Authors: Desiree Holt
“Should I bring my suitcase?” she asked. “How long will I be in San Antonio?”
“I have no idea.” He hated being deliberately vague, but he needed her to be unaware of his plans. “Depends on what they have planned to trap Scalzo and his goons. I guess bring it in case.”
Sooner than he would have liked, Grey called back with the go-ahead. Hawkeye tweaked the plan a little, arrangements Grey had totally concurred with. Five minutes after that, they were rolling to the airport on Davis Islands.
“What’s going on?” Maddie asked, glancing at his grim face. “I know you and Grey whispered about something when I was out of the room.
He was silent for a long moment, trying to come up with the right words. Finally, he said, “Maddie, tell me one thing. Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” She said the word without hesitation.
The knot of tension inside him eased a fraction. “Okay. Then, if you do exactly as I tell you, this will all be over soon, and you’ll be safe. You good with that?”
“I am.” Again there was no pause before she answered him.
“Then get ready. It’s game on.”
He was grateful she didn’t pepper him with a lot of questions, or ask him to hide her away somewhere while he and Grey took out the bad guys. He was sure she was smart enough to know the only way to get them was to smoke them out. But he wasn’t about to gamble with her life, either. Which was why, in downtown Tampa, a short drive from the airfield, he made an abrupt detour and pulled into the multi-level parking garage.
“What’s going on, Hawkeye?”
He heard the tension in her voice.
“A little precaution. Better safe than sorry.” He gave her a hard look, trying to reassure her. This is where you really trust me, Maddie. Nothing, nothing at all, is more important to me than keeping you safe.”
He drove to the next to the top level, looking for the car Grey had described to him. When he found it, the SUV next to it backed out and he pulled into the now available space. Grey Holden climbed out of the SUV, came around, and opened Maddie’s door.
“This is your rest stop, Maddie. Come on out.”
She looked from him to Hawkeye and back again. “Will someone tell me what this is all about?”
Hawkeye leaned over and pulled her against him. “I’m not risking your life, no matter what.” He pointed to a man and a woman who had come to stand beside the car. “Derek here is going to spend some time with you right here while Grey and I, his men, and your stand-in play out this little charade.”
“Stand-in?”
He gestured to the woman. “Meet Mel Bracco, former FBI agent. Crack shot. And could pass for you if they don’t get too close.”
“I promise we’ll give you all the details when this is wrapped up,” Grey assured her. “But, right now, we have to get moving. They’re expecting us, and I don’t want to put them on guard.”
He was proud of her for not asking more question and following orders, no matter how conflicted or confused she was. Within ten minutes, Maddie was seated in a car with Derek and Mel Bracco was in the shotgun seat next to him. She was dressed much as Maddie might be, with the possible exception of the Glock 9mm she carried.
Here we go, he thought. I hope to fuck this all works.
*****
Maddie appreciated the fact Derek was doing his best to keep her calm and make sure her mind was occupied, but nothing could settle her nerves.
“Can you at least tell me what they’re doing?” she asked. “There’s something going on no one is explaining. I don’t want anyone to get killed on my behalf.”
Derek smiled. “Trust me, Maddie. It takes better men than these to kill Grey Holden, and I’m guessing your Hawkeye is the same.”
Her Hawkeye. But was he?
“They’ll be back soon,” he assured her. “And in one piece.”
She hoped that was the truth. She sat rigid as a steel rod, trying not to watch the clock, until Grey’s SUV pulled into the parking garage. As soon as Hawkeye hopped out of the vehicle and opened her door, she fell into his arms.
“Is it okay? Did it go okay?” She was patting him all over as if looking for wounds.
“It’s fine.” He cupped her chin and looked straight into her eyes. “No one got shot, certainly not us, and the bad guys are all in handcuffs.”
“They are?” she squeaked. “How did that happen?”
“Well,” he drawled, “the cops helped a little.”
“Cops?” She looked from him to Grey. “You called the police?”
Grey gave her a slow smile. “Whenever it suits my purpose. And today it suited. But let’s get the hell out of this garage, okay?”
Hawkeye put her in his car and jogged around to the driver’s side. “See you at your office,” he told Grey as he climbed in.”
Maddie was full of questions, but Hawkeye asked her to keep it together until they got to The Omega Team offices. They’d have a complete debrief, and then the two of them could go home.
And that was exactly what happened. Grey explained how Jacquie, hacking into the ultra-secure Marshals’ system, discovered the two Marshals they dealt with were actually on Gus Scalzo’s payroll. They’d been stupid enough to actually exchange emails with Scalzo. There were enough police there to take all three men plus the pilot down to headquarters, with a laundry list of charges against them.
And no shots had been fired. That was the best part, as far as Maddie was concerned.
They were barely in the house before she threw herself at him, hugging him and kissing every inch of his face.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He set her slightly away from him. “I need to call Ghost and tell him it’s all wrapped up.”
“And I should call Gretchen.”
The look in his eyes gave her an unsettled feeling. “Then I’ll take you home.”
“Home?” She felt as if an icy knife had stabbed her. “But I thought—”
“Maddie.” His face was expressionless, as if he’d wiped every emotion from his mind. “Let’s not discuss this here, okay?”
She had a hard time swallowing against the tightness in her throat. “Okay. But we will definitely talk about it.”
Since she had her suitcase with her, there was no need to detour to his house, so he took her straight to hers. Out of habit, he checked everything before walking inside with her. He had refused to discuss anything as they drove, but, as soon as they were inside, he turned her to face him.
“I have to leave,” he told her. “I’ll be getting my medical clearance this week, and my team is waiting for me.”
“But we still have the next couple of days, right? And we can discuss what happens after that?”
“Listen to me,” he told her. “Nothing is happening after that. Nothing is happening now. The kind of life I lead doesn’t make for good lasting relationships. My job is everything to me.”
“Others make it work,” she protested.
“Maybe. But I’ve never seen myself in a permanent relationship.” He cupped her cheeks. “I didn’t mean to mislead you, so that’s all on me. But it’s better if we end it before it starts. Before I hurt you any more than I already have.”
“You only hurt me if you walk away from me, Hawkeye.” She blinked to hold back the tears. One minute, she’d been ready to celebrate; now she felt only pain. “I know it’s only been three days, but sometimes it can happen in three hours. Don’t lie to me and tell me you didn’t feel that connection right away. I want us to see where it goes.”
“I told you, that can’t matter. I have a job to do for my country, and that comes first.”
“How can you keep saying that?” she cried. “I told you other people do it.”
“I’m not other people. I’m—” He stopped. “Maddie, please don’t make this any harder for us than it has to be.”
“If it’s hard to do this,” she pointed out, “then maybe you should think twice about it.”
He stared hard into her eyes. “I’ll be thinking about it a lot. That’s the damn problem.”
He took her mouth in a kiss so scorching it seared her to the soles of her feet. His tongue was a flame licking everywhere. Maddie put everything she felt into the kiss, silently begging him to change his mind.
When he lifted his head and broke the contact, she wanted to grab him and pull him hard against her. But he took a step back.
“Good-bye, Maddie. I’m glad I could keep you safe.” He let his gaze take her in from head to toe and back again, as if memorizing her. “Have a good life. You deserve it.”
He walked out the door and closed it softly behind him.
Maddie sank to the floor, buried her face in her hands, and wept.
“Honey, you only knew him for three days.” Gretchen scooped more ice cream into Maddie’s bowl. “That’s hardly time enough to establish a relationship.”
“We had a connection,” Maddie insisted. “He knew it, too. I swear he did. Some things you can’t fake.” She swallowed a large spoonful of the confection. “He had a couple of days left before he had to report for his physical. Why couldn’t we spend them together and see where things went? I mean, Ghost has someone, right?”
Gretchen sighed. “Yes, but—”
“Do you think he’d talk to me?”
Gretchen wrinkled her forehead. “Hawkeye? From what my cousin said, when he’s not on downtime, he shuts out the outside world. And you said he made it clear there was nothing to go forward with.”
“No, not Hawkeye. Ghost.” As soon as the words left her mouth, Maddie wished them back. What kind of immature woman was she to go running to Ghost, who didn’t even know her except secondhand, and blubbering about why Hawkeye walked away from her?
Gretchen’s eyebrow lifted almost to her hairline. “You want me to call my Delta Force cousin and ask him for romantic advice? Damn, Maddie. You really are in bad shape.”
Maddie shoved another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and hoped it would cool the hot flush of embarrassment surging through her body.
“Yeah, forget I said that, okay?” She sighed and licked the spoon. “I just wish I could get him out of my mind.”
Gretchen reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I wish I could say it will get better and maybe with time it will. At least we have ice cream to get you through it.”
Maddie gave a short, hysterical laugh. “Yeah, by which time I’ll weigh three hundred pounds.” She sat back in her chair and swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat.
“Let’s talk about something else, like what happened to the Chicago hood who wanted to kill your folks.”
“Can you believe it?” Maddie sat up straighter. “My parents have been in WitSec all this time. Who’d a thunk it?”
“That is so wild, though. So where does everything stand now? I know Grey Holden called you to fill you in.”
Maddie stared at her. “And you know this how?”
Gretchen’s face turned red, and she bent her face over her bowl of ice cream. “Well, um, he might have also called Hawkeye who might have told Ghost.”
Maddie slammed her spoon down. “And you didn’t tell me? Why?”
“Ghost said the guy was calling you himself and to let him know if that didn’t happen. But it did, right?”
“At least he cared enough to make sure I got the information. Or maybe it eased his conscience to know things were wrapped up.”
Gretchen leaned forward. “So come on. Give.”
“The two Marshals are both under arrest and about to be indicted.” Maddie ticked the items off on her fingers. “Gus Scalzo had several outstanding warrants against him, as did his two thugs. They won’t see daylight for a long time. And my parents can draw a full breath for the first time in thirty years.”
“You must be some kind of excited to learn you have relatives—aunts and uncles and cousins, right?”
“Yeah. You can’t believe how shocked they all were to discover we’re alive.”
“I can imagine.”
“My parents are planning a big family reunion as soon as school is out and I can take some time off.” She shook her head. “I can’t tell you how weird that will be.”
“At least it will keep you busy,” Gretchen pointed out.
The anguish Maddie had been pushing away came flooding back. “I guess.”
“Oh, honey. If it’s supposed to work out, it will. Honest.”
But Maddie definitely had her doubts. All she had left of Hawkeye were the memories and the scent of him on the guest room sheets. How bad was it she had not changed the linens on the bed since the night he’d slept there. After she dragged herself home from Gretchen’s, she changed into a long T-shirt and crawled into the guest room bed.
How stupid was it to fall for a man like Hawkeye St. John? Of course he didn’t want a relationship. He already had one with Delta Force, and that took everything from him. He’d been a great protector, kept her safe, and made sure everything was wrapped up, including The Omega Team actions, before he’d left for his final medical checkup. He’d called her one last time to let her know she was safe now and forever. At least from Gus Scalzo.
But who would keep her heart safe? Or help her mend it?
Wrapping herself in the bedclothes and inhaling his scent from the pillow, she fell into an uneasy sleep.
*****
Hawkeye shifted his cell phone and tucked it between his neck and shoulder. He needed both hands free to finish packing his stuff. His medical clearance had been submitted and his new orders cut. In an hour, he’d be on his way back to join his Delta Team members at Fort Hood. Ghost had called to check up on him and to thank him one last time for what he’d done for Maddie.
“I know it was a lot to ask,” Ghost said, “and I appreciate the way you stepped up to the plate.”
“We are brothers who depend on each other,” Hawkeye reminded him. “Always.”
“Yeah, well, I still owe you. And you can ask me to return the favor any time.” Silence hummed along the connection. “None of my business, but are you planning to see Maddie again before you leave?”
Hawkeye wasn’t prepared for the sudden stabbing pain in the region of where his heart was supposed to be.
“There’s no future for us,” he reminded the man. “At least not from where I stand.”
“Rayne and I are making it work,” Ghost pointed out to him. “So are others I can name for you.”
“But I don’t think I could handle it,” Hawkeye told him. “What if I get hurt and come home half the man I am now? She’s stuck with me?”
Ghost gave a rough laugh. “I don’t think that’s a problem. Rayne told me I only need to come home with two things intact.”
“And what’s that?”
“My heart and my dick.”
Hawkeye busted out laughing. “That’s some woman you’ve got there. Strong and tough.”
Another pause. “You know, I think Maddie’s probably as tough as that. She didn’t crack with Scalzo’s goons after her. Besides, a woman who can face down a kid with a gun holding a roomful of students hostage isn’t someone who cracks under pressure.”
He knew Ghost was right. And he wanted to kick himself for not praising Maddie for her courage under fire. Not even mentioning it. She must think he was an insensitive asshole. How did a guy like him hang onto a woman like her?
“Hey, Hawkeye,” Ghost growled in his ear. “You still with me?”
“Yeah, man. I am.”
“All I’m telling you is, give it some thought. When it’s meant to be right, two people figure out a way to make it work. Just sayin’.”
“Thanks. For everything. Drinks on me next time we meet up.”
“Hey, I should be buying the drinks for
you.
But I never turn down a freebie.”
He sat on his bed holding the phone for a long time after he hung up. When he looked at his watch, he realized he needed to get his ass in gear. But Ghost had for sure given him a lot to think about.”
*****
The moment the school bell rang, her students began gathering their papers and books and stuffing them into their backpacks.
“Assignments due on Tuesday,” she called after their retreating backs.
As soon as they were gone, she began gathering her own things. She wasn’t excited about the long weekend stretching ahead of her. Another empty one. Even Gretchen had deserted her for the new man in her life. She was happy for her friend but miserable for herself.
Two months had passed since Hawkeye walked out of her life. Two months, three days, and five hours, to be exact, but who was counting? The first week, she’d sleepwalked through the days and tossed restlessly at night. She was still sleeping in the guest room bed, on the sheets that were imprinted with his scent. She didn’t dare tell Gretchen she was sleeping on sheets she hadn’t washed for two months.
Two months, three days, and five hours. Exactly. Check
.
Things had gotten a little easier as the weeks passed. She stopped her obsessive checking of her cell phone. Now, she limited herself to three times a day, even if she sometimes had to grit her teeth to get through it. Gretchen wanted to fix her up with a friend of her newest hunk, but Maddie couldn’t make herself generate any excitement about any man who wasn’t Hawkeye.
There was one bright spot in her life. Jason Schroder’s parents had really stepped up to the plate. They’d taken him out of class and were home schooling him, along with getting him some intensive therapy. The last she’d heard he was making slow but steady improvement in dealing with the things that had pushed him over the edge.
Thank the lord she could tick off another week on the calendar, but that meant the weekend stretched endlessly before her. She had made herself a promise she wouldn’t spend another one in her pajamas watching old chick flicks, eating ice cream, and crying tears she convinced herself were because of the movies. So what could she do that would occupy her mind, a mind focused on only one thing, Hawkeye St. John?
She was pathetic. That was the only word for it.
She thought about taking another quick trip to San Antonio. After everything had come to light, she’d spent a long weekend with her parents, listening to their story and their explanations. She couldn’t begin to imagine how hard it had been for them all these years, keeping all of this to themselves, living off the radar, never seeing family and friends. Family and friends who, by the way, were at first shocked her parents were still alive and then grateful to have them back in their lives.
But she tossed that idea at once. They didn’t need her blubbering all over them for three days. When she thought of what they’d been through, being upset because a warrior you fell in love with didn’t do relationships seemed way too insignificant.
Swallowing a sigh, she stuffed her work for the weekend in her portfolio, grabbed her purse, and headed out of the classroom into the hall.
And stopped.
She was sure for a moment her heart stopped, also. There, in front of her, leaning against the opposite wall and wearing an expression of uncertainty, was Levi “Hawkeye” St. John. He definitely looked as if he’d been rode hard and put away wet. His longish hair had grown even more, he had at least a week’s growth of beard, and he was dressed in Army fatigues that looked as if he slept in them since the day he walked away from her. A duffel and backpack lay at his feet as if he’d just dropped them there.
Maddie stared at him, unable to move, as if he were an apparition that would disappear if she blinked. Then she dropped her purse and portfolio, stepped closer to him, and threw her arms around him.
“Is it really you?” She ran her fingers through his hair, over his shoulders, down his chest. “I’m not imagining it?”
His chuckle had a rusty sound to it. “It’s me.” He smiled, but it was a smile filled with uncertainty.
“Is it okay I came here like this?” he asked. “I guess I didn’t stop to think how it would look me just showing up here, dressed like this.”
“It’s fine. Really.” She studied his face, seeing fatigue and something else, something she didn’t expect from him. Uncertainty. “Do-did you want to come to my house?”
“If you’ll have me.”
Oh, she’d definitely have him. If it was only for one weekend she’d gladly take that.
“Then let’s get your car and get moving. You can follow me.”
“I don’t have a car. I took a cab right from the airport.”
Did that mean he was so anxious to see her? Maddie’s stomach was doing funny little flip-flops.
“Then let’s get out of here.”
They rode to her house in tension-filled silence. She was so acutely conscious of him she felt as if every nerve in her body had been exposed and rubbed raw. She didn’t know what Hawkeye had on his mind. Would he have shown up out of the blue like this if all he wanted to tell her was there could never be anything between them? He’d been pretty plain about it the day he’d walked out of her house. So what could it be?
By the time she pulled into her garage, she was a nervous wreck, her nerves made worse by her pitiful effort to conceal them. Inside the house, she dropped her keys into a bowl on the kitchen counter and set her purse and portfolio beside them. She noticed, with a hopeful hitch to her emotions, that Hawkeye had brought his gear inside with him.
She heard the thud as his bags dropped to the floor and turned to ask him if he wanted a drink or something, but never got the chance to ask. His muscular arms drew her close to him and pulled her against his hard body. One hand cradled her head, holding it in place, while the other threaded through her hair. He gave her one penetrating look before his mouth came down on hers. Hard. Almost bruising. No soft touching of lips, or light swipes of the tongue.
This was full-on plundering and taking. He thrust his tongue inside, swiping it across hers before licking all the soft interior flesh. He sucked her tongue into his own mouth, lightly scraping his teeth over it while he held her head firmly in place. Maddie grasped his arms and held on for dear life so she didn’t fall weak-kneed to the floor. Only when she was sure she’d run out of breath did Hawkeye lift his mouth from hers. The look in his eyes was so hungry, so filled with some kind of emotion, Maddie really did think she’d melt to the floor.