Stanton Unconditional (28 page)

She screws up her face at me. “No, I’m not.”

I nod. “Oh yes, you bloody are.”

It’s eight o’clock on a Saturday night and my boyfriend is supposedly at the gym when I know he was there for three hours this morning. Where is he and what is he doing? He said he was going to be quick and I thought he would be here about six. I sit with my coffee on my lap on the lounge. Is Cameron currently telling him about his suspicion regarding Joshua’s paternity … what does Cameron know? My eyes close at the thought of the horrible conversation that one day my beautiful Lamborghini is going to have. It will come out eventually—the truth always has a way of coming out. Bridget and I didn’t find Jes tonight but it looks like Joshua isn’t going to be here anyway so I don’t know why I was so worried.

My phone beeps a text. Lambo.

Hi Tash,
I have been caught up helping Adrian with some computer stuff.
Go out with Cameron and Abbie if you want.
I’m sorry.
XX

I frown in frustration. What, so he’s not coming over now? I pick up my phone and immediately dial his number. He answers first ring.

“Hi sweetheart,” he says softly. My stomach drops. He only calls me sweetheart when something is wrong—past experience has shown me that.

“Hi, what’s going on?” I ask.

He stays silent. ‘I’m just doing some computer stuff with Adrian. I said I would do it for him—it’s been a lot harder than we thought and we can’t get it right. I’m sorry.”

I bite my lip as I listen. “So you don’t want to see me tonight.”

“No, I never said that. I want to see you tonight. This is pissing me off actually. But I may be another hour or so and I thought you may want to go out rather than wait for me.”

I sit back in the chair in frustration. “No, I don’t want to go out, I want to see you.” I sigh, disappointed.

“How much?” He smiles down the phone.

I smile in return. “I really, really want to see you and I am not going out so just come over when you have finished.”

“Ok baby, I will be as quick as I can.” His spirits seem to have lifted.

“I love you,” I whisper.

He hesitates. “Bye presh.” He hangs up the phone.

I’m showered and in the requested white nightie on my lounge under a blanket at 10.15 pm when I hear the key in the door. I pretend to be asleep and I hear Joshua put his keys on the side table. He walks over and kneels in front of me. He kisses my cheek tenderly.

“Hello my beautiful girl,” he whispers.

I open my eyes and smile shyly at him. I can’t even pretend to be mad when he greets me like that.

“Are you ok?” I whisper.

He gives me a sad smile. “I am now that I have come home to you.” He brushes the hair back from my forehead.

I take his hand and kiss the back of it. “Your body is here, Joshua … but has your heart come home to me?” My eyes frost over with tears.

He kisses me softly on the lips. “My heart has never left you—it’s been with you for seven years presh. I’m a shell when I’m not with you.”

My eyes hold his as he rubs the backs of his fingers down my face. My beautiful gentle Josh is here. I kiss him tenderly. He doesn’t let his guard down with me very often and I have to take advantage.

“Where were you tonight baby?” I ask.

He frowns. “I told you, sweetheart, doing computer stuff with Adrian. I’m sorry I took so long. Right now I don’t want to talk about anything or anyone, I want to spend the night with my girl and not have to think.”

I frown as I play with my blanket. “Did you fix the problem?”

“I think so,” he replies quietly.

He kneels up and rests his head on my stomach and I run my hand over the top of his head and he blows out a deep breath.

“Right now I need to go to my place of clarity and then I need to go to my place of Zen,” he whispers into my stomach.

“What’s your place of clarity?” I ask softly.

He kisses me gently again. “My place of clarity is when nothing else matters but me and you and the tenderness we have with each other.”

“When do you get the clarity Joshua?” I love him in this mood because he tells me the truth without thinking. The glass force-field he puts around himself is temporarily disabled.

“The only time I have clarity is when I’m tasting you, with my head between your legs and your hands on my head, your hand in my hand. The way you taste, your scent, your love … is the only time I forget all the shit in my life.”

I frown. “Joshua, that’s oral sex.”

He pulls back and smiles softly. “I haven’t told you this before, Tash, but I don’t do that to other women.”

“What do you mean?” I ask softly.

He shrugs, embarrassed. “When we first broke up when we were young I did it a few times and I didn’t like it. It was too intimate, too … different to what we had. So I stopped doing it altogether.” He takes my hand in his and gently kisses the inside of my wrist. I melt into his eyes, to his touch.

“But you love to do that, Joshua, it’s who you are. I don’t understand.”

He shakes his head and smiles. “No, Tash, that’s not who I am. It’s who we are, when you are with me like that I know I am getting you ready so that I don’t hurt you. I’m preparing your body to take mine. It’s like …” he pauses as he thinks of the wording. “It’s like you are a part of me, like your body is an extension of mine. Like I can’t live without your taste in my mouth, I can’t get close enough to you … and then when you climax.” He lets out a contented sigh.

He kisses me gently and runs his tongue through my open mouth. God I love this Joshua, why can’t this part of his personality be here all the time. My arousal starts to pump heavily between my legs.

“That’s how I feel about sex, Josh, making love is something just so beautiful between us that the thought of having mere sex with someone else repulses me. I would rather go without the meaningless act,” I whisper.

He kisses me again and it is the most beautiful passionate kiss that he has ever gifted me with. The emotion behind it brings tears to my eyes.

“I love you,” I whisper.

He smiles shyly and scoops me off the lounge and carries me to bed. “Give me some clarity, my precious girl.”

I giggle in anticipation. He gently lays me on the bed and stands and slowly removes his clothing while not breaking eye contact. His large physical strength is palpable. Natasha, the name is etched down his side, how can one man hold so much power over my body? My legs drop open to the mattress. I couldn’t close them if I tried. His eyes drop to my open sex and he licks his lips and cracks his neck. My nipples harden under his gaze and he reaches out and runs his hand down the length of my body.

“I fucking adore you,” he whispers.

I smile as I pull him down to me. “I need some of that clarity, baby,” I whisper. He smiles deviously as he disappears down my body. He spreads me wide to his gaze with his thumbs and I hold my breath. I always hold my breath as he looks at me but now that I know that he doesn’t do this to anybody else it has just amplified the whole beautiful experience.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he whispers. His hot tongue slices through my weeping flesh and I whimper as my body bows off the bed.

He stills me. “Sshh baby, let me enjoy you,” he whispers.

I nod as I close my eyes and try to stop myself from bursting into orgasm, as I start to quiver with need.

His tongue starts to lick me in deep long strokes and my hands fall to the back of his head. This is what I love … where everything makes sense, where nothing makes sense and he’s right … perfect clarity.

I start to pant as his mouth takes what it needs from my open body and I convulse into an orgasm. He closes his eyes and groans into me and I grab the back of his head in reaction.

“Stop,” I stammer, “stop it.” I’m too sensitive.

“Never,” he growls into me, “I will never stop.” He seemingly loses control and picks up my legs and puts them over his shoulders as he really lets his tongue loose. I’m going insane and he gently bites my clitoris and stretches me out to his mouth. Dear god … he’s so damn good at this. My body starts to move by itself and I have lost the art of being submissive. I want this, I want his tongue on me … inside of me. I am moving up and down the mattress as he inserts two fingers and I lurch forward as I climax again. He keeps my legs over his shoulders and leans forward and plunges his large length into me deeply. He stays deep and still, his eyes close as he tries to calm himself and when they reopen I shudder in anticipation, beautiful gentle Joshua has gone and Mr Stanton is on top of me. His mouth hangs slack and his eyes are dark with arousal as he holds himself off my body with straightened arms, his open mouth starts to run the length of my neck and he starts to ride me … hard. Long punishing strokes where I know he will take me how he wants, as deep as he wants to and I can do nothing but hold on and pant.

Joshua Stanton was born to fuck, not to make gentle love, although he does that perfectly, he was designed to take a woman and rip the orgasm from her body and damn the consequences or anyone who tries to stop him. It’s when he’s like this, when he has no control and he can’t stop, that he’s at his unstoppable best.

Tonight I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Chapter 24

I
sit and stare
at the computer monitor in horror. What in the hell is wrong with my emails? Where have they all gone? It’s Monday 11.00 am and I am at work. Joshua and I didn’t spend the day together yesterday but he ended up coming over last night. I didn’t ask him where he was on Saturday night, although the question is weighing heavily on my mind. All of these questions between us and yet I feel that he is cemented to me and that he’s in love with me … without actually saying the words. He didn’t let me go all night and when he thought I was asleep I could feel him gently kissing my shoulder from behind in the darkness. He now sleeps all night with a hand somewhere on me , as if he is only reassured when we are touching. What’s going through that pea brain of his? At the moment though I have more pressing issues, I’m trying to pull a client file from my emails that was sent to me last week. Where the frigging hell is it?

All of my emails seem to have disappeared and my send and receive isn’t working.

Emma, my colleague, walks into my office. “Natasha, I have just forwarded you an email that came to my inbox by mistake.”

I frown as I flag a problem with our computer tech team. “Thanks, what is it?” I ask.

“Not sure—an email addressed to me but the subject line says please forward to Natasha Marx .”

My eyes look up from my computer. That’s odd. “What does it say?” I ask.

She shrugs. “I don’t know. Check it out. It should be in your inbox.”

I roll my eyes. “My computer is totally shit and I can’t access anything. Can I open it on yours?”

“Yeah, sure.” I move back from my desk and she leans over me and opens her email on my computer. “I have to go. I have an appointment. Do you want to have lunch?”

“Yeah, ok, if I can find this file I will. Otherwise I’m in big trouble,” I mutter as I open the email addressed to me. Emma leaves the room.

I frown as I look at the email. Is it from Josh? No, the sender says blocked … weird? I click on the attachment. It’s a rolling picture and then it goes black. Huh? I sit forward and play it again … it doesn’t make sense. I play it again … I can’t make out anything. Josh must have sent me something. I smile and dial his number.

“Hi presh,” he answers.

I smile. “Hi baby, can you send the email again. I can’t make out the picture.”

He stays silent.

“Did you hear me? I can’t open the attachment.” I sigh as I doodle on my notepad.

“Ahh … Yeah, ok. What email did I send it to?” he replies.

I frown. “It went to my work friend’s email by mistake and she gave it to me.”

He stays silent.

“So anyway just resend it, ok.” I repeat as I start ratting through my filing cabinet. “My email system has totally stuffed up and I’m in trouble if I can’t access this next client file,” I murmur.

He stays silent for a moment as he listens. “Do you want to have lunch today?” he sighs.

I smile. “Definitely, hey did you see if I left my phone at home this morning? I can’t find it anywhere,” I ask.

“No, I didn’t notice,” he replies. “What time is your break?”

“One-thirty.”

“I will ring you when I get to the hospital,” he says quietly.

“Ok, see you then.”

Adrian

Joshua and Ben walk in front of me as we search for a good coffee and two guards trail behind. It’s 3.00 pm. Joshua is in a filthy mood. He went to the hospital to have lunch with Tash and he was going to tell her about the tape. This woman has other email addresses and he knows it is only a matter of time before Natasha finds out, so he wanted to tell her first. Apparently her friend joined them for lunch though and they weren’t alone so he couldn’t do it. He’s not happy. Joshua’s phone rings.

“You found your phone, presh,” he smiles as he answers it.

He listens and then stops dead. I nearly run into the back of him.

“Where’s Natasha?” he snaps. I frown at Ben in question. Joshua holds his hand over the phone. “The hooker has Natasha’s phone. Get her guards on the line,” he snaps to Ben. Ben shakes his head and immediately dials a number as Joshua continues to speak. He’s furious.

“It’s ok. Max is looking at her right now. She’s safe,” Ben sighs as he holds the phone to his ear. Thank god.

“You have ten fucking minutes,” Joshua snaps. He hangs up.

His eyes flick to us. “We are meeting her and I am going to finish this once and for all. I’ve had about as much shit from this bitch as I am going to take.”

We stand in the hall, waiting for the lift to take us to the fourth floor in the Novotel hotel. Joshua has his hands in his pockets and is looking at the floor. He’s furious. I am nervous as hell. What if this woman has bouncers up there waiting for us?

“Just stay quiet everybody,” Ben says flatly. “Let me do the talking.”

Joshua’s angry eyes meet mine and he walks into the lift.

Knock, knock. Ben knocks on the door, and it opens in a rush. The blonde opens the door and smiles sexily at us. Joshua glares at her.

“Come in.” She gestures into the room.

We walk in and say nothing. There is no one else in the room and it is empty except for a bed.

“What do you want?” Joshua snaps.

My eyes flick to Ben. I knew he wouldn’t keep quiet.

She fakes a laugh. “I don’t want to be spoken to like that, Joshua, or is it baby?”

Joshua narrows his eyes at her.

She crosses her arms in front of her. “It’s so pathetic how she looks at you like you’re a god. I was watching her run her hand up your leg at lunch today. She thinks you are perfect—how very wrong she is.”

He runs his tongue over his top front teeth in contempt.

“I didn’t come her to listen to your dribble. What do you want?” he snaps.

Ben holds his hand up to Joshua to signify silence.

She frowns at Ben’s hand. “This is between Joshua and me goon, keep going and you can wait outside.”

Ben puts his hands on his hips and smiles slyly at her as he shakes his head in a threatening way.

Her eyes flick back to Joshua. “I told you I want five million dollars or I will give the tape to the boring wife.”

Joshua turns his back on her and I roll my eyes. “There is no way in hell you are getting five million dollars. You have got to be kidding. We are going to the police,” I snap.

She smiles and looks at Joshua. “This isn’t up to you, it’s up to Joshua. He’s the one that is going to break the stupid bitch’s heart.”

Joshua turns and grabs her by the throat and slams her head up against the wall.

“Joshua,” I stammer. “Stop it.”

He smacks the back of her head against the wall again as he squeezes her neck hard. Ben stops me from grabbing him … Jesus.

“You know what happens to dirty whores like you?” he sneers.

“They make a lot of money,” she gasps through her stranglehold.

“You’re going to end up in a body bag. I mean it, do not push me. You have no idea who you are dealing with. If you go near Natasha again I will fucking kill you!” He slams her head again. “Do you fucking understand me?” he screams into her face

I stand still and shocked, my eyes wide. I’ve never seen Joshua like this.

She breaks free from his grip and grabs her neck as she chokes.

“Don’t touch me,” she stammers as she holds her throat.

He smiles at her like the devil himself.

Shit, this situation is totally out of control. “Joshua, calm down. Stop it,” I yell.

“Start talking, stupid,” he screams.

“Five million,” she coughs.

He shakes his head. “One million today in cash and I want my men to go with you and take your computers and phone and all copies on the spot.”

She frowns. “You can’t take my computers and phone.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I can take anything I fucking want.”

“I want five.”

He shakes his head. “This is my first and final offer. One million, take it or leave it.”

She hesitates as she thinks and we all stay silent.

“I will show her,” she stammers.

Joshua smirks. “And then I will kill you … the choice is yours.”

Her eyes flick to Ben who right at this moment I think might actually kill her … fuck this is crazy shit. They are even scaring me and I know neither of them is capable of this violence. My heart starts to race as fear grips me.

“I want cash,” she looks at Joshua nervously.

“I can have it in thirty minutes,” Joshua sneers.

“What’s it going to be?” Joshua yells.

She’s scared it’s obvious. I’m fucking scared and I am friends with these two.

“You go and get the money, Joshua, and Peter and I will escort little miss her to get the computers and extra copies,” Ben says flatly.

Joshua’s eyes meet mine. “Search her house,” I snap at Ben.

He nods and grabs her by the arm and pulls her toward the door.

“One hour,” she sneers. “One hour back here with my money.”

Joshua glares at her and I start to panic again. I think he’s losing control.

Weeknights are meant to be relaxing and calm but I have never been so anxious. I was a regular person. I had a normal life … that is until Joshua Stanton came back into it. Now it seems I jump from one nightmarish situation to the next. Totally unrelated stupid things that are making my head spin. I feel like I am in an out-of-control plane and I don’t know if the landing is going to be ok or if I am going to crash and burn. Cancer, serial killers, hit men, body-guards, paternity … Jesten, Joshua’s feeling about me. I just want some damn peace … with a boyfriend who I know loves me. Why can’t I be in love with a normal man … a boring, weedy, slightly overweight man? My stomach clenches as nerves fill my system and I look at my watch for the fiftieth time tonight. Why haven’t they contacted me yet? It’s Tuesday night and I’m waiting for the call from Bridget and Abbie to let me know that the fight between Jesten and Joshua is over … and that Jesten is still alive. Nine pm—it’s got to be on soon. I got home from the hospital at seven and have been waiting ever since. I put my head into my hands as I sit on the toilet. This is a nightmare. How am I supposed to be calm when I know what is going on in the Luna Park Convention Centre just across town? My phone rings, it’s Abbie.

“Hello,” I answer.

“Hi, it’s Abbie.”

“I know who it is, what’s happening?” I snap.

“Right, so Joshua is fighting Jesten. I just saw it on the draw.”

“Shit.” I was hoping that they wouldn’t be put against each other.

“Are they fighting right now?” I ask.

“No, not yet, I will call you when it starts.”

“Ok,” I hang up.

I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a vodka with soda and go out onto my balcony and light a cigarette. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I need to calm my nerves. I’m a walking cot case.

I pace up and down my balcony for another forty minutes with my stomach in my throat. What if Joshua actually hurts Jesten? What if Jesten hurts Joshua?No, that won’t happen, Joshua is too strong. Maybe I should have gone. Shit, this is total bullshit. I dial the number again.

“Hello,” Abbie answers.

“What’s happening?”

“I think they are next,” she replies.

“Oh shit.” My heart starts to thump.

“Hey, did you know that Bridget likes Ben?” she asks.

I frown. “Who told you that?”

“Cameron and Murph.”

“Huh?”

“Apparently they ring each other all the time.”

I screw my face up as I hold my hand in the air. “What?”

“I know that’s what I said and now she is sitting with him and they are giggling and flirting and shit.”

I shake my head as I listen to this story. “Are you serious?”

“Totally, oh here they come. I will call you back,” she yells over the noisy crowd.

Oh my god, oh my god. I pace through my apartment with my hands on my head.

Twenty minutes later my phone rings. I snatch it from the table. “Hello.”

“Ok, so.”

My eyes widen. “So what.”

“Um, so they really hate each other.”

My horrified face drops. “What happened?”

“So the fight was ok. Josh won.”

“Yes,” I answer nervously.

“But then it got out of hand again and they kept fighting after the bell.”

I bring my hand to my face as my eyes widen. “Yes.”

“And I think Joshua has done something to his arm and then he knocked Jesten out.”

“What!” I shriek. “What do you mean?”

“Joshua hit Jesten so hard he fell to the ground and then he didn’t get up.”

My eyes widen in horror. “Is he dead?”

She laughs. “No, I don’t think so. No definitely not, he’s alive.”

“Where is Joshua?”

“He is in the dressing room and Cameron is with him.”

“Ok I’m going,” I hang up and immediately dial Cameron’s phone.”

“Hi Tash.” He answers first ring.

“Is Joshua ok?”

“He’s fine.”

“Is the guy he fought alright?” I close my eyes as I wait for the answer.

“Yeah, I just went and checked on him, he just hit the ground hard and knocked himself out. He will be ok.”

“Can I speak to Joshua?”

“He’s in the shower. I will drop him at your house on our way home.”

Hmm. “Ok, see you then.” I hang up, dry-retch again and get into a scalding hot shower, the only place lately where I seem to be calm.

Two hours later I am sitting on my lounge drinking tea while trying my hardest not to get fuming mad. Where are they? Have they gone out? The key turns in my door and Joshua walks in, his arm in a sling. Cameron is behind him.

I glare at him while biting my tongue. Don’t say it, don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it.

“You’re an idiot,” I blurt out. Shit, I said it.

“Hello,” he says deadpan as he walks into the kitchen and throws his keys onto the kitchen bench.

Cameron silently shakes his head at me to signify silence. I roll my eyes. This is the testosterone bullshit again.

I stand in an outrage. “What have you done to your arm? You need to go to the hospital.”

He opens a beer and takes a swing.

I roll my eyes. “Cameron, what is wrong with his arm?”