Springtime at Cherry Tree Cottage (10 page)

I offer him my foot.

He wraps one hand around the toe and one around the heel and pulls sharply, taking me by surprise and tipping me backwards. I grab at the log and cling on, laughing.

‘How did you get these bloody things on in the first place?' Robbie's laughing too. ‘Are you sure they're even yours?'

‘They've always been a bit on the tight side.' My face is burning and it has nothing to do with the heat of the sun. I've started work and muscled up since I bought them.

Robbie tries again and, eventually, the boots come off. He rests his hands briefly on his hips as I remove my socks.

‘Are you ready now?'

‘I think so.' I stand up and mount my horse from the log while he vaults on to Nelson. Rafa follows Nelson down the bank to a gently shelving beach of pebbles and red sand. Nelson enters the water and drinks. Rafa follows suit, lowering his head and burying his nostrils as a kingfisher flies past with an iridescent flash of blue. I cling on to his mane as he splashes with his front foot.

Robbie rides into the deeper water until Nelson is swimming; only his ears, eyes and nostrils, and his tail streaming behind him, can be seen above the surface of the dark pool in the riverbed.

‘Flick, come on in,' he yells, leaning forwards on his horse's back.

‘It looks cold,' I say, hesitating.

‘It's a little chilly, but you soon get used to it.'

I send Rafa out into the pool. Suddenly, he loses his footing, and we're both in the water. I gasp in shock, but it's refreshing, exhilarating, exciting … As Rafa swims upriver, I slide off his back and let him tow me through the hot and cold currents of water. A fish leaps out and falls back in again, and a pair of ducks skim across the surface. I begin to relax. I've been so focused on my problems, on putting on a good show for Mel's clients, that I've almost forgotten how to have fun.

Robbie brings Nelson alongside.

‘It isn't so bad, is it?' he says, heading towards the shallow water.

‘It's great,' I agree, following him.

We ride up the bank and jump a small woodpile at the top before returning to where the dogs are snoozing beside the saddles. As the sun warms my body, I become aware that Robbie is staring at me, his brow furrowed. I glance down at my top. It's stuck to my skin, my bra clearly visible, and everything underneath looking decidedly perky. Keep looking, I think. I am a woman.

His lips curve into a smile before he turns away, his gaze following a group of teenagers who are strolling along the path towards us with their mobiles and a rucksack.

We tack up and put our boots back on. Robbie slips into his shirt.

‘Normally I'd suggest we could ride back via the pub, but I promised I'd take Maisie riding this afternoon,' he says as we trot in the direction of the old railway line. ‘It's her birthday.'

‘I didn't realise. You should have said you wanted to spend the day at home with her.'

‘She's with her grandparents today – not Mum and Dad, Carla's parents. She's due back later for a birthday tea.' I'm not sure how to react because I recall that, if it's Maisie's birthday, it must also be the anniversary of her mother's death. ‘Mum's made a cake – in the shape of a princess – and I've bought her a doll that she wanted for her present.'

‘How old is she? She did tell me, but I've forgotten.'

‘She's eight. I can't believe it.' He pauses. ‘It doesn't feel like eight years since Carla passed away.'

‘I'm very sorry.'

‘I met her down here by the river,' he says, and, with a jolt of unreasonable disappointment, I wonder if he deliberately chose to be here today to remember her. ‘It was during the summer holidays when she was sixteen. I was a year older, and a bit of a rebel. In fact, I'd just been expelled from school.'

‘You? What did you do?'

‘I was a boarder at a top independent school – I only agreed to go because they had equestrian facilities. Anyway, much to my dad's fury, I was kicked out for drinking while on a school trip. I felt guilty for letting him down, but I hated it there and I didn't want to do A-levels and go to university. I came home and kicked about for a while. On the day I met Carla, I'd just “borrowed” a shopping trolley from the Co-op. Don't ask me why. I can't remember. It was some kind of prank. Don't tell Maisie any of this, will you?' he adds lightly.

‘I won't,' I promise. ‘What was Carla like?'

‘She was the most amazing human being, generous, loving … I'll never forget her smile, the freckles across the bridge of her nose …' His voice fades for a second time. I notice how he swallows hard. ‘I didn't know what to suggest to make sure I saw her again, so I offered to teach her to ride. We spent hours at home in the arena, whatever the weather. She was a natural.'

Is that why he doesn't appear to be involved with anyone else, I wonder? Has he really not had a serious relationship in eight years?

‘Her parents disapproved. They weren't happy about her seeing one of the irresponsible Salterton brothers, or taking up what they felt was a dangerous sport.'

‘Did they try to stop you seeing each other?' I ask, thinking of how my parents tried to guide me into seeing young men they approved of. Once Sarah overheard my dad at some social gathering, telling this guy I'd fancied for months that I was engaged. When I tackled him about it, he denied all knowledge, but I could tell he was lying. But by then, it was too late, and my potential paramour was going out with my cousin.

‘They did at first, but when they realised I was serious about her, they backed off. She was all set to start a course in environmental science when she found out she was pregnant. It was then that the proverbial hit the fan. I couldn't see what the problem was. Carla and I talked it through and decided that she could delay going to university for a year. After that, I'd look after the baby during the week, and she'd come home at weekends.' He breaks off. ‘It sounds completely naive now. I didn't realise that caring for a baby is all-consuming; that you can't just put it aside for a couple of hours like you can with a horse or dog.'

I keep silent, listening to him talk against the sound of the horses' hooves and the squeak of leather tack, while the dogs lope along behind.

‘I don't really understand what happened after that. Things went wrong between us. Her parents accused me of being controlling. They said I didn't want her to go away to study and that's why I'd made her pregnant, which was ridiculous. It was an accident. Carla didn't find out she was having a baby until she was six months gone.

‘At about thirty-six weeks, she started feeling unwell. She was admitted to hospital with pre-eclampsia and made to rest. Her parents took over. I visited her, of course, but I was busy working, trying to get the stunt team going so I would have money to support us. We weren't living together, but my parents offered me Cherry Tree Cottage for when she came out of hospital – I did a room up as a surprise for her. We weren't a couple at the time. There'd been a few rows, but I always thought we'd make a go of it as a family.'

But she never came out, I think. I can feel the sorrow in his voice and the pain in the slump of his shoulders.

‘I was away with the team when her condition went downhill. She had her labour induced, but her parents didn't let me know. Carla called me after they'd started her off, but by then she could hardly speak. I knew something was badly wrong, that she needed me. I raced back, leaving the horses with Dillon, but by the time I got there, it was too late. She'd had a fit and never regained consciousness, although I like to think she knew I was at her side when it was all over.'

‘Oh, Robbie,' I sigh.

He looks across at me, straight in the eye, his expression dark with hurt.

‘They wouldn't let me see our baby.'

‘Who wouldn't?'

‘Her parents. They blamed me, and in a way they were right to.'

‘It wasn't your fault.' I wonder how many other people have said that. ‘I'm sorry, what do I know?'

‘I kicked off, of course. Then I was escorted away from the hospital by security. I went back in and was arrested and thrown into a cell for the night to calm down. Calm down? I've never been so angry and upset. My dad came down with a solicitor friend to bail me out on condition that he took me straight home.'

I can't imagine Robbie losing his temper, but nor can I imagine how anyone would feel at being denied contact with their newborn daughter at the same time as losing her mother, the woman he was in love with. I have no doubt that whether or not they were together at the time, he'd always loved her.

‘The next day I found out that Carla's parents were claiming that they had no clue who the baby's father was – which is terrible, considering how that made their daughter look.'

I agree. It's outrageous. My parents haven't always been scrupulous with the truth, but I can't imagine them doing something that low.

‘At first, I was absolutely furious and devastated, because I'd lost both Carla and my daughter – Mum sat me down and made me try to see it from their point of view. They'd lost their only daughter and Maisie was part of her. I could understand why they were desperate to hold on and bring her up themselves. But Maisie was mine and I wasn't going to let her grow up thinking that I'd abandoned her like my birth mother did me. When Carla was lying unconscious in Intensive Care, I promised her …' His voice breaks. ‘… That I would care for our baby and love her for both of us.'

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. It's the pollen.

‘I had to go to court to obtain parental responsibility and get custody. They even did a DNA test to check, although I had no doubt.'

‘That must have been agony for everyone.'

‘It was. I didn't want to fight, but I wasn't going to lose her. It took a long time, but the judge made it right. The day I held Maisie in my arms was the day I finally grew up.'

It takes me a moment to focus on where we're going.

‘What happened with Carla's parents?'

‘I made my peace with them. They take Maisie on holiday and have her some weekends, and they spend half the day with her on her birthday. We don't celebrate today, but we'll have a party tomorrow.' Robbie rides Nelson through a gap in the trees and into a field, planted with lush green wheat. I follow, keeping Rafa behind Nelson on the grassy track alongside the crop.

‘That's enough about me,' Robbie says abruptly. ‘How about you? What's your story?'

‘There isn't much to tell really.'

‘Have you any brothers and sisters, infamous relatives or significant others?'

‘I'm an only child. My dad's so much older than my mum that everyone assumes he's my grandfather. I'm single and intending to stay that way.'

‘Do I detect a trace of bitterness?' he says. ‘I'm being ironic, by the way. Who was he?'

‘One of the apprentices I met when I was with Tony, my ATF.'

‘ATF?'

‘Apprentice Training Farrier. My ex, Ryan, was a couple of years ahead of me.'

‘I bet you fell for his massive guns,' Robbie says brightly. ‘I'm sorry, I shouldn't make light of it. You were serious?'

‘Not at first. We helped each other out a few times. I covered for him when he overslept. He put out the flames when I set my hair on fire in the forge. That's one of the reasons I keep it short.'

‘You should retrain as a stunt rider – it's far safer.' Robbie opens the gate into the field. I ride through and he closes it behind us. ‘What happened?'

‘My hair grew back after a while.'

He chuckles. ‘I meant what happened to you and this Ryan bloke?'

I smile at my ditziness.

‘We moved into a house and made plans for the future – the usual couple stuff.'

‘But? I detect that there's a “but”.'

‘Ryan always gave me the impression that he had money in the bank. When he qualified he bought a brand-new mobile forge and set up not far away from where Tony's based in Wiltshire. I was going to be his partner in the business after I'd passed my diploma exam.'

‘Why did you break up, if you don't mind me asking?'

‘We went on holiday to the Caribbean, staying in an exclusive resort on a banana plantation. It was a magical trip. On the last day, Ryan proposed on this beautiful beach with a ring wrapped in a banana leaf.' I'm remembering it as if it were yesterday. ‘I was so excited. It was the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.'

‘So you said yes.'

I nod, then correct myself, in case he's under any misapprehension. ‘I didn't accept because it was romantic. I was in love with him.'

‘I kind of guessed that. You seem quite …' He searches for an appropriate description, and comes up with something that a Jane Austen heroine would say about her hero. ‘… Honourable, like you'd always do the right thing.'

‘I like to think so. I'm not afraid to speak out.'

The track widens and the horses walk out smartly, matching each other stride for stride.

‘When we arrived at home, I discovered that he'd taken out loans, including the money for the engagement ring, in both our names. We had a massive row and things were never the same again. Ryan set himself up with a piece of posh totty who had her own place with several horses. I was gutted when I found out.'

‘I assume that he didn't have the balls to tell you.'

‘I found text messages on his phone – I watched him put the password in so I could type it in myself – that didn't have anything to do with shoeing horses. When I confronted him, he tried to tell me there was nothing going on, but eventually he admitted he was seeing someone else.'

‘I suppose it was better to find out sooner rather than later.'