Special Delivery: Special Delivery, Book 1 (16 page)

The
little bastard
. It had to be. Sam didn’t like this guy, because whoever he was, he not only clearly had Mitch’s heart, but he’d left it way out of Sam’s reach. Sam fidgeted. “I don’t get what you’re trying to say, Mitch. Do you want me or not?”

“I want you, but I don’t want to screw it up. I don’t want to scare you.”

Sam sensed he walked on thin ice. He was missing something here, and if he didn’t get a handle on it, he’d go under. “So what is it you think is going to scare me?”

“This isn’t going to work.”

Sam didn’t know if Mitch meant this conversation or this relationship. “Tell me.”

Mitch’s expression was both wooden and tortured. “I was good all day, and you were skittish.”

“But that was
why
I was skittish. I thought you were going to have me fuck myself with a dildo or something while you drove, and then you sat there and smoked and told me about the goddamned river.”

Mitch’s eyes flickered with heat.

Sam’s heart kicked. “
Would
you have wanted me to fuck myself with a dildo?”

“That would have been a little distracting,” Mitch admitted, but his voice was husky.

“Then what
would
you have done?”

Mitch tapped his thumb against his leg, and when he spoke, he was careful and deliberate. “I wanted to fuck you when I woke up. I wanted to turn you over and lick you, and eat you out, and I wanted to fuck your mouth.”

Sam felt hot, but in a very different way. “Well, you should have.”

“I also wanted to tie you down and spank you. I wanted to make you squirm, and groan, and then I felt you stroking my chest, and I shelved the idea because I didn’t want to fuck things up.”

“Mitch, this doesn’t make any
sense
. I know I must be stupid, but I don’t
get it
,” Sam cried.

He gasped as Mitch grabbed him roughly by the shoulders.

“I have fucked up every relationship I’ve ever had. I tried so many times, but he always got in the way, and he was
right
, but I keep hoping with you—” Mitch cut himself off. “If you
were
stupid, if you
were
some idiot twink I didn’t care about, I would seduce you and fuck you all the way to Los Angeles. I would take you to sex clubs and tie you up to the bed while I drove, and I’d fuck you with a vibrating plug until you begged me to pull over and do you myself. I would make you kneel on the floor and I would fuck your mouth and tug your hair back so I could watch my cock slide in and out.”

Sam’s head swam with the erotic scenes Mitch painted, and he couldn’t for the life of him imagine why Mitch thought they were bad. But Mitch kept talking, and Sam began to understand.

“I would fuck you until we were bored, and then I’d let you go. But I
like
you. And I don’t want to fuck it up. And I would—I would
fuck it up
, because I always do. Once you put sex into the picture, I don’t know how to behave.”

He seemed so nervous, so scared, so un-Mitch, and between this and the tequila, the world spun. Sam could feel the threads between himself and Mitch stretching, ready to break. He knew he needed to do something, but in his own way, he was as fragile as Mitch.

God help him, but Sam was turned on.
I would make you kneel on the floor, and I would fuck your mouth and tug your hair back so I could watch.
He shivered and laid a hand on Mitch’s thigh. But he didn’t—couldn’t—look him in the eye while he spoke.

“So you can either be my friend, or my lover, but not both?”

Mitch’s hands clenched. “I don’t know, Sunshine. That’s just it.
I don’t know.
”

Sam considered this, trying to find reason when all he wanted to say was,
For crying out loud, fuck me.
Wasn’t it
smart
of Mitch to slow down? Shouldn’t Sam be glad? Grateful? What was wrong with him, that all he could feel when Mitch said he was afraid of using him was that he wished he’d hurry up and do it?

The weirdest part was, he
did
care for Mitch as a friend. He cared for him a lot. Couldn’t Sam simply be his traveling buddy?

It took every ounce of control to keep from screaming,
No.

Sam’s hand, still on Mitch’s thigh, kneaded nervously as he spoke.

“I meant what I said last night. I want—I want to be a whore, but I’m scared. Not of you. Of me.” His hand tightened on Mitch’s leg and held it like an anchor. “I found your porn. The ones about twinks and college boys. I got all…hot, because I thought,
I want him to do that to me
. Then I felt slutty and ashamed. I didn’t want you to think of me that way. Well—I
did
, but I felt ashamed for wanting it. Maybe you’d sneer at me and shove me away when it was done, because how could you not?”

“Sunshine.” Mitch put a hand in Sam’s hair. “Never, Sam. Never.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Sam tried to meet Mitch’s gaze, but he couldn’t manage it yet, and so he slid his hand up Mitch’s side instead, pressing his palm flat against his shirt, feeling his body move as he breathed. “I’d understand if you had to treat me like that. I know it—” He shut his eyes. “I know it’s awful to want the things I want, but I don’t…mind, if you have to look down on me for it. No, it really is okay,” he said, hurriedly, when Mitch’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “I mean—it’s why I let Darin fuck me and why I sucked Keith off in the bathroom. They aren’t nice after, but it’s okay.”

Except as soon as he said that, he knew it wouldn’t be okay, not with Mitch. It was fine with Darin and Keith because they didn’t matter.

Mitch mattered.

Mitch leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Sam’s forehead. “I will never, ever be disgusted by you, Sam. Ever.” It felt like a vow.

Sam shrugged, bowing his head to hide his discomfort. “Then I don’t understand the problem.”

Mitch said nothing, and they spent several minutes in uncomfortable silence. He kept unconsciously massaging Sam, and it relaxed him and eventually allowed him to speak.

“Last night was good.” Sam relaxed a little as Mitch continued to touch him. “I loved what you made me do on the phone that day too. I loved how I felt during and after. I loved the trailer. I loved it all. I loved being held down and how you told me to watch. I even liked the spanking. It was weird, but okay too. Maybe not every day, but maybe…sometimes.”

Mitch nuzzled the top of his head, and Sam fought against shutting his eyes, realizing for the first time they were in a public place. No one was watching, though—people passed, and some glanced at them, but most looked hurriedly away. Their bench was far off the path, so they had to be more a distant blurry set of figures than anything.

Sam let his eyes drift shut, his breath catching when Mitch’s hand slid over his ass. “The trouble is I don’t know exactly what I want. I mean—this is good. It’d be okay if, for example, if you m—” He swallowed before forcing himself on. “Made me undo my pants and touched me. Right here, in the park.”

His face flamed, and he felt almost sick with shame, especially when Mitch said, “That would get us arrested.” But then Mitch squeezed his ass and added, “Unbutton your pants, Sam.”

“You said—” Sam stopped talking when Mitch’s hand tightened again.

“I said to unbutton your pants.”

Eyes wide and scanning for police, Sam reached down and slowly undid the fastening of his jeans.

“Unzip and pull your cock out so I can see it.”

Sam didn’t have to work much to pull himself out, as he was so fucking hard he was already peeking above the elastic. “I thought you said we’d get arrested?”

“If I started tugging at you, yeah. But this, nobody can see.” He brushed his lips over Sam’s hair. “How you doing?”

“Nervous,” Sam admitted. “But…good.”

“Nervous why?” Mitch pressed. “Nervous like you don’t want to do this?”

“Just…nervous.” He looked down at himself. His dick was there, pink and vulnerable, the smooth round head exposed. Sam shivered. “Nervous because you think I’m—” He bit his lip and shook his head. He’d been about to say
easy
. “I thought it was supposed to be girls who felt this way. I’m so stupid.”

“I warned you about calling yourself stupid,” Mitch said, his voice dangerous.

“Oh.” Sam’s face flushed. Mitch’s hand on him stilled, and he pushed into it. “More…spanking?”

“I don’t know. That didn’t seem to teach you much.” Mitch’s hand slid up and dipped inside Sam’s waistband. “But we’ll deal with that in a minute. I’m thinking someone told you sex was slutty and slutty is bad. And I don’t think you have to be a girl to feel that way. Your parents tell you this?”

“No. Well—I don’t know who my dad is. Mom—” He tried to figure out how to explain his mom without making her sound bad. “She wanted me to be happy. She wasn’t against sex, but she didn’t want what happened to her to happen to me. My dad was a fling. She said she felt so cheap and so bad after, and she never wanted that for me. She wanted me to be loved. She always told me how beautiful sex could be, and how I should only do it with people who loved me. But it doesn’t work like that. To be honest, I don’t want it. It sounds boring. Sometimes I don’t want it to be pretty at all. If she knew the sort of shit I did, what I want—” He broke off and leaned into Mitch’s shoulder.

The wind picked up, making him cold, but it also teased the tip of his penis, reminding him it was exposed. It made him hard again. So did Mitch’s hand, which kneaded his bare skin, pulling the flaps of his jeans back with the motion, further exposing the outline of his erection. “So…if I tell you I want to play a game with you tonight, if I want to make you feel slutty, then take you to Old Blue and have some kinky sex, am I going to push you too far?”

Sam wiggled so Mitch’s fingers slipped into the crack of his ass. “What kind of kinky sex? Wait—slutty
before
we go back to the truck?”

“There’s a sex shop down the road.” Mitch’s finger teased between Sam’s cheeks. His voice was unsteady as he added, “For this game, I would need some supplies.”

Sam had to work to keep from reaching for himself now, he was that aroused. “Do you want to tie me up?”

“Not until we get to the rig.” Mitch’s thumb brushed against Sam’s ass. “But then…yeah. Maybe.”

“What—” Sam swallowed. “What would you do before?”

Mitch spoke carefully. “I’ll put some toys on you and in you. Then take you to the bar for awhile and get you nice and relaxed.”

Sam clutched at Mitch’s thigh. “
In
me? Like a…plug?”

“I was thinking beads. If that would be okay.”

This was such a strange conversation, like they were alternately wrestling and yielding and then getting up to shake hands. “It sounds…slutty.” He licked his lips and forced himself to add, “In a good way.”

“You sure?”

Mitch’s finger probed him, and Sam imagined Mitch sliding something up inside him, keeping it there while the bartender watched. “I—I think.”

He pressed his face into Mitch’s shoulder. Could he do this? Compared to Mitch, everything that had come before had been fucks in the dark.

All the more reason to do this.

“Yes.” Sam was breathless but not hesitant at all.

Mitch squeezed his ass once more before pulling his hand out of Sam’s jeans. He brushed his thumb along Sam’s now-weeping penis. “Button yourself up then, Sam, and we’ll go shopping.”

Sam had experienced the sex shop in Middleton, and he hadn’t much cared for the experience. Part of this was because he’d been terrified someone would recognize him, but most of it was because Emma giggled the whole time. She’d picked up gelatinous dildos and aimed them at him, and she’d mused about strap-ons and asked him which of the fur-lined handcuffs he’d choose. He knew she dismissed everything as silly toys, but some had actually turned him on, though others scared him. He’d never gone again.

The Denver shop Mitch took Sam to was not the Pleasure Palace of Middleton, and Mitch wasn’t giggling. In fact, his first move once they were within the doors was to put his arm around Sam’s waist and slide his hand into Sam’s left front pocket, pinning him to Mitch’s side.

Mitch aimed him at a display case. “The way this game goes is you pick something, and then I pick something. If I pick something that scares you, use your word.”

“What about if I scare you?” This didn’t come off as coolly as Sam intended, because he was dazzled by the rainbow display of dildos in front of him.

“That’s not possible. I will tell you, though, if I think something is a bad idea.”

That seemed fair. Sam started scanning items. “Okay—so, one each?”

Mitch’s hand stroked his hip from inside the pocket. “Oh, I thought four or five. Hell, Sunshine, you could talk me into a cartful of toys, but I figured you’d want to start out small.”

Five? Sam picked up a shining dildo that appeared to be made of glass and found, actually, it was. Then he saw the price and had to work not to drop it. When he picked up a few other interesting items, he couldn’t seem to find anything that wasn’t outrageously expensive, especially when multiplied by five.

Sam couldn’t take it. “It’s too much money.”

Mitch leaned in and nuzzled his temple. “I don’t give a damn. Think of it this way: do you want something cheap shoved up your fine little ass?”