Authors: Vonna Harper

Tags: #Man-Woman Relationships, #Ranchers, #Paranormal, #General, #Romance, #Erotic Fiction, #Erotica, #Fiction, #Love Stories

Spirit of the Wolf (23 page)

BOOK: Spirit of the Wolf

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Silent, Helaku released her hand, got to his feet, and joined Matt. Together they faced the window, and the old man placed his arm around Matt’s shoulder as best he could given the difference in their height.

“You can’t hide,” he muttered. “You must open yourself to the truth.”

A
re you ready for this?

“Are you ready for this?”

Startled because Cat had voiced the question he’d just asked himself, Matt loosened his hold on the reins and gave the gelding under him his head in preparation for the final climb to Grizzly’s Home, as he now thought of it.

“I don’t have a choice.” Looking at her for the first time since they’d left the horse trailer on the desert floor below them, he noted how tired she looked. The day had been hell on her, on both of them, and it wasn’t over.

“I’m sorry,” he continued. “I should have waited until tomorrow, let you get some sleep first.”

On the tail of a rueful look, she rubbed her right eye. “It’s better this way.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Less time for either of us to back out.”

In a few minutes they’d reach the spot where she’d left her horse before when she came to Grizzly’s Home. He didn’t know how long the on-foot hike would take and refused to speculate on whether they’d be back at her place before dark. She was right. Today might represent the limits of his courage.

And hers.

In truth, a large chunk of him wanted her to bail while they were still on horseback. He might be willing to risk his life seeking answers. He had no right asking her to do the same.

“You don’t have to do it this way,” she said after several silent moments. “Come here in an attempt to get Matichu to reveal himself to you, I mean. Give him time. We both know he was outside Helaku’s place. A little more patience on our parts and he might have shown himself.”

About to tell Cat that something of Matichu’s spirit-force was already in the wind, he decided not to because the words might tip him over the edge and strip courage from him. Reminding himself that, as a boy, he’d had the strength to ride to his father’s camp knowing what he’d find, he squared his shoulders.

If he survived today, he hoped he could spend tonight in Cat’s bed. That’s what he’d use to keep him going. To face the truth Helaku had hinted at.

“Matichu and today’s wolf pack are united in some way,” he said. “Interdependent maybe.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then what?”

She drew her mare to a stop and dismounted before looking up at him. “I’m thinking about the petroglyph. The way the wolves regarded Matichu makes me believe they saw him as their alpha. Maybe their spirit leader.”

Years ago his father had put his own spin on Native American beliefs. Matt had lost sight of what was based on tradition and what came out of Kaga’s scrambled mind. “The drawing could be symbolic. Not . . . Hell, I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.” Truth was, his own sanity felt as if it were slipping through his fingers. Maybe the only way of holding on to it, at least briefly, was by losing himself in Cat’s body.

Not that he could now.

“Neither do I.” She handed him the barest smile. It carved a path to his under-siege soul. “One thing I keep thinking—are you going to get down?”

Her question reminded him that he was still on horseback. Reaching the ground, he measured the distance between them. Too close and too far apart. “What are you thinking?”

She ran her hand down her braid to remind him of what it looked like loose and feminine. Sex. Quick and hard. Energy given and taken for what lay ahead.

“If Matichu wanted us dead,” she said, “he would have already done it.”

“How? He isn’t flesh and blood, is he?”

Suddenly looking nearly as old as Helaku, she shook her head. “I don’t know. He sure isn’t smoke and mirrors. If you’re right about what happened to Santo . . . and what about Beale and those women hikers? Matichu’s hand was in that.”

“Maybe that’s why we’re here.”

Instead of responding, Cat took a halter and rope out of her saddlebag. After exchanging her mare’s bridle for the halter, she tied the horse to a bush. “Better do the same,” she said.

Her suggestion got him going again. His intention, such as it was, was to walk to the cave and, if Matichu didn’t stop him, crawl into the dark space and experience it firsthand. However, going by the air’s heavy feel here, he wondered if he might not get that far.

“You’re carrying the knife,” Cat said. “I’m surprised you’ve held on to it all these years.”

So was he, but every time he tried to get rid of it, he couldn’t. Yes, the blade had ended his father’s life, but it represented the only connection he still had with Kaga. Forgoing an attempt to explain, he took the lead on the deer trail. The sun was low in the sky with whispers of a cool night in the shadows. Behind him, Cat’s boots made barely perceptible sounds. Once—if—this was over, he’d tell her how much he admired her courage.

Watching Matt’s ass and the backs of his legs, to say nothing of his shoulders and lean waist, stood between Cat and what this afternoon was about. Living in central Oregon had introduced her to strong, resourceful, and brave men. She understood the courage it took to wrestle out a living here with the weather acting as one enemy and isolation another. Over the past few days with Matt, she’d come to understand strength’s deeper layers.

In his own way, Matt was the alpha wolf.

What, then, did that make her?

Matt hadn’t said anything, but the way he occasionally stopped and lifted his head as if testing the air told her that he, too, was aware of the weight, warmth, and warning on the breeze.

They’d soon reach the cave entrance, get down on their hands and knees, and crawl into darkness. They’d share their time with old petroglyphs, and the drawings would become more than images on photo paper for him.

And maybe Matichu would join them.

Wiping her sweating hands on her hips, Cat faced the possibility. Matichu couldn’t or wouldn’t enter something manmade, but what if nature had created the space?

Is that what you’re waiting for?
she silently asked the beast.
You want to trap us in there? No escaping, Matt’s knife against your fangs?

You don’t understand.

“Ah, shit!” She pressed her hands against the small of Matt’s back.

He whirled toward her. “What is it?”

“In my mind,” she blurted. “Matichu telling me I don’t understand. You didn’t hear him?”

“No.”

Matt withdrew the slender blade and held it in front of him. Then he wrapped an arm around her waist. His heat bled into hers. Anticipating more, her pussy tightened.

“Enough!” Matt’s head swiveled one way and then the other. “No more playing this damn game, Matichu. What the hell do you want?”

Nerve endings scraped raw by Matt’s closeness snapped. Even before she looked toward the cave, she knew what she was going to see. Beside her, Matt tensed.

Matichu, or Ghost Wolf, stood above them surrounded by dull black lava. His rich coat had picked up the lava’s darker hue as had his eyes. In contrast, she’d never seen anything as white as his exposed fangs. It had to be his higher elevation but she half believed he was even larger than the other times she’d seen him.

She wasn’t afraid. She’d come too far and waited too long for anything except the sense of a necessary task accomplished. Sucking in a long breath, Matt turned them so they faced Matichu head-on.

“Finally,” Matt said.

Yes, finally.

In all her years of being around horses, she’d never seen anything as awe-inspiring as the world’s largest wolf. Her earlier look at him didn’t lessen the impact.

“You were waiting for us?” Matt asked.

I came with you. You sensed me at the old man’s place. Don’t tell me you didn’t.

Matt’s hold on her waist let up a little, maybe so he’d be ready to spring into action. “I have no intention of doing that. Why did you wait so long to materialize? You could have at Helaku’s house.”

This is better.

It was, Cat admitted. This confrontation or whatever it was should take place on ancient Paiute land and among the three of them.

“Why have you been stalking me?” Matt demanded. “And trying to crawl inside me?”

Matichu lowered his head a little.
Don’t call it stalking. I didn’t attack you the way I did the boy.

“His name is Beale. You nearly killed him, damn it. You sure as hell traumatized him.”

In part so you’d know.

“Ah, shit,” Matt muttered, so low she wondered if the
wolf
could hear. “He was a substitute for me?”

The pack attacked him, not me.

“They didn’t do it on their own.” Her calm voice surprised her. “You were behind the attack. You commanded the pack to—”

I needed to test my power over them.

“Goddamn it.” Releasing her, Matt positioned himself between Matichu and her. By stepping to the side, she was able to keep an eye on the wolf while studying Matt’s tense profile. “By compelling them to nearly kill an innocent man? Don’t you get it? As a result, there are idiots out there determined to blast the pack out of existence.”

I won’t let it happen.

“How? By waging war between wolves and humans? Wolves lost in the past. They will again.”

There didn’t have to be war. Done right, man could find a way to coexist with the predators, but that would happen only if Matichu allowed the wolves to conduct themselves as nature designed.

“All right, all right.” She roughly ran her fingers down the side of her neck. “There’s something . . . What you said about testing your control over the wolves—this is a new experience for you?”

“What are you talking about?” Matt said without looking back at her.

“I’m not sure. Trying to think things through. You’ve been here a long time, haven’t you, Matichu? Centuries. Ancient Paiutes worshipped and revered you. Maybe they were afraid of you. If you controlled the wolves that once lived here as you’re doing with the newcomers, I can understand why Paiutes created the drawings they did. They’d do whatever they could to keep you on their side.”

Matichu had lowered himself onto his haunches while she was talking. If his cocked head was any indication, he was listening to her every word. Matt’s strong back told her the same thing.

“You
are
one of a kind. Unique. Solitary,” she said in little more than a whisper. “You keep yourself separate from humans because you have little in common with them while the wolves . . . they’re the closest thing you have to family.”

You’re wrong.

C
onfused, Cat rubbed her right temple. “What? Is there something the petroglyph didn’t show?”

“Okay,” Matt broke in before Matichu could respond, if he’d been going to, “so you tested your power over the relocated wolves by having them attack Beale and later by scaring those women hikers. What about the wild dogs? The pack killed two of them, but was it their idea or done under your command?”

The pack’s. The dogs were competition for food, pitiful competition.

Matt hadn’t mentioned dead dogs, but given everything that had happened lately, she wasn’t surprised. The tension swirling around the three of them had her nerves on high alert. Strangely, much more stimulation and she’d climax just standing here.

A faint but sharp sound alerted her to movement from Matt. He’d started walking toward Matichu.

“Don’t!” Springing after him, she tightly wrapped her arms around his waist. Still, if he wanted, he could easily shake her off. “Matt, don’t risk—”

“What about Santo?” Matt demanded of the now-standing great wolf. “That
had
to be you. He died before the wolves arrived.”

I hated him.

For a moment Cat believed Matt was going to attack Matichu. His body vibrated and a primal scent emanated from him. “Why?” he spat out.

Because of you.

“Me?”

You loved him.

“Oh, God,” she heard herself say as a thought struck her. It was impossible, wasn’t it? And yet... “Why does anything in Matt’s life matter to you?” she asked, nibbling at the edges of what was opening up inside her. “Like I said, you’re a solitary creature. A guide for the old Paiutes. Your role is—was—to help them connect with the spirit world. Isn’t that enough?”

“The old Paiutes are gone,” Matt said, with his back still to her and his tone now rough. “The wolves had been killed. That left Matichu with nothing. No one. Decades of loneliness.”

For the first time, Matt sounded sympathetic toward Matichu, but that wouldn’t last once his thoughts returned to Matichu’s role in Santo’s death. Praying she could keep him calm while opening what might be a massive Pandora’s box, she touched her lips to the back of his neck. He started but still didn’t acknowledge her.

“I’m sorry for you,” she told Matichu, meaning it. “I didn’t have much in the way of parents. Matt didn’t have a mother and his father—”

I know.

Matt hadn’t lived around here when his father was alive. Maybe Matichu had overheard her and Addie talking and then Matt telling her about finding his father’s body, and maybe the Pandora’s box’s lid was about to open.

“I’m trying to understand,” Matt said when it felt as if the silence had gone on forever. “What was the period after whites arrived like? You entered in a kind of limbo when the old ways ended? Maybe you went into hibernation until the wolves returned. No, that’s not right. You were awake—is that the right word?—when you killed Santo.”

I didn’t kill him. I revealed myself to him. Tried to speak. His foolish horse panicked.

“I’m sure it did. And Santo, he was desperately trying to comprehend what he was seeing. By the time he started to regain control over the horse, it was too late.”

Unlike a little while ago, anger didn’t rule Matt’s voice. He hadn’t forgiven Matichu, but maybe he’d set hatred aside while trying to understand what she already comprehended?

What happened happened.

“In other words, Santo’s death and the impact on those who loved him doesn’t matter to you.”

You have no idea what I’ve endured. You speak of hibernation. My soul shattered when a bullet struck the last wolf and the old Paiutes died and their children stopped coming to Grizzly’s Home. When they forgot about me.

Tears blurred Cat’s vision. Was it possible to be numb with disbelief while at the same time being locked into the creature’s every word?

“Your soul died?” she managed, feeling she had no choice but to forge ahead. “But it, or something, is alive now. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Matichu’s great head lifted, and he stared at the sky.
So many seasons of nothing, of waiting, needing.

“Waiting for what?” Matt asked.

Looking as if he’d long been wanting to have someone to speak to, Matichu nodded.
A way to become real again. To feel. To care. To connect with something.

Matt tensed. “How did that happen?”

There was a soul, a broken spirit in need of a home. We came together.

Knowing what was coming didn’t stop the shock from slamming into Cat. Matt gasped and the knife he’d been holding clattered to the ground.

You understand.

She did, barely, but this wasn’t for her to say. Only her lover, her man, could speak the words.

“Whose soul, Matichu?” Matt demanded in the deepest tone she’d ever heard from him. “Or should I call you Kaga?”

You understand.

“I’m trying.”

Reaching behind him, Matt dragged her to his side. Her boot brushed the knife that Kaga had killed himself with but that would be useless against Matichu, not that she wanted the savage and complex creature dead.

“When did the coming together happen?” she asked. “The connection with Kaga’s soul.” Was she really asking this? “How? He’s been dead for years.”

A fine tremor ran through Matt, prompting her to pray for a way to protect him from the incomprehensible reality. Matichu glared.

A lost soul simply is. It has no age. It floats here and there looking for a place to belong.

“And my father’s soul came to this area because that’s where I am.”

Everything was so complex, a vast amount of information that boiled down to one thing. Matichu and Kaga had become one.

And because I wanted to reside in a spirit wolf’s body.

“You?” Cat blurted. “Who is talking now, the wolf or the man?”

Both.

“Oh, shit,” Matt breathed. He drew her to his side and kissed her.

Don’t do that!

“Don’t do what?” Matt demanded while she stared at Matichu’s newly bared teeth.

Give yourself to her. You belong to me.

Now it was her turn to mutter, “Oh, shit.” She should have seen this coming. Of course Matichu / Kaga wanted Matt to himself.

“You’re wrong. I don’t belong to you.”

Struck by Matt’s apparent calmness in contrast to everything she was feeling, she flattened a hand over his chest.

Stop! You have no right to him.
Wolf eyes narrowed. The creature stepped toward them.

Reaching down, Matt snagged the knife and pointed it toward Matichu. “Dad, I forgave you for using my gift to you to get yourself out of the hell you were in. I’ve never known why I kept it, but now I do.” He squared his shoulders. “If I use it on myself, you’ll have nothing. Unlike your soul, mine would end.”

Matt wasn’t contemplating committing suicide; she’d never believe that. But what remained of his father might not know.

“I don’t understand what happened,” Matt continued. “I’m not sure either of you do. All we know is somehow Matichu and Kaga became one. What was it, Matichu? Suddenly you felt alive again?”

We awakened slowly, pieces at a time. You were here, growing up, becoming a man. We absorbed your energy. And when you met her and sex became everything, we took some of that heat.

“Matt,” she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“For what? We didn’t know what was happening.” Again he turned his attention to the great wolf.

“You’re right. Matichu, when you went after Santo, did you know the wolves were returning?”

I will not speak to you. Matt belongs to me, not you.
Fangs again exposed, Matichu crouched. His powerful muscles tensed.

“Stop it!” Pushing her behind him, Matt stepped toward the beast. He now held the knife in both hands. “She’s my future, not you. You can’t claim me. Do you get it? You can’t!”

If she’s dead—

“Then you’ll have killed me. Dad, I lost you years before you ended your misery, so I know what loss feels like. I can’t do it again. I won’t.”

Matichu’s muzzle wrinkled, making her think he was trying to pull in Matt’s and her scents. Even with fear engulfing her, she remained aware of the arousal caused by Matt’s presence.

I’m not crazy anymore, son. My mind’s clear. I need you in my life.

A tear trickled down her right cheek. She didn’t bother to brush it away. “Of course you do,” she muttered. “But your son is a man with his own life. You have to let him live it.”

Matichu—or was Kaga responsible?—extended a paw, only to draw it back. His ebony eyes glittered.

“She’s right, Dad.” Something, tears probably, clogged Matt’s throat. “Everything has changed for both of us. You’re in a predator’s body, so I understand your impulses. I’m . . . I’m trying to forgive you and Matichu for what happened to Santo. If I do, will you forgive me for not being able to save you?” He ran his thumb and forefinger down the knife’s broad sides.

You are my son. I would never fault you. My madness was beyond your comprehension. And mine too.

The beast was crying. Seeing his tears nearly dropped her to her knees. Whatever happened next was between Matt and his father—and Matichu.

“We have today,” Matt said, “and tomorrow. The past is over. Do you understand?”

Knowing how important the past was for both Kaga and Matichu, she was surprised when the creature nodded.

“You want us to have a relationship,” Matt continued. “So do I, but not if it’s ruled by predator actions.”

What do you mean?

“No more commanding the wolf pack to attack or stalk humans.”

“He’s right,” she said, even though she’d just again vowed to remain silent. “Wolves’ survival here depends on coexisting peacefully with humans and their animals. Otherwise, it’ll become open season on the pack.”

Maybe she was mistaken, but she thought she saw slow comprehension in the large, dark canine eyes. Some six feet now separated her from Matt, and yet she felt every inch and ounce of him. Wanted him with her whole body.

“She’s right,” Matt said. “What happens to the pack is in your hands—paws. Let them be wolves. They’ll respect the boundaries humans set up.”

Without the wolves I have nothing, unless it’s you.

All right. So Matichu / Kaga didn’t yet accept her. She could live with that, for now.

“Matt,” she said, “the old Paiutes worshipped and depended on Matichu for guidance. What if that happens again?”

“How?”

He’d spun toward her before asking. Looking into eyes that reminded her of the great wolf’s made it nearly impossible for her to go on. Still she knew what she had and wanted to do.

“By starting with Helaku.” She looked at the creature as she spoke. “By bringing him to see and connect with Matichu.”

Matt slid the knife back into its sheath and held out both hands. Still watching Matichu / Kaga, she went to him. One leg went between his and their heat bled together.

“Will you do it?” Matt asked his father and the spirit creature he’d united with. “Show today’s Paiutes yesterday’s wisdom?”

I would love to, yes.

BOOK: Spirit of the Wolf

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