Stand-In Star (18 page)

“Thank you,” said Holly.

After that they were swamped. As they made their way to their seats, Holly gripped the program she’d promised to keep for Stella. So many people stopped to offer Holly their condolences and she accepted every kind word with a poise and grace that made Nate proud. But he could see her emotion wavering. When they reached their allocated seats, she all but collapsed onto the plush velvet upholstery. He squeezed her hand to show his support but the smile she gave back wasn’t heartfelt.

They’d made it down the red carpet without incident and into their seats, which, because Daisy was a nominee, were on the edge of one of the aisles very near the front of the massive building. Holly had barely stopped gaping at the huge ceilings, glittery lights and impressive decor since they’d entered and now she looked like she might faint. He was glad she’d have a few moments to collect herself before Daisy’s award category was announced. Best Supporting Actress was up first, but this year a well known comic actor was host and he’d be sure to want a few laughs from the crowd before the show really got underway.

Still, seats were filling quickly around them and the clock was ticking to the official opening. Nate would bet his house on the fact Daisy would win her category. He only hoped Holly would cope when she had to get up on the stage and accept on her sister’s behalf.

Before long the lights dimmed as dramatic music filled the air. Limelights flashed across the ornately decorated stage, a hush fell over the celebrity crowd as a deep voice penetrated, welcoming all and sundry to this year’s Academy Awards.

Holly gripped his hand. He looked to see her staring at him, terror evident in every corner of her face. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

God, he hoped not.

He reached around and pressed his hand against her back, rubbing like his mother had done long, long ago when it had only been him and her and already they’d been hiding from his father. “You won’t be sick,” he whispered back. “You’re strong. You’re amazing.”

She bit her lip and looked back to the action happening center stage. The host made a dramatic cart-wheeled entrance and then did a little bow before welcoming everyone and saying how honored they were to have him here tonight when he could have been shining his shoes. Everyone laughed at that and continued through his opening speech which mocked some of the actors and actresses up for Awards in a fun, light-hearted and not at all offensive manner. Even Holly seemed to relax slightly, leaning back into the plush chair.

Until the host introduced the presenter for the Best Supporting Actress category. Then, her grip on his hand tightened to vice-like. She looked at him, searching. He shot back the warmest smile he could and took her hand in both of his. Together they sat, near frozen, as last year’s Best Supporting Actor ran through the list of nominees.

A past Oscar winner’s face flashed on the big screens in front of them as her fifth nomination was read out. Her film was a period drama that had blown records at the box office. He believed it to be the film James had produced. Next up was a newer face, her first film in fact. And then there was Daisy—sandwiched in the middle of the other five nominees.

Her shining smile appeared on the screens. His heart hitched a beat as a shot of deep regret stabbed it. He missed Daisy…but he missed her friendship far more than he missed their farce of a relationship. If only he’d driven her that night…

He glanced back at Holly. Would he miss her too? Discarding that thought he noticed her cheeks were already moist from the silent tears drifting down them. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a hanky. Not usually one to carry such things, he’d pre-empted the need for it tonight. Without a word, he slipped it between their hands.

She sniffed, let go of his grip and lifted the white cotton up to pat her cheeks.

On stage a gold envelope was lifted, the red seal opened. “And the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress goes to…”

Silence fell over the theater. You could almost hear the synchronized stop of heart beats.

“Daisy McCartney.”

Shivers ran through Nate’s body and happy relief hit. Cheers and applause filled the theatre as the crowd stood to show their respect to their deceased colleague. Instinctively he turned to Holly, swamped her in a celebratory hug and pulled her to a standing position.

“That’s your cue,” he said, unable to keep the excitement from his voice. “She did it.”

Joy swam in Holly’s eyes. She blinked and nodded demurely. Then, she stepped past him, lifted her chin high and smiled as she made her way down the aisle—accepting hugs from the cast and crew of Daisy’s film—and onto the stage where her face now shone on the screen alongside her sister’s.

“Due to Ms. McCartney’s tragic passing earlier this year, Holly McCartney, Daisy’s sister will accept this award,” the presenter announced.

Nate watched her, pride swelling again at what she was doing, at how far she’d come in the last week. She looked damn beautiful, even from behind.
Especially
from behind. He sucked in a breath and shifted in his seat as he gazed at her pert butt so perfectly encased in Bec’s fitted creation. His tux trousers felt tight around his thighs but he knew he was wearing the right size. As Holly accepted a hug from the award presenter and took the microphone, all he could think about was getting her home to bed and making the most of their last night together.

How the hell he was going to get through the rest of the Awards without exploding, he had no clue.

* * *

Clinging to a rather heavy, gold statue—the kind she’d only ever dreamed of seeing on the television—Holly’s heart stammered as she looked at the sea of faces before her and tried to remember the speech she’d penned in odd moments over the last few weeks. Sure, she’d spoken in rather large lecture theatres before but right now she felt like a mouse facing a pride of lions.

This should have been Daisy’s night. Daisy’s statue. Daisy’s glory.

Everyone stared at her expectantly. She heard whispers from the sides of the stage, no doubt anxious producers wondering if she was going to just stand there, gobsmacked. She willed her blank mind to fill. Mute acceptances did not make good television. And the last thing she wanted was to become the laughing stock of the global media.

Daisy
. This was for Daisy, not for anyone else. She looked past the crowd, right past them all to a spot on the red wall at the very far back of the theater, and somehow she found her voice.

“I know you’re there, Daisy. I know you’re watching from someplace up in the stars and I hope you’re smiling.” She took a moment, recognizing the need to pace herself. “Because
I’m
smiling, sis. I’m so damn proud of you and your amazing accomplishments. You conquered the small screen in Australia and every Aussie fell in love with you. You ventured overseas, the small fish in a massive pond, and here you conquered the big screen too. Big time. I’m sorry for not telling you all this earlier. I love you, Daisy McCartney, and you rocked.”

She sniffed but held back the tears, finally finding the courage to turn her attentions back to the crowd. “On behalf of Daisy and my parents, I want to thank the Academy for believing in Daisy and to the producers and the rest of the cast of
Four Wishes
. And lastly I want to thank Nate Devlin for being in Daisy’s corner when she needed it. Nate, you are a man among men.” She rushed the last bit so as not to catch her voice. “And I thank you for looking after both of us.”

She singled Nate out amongst all the faces in the crowd and met his gaze. He smiled at her and gave her the thumbs up. If it were possible to feel her heart breaking, she did. His easy-going smile showed her she didn’t mean anywhere near as much to him as he did to her. She’d be gone tomorrow and by the end of the week, there’d no doubt be another woman warming his sheets.

Sure he’d never made her feel that way in bed but he’d also never promised more than a fling. A short one at that. Relief flooded her as she was directed off the stage and into a little room to be briefly interviewed about Daisy’s win. For once she wanted the attention, wanted to hold onto it as long as she could, because the moment she stopped talking, she’d be excused and would have to go back to Nate.

They’d arrived like a couple, sat hand in hand like a couple. To all the onlookers, they probably even appeared to be a couple. But she knew the truth. And the truth ached.

She spoke on auto-pilot through the interview but all the while, she thought about how unfair life could be. She’d lost her sister without realizing how much she loved her and now she’d found the man of her dreams, only he didn’t want to be anybody’s Prince Charming. He didn’t think he was good enough.

Pretending any longer would smash her completely. There was only one thing for it. She couldn’t allow herself to fall back into bed with him tonight.

Chapter Seventeen

Nate could barely keep his eyes open. Maybe if he was a drinking man, he’d be able to cope because everyone around him seemed to have an abundance of energy. Including Holly—she’d been like a hyperactive butterfly all night, flitting from conversation to conversation—although she hadn’t touched a drop of champagne all night. If she kept up the partying any longer and kept making excuses to prolong their night out, he’d be forced to turn to the alcohol he’d steered clear of for years.

He and Holly had been invited up to the Academy Award Governor’s Ball
at the Hollywood and Highland Grand Ballroom. That party he could understand, that he could handle. But she’d been accepting offers for after parties ever since. Parties she’d never given any indication of being the slightest bit interested in. He couldn’t think what she found to talk about with the other party-goers but he wished she’d just shut up and come home. If it were conversation she was after, he’d happily talk to her all night.

In between other occupations of course.

He growled under his breath as another wave of desire hit him. She was killing him. And he had a good mind to tell her. Soon.

They’d been to the
Vanity Fair
Oscar Party at Sunset Towers, made a brief appearance at a fund raising party and had somehow made their way to an iconic pop star’s mansion. For someone who’d been so very hot for him in the early hours of yesterday morning, she didn’t appear to be very enthusiastic now. Was she avoiding him?

The thought rocked him and he frowned as he watched her talking to some wannabe actor across the room. The guy who had the posture of a gorilla leaned in even closer to Holly and all the muscles in Nate’s body clamped up as she laughed at something Mr. Gorilla said. Nate shook his head, confused and surprisingly hurt by her behavior.

She’d not shown even a glimmer of excitement for this event all week and he’d seen her eyes glaze over at the mention of anything celebrity or Hollywood. She’d professed to be not at all interested in latching onto any of Daisy’s fame or fortune and he’d believed her. Wholeheartedly.

So what was this?

He glanced at his watch. It was almost two in the morning for crying out loud. Her plane would take off at noon. He had to get her home; they didn’t have time to waste. Did it really matter if she wasn’t exactly the person he’d pegged her to be? His body was so tight he needed to get her out of his system.

Putting his soft drink down on a nearby bar table, he all but charged across the room. “Holly, it’s time to go home,” he said when he reached her. He gripped her arm and pulled gently. He looked at the gorilla. “See you later, buddy.”

“Nate, slow down. What are you doing?” Holly’s pleas and questions barely reached him over the noise as he weaved through the crowd toward the entrance, but when they emerged into the open air and he looked at her, he couldn’t mistake the wrath in her eyes.

She tugged hard and pulled her arm out of his death-grip. She rubbed at the spot, and remorse that he may have hurt her filled him.

“Are you okay?” He leaned forward to take her arm again, more gently this time, but she snatched it out of his reach.

“Never mind my arm.” She glared at him. “What the hell were you doing dragging me away like that? I was having a conversation.”

He snorted. “Didn’t look like that to me.”

She crossed her arms, the glare didn’t lesson. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you don’t know, then you
are
naive. But if you want to go home with
him
, to his bed, then don’t let me stop you.”

She scoffed, revulsion marring her normally gorgeous facial features. “Are you offering anything more?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“A pretty straight-forward one I’d say. You think Liam wants to take me to bed. Isn’t that what you want too?”

He opened his mouth, shut it again. Damn her, whatever he said, she’d twist it. He didn’t want to spend their last night fighting, but he couldn’t lie to her either. “Yes. I still haven’t had enough of you. I’m on fire for you.”

* * *

Holly’s libido quivered at Nate’s words. She thanked the Lord she’d abstained from drinking any alcohol or she’d have crumbled under the heat of his admission. Somehow instead she found reserves of strength deep within, lifted her chin high, pushed back her shoulders and spoke. “I’m hot for you, too, but I can’t do that to myself. One more night with you would kill me.” She saw him raise his eyebrows and she rushed to explain. “Doesn’t mean I want a night with some random guy either. I’m not like you and Daisy—I can’t cope with meaningless sex, no matter how good.”

He stepped toward her, lifted his hand as if he was going to touch her, but she couldn’t let him. She jumped back and rammed hard into the banister railing. Pain seared her spine but it had nothing on the pain in her heart.

He dropped his hand, spoke seriously. “It wasn’t meaningless sex, Daisy. I felt a connection with—”

She gasped, not hearing anymore about his stupid connection. Tears welled in the corner of her eyes as all her doubts and fears were confirmed. “I’m Holly,” she all but spat.

“Holly!” He sounded shocked, appalled by his faux pas but it was too late. The damage was irrevocable. Daisy may have been dead but she’d always been there between them, no matter if for a few blissful days Holly had pretended otherwise.

Her breathing slowed as she looked at the beyond-handsome man in front of her. He looked genuinely remorseful but she was grateful he didn’t try to weasel out of that one.

“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s been a bizarre week. Emotions have been riding high. I’ve probably done the typical female thing and confused lust with love. I’m sure I don’t really love you. I’m sure I’ll go back to Australia and realize my desire to spend the rest of my life with you is ludicrous. I’ll move on. I’ll get over you. Don’t lose sleep over it.”

All lies of course. Despite the light heartedness of her tone, Holly’s world had just ended. She’d never been a big believer in love at first sight or falling so hard and fast for another person but she did believe in concrete facts. And the pain she felt right now, so much more intense, so much more impossible than anything she’d nursed in the past, was real.

Nate stood before her, frozen, like he couldn’t move or speak if his life depended on it. He looked crushed and part of her wanted to reach out to him and tell
him
it was all going to be okay.

She resisted. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to use your house for a few more hours and catch some sleep before my flight.”

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Of course. Do you want to leave now or are there still people you need to catch up with inside.”

“We can go.” After the conversation they’d had, with the awkwardness that hung like death between them, there was no chance he’d try to seduce her now. And that was the only reason she’d been indulging in mindless chatter with anyone and everyone tonight. Something inside her pouted at this thought, but she gave it a big talking to and forced herself down the impressive stairs in front of him. Behind her, she heard Nate talking on the phone to his driver, requesting a pick-up ASAP.

Her whole body ached with fatigue, but sleep would be unlikely until she was safely back on Australian ground.

Horrible silence filled the interior of the limo as they travelled back to Nate’s place. They sat on opposite sides of the car, Nate fiddling with something on his cell and Holly staring aimlessly out of the window. Hollywood still buzzed with life, but despite being proud of Daisy’s win, her heart wasn’t up to any more celebrating.

The awkwardness didn’t end once they were inside the house. Nate closed the door behind them and Holly wasn’t sure whether to flee to her room or try for some kind of good night. She hadn’t wanted things to end like this—it was her own stupid fault.

Nate couldn’t escape her company fast enough now a quick romp wasn’t on the agenda. He barely looked at her, seemed to have to force words of good luck and goodbye out of his mouth before he was the one who all but fled up the stairs.

Chomping hard on her lip, her whole chest aching with heaviness, Holly clung to the Oscar statue Nate had kept safe for her while she’d been mingling at the parties, and fought the strong urge to run after him and tell him she’d be fine with just one more night.

Because that would be another lie.

* * *

Nate knew he wouldn’t sleep, but neither was he in the mood for a late-night swim and the gym would be closed by now so a punching bag wasn’t an option either. He couldn’t believe he’d called Holly “Daisy.” Of all the stupid slip-ups.

He was simply exhausted and wound-up but she’d never see it that way. And, after her confession of love, he wasn’t sure it’d be wise to try and convince her.

He blew out air as he roughly ripped the buttons of his shirt open, pulled it off and then shucked his pants. He tried to lay his head down on the pillow after that but despite closing his eyes, sleep eluded him.

Holly’s words spun around his head making him feel as if he’d been on a thrill ride that had left him dizzy and nauseous. In the heat of the moment, she’d blurted that she loved him.

He racked his brain for other people that had said the same. Once upon a time, when he was very little, his mother used to tell him, but then that’s what mothers were supposed to do. Love their children unconditionally. His sisters always said “love you” at the end of phone conversations, but no woman he’d ever taken to bed had told him so in a way that actually sounded like they meant it.

She was worthy of more than his love—she was worthy of the world. He wished more than anything that he could love her back, but he didn’t think he knew how.

* * *

Her laptop tucked away in its case and her suitcase packed with Daisy’s statue wrapped in the middle of it, Holly took her stuff down the stairs to wait for the taxi. Her ears were on high alert as she listened for sounds of Nate. Would he offer to take her to the airport? Should she accept?

But she heard nothing.

Although in her heart, she knew it would be better to walk away and never see him again, she couldn’t help craving one last interaction. She thought
she
deserved an award for turning him down last night and she only hoped it meant she’d get over him sooner.

“Morning, Holly.”

So consumed with her own thoughts, she jumped at the sound of Ruby coming out of the living room, a feather duster in her hand.

“All set for your flight?”

“Ah…Yes.” She nodded, having forgotten for a second what flight Ruby meant. Her life in Australia seemed so far removed from everything that had happened this past week. She pulled herself together. “Listen, I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me this week. For looking after me and feeding me. I hope you and Mr. Ruby have a fabulous thirtieth anniversary.” Compelled to hug the woman who’d been kind to her from the start, she put her bags on the floor and embraced Ruby tightly.

Ruby hugged her back. “Say nothing of it, precious. I enjoyed having a real woman around the place. By the way, an envelope came for you this morning.”

Holly pulled out of the embrace. “An envelope?”

“Yes, I’ll get it.”

Curious about what would be coming for her, Holly followed Ruby into the kitchen. On the pristine bench top sat a lone white envelope. Ruby handed it to Holly and she opened it, quashing the brief thought that maybe it was something important from Nate. Really, why on earth would
he
leave her a letter?

Her mouth popped open when she found a check inside from the television company that produced the morning show she’d appeared on. The number of zeroes baffled her. She fingered the envelope while contemplating what the hell to do with the money. Sure, she could spend it on paying off bills or upgrading her wardrobe, but it felt like a tribute to Daisy and she wanted to do something important, something that would really make a difference and be a lasting memory of her sister.

She glanced up at Ruby again. “Is Nate around?” Her voice sounded shaky and maybe this was just some crazy excuse to see him again.

“Nope.” Ruby held her hands up as if to say she didn’t have a clue about him. “He left me a note to make sure I strip and wash all the beds today but his bed was cold when I got to it. I’d say he’s been at work since before daylight.”

Holly swallowed. She couldn’t talk but she tried to nod. Did he want the beds stripped to eliminate any lingering smell of her? Nausea plagued her at the possible reasons for his haste. Either their liaison really meant nothing to him or he wanted the sheets clean and ready for his next conquest. No, she couldn’t have fallen for someone that shallow.

“Thanks, Ruby,” she said finally.

Ruby snorted. “Hmph. He could have at least come back to say goodbye.”

“It’s okay.” Holly rushed, not wanting Ruby to look into her eyes and see that it was anything but. “We said our goodbyes last night.”

Ruby raised one eyebrow and looked set to say something when the intercom buzzed on the kitchen wall. “Yeah?”

Holly almost sniggered at Ruby’s unprofessional greeting.

The voice on the other end didn’t seem fazed. “Cab for Holly McCartney.”

“I’m coming,” Holly called over Ruby’s shoulder, desperate not to stay in this house—
his
house—a minute longer. “Give me one moment.”

Hastily, she found a pen in the side of her laptop bag, bit off the lid and leaned against her suitcase. First she endorsed the check over to Nate’s shelter and signed her name, then, she scribbled on the back of the envelope.

Enclosed is a donation to the shelter. You do great work there. Thanks for everything. Holly.

She restrained herself from adding “love” or an “x” to her name. He knew how she felt.

“Can you give this to Nate?” she asked, holding the envelope out to Ruby.

Sighing sadly, Ruby nodded and took the envelope. Holly gave Ruby another kiss goodbye and without allowing herself a backward glance at Nate’s mansion, she rushed down the driveway to the cab. As the driver headed for the airport, she tried to focus on the sites as they flew by. Who knew if she’d ever be back here? Right now the thought was just too painful, but surprisingly she’d liked L.A. in a way she’d never dreamed possible.