Southern Spice (Southern Desires Series Book 1) (15 page)

“Damn, McLean, I’m gonna owe you my entire paycheck at the rate this night is going,” Bubba said.

“Shut your mouth, Bubba,” McLean warned.

Derrick looked at the two of them. McLean looked cool and collected, but Bubba looked guilty as hell. Knowing those two, they probably were.
If you two are putting wagers on me, I think you’re both going to come out losers.

“Why didn’t you boys tell me you had a bet going on? You know I would have been in on it and happy to take both of your money as always.” Sissie grinned then turned to Casey and winked. “Damn, girl, like I said before you really need to give me your secret.”

Derrick had been so concerned about Mark watching them that he totally missed the others. Looking at Casey, he asked, “Do you want to get out of here?”

Before she could answer Sissie jumped right back in. “Derrick Nash, you are not ruining this night by making her leave with you. We got the whole night planned, and you’re just gonna have to stick it out, or you can leave. Alone.” Her hands were on her hips, and she was tapping the toe of her boot on the floor.

And I am here again, why?
Then Casey looked at him, and it all came back to him. She was smiling so sweetly, and for the first time since he pulled her out of that wreck she looked happy. He would suffer through hell and high water not to ruin this night for her, even if that meant he had to put up with whatever Sissie had in store. And with her, the scenarios were, unfortunately, endless.

“Can I get you two something to drink?” Sissie asked.

Casey nodded, “Draft beer.”

“Make that two,” Derrick said.

“And what about you, big guy?” Sissie asked Mark as she touched his right biceps.

“Make it three,” he said.

“What do you do for a living that keeps you built like a Mack truck?” Sissie asked.

Casey started to say, “He’s a—”

“Contractor,” Mark said.

Something about the way Casey looked at Mark when he said contractor sparked Derrick’s interest. “What type of contractor?”

He and Mark looked each other square in the eyes. There was no doubt he knew he wasn’t buying into that lame story.

“Home renovations,” Mark said plainly.

“Really. Well, I have a cousin who owns several apartments in Savannah, and she is doing some renovations and is in desperate need of help. Why don’t you come with me and we can discuss it and leave these two lovebirds alone,” Sissie said as she wrapped her arm around his and tried to coax him to follow.

Derrick’s and Mark’s focuses stayed locked on each other. The lack of trust was thick enough to cut with a knife.

“Great idea, Sissie. I’ll even join you,” Jack said as he put a hand on Mark’s shoulder, urging him away. “I’ve known Derrick a long time. Your sister’s safe with him.”

Thanks for your trust, but believe me, it’s misplaced.
He was glad to see them all walk away so he could have the alone time he had been waiting for.

“Do you really want to stay here?” he asked Casey once everyone was out of earshot.

It really didn’t matter what she wanted. People had gone through the trouble of planning this for her. How could she just leave without showing any appreciation for their effort?
I can’t be so insensitive and rude, but God I want to be with you.
Slowly she shook her head. “I can’t just leave.”

“Why not?”

She looked around the room and Mark was already off to the bar, drinking with Jack.
Good to see you relax big brother. You don’t do it enough.
Then her eyes connected with Sissie who obviously had been taking in the entire exchange between her and Derrick. Sissie nodded and silently mouthed,
go.
That small nudge was all she needed.

Casey smiled at Sissie and turned back to Derrick. “You know, I can’t think of a reason anymore.”

“Good.”

Derrick reached out and took her hand in his and led her out of the Wild Sass Saloon. Once they were outside, he turned to her and said, “I’m sorry about earlier, Casey. I’m sorry about a lot of things. Will you come back to the ranch with me so we can talk?”
At least start with talking. But I know where I want it to end. With you in my arms . . . in my bed.

She looked down at the ground in front of them. “Derrick, my work is done here. I’ll be leaving.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

This morning he’d wanted to be as far away from her as possible, now he wanted to find a way to have her stay. He’d do anything to make that happen. It wasn’t forever, just until he worked out whatever it was about her that tormented him.

She didn’t refuse him as he led her to the truck. He opened her door, and she got in. They would have tonight, and then she would go. But not now.
Praying for another tornado to hit here tonight is probably going too far.

C
asey had traveled from town to his ranch a couple times before, but this time was different. Both of them knew they weren’t going there to
talk
. The chemistry between them was powerful, and even if they wanted to talk it would end up a very short conversation.
We should talk though. There are so many things unspoken between us, but I don’t think I can be in the same room with you for long before my need to touch you will take over. We need to talk, but later. Right now I just want to be in your arms again. Feel you lips on mine. It’s like a piece of heaven I’m not ready to let go of.

Derrick had only released his hold on her as they got in the truck. The entire ride his right hand rested on her knee, his thumb gently massaging it. It was as though he knew if they broke the contact too long, the moment might be lost, and she might flee. What he didn’t realize was she knew exactly what she was doing. Her body was aching for his touch, and even if it meant only one night, and she would probably end up heartbroken, she was powerless to say no.

As the truck approached the house, she let out a long exhale. Casey hadn’t even realized she’d been holding her breath. This is what she wanted, so why was she nervous? She hadn’t had many lovers, but it wasn’t like she was a virgin either.

When the truck stopped, facing the house, neither of them moved or said anything. She turned to look at Derrick, who was staring at the house, but somehow seemed to be miles away. If his hand wasn’t still on her leg, she would’ve thought he’d vanished altogether. Was he having second thoughts?

I shouldn’t have come. Why did I agree to this? Obviously, he wanted me to say no, so why didn’t I?
Those were all valid questions. However the answers didn’t please her one bit. She wanted him so much her body ached, regardless of how the night might end. All the denial in the world wouldn’t change that. That was why she asked him for the birthday kiss. It hadn’t been to challenge him. It was to satisfy her own need, to feel his hot lips on her own.

When his tongue first touched hers, she could have pulled away. Instead, she welcomed him, and the sweet bliss she felt, although brief, was perfect. If they entered the house, it was going to be so much more than just one kiss. Not for any other reason except she wanted that man like she’d never wanted anyone before.

He lights a fire in me with a simple kiss that no man has ever been able to do. Even those I’ve had sex with.
Her thoughts had her blushing, so she turned away, even though she knew he hadn’t noticed.

“Casey.”

Startled, she unintentionally pulled away from him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice soft as though trying to ease her mind.

“I was . . .”
Fantasizing about you. What it’ll be like to be in your arms again.

“Having second thoughts?”

“No,” she said too quickly. Trying to cover it up so it didn’t sound like she couldn’t wait to rip his clothes off she added, “I was thinking how nice it was for everyone to come out to celebrate my birthday. It was . . . very nice.”
Once again, close enough to be the truth. I’m getting good at these rushed, half truths. Should I be worried?

Derrick nodded. “They’re a bunch of warm, caring people. It’s great, as long as you like that kind of stuff.”

“And you don’t.” It wasn’t a question.

She watched as he turned to look up the hill at the jacaranda tree and pause in deep thought. Casey closed her eyes and remembered the picture in his desk drawer. They had been such a beautiful family and in the blink of an eye, it had all been taken away from him. Everything within her wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him, so he knew he wasn’t alone. But in truth, he was exactly that. He was alone, because he refused to let anyone get close, refused to let anyone help with his grieving.

Still looking at the hill, Derrick, his voice barely a whisper, said, “No. Not in a long time.”

What was she to say? She couldn’t say that she understood how he felt. Losing two people whom you love more than life itself was something you couldn’t compare with anything else. Even pretending she knew how he felt was going to belittle his feelings. When he asked her if she had changed her mind, maybe he was hoping she had, because he had changed his and didn’t want to say so.

Casey found herself caring more about him and what he was going through than herself. Her heart was breaking for him, and she fought back the tears threatening to break free. Without thinking, she reached out and placed her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze.
I’m here, Derrick, in any way that you need me to be.

She felt his hand tense, and she regretted touching him. When she started to remove her hand, he caught it in his.

“Don’t.”

Such a simple word, yet the only one needed. He needed her, and she wasn’t going anywhere. Not unless he asked her to.

Casey let her fingers entwine with his and sat quietly waiting. For what exactly, she wasn’t sure. Grief was handled differently, according to everyone she had met over the years. This time, it was different. It wasn’t just a name on a form or a stranger in front of her. Derrick was someone whom she’d come to care about. She wasn’t sure she was ready to be there for him, but she would try. Not because it was her job, but because his pain was becoming hers.

Derrick started talking but still not making eye contact with her. She preferred it that way, as it helped her control her own emotions.

“I was married with a daughter. Five years ago they both died.”

He still held her hand and the pressure increased, almost painfully, when he uttered the word died. Derrick was going to relive it with her, right there. She should feel honored that he was willing to share such personal information with her, yet she was terrified at what he might say and how she’d react. Casey had assisted many people in the different towns through the paperwork process, but this wasn’t anything like she’d ever experienced before. There was no laptop sitting between them, no formal process, and no regulations to focus on. Instead, this felt very personal.

“They called it an accident. But that is not the word I use. An accident is something that couldn’t have been avoided.”

Casey watched his jaw tense. This story was painful to hear. She could only picture how agonizing it was for him to tell it. The saying that time heals all wounds was just that, a saying. Looking at Derrick now and feeling his pain, proved they were raw and fresh, even five years later.
And I can’t blame him for that. I don’t know how I would’ve been able to move forward if I’d lost the love of my life and my child.

She wished she could reach out, hold him, and make some of it better. But, this was something he needed to face himself. All she could do was be there to listen.

“I’ll make sure they’re exposed. Every single fucking one of them.” His voice shook with anger. “If it’s the last thing I do in this life, I’ll make them fucking pay.”

Who? Why? Who do you think caused it? What are you going to do when you find them?
Casey knew he meant what he was saying. She was hearing what he was saying, but he was personally involved. His emotions could cloud his judgment of the situation. Hers, on the other hand, wouldn’t.
I need to get my hands on the report. I’m sure they’ve emailed it by now, but this isn’t the time for me to pull it up on my phone. I can’t have him knowing I’m still intruding in his private life. If I find anything to back up his accusations, then there will be hell to pay and not just from Derrick either.

“They were the best thing in my life. They were sweet, loving, and gentle. Everything I’m not. Penny was charitable and kind. It didn’t matter if she knew you or not, she had a way of making you feel like an old friend. Everyone who met her loved her, especially everyone here in Honeywell. She grew up on this ranch. It had been in Penny’s family for over one hundred years. It’s mine now only by default, but besides her and Kim, I have no tie to this place.”

That explains a lot about the house and the lack of life and warmth, and that it didn’t look lived in. So where do you live? New York? Why?
So many questions were running through her mind, but this wasn’t the time to ask. If she could be patient enough, maybe he would give her the information on his own.

“If it weren’t for them, and their memories, I wouldn’t ever come back here.” He nodded in the direction of the graves.

She could almost feel his heart breaking all over again.
I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your pain. I’m sorry, Derrick. So very sorry.

Casey looked around. The ranch was such a beautiful place but for him, it was a memory that held him to his past and, from the look on his face, one that he wasn’t willing to let go. There was no room in his life for her, for anybody really, until he somehow found a way to deal with his loss.
Who knows, maybe he never will.

“McLean handles this place. Unless there is a reason for me to come, I don’t. And even then, I take care of whatever issue there is, and then I’m gone.”

He became silent again. How she wished she could watch and read his mind. Casey felt happy he was opening up and sharing with her, but she knew there was so much more he wasn’t saying.
Just be happy for what he is saying. This story, these painful memories, have to come out on his time. I can’t force it, or I’ll push him away. And right now, I don’t want to be anywhere but with him. But I get the feeling he doesn’t want me here. This is his and Penny’s home. They were a family. I don’t belong here.

Still looking toward the hilltop, Derrick continued. “The most time I’ve spent here in years is this past week.”

“Why?” She bit her lip. Casey hadn’t wanted to break his train of thought, but the question slipped out anyway.

Since the deep conversation had started, Derrick turned and faced her again. He looked as though he was searching her eyes for the answer to her question.
If I knew the answer, I wouldn’t have asked. I shouldn’t have asked anyway. No matter what you say, it won’t change a darn thing.

He spoke only one word. It was so powerful, it shook her to her toes.

“You.”

Were her ears playing tricks on her? Could he really have said it was
her
? That made no sense. He pushed her away, then pulled her back, only to push her away again. Derrick was on an emotional roller coaster, and she didn’t want to be on the ride with him.
I want to help you, Derrick, but I don’t want to get hurt. And putting any hope in us being together would more than likely end with me trying to survive a broken heart.

When Derrick pulled Casey away from her birthday party, he never expected them to end up sitting outside his house talking, with him opening up to her. This night was certainly not typical for him, nor was it the hot steamy night he’d envisioned.
What am I thinking? Nothing about Casey has ever been reasonable since the first night I found her in that ravine. It’s as fucked up as it can get. I kissed her then talked to her about my deceased wife. She must think I’m fucking nuts.

Casey’s big brown eyes were fixed on him. If she thought she could figure him out, she should give up now. He was complex. And that was on a good day. Normally he was just a complete asshole, never giving anyone else any thought or concern.
I wasn’t always that way, but now after all the hurt and devastation, I can’t change. Too much has happened. It’s too late.

“Derrick.” Her voice, soft like an angel, pulled at his heart. “How? Why did you . . .”

He didn’t want to speak. Already too much had been said. Any more and she’d see him for what a self-centered, egotistic jerk he was.

“Casey, stay with me.”

Her hand jerked in his. Although he’d made his desire for her clear earlier, she seemed to have forgotten why they were back at the ranch. Had the opportunity slipped by? Was she put off by what he’d shared with her?
Who wouldn’t be? I hate thinking about it. I’m sure hearing it isn’t much better.

“I’m afraid of . . .”

Me? I would never hurt you.
What am I thinking? Of course I will. That’s what I do. I hurt those closest to me.
If she couldn’t bring herself to say it, he had no problem saying it for her. “Me.”

She met his gaze but turned her face away from his before answering. “Of what tomorrow will bring.”