through them, with an armful of dry wood. He saw
me perched awkwardly on my feet and dumped the wood
next to me.
“Wait here,” was all he said, and then disappeared back
into the woods. He returned a few minutes later carrying
two large rocks that looked far too heavy for one person to
lift. I jumped up and took one from him, pulling it off the
top of the other one so he couldn’t stop me.
“What do I do with this?” I asked, holding the rock in
both arms.
For an answer, he dropped the rock he was still
carrying next to the fire, and sat down on it. I copied him,
groaning as I stretched my sore feet out next to the fire. I
glanced inside the pot and then scooped some out, burning
my tongue as I tried to eat it immediately. I then had to
hand the spoon to Phoenix because I couldn’t tell if it was
indeed ready or not.
He said it was. I pulled out two tin bowls and began to
ladle the hot casserole into them, passing one to Phoenix.
We ate in silence, and with full bellies, stretched out next
to the fire on the ground that had dried from the heat,
looking at the stars over-head.
I remembered laying on the beach with Dustin, asking
him about the constellations. My stomach twisted, and I
forced myself to stop thinking about it.
I think I dozed off a little, worn out after a day of
walking. I woke up when Phoenix began digging through
the coals of our low burning fire, building it up to a steady
flame.
“What are you doing?” I asked, sitting up, pulling leaves
out of my hair as I spotted them.
“Making an after dinner food,” he replied, pulling his
pack up next to him.
I watched him pull out a range of ingredients that he
would have had to have begged Chef for. Instead of
measuring anything out like I would’ve back home if I was
cooking something, he just tossed it into his casserole
bowl. He began to mix it all together, and I realised it was
some sort of dough.
Next in this bizarre cooking method was to find a stick.
It had to be the perfect stick, not any of the twigs I was
handing him helpfully. He eventually found two that he
deemed good enough. As I watched in disbelief, he began
lathering the dough onto the stick, until it became some
kind of strange hotdog looking thing. He handed one
lathered stick to me.
“Hold it over the fire, and make sure it cooks evenly,”
he said, demonstrating.
I did as he said, watching the dough begin to cook,
going golden and crispy. I pulled mine out of the flames
when he did.
“Let it cool,” he instructed. “Then pull it off the stick.”
I did, not waiting as long as I should’ve, bouncing the
roll around in my hands. Eventually it cooled down long
enough to hold, and Phoenix passed me a little jar and a
knife.
“Now put jam in it and eat it.”
I scooped some strawberry jam out of the jar and
stuffed it into the hole left by the stick. I passed him the
jam jar so he could do the same, and then began to eat it.
It was heavenly. It reminded me of damper from back
home, or hot scones with cream and jam. It crunched as I
bit into it, and I had to chew a few bits for a little while,
but I finished it too soon. To my dismay, Phoenix rolled
up the rest of the dough.
“For tomorrow night,” he said, following my
disappointed look to his pack.
We climbed inside the tent as it began to grow colder
outside. I almost balked when I saw that we only had one
double sleeping mat too. Wrestling with the instinct to
run, fast, I set up my bedroll and climbed inside, grateful
that I decided to bring it. As I dropped off to sleep, part of
me wondered
why
I was reacting this way. Surely it
wouldn’t be
that
bad to cuddle up to him when it was so
cold…
My eyes flew open, my heart pounding. Phoenix was
sleeping peacefully, facing away from me. I eventually
calmed down and lay back down to sleep. And I would
not, I decided, ask myself that question again.
The next morning began with Phoenix gently shaking
me awake. He was already dressed and ready to go. He
shoved a cold pasty into my hands and pushed me out of
the tent so he could begin pulling it down. I watched, still
half asleep, as he packed up our tent.
“I gave you that pasty to eat.” He reminded me, stuffing
poles into a bag.
I looked at my hands, half surprised to see the pasty. I
took a cautious nibble and then wolfed it down. We set
out along the trail again, the early morning fog swirling
through the trees and our legs, watching Phoenix walk in
front of me in silence. I knew something was bothering
him, but I didn’t dare ask what. It had now been months
since he and Eleanora got together. Months of heart ache
for me.
I stopped suddenly.
Heartache?
No, that wasn’t right.
My heart began to beat frantically.
Somehow I’d always known.
Known that it would come to this, ever since I saw him
in the Entrance Hall.
I felt tears brimming on my lower eyelids and blinked
furiously. I didn’t want it to be true, but I knew it was.
I hid my emotions from him and continued the walk,
trying to fill my thoughts with Dustin and all of the times
we’d spent together. I gave up after a few minutes though;
the pleasant tingle that normally accompanied those
thoughts was gone, and my heart sank like a stone.
We marched another day in silence, the track levelling
out beneath our feet as we reached a higher elevation, and
I was grateful that we didn’t talk. We set up our tent
together at the next camping spot.
“Will you grab that rope?” He asked.
I did so, just as he went to stop it flapping away. Our
hands brushed together and we looked at each other. I
looked away, blushing furiously. There was a swooping
sensation in my stomach.
“You can tie it to the peg now,” he murmured, and rose,
striding to the other side of our camp.
I did as such, and then headed down to a nearby
stream. I sat on a flat rock and watched my reflection
ripple in the water. I called up the magic from my veins to
make a miniature water spout, then sat there watching it
as it collected dirt from the bottom of the stream and grew
larger. It was about a metre high when I passed my hand
over it, commanding it to stop. It collapsed on itself, and
all that remained was a stirred up patch of water.
“Nice.” I heard Phoenix comment, and looked up to see
him standing against a tree, watching me.
Trying to pretend that I didn’t feel an enormous
amount of butterflies in my stomach, I answered casually.
“You could do exactly the same.”
“Yes,” he said, making his way down the bank to sit
with me on my rock. “I’m still allowed to say it was nice
though.”
I smiled, the weight in my stomach lessening
somewhat.
“Alright.” I said, turning back towards the water.
We sat together quietly on the rock, watching a bird
gobble down a fish.
“How are things going with Eleanora?” I asked quietly.
He pointed to the bird, which flew off.
“That reminded you of her?”
I grinned wryly. He sighed.
“I don’t want to talk about her.” He said after a
moment.
I glanced at him, unnerved by how close we were
sitting together.
“Alright,” I said again, slowly. “Can I ask a question
then?”
He picked up a flat stone from the river bed, turning it
over and over in his callused fingers.
“Ok,” he said carefully.
“Why have you been ignoring me? We’re soul mates,
Phoenix, unless something went wrong-“
“Nothing went wrong,” he interrupted. “We’re soul
mates.”
He turned to me, so close that I could see the rough
stubble on his jaw.
“We’re soul mates,” he repeated softly, as though
reminding himself.
We sat, looking at each other, just centimetres apart,
for a long while. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the
eyes, instead focussing my gaze on his collarbone.
“Something’s wrong,” he said, and I knew he wasn’t
asking.
I nodded rather than try to deny it.
“What is it?”
“Dustin,” I said heavily. “I think I want to break up
with him, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
“Oh,” was all he said, and then looked away to the
river. “Do you like him?”
“Of course,” I replied automatically, but then relented.
“Well, I did until a few weeks ago.”
Phoenix looked back at me, concern in his orange eyes.
“What changed?”
“We got away from the Academy. The few days in
Riverdoor made me open my eyes. I felt free,” I pushed
the toes of my boots through the mud. “I feel like I’m
always being watched back at school.”
He didn’t reply straight away, and I looked up to see
him wrestling with something.
“You are,” he said finally, and it was as though a dam
had burst. “Sky, don’t you see? That’s why I haven’t been
able to talk to you.
That’s
why I’ve been dating Eleanora.”
My breath seemed to stop in my chest, but I didn’t give
anything away on my face.
“What... what are you talking about?” I asked.
“I’m so sorry for how I’ve been treating you,” he said,
and I knew he meant it. “All of those times I wanted to
talk to you... but I couldn’t.”
“Why not?” I asked, starting to get angry. “Why
couldn’t you talk to me, Phoenix, what could possibly be
so awful that you couldn’t risk a few words, a smile
maybe. Why have you left me on my own for all these
months?”
“Don’t ask me to tell you,” he replied, echoing Jett.
“Fine! Just leave me in the dark, guessing!”
“That’s how you have to be,” he said. “Please, Sky, it’s
for your own good.”
Tears brimmed in my eyes and spilled over before I
could stop them. Phoenix wrapped his arms around me
and I leant into him, crying into his shirt. I wasn’t too sure
what I was crying about, but having him there to comfort
me, to finally hold me, helped a great deal. I wrestled my
emotions until they were back under my control and
wiped my face on my sleeve.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m just so confused.”
“I’m sorry too,” he said, still holding me. “But you must
never know.”
He got up and walked back to camp, leaving me
sniffling by the river. Maybe my womanly emotions were
just too much for him. I raised the waterspout again
angrily. Why did everyone insist on keeping me in the
dark? I let the spout grow taller and taller until it began to
pull the water from the bank, then let it drop. A small
wave of water crashed over the toes of my boots, getting
my socks wet and making my mood worse.
I stubbornly sat on my rock until sunset when he came
back to get me.
“Come, look what I’ve found,” he said, before
disappearing into the trees.
I heaved a sigh and stood up, stretching after sitting in
the same position for so long. Apparently I took too long,
because he came back and grabbed my arm, pulling me
through the trees.