Spies and Prejudice (10 page)

Tanner steps away from Ryan and rubs his eyes on his sleeve. “Have you lost your mind? You weren’t supposed to kiss that girl. You know the rules.”

My brain races to keep up. So Mary Chris and Ryan kissed? They’ve been all over each other all week so it was pretty much inevitable. But since when is Mary Chris “that girl”? And what kind of weird religion doesn’t allow kissing?

Ryan looks up at Tanner. “She has a name.”

I like Ryan more and more.

Tanner leans in closer, his voice a low growl. “Don’t tell me you are starting to fall for her already? This is wrong on so many levels.”

What? I knew Tanner was obnoxious, but he’s even worse than I realized.

For a minute I think Ryan is going to hit him. At least that’s what I hope for. Instead, Ryan slumps his shoulders. “I know.”

“Maybe we should just go back to Irvine. It’s not like there’s anything for us to do here.”

What? And Irvine’s so great?

Ryan runs both his hands through his hair. “Dude, we don’t know that.”

Lulu flops her head back down and snorts. Tanner turns and looks into the shadows, right where I’m standing.

“Who’s there?” He walks toward the tree. I stand still and silent, frozen, like a trapped animal. When he finally sees me, his eyes widen. “Are you spying on us?”

I pull the earbuds from my ears, trying to look like I was just listening to music. “Newsflash. Not everything in this world is about you.”

For a second, I think his lips curve into a smile, but it’s there and gone so quickly I can’t be sure. He bends down to scratch Lulu. She rolls over to give him direct access to her belly. Traitor.

Tanner looks up at me. “Then how do you explain the fact that you’re hiding behind a tree listening to our conversation?”

He’s so smug. “How do you explain the fact that you just happen to be at the same park I take my dog every Saturday? Are you following me?”

“You’re the one hiding behind a tree.”

I let out a sigh. “Maybe I’m waiting for someone who doesn’t automatically assume I’m spying on him.”

He stands, closing the distance between us in a heartbeat. Lulu lifts her head at the sudden movement. “I am not going to tell you this again. You have no reason to trust Drew Mattingly.”

“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

Ryan walks up behind Tanner. “Hey, Berry.”

“Hey,” I say, but my eyes are still locked with Tanner’s.

“You don’t know anything about me.” Tanner’s voice is so quiet it’s almost a whisper.

“I know enough.” But my insides are a hot mess and I don’t know anything at all anymore. I drop my gaze to his lips. Mistake. Now I’m remembering that stupid kiss.

Ryan puts his hand on Tanner’s shoulder. “We should go.” Tanner doesn’t move. “Dude.”

“Fine.” Tanner turns away without another word.

“Nice seeing you too.” I wave at his retreating form.

Lulu shakes her head, sending a line of drool flying across my shirt.

“You couldn’t have done that thirty seconds ago?”

Lulu sighs and flops back in the grass while I watch Tanner walk the rest of the way to the parking lot. To make sure he actually leaves.

He does. Which makes me even angrier.

It’s not until I hear the cheering from the baseball diamond that I turn to see my mark sliding into home.

D
ad and I have been circling around each other without saying much since our fight the other day, or I would’ve tried once more to get out of dress shopping with Shauna Waterson. At least I manage to convince Jason to come along so Shauna can’t try to make this some kind of audition for the role of stepmother.

After wandering the formal section for all of five seconds, Shauna holds up a hanger with a pink monstrosity that is all puffs and ruffles. “What do you think?”

I shake my head. Oh no. Please let me find a dress and get out of here quickly.

Jason holds up a dark cherry gown with a skirt that poofs out at the waist.

“No.” I hold up a simple black dress that will hit me mid-calf. “I like this one.”

Shauna and Jason shake their heads in unison. I’m being double-teamed.

“That looks like something my grandma would wear,” Jason says.

Shauna looks almost sad. “Oh honey, you need something special. That dress is fine for a nice dinner out, but this is Homecoming.”

I cling to the dress. Jason is supposed to help me out here, but instead he’s bonded with Shauna over their matching blue pearl nail polish, and I’ve got no chance of getting out of here with anything even remotely tasteful.

Shauna looks at the dress Jason still holds. “Ooooh. This is more like it.” She presses the pink dress into my hands. “Don’t say no until you try them on.”

I take the dresses into a small fitting room, ignoring Jason’s arched eyebrow.

I try on the black one first. If I like it, I won’t have to bother with the other two. Of course, I have to figure out how to get it on. Do I step into it or pull it over my head? I manage to wiggle into it, though it takes another five minutes and a nearly pulled muscle to zip up the back. No wonder I don’t wear dresses.

Shauna’s voice carries across the dressing room. “Berry! Are you dressed? I want to see them all!”

I glance in the mirror. There’s a swath of lace across the front that gives the dress a Morticia Addams quality that suits my mood, but even I have to admit that the dress looks like something a grandmother would wear. A goth grandmother, but still. There’s definitely something depressing about it.

It hits me that the last time I wore a dress was at a funeral. Has it really been eight years? I guess my dad wasn’t really the type to dress me up in frilly outfits and take me to tea. He was more the type to
throw me in the back of the car with a sleeping bag and take me on stakeouts.

No way I’m coming out in this. Knowing Jason, he’ll take a picture and keep it for blackmail.

I somehow manage to contort myself to reach the zipper without dislocating my shoulder. It takes me even longer to wrestle myself into the pink dress, as I try to figure out where my arms and head go in the midst of all the ruffles. There’s only one sleeve, and it’s capped with a giant ruffle that scratches against my cheek. When I look in the mirror, I see a giant pink puffer fish staring back at me. My face looks kind of green against the cotton candy pink.

“Berry!” Shauna knocks on the fitting room door. “Are you in the pink one? I want to see.”

I open the door a crack, but she pushes it all the way open. She takes one look at the dress and shakes her head. “Maybe pink’s not your color.”

I don’t know whether to be relieved or horrified that she thinks the color is the worst part of this train wreck.

“Try the red one.”

I close the door and stare at the last dress on the hanger. I’ve never owned a gown, but gown is the only word for this one. The top is trimmed with gold thread and the skirt flows all the way to the ground. I step into the skirt and the fabric settles around me with a soft whoosh. I pull the sleeves over my shoulders and zip up the back without too much difficulty.

When I finally look in the mirror, I catch my breath. I don’t look real. The bodice hugs my curves right down to my waist before fanning
out in soft lines that don’t poof at all. The gold threads shimmer in the harsh light of the store. I look like a life-sized Barbie doll.

Who is this girl in the mirror and where did she come from? She’s a stranger to me, but somehow I know I’ve missed her.

“Berry!” Shauna’s voice booms louder. “We’re waiting.”

I use my tee shirt as a towel, wiping my eyes. I can’t let Jason see me crying over a dress. Talk about blackmail photos.

I brace myself with a deep breath and avoid looking in the mirror again before I open the dressing room door and step out into the store.

Shauna’s hand comes to her mouth. “Oh!”

Jason’s jaw drops to his chest. “Wow, Strawberry. You clean up well.”

Tears sting at the corners of my eyes again.

Shauna nods her head. “Oh yes, honey. That’s the one.”

I disappear back into the room as quickly as I can. Once the dress is safely back on its hanger looking deceptively poofy, and I’ve turned back into Berry Fields, I let myself sink onto the bench.

It’s not just my mother whom I lost eight years ago. Somewhere along the way I lost the girl who dreamed of wearing beautiful dresses and dancing with handsome boys. The girl who wasn’t embarrassed to be called Strawberry or play with dolls.

It’s just a dress.

I curl up in a ball and stare at it like it’s a ghost.

I knew coming here was a bad idea.

S
hauna tries really hard the rest of the day. First, she buys me enough makeup to support a small family of clowns. Then she and Jason squeal over a pair of gold heels that they promise will be perfect, but pinch my toes when I walk. I do my best to nod and smile and just get through it.

Okay, I want to like her, and I might even be able to manage it, if it weren’t for the fact that she’s dating my father. Throw in the fact that she’s Collin’s mother, and the poor woman doesn’t have a chance. She already has two strikes.

By the time I get home I’m exhausted. I lie on the couch and barely close my eyes when the doorbell rings. Lulu runs to the door and barks until I get up and open it.

Drew Mattingly grins at me. “I tried to call, but you didn’t answer.”

I lean against the door frame. “I was trying to take a nap.”

“Sorry. I figured you’d want to hear this. I found the witness to your mother’s accident. She lives in Lemon Grove.”

I’m instantly awake. “What? How?”

“A little Internet research and a few phone calls.”

Lulu presses her nose through the door to sniff Drew.

He holds his hands up and backs up. “You couldn’t just have a Chihuahua?”

I grab Lu’s collar, holding her back. “Lu’s friendly. She just wants to say hello.”

Drew keeps his distance. “I’ll pass. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that Heather Marrone agreed to meet us at Sconehenge on Tuesday night.”

My stomach clenches into a gnarled knot. I know Drew is just trying to help, but it all seems like too much too soon. “Just like that?” I should be excited to talk to the one person who witnessed the accident. Maybe she saw something important. All I know about her is what I’ve read in the paper, but part of me wonders if she’s the one who told the police that it looked like a suicide.

Drew still has one eye on Lulu. “Yeah. Cool, right? So I guess we’ll see each other at school on Monday?”

“Do you want to come in?” He’s already stepping away, like he regrets coming here in the first place.

He shakes his head. “I should go.”

“Is it the rumors?”

“What?”

I don’t know how to explain. I wasn’t imagining him flirting with me all week. And last night when he held my chin, I thought he might kiss me. Except he didn’t. And today, he shows up at my house but doesn’t want to come in. Maybe he really does think I’ll beat him off with a stick. “I just thought you might want to hang out.”

“I’m the guy who hides in the library, remember?”

“Oh.” Right. He doesn’t want to get close to anyone. It was stupid of me to think that I was an exception.

He laughs. “I’m kidding.” Drew looks at Lulu again and backs away. “In case you haven’t noticed. I’m not exactly hiding from you. If you were paying attention, you’d see I’ve gone to extraordinary lengths to get you out to dinner with me on Tuesday.”

“Finding the woman who witnessed my mother’s death is a move?”

He laughs. “I prefer to think of it as a romantic gesture.”

I’m pretty sure I blush. “So Tuesday?”

He backs up a step from the door and bows lightly. “At your service.”

I think I want to like him. He’s the first person in a very long time that I’ve invited in. I do want to like him, so what’s holding me back?

After Drew leaves, I call Mary Chris and invite her over for my famous grilled triple-cheese sandwiches. I’m halfway through my second sandwich before I get the courage to ask her what I’ve wanted to since I called her.

“So?” I ask. “What’s with you and Ryan?”

Mare blushes. “He’s cute, right?”

“If you say so.”

“You don’t see it?”

I shrug.

“Because you’re too busy checking out his brother.”

“What?”

Mare’s face turns serious. “Don’t. You can block out the rest of
the world, but I’m your best friend. Don’t even think about keeping secrets from me.”

I’m pretty sure my face burns. Did Jason tell her about my search for the letter? “I was going to tell you.” Just not until I knew what there was to tell.

“I can’t believe I had to hear it from my dad!”

Her dad? But Mr. Moss thought I was making out. Oh. She thinks I’m keeping secrets about Tanner. “It was just a kiss. It didn’t mean anything.”

“It was not just a kiss. It was your first kiss. Did you think you could just pretend it didn’t happen?”

“Can’t I?”

“No!” But Mare is smiling now. “So? How was it?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Mare points her sandwich at my chest. “You’ve never lied to me before. Don’t start now.”

Too late. Way, way too late.

I try to think of words that will make what I did make sense.
I was just trying to find out why your dad has a letter with my mom’s name on it that he didn’t want someone to find
. No.
I just invited Drew over to cover for me while I snuck into your dad’s office to go through his stuff because I still can’t accept that my mother didn’t leave me on purpose
. No way.
I kissed Tanner so your dad wouldn’t find out I was spying on him
. No, no, no.

“Fine,” I say. “Kissing Tanner was kind of amazing.” I give her this small truth, and hope it will tide her over until I know if there’s even anything else to tell.

“I knew it!” Mare hugs me hard enough that it hurts.

“And you were going to tell me about Ryan when?”

It’s Mare’s turn to blush. She talks animatedly about how much she really connects with Ryan, but I only half-listen. I’m still thinking about the secrets I keep buried.