Sparks of Blue (Dark Light Book 2) (7 page)

Belle shoved to her feet, not caring that her voice had raised beyond calm. “I have every right to hate you, you ass!” She spun on her heel and nearly plowed into their waitress, but she wasn’t calm enough to remember her manners. Instead, she sidestepped around the smaller woman and stomped to the door. Kai could carry his own damn weight and babysit Gwen for a little while. She needed some time alone and a good soak.

Who the hell did he think he was, apologizing after all this time?

It wasn’t just that he’d broken her heart. Sure, there was a lot of that. She doubted she’d ever collect all the pieces, let alone be able to glue them back together. But it was more than that. He’d abandoned her weeks before her sister had died.
No, not died.
She’d been murdered, right in front of Belle’s eyes.

She could still remember the image of the blade sinking into Madelyne’s chest. The blood-soaked tip protruding out the front, likely through a lung. The slow, shocked, pain-ridden dimming of Madelyne’s once lively eyes.

That was the last she’d seen of her younger sister. The demon who’d killed her had taken so much pride in his victory that he’d taken Madelyne’s body with him. She’d never found it. She’d wound up burying a photograph in a box.

If Kai had been there…

It wasn’t fair to blame him for her sister’s death, she’d come to terms with that. One of the few things he couldn’t do was see the future. But she’d prayed so hard. She’d pleaded and screamed, sobbed and wailed—said everything she could think to say. He hadn’t even acknowledged her existence. And now he was
sorry
.

Belle let the hotel room door slam shut behind her, heading straight for the bathroom. Uncaring of the tears that had since escaped.
Why can’t I hate him?

****

Kai pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut, after Belle’s exit. He wasn’t sure which part of that exchange upset him more. He’d known better than to try apologizing but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. She’d wanted an idea of what was going through his head and that was what had fallen from his mouth. Admitting his feelings for her probably wouldn’t have done any more damage. But, he reminded himself, why did it matter if he’d done more damage or not?

They weren’t together. They would never be together again. He’d already seen to that. How much more could he damage, anyway?

He was an idiot, that was all there was to it. He should have lied to appease her instead of causing her more pain. But he wasn’t so sure he could keep lying to her anymore. The irony of which was that, ultimately, that greatly increased his chances of causing her pain. What was that old saying?
Screwed if you do, screwed if you don’t.
And he had no one else to blame but himself.

“Did we trade Belle for the nachos?” Gwen asked as she slid into the booth opposite him. “Or did she just go to the bathroom? ’Cause I don’t recommend using the bathrooms here.”

“She went back to the hotel,” Kai replied absently. At the moment he really resented his current assignment. Not for any fault of Gwen’s but because he wanted nothing more than to go to Belle and plead for a chance to explain himself. Never in his long life had he been so desperate; so willing to fall to his knees and beg.
If only it were that simple.

“You let her go by herself?” Gwen asked, disbelief in her voice. She reached forward and snagged a loaded nacho.

At this Kai finally met her gaze. “You’re the one the demons are after. Belle will be fine.”

Gwen bit into her chip, the crunch seeming to echo over the table. “Yeah, but, that one—Creed, right—he seemed kinda hooked on her.”

Kai’s gut clenched and he looked away. Gwen was right, but he knew he shouldn’t be focusing on Belle’s safety. The consequences that had torn him away from her once would be infinitely worse if his concern for Belle cost them Gwen. He clenched his hand around his glass.

“Uh, Kai?” Gwen called carefully. “Your drink’s on fire…”

Kai looked down and noticed she was right. His energy had leaked out in his distracted, frustrated state and the liquid was burning. Pushing the glass away, he leaned back. “Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”

“Wow,” Gwen replied, capturing another nacho. “The chips only just got here. Hell,
we
barely just got here. Don’t go blaming me because you two had a fight.”

Grinding his teeth, Kai said, “I didn’t say you had to rush.”

“I’ll tell you what,” Gwen began after finishing her latest chip. “I’ll eat these delicious nachos while you tell me the story between you two, and we can go when you’re done.” She paused, pointed a cheesy chip at him, and said firmly, “But it better be the
real
story, you got that?”

Kai frowned. “Why do you want to know what story may or may not be between us?”

Biting into her chip, Gwen pursed her lips in thought. “Because I have to live with you for a while,” she finally said. “And I’m obviously the third wheel.”

Chapter Seven

Kai looked away, his frown deepening. He supposed he could see Gwen’s point, even if he didn’t like it. But he couldn’t go revealing that closely guarded secret, either. Not in a way that could potentially endanger Belle, anyway.

Finally, he released a breath and said, “There’s not much to tell. We used to be friends. Things happened, and we lost touch for a while.” Hell, when he said it that way it was almost true. Except they’d never been platonic friends.

Gwen ate another couple of chips, processing his story. He spotted her rejection before she voiced it. “I don’t believe you. Not entirely, anyway. Why can’t you give me the juicy parts?”

Kai rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. He could refuse to give her more, but she would undoubtedly keep her end of the bargain, and they’d be stuck staying there for who knew how long. Or he could confide a bit more of the truth and take the risk. But it was such a large risk…

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?” Gwen finally declared, having pulled Belle’s neglected drink to her and taken a large swallow.

“It’s complicated,” Kai allowed carefully.

“What’s so complicated?” Gwen challenged. “So you two used to be lovers. Either you dated or you were friends with benefits, what’s the problem?”

Kai had to fight to keep the glare from his face. “What makes you think that’s the secret?”

Gwen shrugged. “When a hot guy and a gorgeous woman have history, nine times out of ten it’s sexual or romantic. Usually both in some way.”

Well, he had to give her that argument. He looked away instead, needing her to understand something before the conversation went anywhere else.

“It’s forbidden,” he explained. He focused his stare back on her and said, “Angels and Nephilim. It’s forbidden.”

At this Gwen paused, another chip hanging in the air over the table. “Oh.” She pulled in a breath, ate the chip, and finally said, “Okay, I can go with that. My lips are sealed.”

A fraction of the tension rolled away, and Kai sat back. “Thank you.”

“Well,” she began after devouring one more chip, “since I probably can’t squeeze any more answers out of you for at least an hour, I guess we can go. No way I’m gonna get a hot guy to dance with me if I’m sharing a table with you.”

Kai rolled his eyes and slid to the open end of the booth, standing. “You’ll have other opportunities,” he assured her as she followed suit.

“That’s what Belle keeps saying,” Gwen replied, following him to the door.

****

Belle was curled up on her bed, donning the hotel’s provided bathrobe, when she heard the door to the adjoining room open. Gwen was talking, but her voice was hushed, so Belle decided to tune them out. The connecting door was wide open, but she doubted Kai would cross the threshold. It had been nearly an hour—and she’d spent most of that time soaking—but she still wasn’t sure whether or not she wanted him to check on her. Or what she wanted from him at all.
Obviously I want more than an apology.
Her blowup had made that perfectly clear.

With a sigh, she glanced to the 3” x 5” photograph of Madelyne that she always traveled with. She’d taken it out of her suitcase after her soak, hoping to remember the better times. But her mind was working against her. She could barely remember the happy times with her sister before Kai. Or, more accurately, she couldn’t force her brain
past
Kai.

Belle lifted the picture again and trailed her fingers lightly over the smiling face of the yellow-blonde haired female staring back at her. Madelyne’s hair was naturally wavier than her own, and naturally a bit darker. But they had the same eyes, the same nose. If either of them deserved to still be alive, it was Madelyne. She’d been such a sweet, forgiving person.

“How is she?”

Kai’s question startled her, and Belle jerked her gaze up as if it might have been someone else. But argument or no, hatred or not, she knew Kai wouldn’t allow anyone to sneak into her room any more than into Gwen’s.

Lowering the photo to the far side of the bed, Belle fought not to glare at him. He knew damned well how Madelyne was. “I was almost not mad at you anymore. Thanks for fixing that.”

Kai frowned and moved to sit on the bottom corner of the mattress. She had the most childish urge to kick him. “Belle,” he said carefully, his voice quiet, “I’m not asking you to forgive me, or forget what I said before. Be angry with me if you want, I deserve it. But I promise it was just a question.”

For the life of her, she nearly believed him. He seemed so sincere.
Then what? Am I so insignificant to him that he’s forgotten?

“I want to believe you, Kai,” she admitted. “I think I could even forgive you for those horrible things you said to me.” She swallowed, and the glare came forward. “But not for what you did after. Not for ignoring me like that. I can’t forgive that.”

Kai’s frown deepened. “I didn’t ignore you,” he said plainly. But there was hesitation in his voice, too. “I did mute you for a little while, though. Probably twenty years.”

Belle’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “Mute me?” she repeated. She’d never heard of such a thing. “You, what, turned your Belle-ears off?”

“You could say it that way, yes,” Kai said. “We hear a lot. If we didn’t have the ability to focus that hearing, we’d all go insane.”

Okay, sure, that made sense. But it didn’t make it any easier to take. “So you muted me. You deliberately didn’t want to hear anything I may’ve reached out for. And I’m supposed to think that’s any better?”

To that, Kai looked away. He’d likely already had this exact conversation in his head. “No, I suppose not. I just knew I couldn’t
ignore
you if I heard your voice.”

“Sure you could,” Belle snapped, curling her legs up tighter. “All I ever was to you was a fun distraction, remember?” Surely he remembered that much. She would certainly never forget those parting words as long as she lived.

“I’m just here to tell you that it’s over.” He paused for barely a moment, his face unreadable. Cold. “It’s been fun, but it’s time I upped my standards. Don’t call for me.”

He didn’t wait to see her reaction.

Kai sighed and stood, but not to leave. She recognized the tension in his shoulders. He turned and began pacing at the foot of the bed. This restless side of him was rare. He was working up to saying or doing something that he wasn’t sure about. And all of a sudden Belle didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to be having this conversation, or any conversation.

“Could you just leave me alone?” When Kai stopped and lifted his gaze back to hers, she added, “We’ve been ancient history for a while, Kai. I don’t know what guilt’s plaguing you today or if you’re just wishing you hadn’t burned this bridge so thoroughly, but you did. And I’d rather you did than still be filling a need for you and thinking I meant something. So come get me if Gwen needs healing, but otherwise, I need to be alone.”

Kai released a breath and strode forward, but instead of leaving the room, he shut the door and claimed a seat on the bed. Inside Belle’s personal space. And he refused to let her look away.

“You aren’t going to want to hear this,” he said, the raw honesty in his voice startling her, “but I should’ve come clean about this a long time ago. Hell, it shouldn’t have ever been a thing between us in the first place. So let me get it out and I’ll give you your space. You have my word.”

Belle didn’t know what to make of his quiet declaration. Her emotions were all over the place, bouncing between anger, hope, lust, and sadness like a yo-yo. This mission was torture.
So what’s a little more?
“Fine, if it’ll get you over your weirdness today. Talk.”

He clenched the comforter beneath his palm. Almost as if he wanted to reach for her. “What I said to you that day,” he began, “it was all a lie.”

Belle’s eyes went wide.
What?

Kai swallowed but refused to look away. She recognized his burning determination in his stare, and it held her captive. “I lied about my feelings for you when it finally dawned on me how dangerous our relationship was. I was an idiot, I hadn’t given it more than a passing thought until you told me you loved me. When I went to say it back, it finally sunk in that if we were ever caught…” Here his voice trailed, and the tic in his jaw pulsed. “You’d be executed.”

Belle had no idea what to make of his words. Did she believe him? Or was he trying to trick her for some unfathomable reason?

He wasn’t done, though. “I knew if I just broke up with you, or if I explained why first, you’d fight it. And I would cave because I had no damned willpower when it came to you. The only thing I could think to do was cut deep. To deliberately hurt you to the point where you wouldn’t
want
to fight for us. And then, in case I was still wrong, I muted you.”

It had to be true. Belle was sure of it. What he was saying—this utter load of macho
garbage
—had to be true.

Tears spilled from her eyes, and she shoved his shoulders with all the strength she could muster. “Get out!” She could have cursed him every name in the book, and it wouldn’t have satisfied her. “Get out,” she begged, falling to her elbows as he let her shove him off the bed. She managed to catch herself before she added, “please.”

Voice low and full of remorse, Kai whispered, “That’s why I’m sorry.” He didn’t wait for her to respond again before turning and stepping from the room. He left the door only slightly ajar, offering her the most privacy he was willing to. She barely noticed, and she hardly cared.

He was trying to protect me…
And in his stupid effort, he failed her more fantastically than anyone had ever failed her before. Or since.

****

“That didn’t sound like it went too well,” Gwen declared as Kai stepped away from the interior door that led to Belle’s room.

Kai couldn’t look at her. He wasn’t in the mood to be civil to anyone. The only thing he
was
in the mood for was killing. He needed to find some demon, preferably a horde or at least one who could fight, and cut the bastard’s head off. Maybe that one working with Creed; the one who’d gotten away from him twice now. Except that he couldn’t leave Gwen unprotected. So he planted one fist into the hotel wall and squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the burning sensation behind them.

He wasn’t sure which he regretted more—having been a macho moron a century ago, or having been a sentimental idiot a minute ago and coming clean. It would’ve been better if he’d let her continue to believe the shit he’d slung to separate from her.
No.
No, it would’ve been better if he’d been honest from the start.

It was a shame time travel wasn’t part of his skill-set. The only angels who did have that ability were also exceptionally selective about using it, and they didn’t take kindly to bribery. So that option was probably out.

“Hello? Earth to Kai?” Gwen called, tapping him on the shoulder. “You look … emotional. It’s freaking me out.”

Kai swallowed and forced himself to build his wall back up. Gwen was right. This wasn’t the time to lose himself to his emotions. Releasing a breath, Kai slowly unclenched his fist and turned around. “Sorry.”

Gwen arched a brow at him.

He mimicked her, silently daring her to push the subject.

She dropped it.

“Okay, whatever, it’s not my business. Just don’t go getting weird on me. Also, no spying while I’m in the shower.”

The bathroom door closed behind her, and he let out a breath.
This has to be my final mission.
As much as he enjoyed slaying demons, no amount of violence was going to mend the damage he’d done to his heart. He’d need to find a new cause; a new purpose. Or, at the least, a new job.

He would take Belle’s lead for the rest of this mission. No talking, no pushing, no … anything. Just work. And when it was done, he’d leave for good.

****

Kai shifted his weight against the far wall, trying not to feel like a perv. In his attempt to give Belle her space, he was stuck sharing a room with Gwen. And the problem with these adjoining rooms was that they were both single-bed. It was slightly past one in the morning, and Gwen was sound asleep, sprawled out on her stomach and snoring softly. It’d probably be cute if he were attracted to her. But the woman he wanted was in the other room, and he didn’t dare extend his senses to know if she were sleeping or awake. All he did know was that she was there, and she was safe.

Safe from demons, anyway.

“Kai?” the soft whisper from the partially open door actually startled him. He looked up, his heart thudding, and straightened as he met Belle’s gaze. She stood inside the doorway, wrapped in the terrycloth robe from earlier, her long hair tousled from sleep.

Kai frowned and walked around the bed in order to be heard at a whisper. “What is it?” He couldn’t imagine Belle coming to him in the middle of the night for anything other than trouble. Not after the day they’d had.

She said nothing, tilted her head in the direction of her room, and turned away. Clearly she expected him to follow her.

With one more glance around Gwen’s room, Kai did exactly that. His physical presence wasn’t needed. The warding he’d set in place wouldn’t wear off until well after sunrise. He pulled the door mostly closed behind him, giving them a little more freedom to talk. Belle was perched on the edge of her bed, the comforter tossed aside and rumpled as though she’d been rolling around restlessly.