Spin Cycle (20 page)

I look at her suspiciously. She smiles sweetly back. My maternal bones tell me that something is definitely up but I don't know exactly
what
. I decide not to look a gift horse in the mouth and simply accept that tonight's meeting is going to be a short one. I bang the gavel again.

‘Well then, it's my turn. Firstly, pocket money.' I open my purse and dole out varying amounts according to age and work done around the house. The money disappears as soon as it hits each outstretched hand. ‘And can someone please bring the rubbish bins in after this, they've been out there since Wednesday.

‘Now secondly, I am having a little bit of time off work so I shall be around the house a lot more for a couple of weeks. This doesn't mean that I'm here for your beck and call, but simply that I needed a little
rest. Understood? Good. Thirdly, I have confirmed that, yes, Sam and Ben's father has purchased the house next door but he won't be moving in for quite some time – not until February, in fact – so this doesn't mean that when it becomes empty next month, it's automatically your private property. You are to keep away until your father moves in, understood? Good. Fourthly, as you have all noticed, the lounge-room windows were broken during that rainstorm on Wednesday and so they have been cardboarded up. Please do not fiddle with the cardboard, or draw on it, or remove the sticky-tape, or even go near it at all. It'll be getting repaired in a couple of weeks and until then is strictly out of bounds. Understood? Good.

‘Now, fif – lastly, there is going to be a barbecue on Sunday.' I hold up my hand to forestall any comments on the inadvisability of having a barbecue in winter. ‘
Everybody
has barbecues in summer – we are different. Now, Auntie Diane and Uncle David are coming, I'm not sure about the boys, and they have a very big announcement to make.' I'm not going to mention the twins (
twins
! I'm still in shock!) because I promised Diane, but I can't
wait
to see everyone's reactions on Sunday.

‘Then if we're having a barbecue, can I ask Sara over?'

‘Then I want Caitlin. Can I have Caitlin, Mummy?'

‘Then I'm busy Sunday.'

‘You can ask one guest each but, really, it's a family barbecue. Ben, I need the barbecue cleaned. Sam, I
need the backyard mowed and you've already been paid for it, and CJ … I'll think of something for you later. Now, I also invited Aunt Maggie when I dropped in at her house yesterday for coffee.' I surreptitiously glance at Samantha to see how she takes this and am suitably rewarded by the sight of her mouth dropping open in surprise.

I am beginning to enjoy myself so continue quickly before there can be any interruptions: ‘Sam, could you give Aunt Elizabeth a call tonight, you can ask her as well. I don't think she's ever been here so you'd better give her the address. You can also ask her if she'd like to bring her new boyfriend. He's a vet.' I look around and am gratified to see three open mouths now. ‘So, Ben, if Golliwog is still sick by Sunday, you can ask him to have a look at her. And actually, CJ, I do have a job for you. You can ring Grandma and ask her if she would like to come as well. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Yes, well, if she can come, you can ask her to bring
her
new boyfriend too, so that you can all meet him. His name is Harold and they're getting married next year. In February. Sam and CJ will be the flower-girls. With matching outfits too, in pink, I believe.'

I am now sitting opposite three totally flabbergasted children, the eldest of whom has had a total aversion to pink for almost a decade now. ‘Well, that's it, meeting adjourned.' I bang the gavel and sit back to watch them. They are so stunned that they are temporarily mute, a rare situation that I am sure will not last so I resolve to enjoy it while I can. I mean
to say, who needs orgasms?
This
is what I call pure pleasure.

I have put out French onion dip, crackers and plenty of celery (all low fat, especially the celery), and am just contemplating putting some champagne in the fridge when the doorbell rings. It'll have to be chateau cask then.

When I open the front door I am faced with a newspaper (
that
newspaper) held at my head height. This means that I can easily see Terry over the top of the newspaper. She has her blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail, no make-up and looks positively radiant. From around the newspaper I can see that she is dressed casually in a blue microfibre tracksuit very similar to mine – except that it makes
her
look like a serious athlete. I make a mental note to ditch mine, or at least never to wear it when she is likely to wear hers. Perhaps I should just invest in some kaftans. She hands me her jacket and then shakes the newspaper in the air.

‘Would you care to explain this?'

‘Not particularly.'

‘I go away for three days,
three days
, and you turn to crime. What would happen if I shifted interstate?'

‘Are you?' I ask as I steady the hat-stand with one hand while hanging up her jacket.

‘No, of course not.' Terry gives me a strange look and follows me into the lounge-room. ‘Yum, munchies! Where's the champers?'

‘No champers, sorry. You'll have to make do with cask, I'm afraid.' I head off to the kitchen, fill two glasses and return to hand one to her and flop myself down on the couch opposite. ‘Why, are we celebrating something?'

‘No,
you
first. I mean, I spoke to Barbara Sullivan today and she filled me in on most of it but, tell me, is it really true that Joanne
attacked
you?' Terry flicks the ponytail off her shoulder and settles back with her glass of wine in one hand and a dip-laden cracker in the other.

‘All true. I know she's always been a little nuts, but
this
was amazing. You should have seen it. She was upset because I wasn't here when she was supposed to pick me up – even though I never arranged it – and when I turned up in town she went bananas. It's totally her fault that I bopped that cop on the head. I reckon she pinched my jumper too. I hope she gets fired.'

‘God, how weird.'

‘You should have been there.'

‘No thanks. But, do you know, I feel a little bit sorry for her.'

‘What? How can you! I've been
charged
because of her!' I am amazed, I mean
I
am the victim here. Anything Joanne gets she totally deserves (except my jumper, that is).

‘No, I know that. And I know she's a bit … well, intense, but –'

‘Intense? She's totally off the beaten track!'

‘Oh, she is not! Well, not
that
bad anyway. Do you know, I've never quite understood why you're so
really
set against her. I mean it – she's not that bad.'

‘Easy for you to say! She didn't try to kill you!'

‘Yeah, okay. But
she's
the one who'll find it hard to get another job. No doubt
you'll
get reinstated as soon as it blows over but I don't reckon she will. They'll grab this chance to get rid of her and the library was her life. I don't think she has much else, do you? Actually, I think that's half the problem. I reckon she's always been a bit jealous of you – busy life, friends, family, kids and all that.'

‘She can have it.'

‘You don't mean that. Besides, I'm serious. It's more than jealousy, too. You know, she was always sidling up to you and trying to start conversations, asking how your kids are, or what you're doing on the weekend, hinting for an invite over … whatever. And you didn't exactly hide the fact that you didn't care for her much. Not at all. She probably thought that Monday was finally her chance to impress you with her personality –'

‘Yeah! She sure did
that
!'

‘… and so to her it may have been a pretty big deal and she was probably really, reall
y
looking forward to driving in with you, and when you just selfishly stood her up –'Terry grins and holds her hand up to stop me interrupting again, ‘well, that's probably how she sees it, fair or not. And then you turn
up, casual, relaxed, carrying shopping bags, and obviously not in the least apologetic. So she lost it.'

‘Okay, great. Now I feel guilty.' And I do. I hadn't really thought of it that way. I get up and take the glasses out to the kitchen to refill them, and drink half of mine just on the way back to the couch.

‘Oh, don't feel guilty, for god's sake. You feel guilty too often already. I didn't mean that you did anything wrong, you didn't – and she's still only got herself to blame. All I meant was I felt sorry for her, that's all. And she's not
that
bad. But I still like your picture.' She turns the newspaper over and has another look. ‘Do you know, I've never realised that you have such a homicidal gleam – and a
really
weird chin.'

‘Shut up. Back to Joanne. I tell you, she worries me a bit. She was really scary.'

‘
Was
she? I can't imagine it.'

‘Well, you can take my word for it. And you can also do me a favour.'

‘What's that?'

‘While you're at work on Monday, can you try and find out what she's up to?'

‘Wow! She really
has
got you nervous, hasn't she?'

‘Yeah, she has. Seriously.'

‘Okay, no problem.'

‘Great. And now enough about bloody Joanne. What about you? Bronte came around and said that she caught you frolicking in the bath with a certain dentist who shall remain nameless.'

‘Ha! It was worth it just to see the look on her face! Do you know, I swear she thinks she was a virgin
birth.' Terry's own face breaks into a huge grin as she recalls it.

‘Then you
did
! In the bath! And with
Dennis
!'

‘Sure did, and he was just as good as I remember. Even better, if anything.' She closes her eyes briefly and sighs, looking for all the world like the cat that got the proverbial cream. ‘A performance worthy of a post-coital cigar.'

‘Too much information. So, are you getting back together?'

‘Dork! Do I look totally deranged? Of course we're not. I just
really
needed a fling and, for once, he was in the right place at the right time
for me
, and not some other bimbo.'

‘Other than you, you mean.'

‘Ha ha.'

‘I still don't get it. Last time I saw you, you were off to work on Monday as usual. Despised Dennis as usual, and had no plans for … what did Bronte call it? “unadulterated sex and unbridled passion”. What happened?'

‘Toothache, that's what happened! I had this raging toothache Sunday night that was so bad I finally rang Dennis and left a message on his machine asking him to come over and have a look. Anyway, I rang in sick Monday and then Dennis turns up. Apparently he's on holidays and has booked a place up at Daylesford for the week. Taking the water and all that. But whichever bimbo he was taking must have cancelled. He didn't actually say that but it was pretty obvious. So, we drive over to his surgery, fix the tooth – see?' At this point she opens her mouth
and shows me a newly filled gleaming tooth. ‘And then he takes me home. Well, I don't know whether it was the painkillers or just pent-up frustration, but he started looking really attractive. Sooo, one thing led to another, and another, and then another – he has amazing stamina for his age, probably steroids or something – and then we were having a bath when Bronte waltzed in.'

‘I would love to have seen her face.'

‘It was priceless. Anyway, that's where it would all have ended except that she made such a song and dance about how disgusting it was that when he said why don't I go to Daylesford with him, I said yes. I had second thoughts while I was packing some stuff together and I tried to ring you for some sage advice but you were gallivanting around somewhere. So I thought, well, stuff it, and I just went.'

‘So you're
not
getting back together?'

‘No way. I don't think
he'd
want to either. It was fun for a bit and that's it. In fact, it had already stopped being fun by Thursday morning, which is why I came back early. I can only take so much unbridled passion at my age. And only so much of that mineral water as well. It was more to spite Bronte than anything else but, I tell you, I feel so good that I might make it an annual event!'

‘Well, why not? And you look good too, maybe that's what I need.'

‘I wouldn't be surprised. Now you know what the answer is: just drag an ex-husband into the sack for a while. Better the body you know and all that. But, in your case, I don't recommend the second
ex, stick to the first. You'll have to get him back from OS.'

‘He
is
coming back.' I get up, grab both our glasses for refills and then put them back down as I decide it'll be easier to bring the cask out here. So I do exactly that, fill the glasses and take a sip before continuing: ‘You wouldn't believe what an eventful week I've had! One of the things that's happened – just one of the things, mind – is finding out that not only is Alex coming back, but he's shifting next door.'

‘Next door to
you
?'

‘Yep. Right next door.'

‘You're
kidding
!'

‘No, I'm not. I was really upset at first, but now I'm getting rather used to the idea. But the worst is that he doesn't know. He asked his sister to buy a house in the area, so she did. Although I'm not sure whether this was
quite
the area he had in mind!'

‘But how did you find out then?'

‘The kids told me. They saw his sister on Monday night, and then I went around to her place to confirm it. Actually, I had a lovely time. I haven't seen her in years but I'm going to see more of her now –' I stop talking as a truly horrible thought hits me. ‘Oh my god!'