Space Between the Stars (39 page)

Angelica wrote this poem about my dad three years after he died. She never knew her grandfather before his stroke when he walked with the stealth of a panther, nor had she the privilege of hearing his resonant tenor voice in song. Yet their bond was tender and immense, and she embodies his spirit.

I am grateful to many friends who have supported me in telling this story. Melba Patillo Beals started me on the journey. My writing sisters, Susan Adelle and Judy He-bert, lived through countless drafts. Natalie Goldberg gave me writing practice. Rob Wilder graciously read an early version.

My parents Saunders and Jo Frances King, and my sister Kitsaun King, gave me love to stand on.

Thanks to Jillian Manus, my agent, and Melody Guy, my wise editor, for believing in my voice.

Ballantine Books:
The title has a mysterious beauty to it. Where did it come from?

Deborah Santana:
Space Between the Stars
came from an essay by Norman Vincent Peale in his
Guideposts
magazine. The phase struck me as where I was—a woman in between men who outshone me because of their fame, and my struggle to be seen and heard in the world. In 2000, I read what Don Miguel Ruiz said about the ether between the stars being the medium of transportation through which information moves. I stepped from my shadow and felt validated as a mover of light and truth.

BB:
What inspired you to begin your memoir?

DS:
I began writing it to stimulate my mind and keep myself in a creative process of growth. I have always handled our family business affairs, and felt the need to cultivate my creative side. I have loved writing since childhood, so writing was the natural creative avenue.

BB:
How long did it take you to complete?

DS:
Seven years.

BB:
Does it cover your whole life, or specific portions only?

DS:
Space Between the Stars
brushstrokes my whole life through the year 2000. However, it specifically focuses on the most compelling and haunting memories of my life.

BB:
What do you feel is your book's central message?

DS:
The path of defining and illuminating myself as an individual and strong woman is the theme of the memoir. It is my story of understanding life and developing a purpose for myself within the context of culture and family. The ultimate message is that life is about love and art and what we do with our time to sustain the earth and other souls living here.

BB:
You've said that the book addresses women's issues, taking your own experiences and presenting them in a way that will speak to women universally. Explain the genesis of that.

DS:
I grew up in the '50s and '60s, when women were just beginning to identify their strength in the world and the power we had without being attached to men. There was a time of struggle for many of us who were raised without many examples of women leaders and revolutionaries. My memoir explores this search for my own independence, voice, and identity.

BB:
How did the writing of the book affect your own thoughts and beliefs?

DS:
My writing made me stand up for what I believe is right for women, equal access to everything in life: education, managerial jobs, and equal pay; autonomy in relationships; and the importance of the female voice. Because of the enormous body of Carlos's musical work, I had to step out in conviction that my writing was an important artistic expression. Carlos's success was a significant block to making time for myself. We had concentrated our collective energies on his career, and it consumed us both.

BB:
Can you explain your creative process?

DS:
I am a morning person. It is when words flow from my heart and mind with ease and determination. I create new work in the morning and edit during the day and evening. As I began my memoir when our three children were in elementary school, I had to develop schedules that allowed me this time to create.

BB:
What writers have influenced your work?

DS:
I've been lucky to work with two very strong writers who pushed and pulled writing from inside of me. Melba Patillo Beals taught me structure and dramatic voice; Natalie Goldberg taught me writing practice and the freedom of expressing myself without the inner editorial critic. Both of these teachers influenced my writing by giving me skills with which to improve my craft.

Other writers I love to read are Isabel Allende, Barbara Kingsolver, Sara Paretsky (my mom made me addicted to mysteries), Alice Walker, Pearl Cleage, Studs Terkel, Dr. Maya Angelou, and poets Ruth Forman and Mary Oliver.

BB:
Have you studied writing, or is it something you've pursued on your own?

DS:
I studied at several different universities with professors of creative writing, and I have taken quite a few workshops and night courses.

BB:
You're also very involved in philanthropic work. Does
Space Between the Stars
address that?

DS:
This memoir particularly addresses my coming of age in all of my transitions, and the nuances of being a biracial citizen of this very exclusive country. Our Milagro Foundation is one of the most important works of my life—funding agencies that serve children around the world in the areas of art, health, and education—but I do not write about this work in
Space Between the Stars.
I will write about this in my next memoir.

BB:
Is another book in the works? What will the focus be?

DS:
I am writing it now. The focus is a vignette-style memoir with a more in-depth study of my experiences with friends, philanthropy, and my family. In this work I hope to concentrate
on the past ten years, which I addressed briefly in
Space Between the Stars.

BB:
Who has most influenced you?

DS:
My parents are first because of their attention to truth and unswerving integrity, through their bravery to stand up to racism, and their deep love for each other and my sister and me. In the context of culture, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. set me on the path of equality and rebellion against falsehood by using nonviolence. I have sought influence from spiritual teachers such as Buddha, Mother Teresa, and Gandhi. Their words of courage and higher knowledge have allowed me to believe that change can occur on this earth to help people live in freedom, even though it is usually at great personal cost.

BB:
How did you learn to manage a restaurant? A band?

DS:
I was twenty-two when we opened Dipti Nivas, our vegetarian restaurant in San Francisco. I read books about management, but really just used my own common sense and determination to create a business structure that succeeded. I had the advice of accountants, but it was the wisdom of my paternal grandmother, passed down through my mother's teachings of ethical principles and honesty, that were the foundation of my business. We learned as we went along, and about three years into our business I enrolled in a restaurant management class at UC Berkeley Extension that was very helpful when we
remodeled and in our growth. Our restaurant was very popular for ten years.

Managing Santana was born of necessity. I had watched other managers for twenty years; the best and most radical was Bill Graham. His management was unorthodox and many of the people who worked for him did not have much more business education than me. In the ten years Carlos and I have managed Santana, we have relied on our lawyers and accountant to guide us in contracts and areas outside our expertise. Our specialty is working as hard as we can with the intention to produce the most beautiful music possible.

BB:
What is the Milagro Foundation?

DS:
The Milagro Foundation is our nonprofit, which we started in 1998. We have two part-time employees who run the foundation. Its mission is to serve children around the world who are underserved and underrepresented in the areas of health, education, and the arts. Carlos and I believe that children are innocent angels who often are born into families that cannot protect them or send them out into the world with the best tools to succeed. Milagro seeks to fill in the gaps by funding agencies that provide tools and skills to help children's lives improve and their creativity and health excel.

BB:
Your role?

DS:
I am the vice president and spokesperson for our foundation. I love these children as my own and advocate for them
every day. We make site visits to interact with our grantees, and this changes my life. Truly, this is my passion.

BB:
Have you learned any lessons from your three children?

DS:
I have learned that I cannot be hurt by love. I have learned that their souls are independent of Carlos and me, and I have seen them grow in wisdom that teaches me to trust they are just where they are supposed to be in this life. Salvador has taught me that people have more in common than they have differences, and to respect every person's unique purpose. He has given us the music that lived in my father and Carlos's father and taken it to a higher level. Stella has taught me that fire can dance in a young woman's eyes and that she can protect herself. She exudes brilliance by being sure of who she is. Angelica has taught me that living your art will bring more fulfillment than conforming to society's structure of learned information. They have all taught me that opening my heart to set them free is my greatest job as a parent.