Stand by Me (21 page)
‘I don’t know that either.’ He pushed her away from him and looked at her blotchy face. ‘I’m good at knowing what’s right for other people. Not always so great at it in my own life, though.’ He kissed her on the forehead.
‘You won’t say anything tonight?’
‘Of course not,’ he said. ‘Now go on, wash your face before he gets home and wants to know why you’re sobbing your heart out in front of me.’
It took her a week to pluck up the courage to talk to Brendan. In bed one night, she did as Greg had suggested and simply said that she didn’t think she was ready for another baby.
‘Why?’
She told him of her fears, although she still couldn’t verbalise her anxieties in the same way as she could with Greg.
‘So you’re saying no more children? Not ever?’
‘Not not ever. Just not yet.’
‘And when will you feel ready?’
‘I don’t know, Brendan. Just not yet.’
He said nothing else but rolled over from her and pulled the covers around his shoulders. She lay on her back for a while and then turned towards him. She put her arm tentatively around him. She was afraid that he’d shake it off. But he didn’t. He snored gently. She held him close.
He didn’t once ask her about birth control. He didn’t talk about having more children again. They continued to live their lives as they’d always done, but they never discussed increasing their family. Dominique sometimes thought that she should raise the subject, but she didn’t want to start a discussion when she didn’t know where it might lead. And so she waited for Brendan to be the one to say something.
Which wasn’t until nearly two years later when, as they lay once again side by side in bed, he told her that he was happy with the family the way it was.
‘Huh?’
‘I don’t ever want another baby.’
Dominique felt waves of guilty relief wash over her.
‘Are you sure?’ she asked. ‘I know that we talked about a son . . .’
‘That was macho talk. Besides, Kelly could follow me into the business. She’s a tough little cookie. Delahaye and Daughter.’ He laughed.
She didn’t know what to say.
‘I know you think about it.’ He propped his head up on his hand and looked at her. ‘I know you feel guilty about it. But in the end, you’re right. There are too many kids in the world already. Besides, I’m out all the hours God sends. I don’t have time for more family stuff. And I’ve got new projects lined up that will take even more time.’
‘Are you just saying this to make me feel OK?’
‘No,’ Brendan said seriously. ‘I mean it. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the future, and the truth is that I don’t need the distraction of a newborn baby; all those middle-of-the-night feeds and dirty nappies.’
‘If you’re sure ...’
‘Well, you’re pretty sure, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, but ...’
‘Enough said. I might’ve thought differently a while ago, but I’ve changed. It’s fine. Kelly is the most important person in the world to me, and what I’m doing now will provide for her well into the future.’
‘Which is?’
‘Overseas property. That’s a real growth area. People wanting a slice of the sun.’
‘Are you mad?’ she asked. ‘Who can afford houses in the sun?’
‘Not very many people now,’ he admitted. ‘But prices there are so low relative to here. People are saying it all the time. And some day they’re going to want to buy one for themselves. ’
‘So you’re going to build holiday homes?’ She was still astonished.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I talked to Ciara, my solicitor. And to Matthew. We’re looking at forming a partnership with an overseas company.’
‘But . . . but what about here?’
‘What about it?’ he said.
‘How are you going to build here and there?’
‘I won’t physically build everything,’ he told her. ‘I’ll contract it out.’
She looked thoughtful.
‘It’s going to make us a fortune,’ he said. ‘And that’s why I don’t have time to make babies too.’
She knew that she should have been relieved. She was, of course, very relieved. Yet she knew something had changed between them. And she didn’t know exactly what that was. She couldn’t help wondering what had made Brendan change his mind. For a long time the issue had been like an unlit fuse between them. Every single day she had expected him to ask her if she was ready. If now would be a good time. But he’d accepted that no time would ever be a good time. And although she felt profoundly grateful that she didn’t have to worry about babies any more, she also felt as though a part of her had died. Which, she told herself, was crazy. After all, knowing that she didn’t have to worry about babies any more should surely make her feel more alive than ever.
Her old school friend, Maeve Mulligan, came back from London. They’d kept in touch sporadically but had only met about half a dozen times since Maeve had left. She usually came home at Christmas but didn’t bother the rest of the time. However, when she’d finally settled back in Dublin, renting an apartment in the newly developing docklands area of the city, she called to see Dominique. She arrived at the house with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine and she was suitably impressed by the high ceilings and intricate plasterwork as well as the modern kitchen and carefully landscaped gardens.
‘You’ve
so
landed on your feet,’ she told Dominique.
so
landed on your feet,’ she told Dominique.
‘I know.’
‘I see hoardings for Delahaye Developments everywhere. I never realised Brendan was such a major businessman.’
‘Not quite everywhere,’ Dominique amended. ‘But the company seems to be expanding every day. He’s got an office now in the docklands.’
‘I never would have thought it.’ Maeve took one of the oatmeal cookies that Dominique had baked and bit into it. ‘Umm, gorgeous. Is that what you are now?’ She grinned. ‘A cookie-baking yummy mummy?’
Dominique snorted. ‘I don’t think so. Those cookies are the only thing I’m really any good at. But I’m not bad at the whole entertaining scene, which is kind of weirdly grown-up for me.’
‘I envy you.’
‘Why?’
‘You’re twenty-nine and you’ve got your life sorted. I’m part of the whole singleton generation and I’m utterly hopeless. Have you read
Bridget Jones’s Diary
yet? It’s so me.’
Bridget Jones’s Diary
yet? It’s so me.’
Dominique shook her head.
‘It’s about a girl who eats too much, drinks too much, smokes too much, weighs too much and who’s looking for a boyfriend.’
Dominique laughed. ‘You’re her?’
‘Totally,’ affirmed Maeve. ‘London’s tough for the single girl who wants to settle down, and I’m sure Dublin’s not much better.’
‘Why d’you want to settle down? The eating, drinking and smoking life sounds fun.’
‘You’ve got to be kidding me. We’re all out there looking for Mr Right. Only there isn’t a hope in hell he’s anywhere nearby. You’ve already found him.’
‘Had to go about it the wrong way,’ said Dominique.
‘Doesn’t matter once you get a result.’
The kitchen door opened and Kelly walked in. Maeve’s eyes opened wide.
‘Omigod!’ she exclaimed. ‘You’ve grown so tall! And so gorgeous.’
‘Kelly, you remember Maeve,’ said Dominique. ‘We went to school together.’
‘Hi.’ Kelly nodded impatiently. ‘Mum, can I go to the cinema with Anastasia? Her mum’s taking us.’
‘OK,’ said Dominique. ‘Do you have money?’
‘Not enough,’ replied Kelly.
‘Here.’ Dominique opened her purse and handed her a note. ‘Buy popcorn for Anastasia. Tell her mum I said thanks.’
‘Right. See you.’ And Kelly ran out of the room again.
‘I can’t believe she’s so grown up,’ said Maeve.
‘I know.’ Dominique grinned. ‘And that’s why you shouldn’t be so convinced you want to be me. When you have a ten-year-old child, you suddenly realise that your life is racing by.’
‘Yes, but at least yours is racing by with a husband and a daughter,’ said Maeve as she bit into another cookie. ‘Whereas I . . . I’m still exactly where I was ten years ago. Except I’ve slept with a few fuckwits in the meantime.’
‘At least you didn’t get pregnant.’
‘No.’ Maeve nodded. ‘After you were caught out, I was exceptionally careful.’
‘I’m glad I was a warning to you. My mother would be pleased to know that.’
Maeve laughed.
‘What’s it like?’ asked Dominique suddenly.
‘Huh?’
‘Sex. With different men. What’s it like?’
Her friend looked thoughtful. ‘I forgot that,’ she said. ‘You’ve only ever slept with Brendan.’
‘I know. And I wondered - different men, different feelings? ’
‘Different techniques.’ Maeve chuckled. ‘Some of them are the passionate but sensitive type. Some of them are macho steamrollers. Some of them care more about their performance than anything. Some—’
‘Crikey, Maeve, how many have there been?’ Dominique interrupted her.
‘Ah, not that many really. But none of them the right man.’
‘I guess I’m lucky, so.’
‘You don’t know the half of it.’
But she did, of course. She thought about it after Maeve had gone. She thought about being a single girl looking for the right man and she wondered what that would be like. She told herself that she was lucky she’d found Brendan. And she looked at the clock and wondered what time he’d be home.
Chapter 11
Emma’s mother died six months after she first went to the doctor. Gabriel’s daily prayers hadn’t been enough to stop the cancer spreading through her body. Nor had the chemotherapy, because by the time Maura had been diagnosed, the disease had already moved aggressively through her.
‘She should have said something earlier.’ Emma and Dominique were in the small hotel where the Walsh family had organised food and drink for the people who’d attended the funeral. ‘There might have been some hope if she’d gone to the doctor sooner. And if she’d been more insistent about something being wrong.’
‘Women don’t generally make a fuss,’ said Dominique. ‘Especially mothers.’
‘Mam wasn’t the sort of person who liked fussing,’ agreed Emma. ‘She hated being ill.’
‘How are you doing?’ Dominique glanced at Emma’s bump. It was only in the last month or so that she’d begun to look pregnant at all, but the stress of Maura’s illness had taken its toll, because today she was pale and gaunt.
‘Oh, I’m fine,’ said Emma dismissively. ‘I’ve been lucky, really. The baby hasn’t been an ounce of bother.’
‘You must be due any day now,’ said Dominique.
‘Next week,’ said Emma. ‘I was afraid it might come early. I had visions of giving birth by the graveside.’
‘Hey, it’s only me who goes in for birth drama.’ Dominique grinned at her and Emma smiled faintly.
‘And how’s your dad coping?’ added Dominique. Emma glanced across the room. Her father was sitting in a corner, her two older brothers either side of him.
‘We’re worried about him, of course. He’s in fair enough health himself, but him and Mam were together for nearly forty years. I can’t imagine how alone he must feel now.’
‘What are you going to do about him?’
Emma looked anxious. ‘We don’t want him to be on his own. He’s not getting any younger, and this has aged him terribly. He’s been staying with Johnny and Betty, but they can’t really look after him full time. They’re both working, and she’s got three kids after all. Mark is going back to Germany after the funeral, so obviously he can’t do anything.’
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