Spirit's Princess (41 page)

I swayed, clutching my wand and the pine twig with both hands, as though an abyss had opened under my feet and those two slender bits of wood were the branch I clung to in order to pull myself clear of disaster. I heard a hoarse, rushing sound in my ears and startled when I realized it was the sound of my own breathing.

Fail … fail … fail …

No
.

I heard a voice that wasn’t mine, wasn’t Michio’s, a voice that wasn’t a voice at all. I sensed it as I’d always sensed
the nearness of the spirits, a force as real as anything I knew. I looked down and saw the full moon shimmering over the surface of the living water in my clay bowl, and just below that glimmering circle of light, my amulet. The dragon stone that had burned for me since the day I was born added golden ripples to the moon’s brightness, and at the stone’s heart, I thought I saw a gateway open, waiting for me to step through.

I lifted one foot, set it down, made a sweeping gesture with my arms, and began to dance.

How long did I dance for the gods and to honor Yama’s spirit? It felt like forever, but when I stopped at last, there was still the lingering trace of daylight in the sky. I sank to my knees and raised my face to the first stars. The moon’s crescent smiled at me.

The moon’s
crescent
? Then why had I seen the gleaming white disk of a full moon bathed in the water of my humble clay bowl? I gave a little cry of astonishment and scooped out my amulet, pressing it to my chest with dripping fingers. What had happened here, in the mystic time between day and night, in the realm of change between light and darkness? I was left breathless, awestruck, and afraid.

Michio’s strong hand fell on my shoulder. “That was wonderful, Himiko. For a while, I thought you’d lost courage, but then—! I know it wasn’t easy for you. You must have imagined I’d be appraising your every move. It’s hard to do anything when you believe you’re being watched that closely. Even the simplest task you’ve done countless times becomes overwhelming. You know, if we thought someone was examining us bite for bite when we ate, we’d all starve
to death!” His laughter was as welcome as cool water under the blazing summer sun.

“You think I did well?” I asked.

“Tsk. Have you forgotten, my friend? My opinion has nothing to do with it. Yours is all that matters. So!
Did
you do well?”

“I—”

“She did
not
!” A monstrous, unearthly shape showed itself from around the corner of Yama’s tomb. Twilight outlined a hulking body with two heads, a deformed and hideous
oni
come to life out of legend, a grotesque apparition from our worst nightmares. Its roar was so loud I was surprised that the earth didn’t rock under the impact of all that wrath. “She did not do well at all, and
you
, shaman—? You did
evil
. Let the gods witness your treachery, Master Michio.
You
urged her on to defy me like this. I’ll have you dragged before all the nobles of our clan for judgment, I’ll see to it that you carry the blame, and I’ll take joy in witnessing your punishment!”

If that well-known voice didn’t immediately banish the illusion of a two-headed mountain ogre, the next moment did: I peered into the dusk and saw my father’s ragedistorted face side by side with Aki’s grieving one. “Put me down,” Father snapped in my brother’s ear. “I might not be able to walk, but I can stand. Put me down
now
.”

Aki obeyed. He’d been carrying Father on his back and now let him slip off. Father flinched visibly as soon as his feet touched the ground, but when Aki offered him a supporting arm, he slapped it away. “I said I can
stand
! Does no one listen to me? Am I
dead
?”

“Father, don’t say such things,” Aki murmured. “Not here.”

“Why not? We can just have your precious sister shoo away any ill-natured spirits. Hasn’t she got power over the dead? Can’t she summon and dismiss them with a single word?” He teetered badly, struggling to stay steady on one foot alone while he ranted on. “Be careful to treat her with respect, my son! Better yet, with
fear
. You don’t want to cross her. She’ll call up a host of hungry ghosts to destroy you if you say one wrong word to her, or even if you say nothing at all!” He lost his balance and toppled into the side of Yama’s tomb.

I rushed to help him up, but he jerked his arm away and grimly motioned for my brother to attend him. Michio remained where he was through all this, silently watching and waiting for whatever might come. Aki dropped to one knee and slung Father’s arm around his neck. As the two men rose, my brother softly said, “We were heading back to the village when we heard sounds coming from the burial ground. He insisted we investigate. There was an accident this morning, ice on some rocks we were climbing in pursuit of the boars. He slipped and hurt his ankle, maybe broke it. That’s why I’ve been carrying him and why we came home.”

“Home!”
Father exclaimed with bitter irony. “Yes, a fine home
I
have. Nothing but deceit, betrayal, disobedience—” He took a breath and glared at me. “Do your mothers know where you are and what you’re doing?”

I should have been afraid. I should have quivered and shrunk back under the old, familiar assault of Father’s
temper. I should have whimpered and begged for his forgiveness and sworn I was sorry and wouldn’t do such a thing again. I should have offered to sacrifice everything for the sake of pacifying him and buying peace.

But I didn’t. I was done with that. I looked him in the eye and answered, “They know nothing. They didn’t see me leave. We should go home so that I can take care of your ankle.”

I was expecting him to refuse my offer, but I wasn’t expecting the killing frost in that refusal when he sneered, “Like you took care of Lady Yama?”

His words were a spear through my heart. I recoiled, dumbstruck, and didn’t utter another sound as the four of us went back to the village.

“Himiko? Are you in here?” Aki stood in the doorway of our darkened house and called timidly into the shadows. It was midafternoon of a day thick with clouds, the fourth day since I had danced at Yama’s tomb.

“Where else would I be?” I responded from my place by the wall nearest the door. He wasn’t expecting to hear my voice so close and jumped a bit, startled.

“You don’t
have
to stay inside,” he said, squatting beside me, arms crossed over his knees. “It’s not as if you’re—” He caught himself about to say
Master Michio
, but bit back the name. He knew how much it pained me to think about our shaman’s fate.

He was right, but my other choice was to turn my back on a friend. I would not act as though Master Michio didn’t exist. I’d rather endure the pain.

“How he is, Aki?” I asked. “How is Master Michio? Is he being treated well?”

My brother let his shoulders rise and fall briefly. “He’s acting as though he
chose
to be shut up in his own house. His guards report that whenever he speaks with them, he brags about being the only shaman with a whole village to serve him. He spends a lot of the time laughing, singing, and telling funny stories in a loud voice. Most of the children gather near his house just to listen. So do some of the adults. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere near his house since the day Father ordered him shut away,” I answered dully. “When I
have
to leave the house, I always walk as far from the center of the village as I can, along the palisade. Mama keeps sending me on one stupid errand after another. I get the feeling that she thinks she’s doing me a favor, giving me an excuse to go see Master Michio. She’s wrong, but she means well.”

“You don’t want to see him, to speak to him?”

I peered hard at Aki, whose face was visible in the watery light spilling through the doorway. “I can’t
see
him because he’s kept captive on Father’s orders, and what do you think would happen if I tried to speak to him? Father’s men would scurry to report it, Father would get even angrier than he is now, and Master Michio would be the one to suffer for it.”

“You say that as if Father’s going to have Master Michio killed.” Aki patted my arm. “He’d never do that, Himiko. The whole reason he’s imprisoned our shaman is because he wants to punish him but he doesn’t know how. I just came from the latest meeting Father’s called for the nobles.
He’s still trying to convince them to send Master Michio away, back to the Todomatsu. His arguments don’t change, they just get louder, and more threatening.”

“I’m surprised the nobles haven’t given in,” I muttered. “Father’s temper has always worked on them before.”

“Before, they weren’t facing the possibility of life with no Matsu shaman. That’s all that’s holding them back from giving Father his own way.” Aki looked dejected. “I don’t know how this can be resolved.”

“And meanwhile, what’s happening to the people who need Master Michio’s arts?” I asked. “Is no one sick? Has no one been injured? He allowed our shaman the
privilege
of binding his broken ankle, but what are the rest of us supposed to do?”

“Whatever complaint you have against Father, he
is
a good chieftain,” Aki replied. “No matter how much ill will he has for Master Michio, he’s not letting our clanfolk go unhealed. Thank the gods, there are only a few sick people in the village right now. Our shaman isn’t free to go to them, but their family can describe their symptoms to him, to get advice and medicine.”

“And what will they do when it’s something like a broken bone or a difficult childbirth?” I demanded. “Run back and forth with
descriptions
?”

Aki sighed. “It’s the best that can be done.”

“No, the
best
thing would be letting Master Michio go free and recognizing that
I
can be a shaman too without turning into Lady Tsuki!” I shouted, thrusting my face into his before bursting into frustrated tears.

Aki put his arms around me and held me the way he
used to when I was small. “Poor Little Sister, you’ll break your heart if you keep fighting against things that you can’t change. Our father is a good man trapped in a bad past. He may never change. We can, we must.”

“How do you want me to change, Aki?” I said between sobs. “To give up everything I’ve learned? To go back to being Father’s precious
good
daughter?”

“I know you’d never do that.” My brother gave me a hug. “But maybe it’s time for you to become something more than just a daughter. Maybe it’s time that you became a wife.” He must have seen my wide-eyed, incredulous expression even in the weak light from the doorway, because he quickly added, “Think about it, Himiko. There are plenty of young men in this village who’ve been trailing after you with lovesick eyes. You’ve just been too wrapped up in other things to notice them. Any one of them would bless the gods if you’d agree to marry him.”

I managed a half smile. “Do you think my husband-to-be would be grateful enough to support me as shaman of our clan?”

“You’re joking, aren’t you?” Aki looked doubtful for a moment. “You’re joking, but I’m serious. Once you marry, Father can’t tell you where you can and can’t go, whom you can and can’t see. You’ll be free!”

He sounded so happy, as though he’d found the magical solution to all my problems. I was deeply touched by how sincerely my brother could rejoice at the freedom marriage might bring me while he still remained the captive of his own supposedly “single” life. I couldn’t bring myself to discourage him with the truth: any freedom that didn’t let
me follow the spirits’ path openly and without limits was no freedom at all.

“Thank you, Big Brother,” I said. “I’ll think about what you said.”

“That’s all I ask.” He kissed my brow and stood up. “And will you stop hiding yourself away in this house?”

I rose to my feet. “I can promise you that.”

For the rest of that day and for many more, I kept that promise. Aki soon saw me spending more and more time in the company of several of our clan’s best hunters. They were good friends of his, reliable young men who were always found at Aki’s side when there was game to track. They’d all been part of the first search party sent out to fetch Michio, after Yama died. I spoke to each one of them about that, never failing to ask, “What was the Todomatsu village like? How many days did it take you to reach it? How did you find your way there? Did they welcome you even though you were strangers?” I think that they were all flattered and impressed by how intently I listened to them.

Good. I wanted them to remember that on the day I ran away.

The harvest was over, but my clan’s preparations for winter weren’t limited to putting aside what we grew in the fields and paddies. There was game to be hunted, fish from the carp pond to be caught and preserved, and the natural bounty of the autumn forests to be gathered. Over the countless seasons since we Matsu had come to our land, this last task had changed from a chore to a minor festival, a chance for young men and women to go up the wooded slopes of the nearby mountains and enjoy each other’s company while filling baskets with nuts, mushrooms, and berries. If I could persuade my parents to let me join this food-gathering party, it would be my best opportunity to escape. If not, I’d have to find another way to get out of our village, either without our watchman seeing me at all or without my departure making him suspicious.