SPIKED (A Sports Romance) (33 page)

I kissed him harder as his groans grew more desperate. As he thrust harder, until we crashed together in a wave of pleasure, and his cock throbbed inside me, hard, insistent.

Eventually he collapsed over me, his sweat mingling with mine, his breathing labored. I brought my legs back down against the sheets, rumpled and twisted beneath our bodies by the almost violent way he’d just fucked me. I couldn’t bring myself to care, could only slide closer.

I wanted to stay there forever, in the languid, relaxed way we lay together. Like nothing else mattered but this moment.

His face was nestled against my neck, his body over mine when I mouthed
I love you,
knowing he couldn’t see it. It was the closest I could get to telling him.

And it was true. I was falling for this man, for everything he’d meant to me and everything he’d become.

And it scared me to death.

E
ventually
, we got up and finished our wine, and I cleaned up in the bathroom before returning to bed. Landon opened the drapery, exposing floor to ceiling windows. Below, the city glittered, and the stars above shined back. It felt like we were floating above it all, like the real world below didn’t exist anymore.

He came back to bed, sliding in under the covers and up against me. I nestled up against him, feeling calm and relieved for the first time since I’d left town. He was quiet so long that I thought he might’ve fallen asleep, but then he spoke.

“There were so many times I wished I’d never left you,” he said.

His confession threw me off. Landon was a man who didn’t express regrets. He charged forward, not looking back.

“I wish you hadn’t,” I said, my hand gliding up and down his side, trying to memorize the ripple of his muscles.

“I had to. I know you don’t understand, don’t agree, but I had to.”

“I know,” I said, “you wanted to prove yourself.”

“It wasn’t just that. The only people I truly trusted were you and Matt. And that day, I realized Matt didn’t trust me back. Everything he said about me was true, and it killed me.”

“He would trust you with his life,” I said. Matt had said so himself, just a day earlier.

“But not with his sister’s life,” he replied. “I hated everything he said, because I hated that he was right. I wanted to be good to you but I didn’t know how. When I left, I promised myself I wouldn’t come back until I could be worthy of you.”

I wanted to believe him, but wasn’t sure. “I just wish you’d called me. Or wrote me a letter—anything. Just once so I’d known you cared.”

He moved, so that he was lying against the pillow and staring me in the eyes. “I didn’t think I’d be gone so long. I left town with the intention of making something of myself, but thousands of miles later, I realized I didn’t even know where to start. Leaving didn’t give me direction, it just made me feel lost. For months I buried everything in drinking and women.”

I must’ve flinched. I must’ve reacted to the image of him in bed with another woman, his body over hers like it had just been over mine. Because he reached out, his fingers tracing their way along my jaw, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Every hookup made me feel worse. Every hookup made me feel less worthy of you. That was when Alexa came along. She was the opposite of everything I hated about myself. She was from a big city. From a successful family. Nothing she did was emotional or reckless. It was all so carefully calculated. I thought partnership with her would mean we would be united. I was so blinded by my own self-loathing I couldn’t see her for what she was.”

“But why would you marry someone if you still cared about me?” I said, confused more than ever.

“I lost myself,” Landon replied. “By the time Alexa came along, I was sure that I’d never be the kind of man you deserved. I was sure you were better off without me around.”

“I’m proud of everything you’ve done to achieve your success,” I told him, meaning it. “But you should’ve talked to me a long time ago, come clean. It’s honesty I want. Not your financial success. I need to trust you. No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” he agreed. And when his hands slid across my body, and he leaned into kiss me, I didn’t resist.

* * *

A
t some point
we drifted off to sleep, though I wasn’t sure when. By the time I woke up, daylight was streaming through the still-open drapes, the Texas sky a wide and vibrant blue.

I slid out from under him, but just as I was about to stand, his arm snaked around my waist.

“Don’t go,” he said. I glanced back at him, my hair tumbling down my shoulders, my body still bare.

“I have to be at the lab at nine,” I said.

“Don’t go,” he repeated, sitting up in bed. The sheet fell to his lap as he sat back against the cushioned headboard, exposing his thick arms and defined pecs. It was almost enough to make me say
fuck it
, and climb back into bed, climb onto his lap.

“This internship is important to me,” I said.

“There’s a better internship waiting for you in Washington.”

I twisted around, staring at him. I knew my own body was exposed, and I didn’t miss how his eyes dipped to take in my breasts. “It’s not
better
, Landon, it’s just different. I earned this internship. I proved myself.”

“I know,” he said. “But I want you to come home with me.”

The way he said it, said
home,
made me think that he wanted me to return to his house. Made me think crazy thoughts about a future where we lived together, went to bed together every night so I could wake up beside him.

But he had a wife. His house was half
hers,
not mine.

“I committed to this,” I said. “My professor vouched for me. And I have to go back to school anyway. How am I going to do that if I turn my back on this?”

“I don’t know. But the only life I can picture is one with you next to me,” he said.

His words made my heart soar and twist at the same time.

He slid toward the edge of the bed, sitting beside me so our thighs were touching, his rough hand rubbing circles on my back. “Come back with me. Make me a happy man,” he said. “Things don’t seem to matter without you.”

His words sounded so dangerously close to a proposal that my heart thrummed against my chest.

“You’re married,” I whispered.

“I’ll finalize the divorce, give her everything she’s pushing for. I don’t care what she takes. She can have it all, as long as I get you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, reality setting in. And then I stood.

“This doesn’t feel right,” I said, only realizing it was true as I said it. “You can’t just decide you want me one moment and don’t the next. You can’t just make everything okay with one night, one conversation, one promise.”

His face fell, and I hated the way it made my heart twist.

“It won’t just be one promise,” he said. “This is different.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can believe you anymore.”

I started yanking my clothes back on. I didn’t bother to find my bra or tank top, just pulled his shirt on over my jeans.

I scooped my heels up, dangling them from one fingertip as I strode out of the room.

And once again, Landon didn’t follow. He just watched from his place in the bed, a shadow falling over his features.

As I left, I felt my heart breaking all over again. I hadn’t known that I would make this decision. In fact, I was almost certain that if Landon had asked me to do anything, I’d have done it. No matter how wrong or bad of an idea it was.

But maybe I was growing up. Or maybe Landon had just hurt me one two many times.