Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1) (10 page)

My mouth may have been hanging open by that point, and if it wasn’t, it soon was when he said what he did next.

“But if you’re feeling even half as much as what I am, then you’ll believe me when I say that I’m one hundred percent committed to you. To us. And I know it sounds like bullshit, and I know it’s only been four weeks, but I love this house and as soon as I walked through the door, I could picture you standing here,
us
living here one day. In this house. Together. Maybe?”

His eyes darted rapidly all over my face, and he shrugged his shoulders.

“And if not, if that’s not what you want, ever. Well then, I think this place would be a great investment anyway.”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even breathe. I managed to swallow, but that was just about it.

“I’m not asking you to move in with me. Not yet. It’s too soon. We need to talk to your brother and to make it official. We need to spend some time getting to know each other better. There are a few other things we need to discuss, but, I’m gonna buy this house. I’m gonna buy it, and when and if the time is right, if things work out between me and you, we will turn it into a home . . . Or, I’ll just sell it and make a massive profit.”

His eyes scanned the room while we stood in silence. They finally landed back on me, and I watched his Adam’s apple move in the middle of his throat as he swallowed. He stepped towards me and grabbed hold of the scarf of his that I was wearing, using it to pull me against him

“What d’ya think, Sarah Carter? Am I imagining what’s going on between us or is it real and I’m one of the luckiest blokes around?”

I remained unmoving, except for the pads of my thumbs that brushed over my fingertips in a continuous motion. I looked up into his light blue eyes and with fear, excitement and exhilaration causing my heart to beat hard in my chest, I replied.

“I . . . yes. One day at a time, but I’m in. I’m all in.”

He picked me up and sat me on the worktop so he could stand between my legs.

“Fuck, Sarah, I want you so bad.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I made you wait,”

“
Made
me wait? As in, that’s what you
were
doing, in the past, but now you’re
not
in the present making me wait?”

“I think the answer to that is yes. I think, but I have no clue really if what you just said made any sense. Am I making sense?”

“No clue, but I heard a yes, and that’s good enough for me, pretty girl.”

He lifted me down off the work top and led me out of the house, pulling his phone from his pocket as we walked back to the car he’d purchased that week from the Jaguar dealership I worked at.

I got in and left him standing outside talking on his phone. He’d left his scarf around my neck and I breathed in deeply as I wrapped it around my face and nose. Both my head and my heart were pounding, and I tried to calm myself as I observed him pacing in front of the car while he spoke. He ended his call and then stood and stared back at the house for a few long minutes. Was he already regretting what he’d asked me?

He climbed in and started the car. I was expecting silence, instead he said, “I’ve made an offer, the agent will get back to me as soon as he hears from the bank, which probably won’t be till Monday. In the meantime, I have a little surprise for you.”

I wasn’t actually sure if my heart, or my head for that matter, could take any more surprises, but I still asked, “A little surprise? As opposed to a surprise that’s the size of a house?”

I noticed him flinch slightly. He tilted his head to the side, which I’d learnt in the short time we’d known each other meant he was thinking about how to word something.

“If I say anything, it’s not gonna be a surprise, so I’ll say nothing, and that way, it’ll still be a surprise.”

Again, he wasn’t making much sense, so I sat back in my seat and remained silent, too scared to even ask any more questions. Lost in my own thoughts over what he’d just admitted to feeling for me and where he saw our relationship going, I was surprised when ten minutes later we turned into the estate I lived on.

“We going to mine?”

Liam swung the car into a parking spot in front of the mews apartments opposite my house.

“You’ll get in trouble parking here, they’re designated spots.” I warned him.

“No worries, I’ve got it covered.”

He grabbed my hand, led me to a communal doorway, and tapped in a number on the entry pad.

I remained silent, again, too afraid to ask what he was up to.

We walked up a flight of stairs and then along a quiet hallway, passing doors on either side, stopping when we reached the door at the very end and couldn’t walk any farther. Liam pulled out a key and let himself in. I remained outside as he flicked on the lights.

“C’mon, Sares, why you standing there?”

“What are you doing?” I whispered.

“Get in here, and I’ll tell ya. Why you whispering?”

Coz I felt like a fucking burglar, that was why I was whispering. I took a step inside and stopped. It was as far as I was prepared to go.

Liam had other ideas, he yanked me by his scarf and pulled me forward, switching on lights as he went.

The place was small but airy. Two bedrooms, one looking like it had an en suit. There were also a main bathroom, separate toilet, and then a large, open-plan kitchen, dining, and living area. Aside from some boxes sitting on the kitchen worktop, the place was empty.

“Why are we here?”

“Why are you still whispering? We’re not robbing the place.”

“Good, coz it looks like someone got here before us.”

He finally turned around and looked at me, his blue eyes were shining as a mischievous grin lit up his face.

“It’s mine. I’ve taken out a six-month lease on it, just while the other place goes through and we decide what to do with it.”

“
Here
? You’re renting a place
here
, right opposite
me
?”

He nodded, still grinning.

“Yep, in fact, come and look at this.” Once again grabbing his scarf and dragging me behind him, he moved into the main bedroom and stopped in front of the window.

“That’s my bedroom!” I almost shouted. How the fuck was I supposed to sleep at night knowing he’d be lying here while I was lying there?

“Yes it is. Just think, you can flash your boobs to me before I climb into bed each night, and I can go to sleep happy.” I looked at him with my eyebrows raised. “Or not, if that’s not your thing.”

I looked around the room and realised there was a bed, which was already made. I pointed at it, but before I could speak, he added, “I picked up the keys Wednesday and had this delivered yesterday morning. I bought the doona and Manchester to put on it from the bed shop and brought them back here, washed and dried them, and then put them on the bed after it was delivered and made up yesterday.”

“What’s a doona? Manchester is bedding, right? You already have a washing machine and drier?”

He smiled before pulling me into him and wrapping his arms around me.

“A doona is a quilt or duvet. Yes, Manchester is bedding, and yes I have a washer and a dryer, they’re built into the kitchen, hidden by the cupboards, there’s no separate laundry. Next question?”

I scratched my head and gave a small laugh. “Well, don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not a man of action, babe.”

He kissed up the side of my neck, along my jaw, and over my chin until his lips found mine.

“Never had any complaints yet, pretty girl, and I don’t plan on getting them from you, ever.”

“What about your creepy stalkerish tendencies? You ever had any complaints about them?”

He stopped exploring my throat with his tongue and looked at me. He licked his lips, and for the first time since meeting him, I swore I glimpsed a moment of self-doubt flash across his face. I felt bad for it, although really, it
was
all a little bit too much, too fast. How was I not supposed to be overwhelmed?

“Too much?” he questioned.

“Which bit?”

“Everything. All of it. Me, the house, renting this place?”

I was silent for a few moments. It
was
too much, but it
was
exciting too. So far we’d gotten along great, but we’d still not even had sex. What if I was shit at it? What if I dove into this and it all fell apart? I’d never had my heart broken, simply because I’d never allowed anyone to get close enough to break it.

Until him.

Until Liam Delaney.

“I’m just a little overwhelmed. You’ve given me a lot to think about in a very short few hours.”

He stepped back and leant against the bedroom wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He was wearing a chunky cardigan and a beanie on his head, which was a bit different and refreshing from what blokes normally wore around here. It wasn’t quirky, just different, and it was just another thing I added to the list of things that I found attractive about him. It was a growing list. A rapidly growing list.

He shifted his position, buried his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and looked around the room.

“Liam. I like you.” My mouth filled with saliva, I swallowed a couple of times in succession and wondered for a few seconds if I was actually gonna throw up. Situations like this, feelings, emotions, coupledom, they were all new to me.

“I like you a lot, but please try to understand, I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. I had a boyfriend for three months when I was eighteen and just starting college, and that’s about it.
One
boyfriend.
Ever.
”

He kept staring down at the carpet, still avoiding making eye contact with me.

“I’ve been out on dates, but I can count on one hand the men that I’ve seen more than once or twice. I don’t think I saw any of them more than three times.”

“I really don’t need to hear the low-down on your sex life.” He spoke, but he still didn’t look at me.

“I’m not giving you the low-down on my sex life. I don’t have a sex life,” I snapped.

Now it was time for
me
to lean back against the window sill and cross
my
arms in a defensive pose. His eyes finally met mine. I’d never seen him look more serious. His eyebrows were drawn together in a deep frown, causing lines to appear on his forehead.

“Wha’d’ya mean you don’t have a sex life? You’ve had a sex life, though? You’ve had sex before, haven’t ya?”

Yeah I’d had sex, but not nearly as often or with as many people as I was apparently expected to have had sex with.

I recalled the conversation I’d overhead Nan and Luke having about me years ago and wondered again, exactly how much Liam knew about my past, about my mother.

“Sarah?”

Good thing the only light in the room was shining in from the hallway and the street light outside, because my cheeks were on fire, and I didn’t want anyone having to bear witness to my absolute embarrassment.

I didn’t know
why
I was embarrassed to tell him the number of men I’d
not
had sex with. It wasn’t something I
should’ve
been ashamed of, and I wondered if I would have been embarrassed to admit my number if I
had
been the kind of girl that slept around. Maybe I would have openly, happily, and without an ounce of regret admitted to sleeping with ten, twenty, or thirty men. What number constituted as “high” anyway? I had no clue—but what I did know, what I was acutely aware of, was that my number was low, very low.

“Yes, I’ve had sex.”

He let out a grunt of relief. I thought back to the amount of blood involved when Darren popped my cherry and assumed that dealing with virgins was obviously too messy for his taste.

Anger bubbled in my chest. I wasn’t sure why. Him not wanting to deal with messy virgins, my self-imposed celibacy, those bloody hormones again? I had no clue.

“Twice,” I added. Thinking that he would be relieved to know that no blood would be involved if we did ever finally get to fuck. His eyebrows shot up and then pulled down into a frown almost within the same second.

“Twice?” he questioned, crossing his arms back over his chest.

“Yes twice. Two different men, but twice, ever.”

“Yeah, yeah. Twice, I’m getting it. Fucking hell, you’re practically a virgin . . . ish.”

“There’s no ‘ish’ when it comes to virginity. That cherry is either popped or it’s not. Although, if the second bloke had been my first, technically I think I would still be carrying my V card.”

“Yeah, I don’t need to know that kinda information, Sares, like, not ever, if that’s all right with you?”

“Oh, I’m more than happy to never speak about my sex life, or lack thereof, with you or anyone else on this planet again, ever.”

He pushed his hands back down into the pockets of his jeans and stepped towards me.