Stake & Eggs (34 page)

The hood crumpled like a cheap accordion, the car engine screamed and grunted like
a dying dinosaur, and barbecue sauce flew up into the air in a nasty spray of red,
spattering everything within a ten-foot radius!

Doogie was right on their trail. He slewed his snowmobile into a kind of hockey stop,
managing to nick only the left wing of the Pegasus ice sculpture. Then he jumped off
his sled with his gun drawn, and raced to Junior’s car.

Shaken, feeling glad to still be alive, Suzanne cried, “Did Wick make it? Did he survive?”

Doogie was peering into the stolen car, bug-eyed and shouting. “Barely! Looks like
he’s bleeding to death!”

Suzanne limped over to find Ham Wick slumped in the front seat of Junior’s car cooker,
covered with copious amounts of viscous red liquid.

Toni loped up behind them, took one look, and said, “Naw, he ain’t bleeding. He just
got doused with Junior’s special hot sauce.”

D
OOGIE
got on his personal radio then, putting out a special alert, requesting backup as
well as an ambulance.

But much to Suzanne’s amazement, the first car that rocked to a stop next to them
was Sam and Junior in Sam’s BMW! And they’d brought Colby along with them!

Colby hopped out, scared and almost hysterical. “Did you get him? Did you get him?”
he called out over and over.

“Whoa, son,” said Doogie, stretching out a big hand. “Take it down a notch. Our suspect’s
already been handcuffed and read his rights.”

Doogie’s deputy, Eddie Driscoll, pulled up one minute later in a cruiser, lights whirling
and siren blasting like mad.

As Doogie jerked Ham Wick, handcuffed and extremely shaken up, to his feet, Wick pretty
much broke down and confessed everything. Tears streamed down his face as he wailed
out his tale of woe, saying over and over, “I didn’t mean it! I only wanted to scare
him!”

Suzanne didn’t give a fig about Wick’s remorse. “Did you read him his rights?” Suzanne
asked Doogie, as Sam stood nearby. “Are you sure you did that?” She didn’t want to
see a stone-cold killer go free just because of some stupid technicality.

“Yup, yup,” said Doogie. “Wick’s been signed, sealed, and delivered on that count,”
he added, as Deputy Driscoll grabbed Wick and shoved him into the backseat of his
cruiser.

“You jackhole!” Suzanne shouted at Wick. “You
slimeball! You attacked Joey and then you tried to run me down with a snowmobile!
What’s the matter with you?”

“Easy, easy,” said Sam, trying to get a hand on Suzanne. “It’s over. It’s finished.”

“You jerk!” Suzanne called again.

Sam wrapped both arms around her now. “Easy girl, it’s over. Time to stand down,”
he murmured in a soothing voice.

“I’ll try, I will,” said Suzanne, knowing she was yelling and chattering like a crazy
woman as her adrenaline still pumped like crazy. She drew a few shaky breaths, looked
up at Sam, and said, “There. Okay. Better now. I’m better now.”

But Colby was the one whose nerves were still frazzled. He stalked back and forth,
punching his fist at the ice sculptures.

Suzanne pulled away from Sam and went over to Colby. “You have to calm down, too,”
she told him. “Or you’re going to hurt yourself. Really, everything’s okay now. It’s
over. Wick’s under arrest and charged with murder.”

Doogie cocked a wary eye at Colby. “You better be sure Wick’s the one, kid. This is
no time to pull a funny act.”

Colby bobbed his head vigorously. “Absolutely, he’s the one,” he chattered. He pointed
at Ham Wick who was hunched miserably in the back seat of Driscoll’s cruiser. “That’s
the guy who strung the wire.”

“You’d testify to that in a court of law?” asked Doogie.

Colby, still angry and shivering, said, “Yes, yes. That guy was after me, too. I saw
him in town a couple of times and I got the feeling he wanted to kill me!”

“Which he almost did,” said Suzanne, “except he clobbered poor Joey instead.”

Colby put his hands up to his face and shook his head. “Oh no. I didn’t know that.
Oh man!”

Suzanne gazed at Colby. “That’s why you were hiding, wasn’t it? Because you thought
the killer was after you. Because he
was
after you.”

Colby nodded. “Yeah, I guess he was. Sure, he was.”

“But now you’re going to go home,” said Suzanne, in a kinder, gentler tone of voice.
“You’re going to let me call your mom, right? You’re going to give me her number?”

“Maybe,” said Colby.

“Yes, you are,” said Suzanne. She nudged closer to him.

“If you call her,” said Colby, “can you sort of smooth things over?”

Suzanne put an arm around Colby’s shoulders and hugged him. “Of course I will. And
I bet Reverend Yoder will help, too.”

“Mom’s gonna be awful mad.”

“I’ll just have to tell her what a hero you were,” said Suzanne.

Colby gazed at her with gratitude. “You will, really?” he asked. Then, more shyly,
“I’m a hero?”

Suzanne pulled him closer. “You are to me, kiddo.”

“L
OOKS
like Charlie Steiner, Ducovny, and Drummond are all off the hook,” said Toni, sidling
up to Suzanne as they surveyed the crash site.

“And Claudia and George Draper, as well as Ed Rapson,” said Suzanne “Though all of
them have their own problems to work out.”

“But look at poor Junior,” said Toni. He was pacing back and forth, running his fingers
through his shaggy hair, looking completely devastated as he surveyed his wrecked
car. “He’s a total basket case.”

“My car cooker!” Junior moaned. “My
baby.
Not only was this fine piece of machinery carjacked, but it’s been driven to wreck
and ruin!”

Suzanne reached out and patted Junior’s arm. “Look at it this way, Junior. Your car
cooker served a higher purpose. A dangerous criminal was apprehended. You should be
very proud.”

Junior looked up hopefully, tossing his forelock to one side. “You think?” His voice
was a sad warble.

“Absolutely,” said Suzanne. “You might even get a citation from the mayor. Or at least
your car will.”

“Come on, Junior,” Toni urged. “You can build a new car cooker. A
better
car cooker. You’ve always dreamed about jazzing up that old Ford Fairlane you got
stashed behind Shelby’s Body Shop.”

“Have to rebuild the engine,” Junior moped. “The transmission’s completely shot.”

“You can fix that,” said Toni. “Plus you could spiff it up with that tuck-and-roll
red vinyl upholstery you’ve always wanted. And think of the new attachments you could
add. Like…uh…” Toni turned to Suzanne for help.

“A drive-by salad shooter?” said Suzanne.

“Yeah!” said Toni.

Doogie wandered over to Junior’s car. “Say, those ribs are smelling pretty dang good!”

“I’ll say,” said Sam. “Do you think they’re cooked?”

Doogie grabbed the hood latch and gave a good tug. As a hunk of crumpled metal slid
off, the smell of burning oil and transmission fluid mingled with the piquant aroma
of spicy barbecue sauce. “Heck you say!” Doogie exclaimed. “These ribs look like they’re
pretty much cooked to perfection.”

Junior bent over his devastated car. “You better believe they are.” He was all business
now as he flipped up a metal plate that was wired near the battery. “Got some garlic
toast here, too, if anybody’s interested.”

“Dear lord,” said Toni. She ambled around Junior’s car, just as the polar bear started
to topple and shards of ice rained down upon her head and shoulders. “Eeey!” she cried.
Then she stopped midscreech, her mouth open in amazement as she reached up with a
mittened hand. “I don’t believe it!” she shrieked. She poked tentatively at the polar
bear’s massive ice paw and, lo and behold, there was a sparkle of gold! “The…the treasure!”
she whooped.

“You found it?” said Suzanne. “The treasure medallion?” She was shocked beyond belief
but thrilled for Toni.

“Embedded in his paw!” said Toni, grabbing the shiny gold medallion and then holding
it up for all to see. “What do you know about that!” She blinked, chortled again,
and said in a jubilant voice, “I did it! I won!”

“You surely did,” enthused Sam, putting an arm around Suzanne’s shoulders.

“You deserve it,” said Suzanne.

“Hoo yaw!” yelped Junior. “This means we can finance a new car cooker!” He pulled
Toni close and planted a big smooch on her cheek.

“Love at first bite,” joked Doogie, gnawing away on a rib.

Sam pulled Suzanne even closer and nuzzled her gently. “Well, I knew
that
.”

Cream together brown sugar, oil, sour cream, and eggs in a small mixing bowl. In a
large mixing bowl, sift in flour, then add baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir
together and add in cornmeal. Now pour creamed mixture into large bowl and stir until
just combined. Then add lemon juice and lemon zest and stir again. Pour mixture into
a greased 9 × 11–inch baking dish and bake at 400 degrees for 25 minutes.

Place carrots in skillet with a little water and simmer, covered, for 20 minutes.
Drain carrots and reserve for later. In skillet, melt butter, then sauté the onions
for about 5 minutes. Add carrot slices and mix well. Place crumbled bacon in bottom
of pie shell and sprinkle with the Swiss cheese, then add carrot and onion mixture.
In a medium bowl, beat eggs with cream until frothy, then add salt and pepper. Now
pour egg mixture into pie shell. Bake at 375 degrees on lower rack of oven for 40
minutes.

Combine eggnog, vanilla, and chai concentrate in blender until well mixed. Pour into
glasses and garnish with a sprinkle of nutmeg.

Serves 2 to 3.

Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar, cocoa powder, and salt in large
bowl. In separate bowl, whisk together eggs, buttermilk, sour cream, food coloring,
and vanilla. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix until combined. Fold chocolate
chips into batter. Pour ¼ to
¹
⁄
₃
cup of batter onto lightly greased griddle to form pancakes. Cook until lightly brown
and bubbles form, then flip pancake over and cook for two to three minutes. Serve
with butter and maple syrup.

Melt butter in saucepan, then crack eggs into it. When eggs are half fried, add a
piece of cheese to each egg and continue to fry. Toast English muffins. Place a fried
egg on the bottom half of each muffin. Top with bacon slices and press on the top
half of each muffin. Makes 2 sammys. Hot sauce, ketchup, or mayo can be added for
extra zest!

Beat eggs in a bowl, add flour, and beat again. Mix in cheddar cheese, ricotta cheese,
melted butter, and chilies. Divide mixture among 6 well-greased ramekins. Bake at
375 degrees for 45 minutes. To serve, top with sour cream and salsa.

Sautee sausage until no longer pink, then drain. Melt butter and pour into 9 × 12–inch
baking dish. Tear bread into small pieces and sprinkle evenly over butter. Sprinkle
sausage over torn bread. Now sprinkle cheese over the sausage. Beat eggs with half-and-half
and salt until frothy, then pour over entire mixture. Cover and chill for 8 hours
or overnight. Bake at 350 degrees for about 50 minutes or until set.

Mix flour, salt, paprika, cardamom, and cloves together in a shallow bowl. Mix buttermilk
and hot sauce together in a second shallow bowl. Drip chicken pieces in buttermilk
and then in flour-spice mixture. Fry chicken in hot oil on medium-high heat. When
chicken is browned, reduce heat to medium and cook for an additional 30 to 35 minutes,
turning occasionally.