Stand By Your Hitman (14 page)

“Look at this,” Lex whispered to me on the way back to camp. He held out the harness. “It’s not broken.”

Sure enough, I could see it was cut midway through.

“Why would anyone cut the muzzle?” Lex frowned at me. It was the first time he’d ever frowned at me and I decided that I didn’t like it.

Isaac and Sami were quiet. We were sitting at the dinner table—the rest of Team Tico had already gone to bed. No one’s heart was in this contest anymore since it appeared the host didn’t care one way or another if anyone got hurt.

I picked at what was left of the turkey. “Maybe it’s Alan—trying to up the ratings.”

“That’s fucked-up.” Sami glowered.

“It’s irresponsible,” added Isaac.

“It’s dangerous,” Lex said quietly.

My stomach backflipped as I remembered that Lex’s wife had died because of stuff like this. The others weren’t privy to this knowledge, so I tried to change the subject.

“Oh well. It’ll all be over soon enough.”

Lex frowned at me again. I really hated it. “What does that mean?”

“Um, I guess I meant that the show will probably go
bankrupt before we can do another challenge any-way—then we can go home.” I shrugged for emphasis.

“Man, this shit stinks.” Sami shook her head. “I could’ve used that goddamned money.”

I forgot that these people were here because twenty-five thousand dollars was a life-changing amount to them. While Brick/Norman, Dr. Andy and Kit were here to get media exposure, Moe, Sami and possibly Lex wanted the cash to turn their lives around.

Guilt is a horrible thing. I remember my mother once told me it was a useless emotion. Of course, that didn’t stop her from applying it like a thick-cut slab of bacon whenever she could. But the fact of the matter was that I was here on false pretenses.

The only reason I was on this ridiculous show was to tail Isaac so I could kill him if I had to. A stab of the “useless emotion” got me in the heart when I thought of how I was throwing money around for this guesthouse. What did they possibly think of me? My guess was they wondered why I was even involved.

And let’s face it—I hadn’t even done my job. I never tailed Isaac or even tried to pump him for information. Hell, I hadn’t even remembered to pack my truth serum. It’s strawberry flavored with half the fat, so it’s good and good for you!

My shoulders slumped. I’d screwed everything up. If I won the contest I would be nothing short of a jerk. Homesickness burned like Mountain Dew on acid reflux. I missed my house. I missed my kids. And I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

“I agree with Lex,” Sami said. I guess I also missed an entire conversation.

“Agree with what?” I asked before I could stop myself.

My three allies scowled.

“Missi, what’s wrong with you?” Isaac asked.

“Nothing.” I tried to think up a lie but came up empty. “I just spaced out.”

Sami sighed. “Lex thinks we should try to find out what the hell is going on so no one else gets hurt.”

“Oh.”

Lex’s right eyebrow went up. “Oh?”

Uh oh.

“Well,” I started uneasily. I couldn’t dedicate myself to one more thing. I had a job to do and the Council would hand me my ovaries on a Bombay-crested plate if I didn’t do it. “Don’t you think we should just leave it alone? I mean, the show is still on and we should just see it out. It’s probably not even sabotage—just an unfortunate series of coincidences.” Okay, what I meant to say was “let’s not risk one of you losing the money you seem to so desperately need.” Problem was, I couldn’t “invent” a way to say that so it wouldn’t sound condescending. Words are much harder to put together than actual inventions. And I’m pretty sure I just proved that.

“Fuck this, I’m going to bed.” Sami rose and Isaac nodded, leaving Lex and me alone in a very uncomfortable silence.

“Missi, what is wrong with you?” Lex asked after a moment.

I threw my hands up. “What? What did I say?”

“Why are you here?”

Why am I here? So I can possibly kill Isaac. Duh.

“The same reason you’re here,” I answered. “The money.”

Lex stood and went off to bed, leaving me what to wonder what had just happened. Obviously I’d said something wrong, but what? I didn’t like the way my lover was looking at me. Something had just changed in our relationship and I was pretty sure it wasn’t something good.

As I got to my feet to follow him, there was a short, sharp knock at the door. Figuring it was room service here to clear the plates, I answered, only to find Ernie standing there.

“Julie and Alan will be at the campsite at six in the morning.” He winked. “Thought you’d like a heads-up.”

I closed the door and leaned against it. Great. My teammates now had another reason to be miserable, and I got to deliver the news.

I didn’t sleep. Basically, I sat in the living room fully dressed until five
A.M
., when I woke the troops with the news. No matter how you looked at it, this was a bad situation. Lex was right worrying that someone could get hurt, but I didn’t have any more time to devote to figuring out the mystery, Nancy Drew Club be damned.

“Are you all right?” Dr. Andy sat down next to me on the sofa. I looked around, but he was the only one there. Apparently the others were still getting ready.

“Sure,” I lied. “I’m fine,” I lied again. Damn, I was doing a lot of that. In spite what you might think, the Bombays aren’t big on lying. Well, at least to each other and the important people in our lives. We lie to our victims all the time.

“You look like you need to talk,” he said gently.

Looking around again, I found no trace of our camera crew. Maybe Dr. Andy was more than just the shallow media hog I made him out to be. That made me feel worse.

I was tempted to actually tell him my problems. He had a comforting, easygoing manner. But what would I tell him? What could I tell him?

“Lex and the others think the show is being sabotaged.” I thought that too, but for some reason left it out.

He thought for a moment. “What do you think?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think. I just want this mess to be over.”

“I don’t believe that Missi. I’ve seen nothing but compassion from you for everyone here. Why wouldn’t you care if someone may get hurt? It’s not in you to be apathetic.”

I looked at him archly. For a moment, the other castaways paraded through my mind. How many of them did I dismiss as two-dimensional? I called Brick/Norman Brick/Norman out of spite. Some compassion.

“No,” I lied yet again. “You’re wrong. I just want to
win or go home.” Dr. Andy was right. But if he thought that, I couldn’t do my job. And what it all boiled down to was that I was getting too attached to the people on this show to do that job. If I didn’t complete my mission, I had a much worse showdown waiting for me at Santa Muerta.

“I don’t care about any of these people,” I added. “It’s only a game, after all.” Tough words, but would he buy it? I folded my arms over my chest for emphasis.

“Oh.”

That wasn’t Dr. Andy’s voice. It was Lex’s. I turned slowly to find him standing behind me with a shocked look on his face. Damn.

Lex turned and walked away, but I just sat there frozen, staring after him. What had I done?

Icy numbness crept over me, as if I were being slowly frozen from the top down (which is something I can do to a man, by the way—it just takes the right equipment…. Gah! Focus Missi!) as I walked with my five remaining teammates. No one spoke to me. I was pretty sure that was because Sami, Isaac and Moe were tired. Dr. Andy gave me a wan smile I’m sure was intended to cheer me up. Lex had a scary look of determination on his face.

“You okay?” Moe whispered from behind me.

I nodded, saying nothing.

“What’s wrong?” he pressed. You know, he really was a sweet guy. I’d misjudged him too. Maybe he had a perfectly good reason for being unemployed and living with his mom. Maybe he had a rare, undetectable
disease? I can make those. There’s a whole shelf of them in my lab, under the bobbleheads.

I shook my bobblehead, pretty sure I would burst into tears if I spoke. I’d really blown it. Lex was probably convinced I had played him—which made me look like an evil whore. If only I hadn’t opened my big, fat mouth and shoved my whole leg into it.

Alan and Julie joined us at the site shortly after we arrived. They had six men with them I didn’t recognize. Locals, I’d guessed. Each one of them held what looked like a black sack.

“We are down to our final six,” Alan intoned with considerably less confidence than he’d had when the show started. “Each of you will be blindfolded and taken to a remote location. You will remove your blindfold and try to find your way back here, to camp, where I will be waiting with further instructions.”

Another lame event. Where were the cameramen? There were only two left—Bert and Ernie. How would they cover six people in different locations? Were they even trying anymore?

My thoughts were interrupted as a black hood was thrown over my head. Man, it was really dark in there. Black is a good color on me though. Not that anyone would see me.

“I’ll see you back here soon,” Alan said as someone took my arm to lead me away. He smelled like fish and onions. Super.

What were they going to do? Time us, and the last
two to make it back would be voted off? I struggled to find the point of it all. Maybe this was just another way to try and kill us. Moving through a jungle blindfolded is dicey at best.

This wouldn’t be a tough challenge for me. Part of our training in the Bombay clan is to do the same thing on Santa Muerta as children. As we got older, we were taken to other remote locations in the world in an attempt to eradicate our fear of the unknown. One time, back in the early eighties, Mom left me alone in a remote area of Tibet. How was she to know the Chinese army was just on the other side of the mountain? Anyway, once I got my hood off (they didn’t take them off for us—that would have been too easy) and saw several thousand Chinese heading my way, it kind of took the wind out of my sails. There’s a real funny story about that and a yak herder, but that’s for another time.

I started memorizing the number of steps I was taking and the direction I was being led. Sounds and smells all contributed to where I was going, which seemed to be down the beach, away from the Blanco Tigre. Sand churned beneath my feet and the gulls cried out as we moved in a straight line. How stupid was that? At least make it interesting.

After what I deduced was about ten minutes, we turned left and in fourteen steps were heading into the jungle. Leaves crunched as I stepped on them and branches pressed against my arms. Again, we moved in a straight line. How original.

Howler monkeys shrieked and I could swear I heard the word
Mom
. I smiled beneath the hood. The boys were following me. I felt a little better knowing that they loved me enough to keep an eye on me. When a mango dropped on my head, I knew it was Monty and Jack. Good boys, but enough with the mangoes already.

After a few more minutes, we stopped and the hood was pulled off. A rather bored looking man shrugged at me and then disappeared into the jungle. Apparently, his job was done.

Monty jumped down, followed by Jack. They threw their arms around me and squeezed.

“Why are you crying?” Jack asked with a look of fear.

Monty, always the more intuitive one, took me back into his arms. “It’s okay, Mom. We’re here. It’s okay.”

I sobbed for a few moments, getting it all out. Then I told my sons what had happened.

“Whoa,” Jack replied. “You were harsh to Lex.”

“Shut it!” Monty snapped at his brother. “Can’t you see she’s been through enough?”

Jack hung his head. “Sorry, Mom. I’m one half of an idiot.”

Normally I would’ve laughed at his typical swipe at Monty, but instead I wiped my nose on my arm. “It’s okay. Before you show me back to the camp, tell me you have something on Vic.”

The boys looked at each other for a long time. Too long a time, actually.

“You do have something I can use, right?” I asked again.

Monty shook his head. “Not really. It’s like he doesn’t really exist. I can’t even find anything that says he’s a poker player.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. This is the weirdest assignment ever. Isaac is the invisible man. He’s off the grid…completely.”

I behaved rationally, by screaming in frustration. Birds flew to get out of my way and howler monkeys voiced their admiration.

“There’s something else,” Monty added in a voice that always makes a mother’s insides shrivel. “We haven’t heard anything back from the Council.”

“What? Why would you contact them?”

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. “We thought maybe we could sweet-talk Grandma into giving up more on Vic.”

“Problem is,” Monty finished for his brother, “no one on Santa Muerta is returning our calls or text messages.”

“That’s not much, considering they don’t even know what texting is.” I guess I’d have to have a BlackBerry course for them when I got home. I’m talking really remedial here. “But why wouldn’t they answer their phones?”

“We could go back to the island and see what’s going on?” Jackson asked.

I shook my head. “No. It’s too risky. If something’s gone down I don’t want you two involved.” In our business, there was always the possibility of a raid or espionage. I was less worried about the Council than I
was about my boys. I know it sounds blasé, but we’ve been through drills for emergencies so many times I figured my mother and the others were handling whatever it was.

“I want you two to go find Isaac and tail him.” I should have been doing that all along. It was time to get this thing over with.

The boys nodded and with a quick hug were off on their new mission. I dried my eyes and turned to head back the way I came.

The long walk gave me time to think. It was easy to trace my way back, mainly because I just had to follow the footprints. Stupid show.

So, what was I going to do about Lex once the Isaac thing was sorted out? I didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than I did. This man was the first I’d trusted—hell, slept with—in years. My feelings for him were overpowering. I had really fallen hard.

And now Lex thought I’d betrayed him in the worst way. That sucked. The question was, what would I do? Should I come clean and tell him I hadn’t meant it? Would he even believe me? Maybe I should wash my hands of it and just let him think I was a horrible, manipulative witch. Then I could just go back to the safety of my island and forget about it.

But could I forget about it? Sure I could, I thought with no confidence whatsoever. It was just a sweet little fling. Meant to be over in a few weeks. I didn’t need a man—hadn’t I told my mother that when I left?

And what about the boys? No, it was too soon to
cut them loose. They still needed a full-time mother. Monty and Jack had come here to help me. They deserved my complete attention. Having a boyfriend would just complicate things.

Another justification popped into my head. My sons knew I was an assassin and they didn’t care. Lex wouldn’t be able to accept that. And how would he feel once he knew my inventions were actually meant to kill people?

Once I’d talked myself into the idea that Lex would change me if he could, and the fact that I couldn’t change if I wanted to due to the blood oath I’d signed as a child, it didn’t really matter.

In fact, I was just about to talk myself into both changing my hair color and prospecting for a “boy toy” in Venezuela, when I stumbled gracelessly into camp. I was the first one there. As long as Lex wasn’t the second, I might have been all right.

Unfortunately, my luck wasn’t good. Who do you think strolled in minutes after me? That’s right. Lex. We sat in the sand quietly, intensely uncomfortable.

“So, I suppose you meant what you told Dr. Andy this morning?” Lex asked.

Damn him! Why couldn’t he just leave it alone?

“Yes. I did. It’s just a game.” I tried to sound convincing. Lex looked at me as if trying to see through my head. If I’d wanted to, I could’ve told him I had an invention for that. But I wasn’t feeling especially charitable. Mostly, I was deeply offended that he had to ask. If he really had feelings for me, he would’ve
known I was lying to Dr. Andy. The bastard! Hey, yeah! It’s his fault.

Moe joined us, sweating profusely and seriously out of breath. He doubled over to recoup as Dr. Andy joined us, followed by Alan and Julie.

Alan smirked. “I see you four made it back okay.” I wondered what he’d look like with a barbecue fork sticking out of his jugular. Pretty funny, I bet.

“Sami and Isaac will be here soon,” I grumbled, just to be contradictory.

Alan shook his head. “I’m afraid not. You four now have a choice to make.” He paused dramatically. Julie leered. I pictured her with that same barbecue fork protruding from her forehead. That helped.
Oooh!
Maybe it’s a rusty fork! Then she’ d get tetanus too. Wait,
would it even matter, if she had a pointy piece of metal
piercing her brain?

“Isaac and Sami have been kidnapped,” Alan continued. “They are hidden somewhere in the jungle. You can go and look for them and if you find them, they will stay on the show. Or you can avoid going after them, which will eliminate them from the team—making you the final four.”

“Are you serious?” I asked.

Julie piped up. “Yes. The choice is yours. Do the right thing and risk yourselves or do nothing and increase your chance of winning.”

Alan glared at her for taking the spotlight. Apparently, Alan didn’t like sharing. He probably didn’t watch
Sesame Street
as a child. You know, that would
explain so much. I wonder if the Council would allow me to do a survey of our Vics—asking them just before killing them if they’d ever watched
Sesame Street
. I’d bet none of them did. Wouldn’t that be revealing?

I noticed that Bert and Ernie were here to tape now.

“If you fail to find them before sundown, your choice is made for you. We will join you in the morning to see what you have decided.” Alan and Julie exchanged smug grins and strolled up the beach toward the resort. I added our flaming torches shoved up their asses to my fantasy.

I snagged Ernie’s ankle as he tried to walk past me. “Where are they?” I growled. Burt looked at us, then started running up the beach. Apparently he was in no mood to be challenged.

“Where are they?” I repeated.

“I don’t know! They didn’t tell us what they were going to do with them!” Ernie began to whine. I let him go and he took off after his little Muppet roommate. Either I scared him or the show had totally given up on us.

“Well,” Moe said slowly, “I guess this solves our problem.”

Dr. Andy nodded. “It seems pretty clear what to do. Or at least, not do.”

I stood up. “What are you talking about? We have to go find them.”

Lex didn’t move or speak.

Moe stood up to face me. “I know they are your
friends, Missi, but this is how the game is played. We have an opportunity to do nothing and get closer to winning.”

“I’m sure they’re locked in a room at the Tigre,” Dr. Andy said. “It isn’t a question of ethics here—it’s how the strategy works.”

I realized I was behaving contrary to what I’d just told Lex, but it really bothered me that no one wanted to find Sami and Isaac.

“Lex, let’s just you and me go…,” I started.

He looked up at me. “I don’t know. I mean, I came here to win. And if they’re safe at the resort, there’s no reason to lose the challenge, right?” I could see Lex was struggling with this.

“But we have an alliance,” I pleaded.

Lex shook his head and stood up. “Apparently not. And since when did you care about anyone in this game?”

I watched with my mouth open as the three of them walked away.