Spirit's Princess (10 page)

I was a little out of breath, but I refused to waste time lingering at the forest’s edge. The cherry trees beckoned. I could see them hugging a gentle curve of the hillside just a little farther away than Aki’s maple grove. I’d walked that far many times, easily, on the path I’d shared with my big brother. Today I’d take a different path: my own.

I kept well away from the edge of the forest as I made my way toward the blossoming hillside. Sometimes I had to ascend the thickly wooded slope to go around places where the trees grew so closely together that my choices were go into the open or go higher up. If I could still see the sparkling water of the rice fields, I climbed, even if I had to pull myself along by clutching trunk after trunk. Other times the earth spread a soft path of lush moss before me, cool and comforting to my bare feet. Birds chirped and twittered from countless hiding spots among the branches of spruce and fir; I smiled to hear them.

I was well out of sight of our fields by the time the sun reached midday. Filled with confidence, I walked in the open along a strip of ground where the grass was new and green. The need for stealth was gone, and the way forward was clear. In next to no time, I was laughing among my lovely cherry trees.

As pleasant as it was to sit under a roof of flower-laden branches, my stay couldn’t last. I’d spent most of the morning reaching this spot and I needed to be home before the sun set, or what would become of me?

At least it won’t take me as long to go back as it took to get here
, I told myself.
There’s no more need to take a hidden trail. I’ve done what I set out to do; it doesn’t matter if someone sees me. I
want
to be seen! Oh, wouldn’t it be perfect if I met Aki on the path and told him what I’ve done, all by myself? Ha! I can do better than tell him
. I stretched out my hand and broke off a small twig thick with delicate pink flowers.
I’ll
show
him!

I imagined how Aki would react, then drifted off into more daydreams where he and Father looked at me with
new eyes. I wouldn’t be Himiko-the-good-girl anymore, but something better: Himiko-the-strong, Himiko-the-self-reliant, Himiko-the-free! Mama would squawk about it, and both Yukari and Emi would join in, but that wouldn’t matter. In fact, I believed that they were happiest when they had an excuse to fuss.

Best of all, I’d bring my branch of blossoms to our shaman’s doorway and call for her to come out and see what I’d accomplished. Let her try claiming I was an infant then!

A sudden pang in my belly jerked me back into the real world. “Oh!” I said out loud. “I’m hungry.” I’d been so wrapped up in my fantasies that the uncomfortable sensation took me by surprise. Now the insistent rumblings from my stomach demanded attention. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to silence them. I’d set out on my own without pausing to take food or water with me. When Aki used to bring me to the maple grove, he’d taken care of such things. If I grew hungry or thirsty, rice balls and water were simply
there
for me, as if by magic. Now my hunger and thirst were no one’s problem but mine.

I started down the hillside, grumbling. Why had I rushed out of our village so impulsively? I knew where I was going, so why hadn’t I taken a little time to provide food and drink for my journey, even though it wasn’t anywhere near as long as the wolf hunt that Father and my brothers were—?

The wolf hunt
. A sharp awareness made me stop short.
I forgot about the wolves! I’m out here alone, I can’t run, I can’t climb out of harm’s way, I didn’t even think to bring a knife, and there are wolves roaming these mountains!
I covered my mouth with one
hand, stifling a gasp of dread, and fought back the avalanche of panicky thoughts cascading over me.
What can I do? What can I do?

I closed my eyes and, without thinking, began to pray to the spirits for help and mercy. When I realized what I was doing, I shook my head forcefully, as if that could free me from them.
Why am I doing such a silly thing?
I thought.
Silly and useless! If the spirits were ever there for us, why did they let me fall from the pine? Why did they give me a crooked leg and steal my dream of dancing? Why did they refuse to save my baby brothers? I brought myself here, and I can bring myself safely home again. I will!

Anger crushed my wild fears of encountering the wolf pack and let me steady myself. “Aki said the beasts ran off toward Cypress Mountain. That’s all the way on the other side of our village, nowhere near me!” I said out loud. The sound of a human voice, even if it was just mine, was a great comfort in the forest solitude. Holding my branch of cherry blossoms, I walked on.

The way home should have been faster and simpler than my path to the flowery hillside. There was no longer any need to worry about being discovered by one of my kinsmen. To tell the truth, I would have welcomed running into someone from our village, especially if he was carrying a clay flask of water. I was so thirsty! Finding food could wait, no matter how loudly my empty belly complained, but my parched throat refused to let me delay searching for something to drink.

I remembered seeing a narrow mountain stream on my way from the village. I’d come across it not too long before
I reached the maple grove. It wasn’t much more than a trickle of water running among smooth black and gray rocks, but it would be enough to soothe my thirst. I wished I’d paid attention to the direction of the little stream as it followed its downhill course, but because it lay in my path, I’d only concentrated on getting to the other side without falling.

Aki’s voice spoke in my memories from a time when he was entertaining me with tales of his exploits as a hunter:
“Up in the mountains, streams, creeks, and young rivers can play tricks on you, Little Sister. One moment they’re in plain sight, the next they hide themselves behind a wall of trees, or lose themselves in a tangle of rocks or roots or undergrowth, or dive beneath the earth itself. Water can be the most elusive prey of all.”

Maybe so
, I thought.
But I
will
find it
.

I wish it had been that effortless! If confidence had magical power, I’d have found the stream only a stone’s throw from where I stood, but that wasn’t how things happened. I had to try retracing my steps, which wasn’t easy. There were places where my feet left clear prints over crushed moss, but others where the thick layer of fallen leaves and pine needles made it impossible to tell if that had been my path. I trudged on, sometimes hopeful, sometimes discouraged, and always growing more and more weary. If I saw a spot farther up the mountain where the trees grew more sparsely, I climbed, seeking a better view. If I heard a loud rustling in the brush ahead of me, I spun around and fled, imagining it was the sound of a wild boar, or a bear, or a even a mountain ogre!

In the end, I did find water, though it wasn’t the shallow
stream I’d been seeking. As I emerged from yet another thicket of evergreens, I saw the most beautiful sight: a foaming waterfall plunging from a low ledge into a stone basin. The sound of those rushing waters was sweeter than any song. I’d heard it calling to me while I was still threading a path through the pines, but believed it was no more than wishful thinking. How glad I was to see that it was real! I sank gratefully to my knees beside the shining pool, laid my branch of cherry blossoms to one side, and scooped up handful after handful of cool relief, drinking until my stomach felt ready to burst. I splashed water over my face and laughed with joy at the welcome touch of the stray breeze that dried my skin. I didn’t think I could ever feel happier.

As I wiped the last few droplets from my eyes, I saw a thick clump of mushrooms growing at the foot of a pine tree even larger than our clan’s guardian. When Aki brought me to the maple grove, he often pointed out such plants before gathering them to bring home. “Look closely, Himiko,” he said, holding one less than a finger’s length from my eyes. “Remember what it looks like. Not all mushrooms are good to eat—some can make you sick, some can even kill you—but these are delicious.”

I was almost certain that the pine tree mushrooms were the same kind Aki said were good to eat. I picked one and washed the dirt from its base before studying it closely, inhaling its woodsy fragrance, and popping it into my mouth. The rich taste reminded me of how hungry I was. I began to devour the mushrooms until I hadn’t left a single one standing. How good they tasted! When I was done, I leaned against the pine tree and sighed, content. My belly was full,
my legs were tired, the sound of the waterfall was lulling, and my eyelids began to grow heavy. Without meaning to, I was soon fast asleep.

I woke up to the light of stars peeping through the tree branches and the weak glimmer of a crescent moon.
What a funny dream this is
, I thought just before I realized that it was no dream. I scrambled to my feet and stood swaying as reality struck hard.
No! Oh no! This isn’t happening. I can’t be
—I let out a little moan of fear, which was swept away by the tumbling stream.
What do I do now?

I stood there for some time, my blood pounding in my ears louder than the rumble of the waterfall. I could hardly breathe. Then, little by little, a strange sense of calm crept along my bones.
Why am I standing here like a lump of clay?
I thought as my eyes grew more and more accustomed to the meager light.
What good does it do? Being too scared to move won’t help me. I need to think. I need to remember more of what Aki told me about the mountains. I’ll never be a hunter, but for now I need to have a hunter’s skills if I’m going to find my way home
.

I inhaled deeply and filled my body with the breath of the forest. The familiar sweetness of the evergreens steadied me. I looked to the pool beneath the waterfall and saw how it slipped over its bank at one point, becoming a thin stream that glittered by starlight.
Maybe this is where our clan’s water comes from
, I thought.
If I follow it, it will bring me to our fields
. I paused long enough to pick up the flowering branch I’d plucked from the stand of cherry trees and set out.

It was a hard road. The streamlet I followed played cruel games with me, snaking through places where the trees grew so massive that they blocked all sight of the sky.
In that intense darkness, I couldn’t rely on my eyes. Instead, I had to bend down to catch the slightest whisper of running water to guide me. There were also places where the stream split into two paths and I had to choose which one seemed more likely to lead me home. I chose badly, coming to a spot where the trail stopped and the water seeped into the ground. Retracing my steps took me over the same rocky ground twice, except now I was going uphill. I made a misstep and tumbled hard, scraping my arms on the stones as I broke my fall. I began to cry.

Stop that!
I told myself sternly.
It’s useless. You’re wasting time. Get up! Go!
But I cried anyway, and felt a little better. At least the sound of my sobs filled the silence for a while.

I think that I must have tired myself out again, blundering through the woods that night. I remember waking up a second time, though I had no memory of falling asleep. The sunlit morning mists found me curled up in a hollow at the roots of a great yew tree, my head cradled on one arm, my free hand clutching the cherry branch. When I sat up, I saw a scattering of pink petals on the moss. Only a few flowers still clung to their twigs.

“Ugh, look at that!” I announced in disgust to no one but myself. “It’s ruined. If I don’t get home soon, all I’ll have to show Aki and Lady Yama is a
stick
. And what will that prove?” I stood up, shaking dirt and dead needles from my clothes. I’d gotten my long-ago wish for a more vivid garment: there was hardly a spot of white fabric to be seen on my tunic, now streaked with all the colors of the forest floor.

I soon saw that I had a worse problem than the condition of my trophy branch. As keenly as I searched, I couldn’t
find even a trickle of water anywhere near the place where I’d spent the last of the night. Sunbeams striped the trees, birdsong trilled through the countless shades of green surrounding me, brilliantly hued beetles lumbered past my feet, but the stream I’d followed, lost, and followed again was gone.

I closed my eyes and sighed. “It’s all right,” I said aloud, to keep my hopes up. “I don’t need the stream to help me find my way. Our village and our fields lie at the foot of the mountain. All I have to do is head down and I’ll find them. I’ll be home before the sun sets.”

I believed what I said; I had to, or lose heart. Starting down the slope, I pictured our house. Mama would be half mad with worry—I felt terribly guilty about that—but I was sure that once she had me in her arms, she’d forget everything except welcoming me home. As the youngest wife, Yukari would probably be sent to fetch water for my bath while Emi would carry off my clothes and give them a good washing. My mouth watered at the thought of the fresh, hot rice I’d eat, topped with the nicest leftover bits of the dried fish that had seen us through the winter.

My stomach growled. I was hungry again, and this time there were no mushrooms along my path, nor anything else that looked edible. I scanned the trees, hoping to spy a bird’s nest on a low-hanging branch. A few tiny raw eggs would be better than nothing, but nothing was all I found.

My downward route was not a clear road. At one point, the slope before me was covered with what looked like a wide river of rocks, a place where the earth farther up the mountain had slipped and brought down a tangle of young
trees and loose stones. I lost my footing trying to cross it and landed badly, on my weak leg. My cry of pain echoed hollowly through the trees. Shaken, I stayed where I’d landed for a long time, though in the end I had to reclaim the pitiful remains of my shattered self-confidence and get moving. I crawled back up the slope rather than risk another fall while trying to ford the rock slide. What if I broke a bone again? I wouldn’t be able to move at all, and then what would become of me? I had no one to help me. The full, dreadful impact of how alone I was chilled my heart. I gulped hard to hold back my tears.